NicksMama-Zack's Mama Too Posted June 27, 2009 Share Posted June 27, 2009 but hates his teacher? We have been on a lite schedule the past few weeks. On days when I don't do any instruction (no teacher hat!!), my oldest (ds 12) is the warmest, compliant, happy child. On days when I wear my teacher hat he is cranky, defiant, and sulky. He claims to want to home school through high school, but I don't think I have it in me to deal with him. Every time I increase my expectations and workload, I get a battle and attitude. He does the bare minimum for me. :confused: I go to bed every night stressed over what I haven't been able to accomplish with his education because of the constant resistance. He is competitive (I've seen him try really hard to please his martial arts instructor and be the best in his class) and I think he will work hard in a classroom setting and focus on doing his best there as well. I've told him that my plan includes sending him to ps high school for 9-12. Now I am thinking that he should start in 8th grade so he can get Algebra I credit and gain some experience in a classroom prior to high school. What does the hive say? Have any of you put away your teacher hat to save a relationship? K Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lvbnhome Posted June 27, 2009 Share Posted June 27, 2009 for the last 2 years...with ds..now14. I knew another mom who was experiencing this, and they put their son in private school. For my boy and and I think for hers, as well, they just do not want to learn (or even be pushed, or urged, encouraged) to do school, or work, from their mom. I understand all kids are different. The mom that put her son in at 8th grade, felt it was affecting her feelings,and ultimately their relationship. It has been very positive for them. He is getting an education..and the mom/son relationship has been preserved in the process. Lacy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris in VA Posted June 27, 2009 Share Posted June 27, 2009 I guess I'd look at the times he resists me as a mom, too--or are you not making "demands" on him as a mom? (Chores, requests for help, boundaries, saying no to his requests, etc.--how does he handle that?) What is different about school? After I figured that one out, I guess I'd be able to make a better decision. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Katia Posted June 27, 2009 Share Posted June 27, 2009 for the last 2 years...with ds..now14.I knew another mom who was experiencing this, and they put their son in private school. For my boy and and I think for hers, as well, they just do not want to learn (or even be pushed, or urged, encouraged) to do school, or work, from their mom. I understand all kids are different. The mom that put her son in at 8th grade, felt it was affecting her feelings,and ultimately their relationship. It has been very positive for them. He is getting an education..and the mom/son relationship has been preserved in the process. Lacy This was our experience as well......only we did not go the public school route. Instead, we enrolled our ds in community college classes. We started with just one class a semester, but it made the biggest difference in his attitude and he excelled in that class, enough that the next semester we upped his schedule to two classes, and so on. Another plus from his viewpoint was that the community college classes were actually counting towards college. They weren't a waste of time. Some young men just need to know that what they are doing is worthwhile and important. They need that challenge. Oh, and he got a part-time afternoon job at Dairy Queen. Just those two things made life soooo much better here at home; he was making money and earning college credits. But I feel for the OP. It is tough when you have the best, most loving son in the world.....until you ask for school work. I held on at home until ds was 14yo. That was the perfect time to send him off to cc. We skipped all the public school junk that way, and he graduated with his AA degree a month before we graduated him from our homeschool. Just another option for you to look at. Worked for us! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jeannie in NJ Posted June 27, 2009 Share Posted June 27, 2009 I put my son in school this year to save our relationship. He is special needs and I honestly think I did not have enough patience to continue homeschooling him. He hated homeschooling and it was starting to really destroy our relationship . This year he was in a special ed self_contained classroom for 4th/5th graders (he was 5th). His teacher is very no nonsence but he loves her and loves everything about school. His teacher will be moving up to teach the 6th grade special ed so he will still have her as his teacher. Our mother/son relationship has been pretty good this past year even dealing with homework. The school that ds goes to is quite small and ds is friends with the principle, most of the teachers, the nurse, guidance office, main office, cafeteria ladies along with the kids, even including the 8th graders (the school is 4th-8th) For us, having ds go to school was the right decision Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HRAAB Posted June 27, 2009 Share Posted June 27, 2009 I had a dd who loved me as mom and hated me as teacher. It never got any better. As she got older, I pulled back as much as I could letting her take the lead with her education. Fortunately she was very academic. She finally tried school, came back home and unschooled. I could not teach her without ruining the mother/daughter relationship which was much more important to me. She ended up starting college at 16 and is doing very well. I believe that if I had forced myself as teacher on her, it would have ended up hurting her academically plus causing a huge rift between us. So yes. I shelved the teacher hat to save a relationship and am so very thankful that I did. She needs me now more than ever doing the job I was meant to do - being her mother. As I found out, other people can teach her just fine, but they can't be her mother. Not what I planned, but that's the way it worked out. Janet Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ginger Posted June 27, 2009 Share Posted June 27, 2009 My 9 yo ds is like this. I was hoping it would get better as he grows older. Guess that might not be the case. