I'm so impressed at how calmly you are taking all this mixed advice. Regarding career etc, if you start a business now that mostly runs itself while you have kids, you've got the income without having to split mental loads. And while I agree do a GED or whatever, I also agree don't do an expensive college degree for the sake of it. My advice about how to be the best mother you can be is to find out in advance if you husband agrees with your parenting philosophy, because that is the number one thing that can destroy your relationship. Is he likely to believe in spanking? Wanting you to put the baby in another room and focus your attention on him, even if the baby's crying? Believe that raising a child is like raising a dog - rewards and punishment to shape behaviour? Or does he believe that the emotional life of a child is more important than 'being taught a lesson', than academics, than offending your in-laws? Here's some reading for you which I think is valuable What-Mothers- do Especially- when it Looks like-Nothing : basically what mothers do all day esp with a baby and why it's so exhausting. Parenting for a Peaceful World - why supporting emotional life is important long term The Whole Brain Child - actual strategies for supporting your child, Playful Parenting - how to be playful and use play to be a great parent Oh, and as soon as you start thinking about kids, take the vitamins, stop drinking and make sure you are both not smoking. Enjoy this time, basically the time before you actually have kids is the most rested you will ever be.

My sister got one for her kids, and it doesn't work well, very sticky buttons etc. So maybe surprise her with it rather than get her excited then disappointed.

my daughter got a box of tissues for her first Christmas at age one. She had a ball pulling out all the tissues!

Not super-unready, but we are hosting a Christmas Eve party tonight and I've realised I haven't really got enough food considering the number of people who will be there. Will have to buy some more today I think.

I bought something from crowd-funding about two years ago. It was finally sent from Europe on December 10th. Today is the last day it could arrive . . . I'm not holding my breath. I've got my sister something else, and if it turns up, it'll be a nice extra. I also ordered a tiny stocking filler off ebay, but I doubt that's going to show either. No big deal.

Oh, the parents. One I spoke to twice about it, on two different occasions. But yeah - I get it's a busy time of year.

They're actually nice enough, but yeah, it's a busy time of year. I've had kids over before, so the total no-show was unexpected. Next time I'll text the day before. They're all ten years younger, so maybe it's a generation gap thing too - more expectations of text/message as reminders. As for my partner, well yes, he can be pretty awful sometimes. Our relationship is a work in progress.

Yes, I think I'll be texting the day before from now on. I think I feel extra sensitive as my partner intimated that the reason people wouldn't want to come over is because of me - I'm not cool enough or something. Well - I'm me, and in my mid-forties, I don't think I'm going to get any cooler.

I've made a picnic for her so she's happy enough. I just told her they were sick