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cedarmom Posted June 27, 2009 Share Posted June 27, 2009 Sometimes it helps with boys of this age to outsource some of school. Can he do co-op, online, or have dad teach some. We also went to more textbook style books that were easier to do on his own. Maybe you could try that this year and tell him that if he really wants to homeschool he needs to show it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JenniferB Posted June 27, 2009 Share Posted June 27, 2009 This may not be the most popular answer, but have you considered looking to see if your state has a virtual academy? We started with our state virtual academy in February, and it has worked wonders with my oldest dd, age 10. Just to know her "teacher" expects the work to get done has made such a difference in our home school. In my state we don't have to use the virtual academy for all subjects. We can continue to homeschool the subjects we want to, and public virtual school for the subjects we want to. I have really enjoyed the K12 curriculum, which is used by our virtual school. It is excellent, rigorous, thorough, etc. etc. The teacher has been great also for those hard to get to subjects, which is composition for us. She has "sat" with my daughter over the internet & phone and taken her through writing a paper. It was really helpful and freed me up to continue to work with my 6yo son. I hope you find the answer that best meets with you and your son's needs. :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NicksMama-Zack's Mama Too Posted June 27, 2009 Author Share Posted June 27, 2009 This may not be the most popular answer, but have you considered looking to see if your state has a virtual academy? We started with our state virtual academy in February, and it has worked wonders with my oldest dd, age 10. Just to know her "teacher" expects the work to get done has made such a difference in our home school. In my state we don't have to use the virtual academy for all subjects. We can continue to homeschool the subjects we want to, and public virtual school for the subjects we want to. I have really enjoyed the K12 curriculum, which is used by our virtual school. It is excellent, rigorous, thorough, etc. etc. The teacher has been great also for those hard to get to subjects, which is composition for us. She has "sat" with my daughter over the internet & phone and taken her through writing a paper. It was really helpful and freed me up to continue to work with my 6yo son. I hope you find the answer that best meets with you and your son's needs. :D I would sign up for a virtual academy in a second if $$$ were not an issue. K Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JenniferB Posted June 27, 2009 Share Posted June 27, 2009 In WA state, it's state funded - no charge. Have you checked to see if your state has a state funded VA? I noticed you live in Virginia. Here is the link to K12 programs available in Virginia. http://www.k12.com/curriculum_and_products/participating_schools_in_virginia/ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amy g. Posted June 27, 2009 Share Posted June 27, 2009 My son does not want me to teach him either, which is odd because he and I have a very close relationship. My daughters and I can really collaborate-my son, not so much. I've decided that it is a product of how close we have always been. He can't grow up unless he separates from me a little. It helped when I started seeing his behavior as healthy development. Last year he took 2 outsourced classes and did great! Next year, he will take a few more, then go to the community college full time for 9th grade. I'm also turning almost all of his discipline over to Dh. From here on out, my only job is to love him and keep that close loving relationship intact. I'd feel guilty for copping out, but since we have 3 girls and only one boy, I think my husband can handle it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
klmama Posted June 27, 2009 Share Posted June 27, 2009 What does your dh say about this? Does he remind your ds daily that he needs to cooperate with you, be respectful, do all his work with his best effort, etc.? That's what makes the best change here. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NicksMama-Zack's Mama Too Posted June 27, 2009 Author Share Posted June 27, 2009 In WA state, it's state funded - no charge. Have you checked to see if your state has a state funded VA? I noticed you live in Virginia. Here is the link to K12 programs available in Virginia. http://www.k12.com/curriculum_and_products/participating_schools_in_virginia/ Oh my. I had no idea. $500-600 is doable. Can I PM you with questions regarding Virtual Academy? K Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JenniferB Posted June 28, 2009 Share Posted June 28, 2009 Oh my. I had no idea. $500-600 is doable. Can I PM you with questions regarding Virtual Academy? K pm'd you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MIch elle Posted June 28, 2009 Share Posted June 28, 2009 that's why so many dc tend to be homeschooled in K-8 and then go to a high school. If you read the boards for many years you'll see the pattern. I was done with struggling with my ds to get the work done at home; he's successfully completed his first year (9th gr) at private high school. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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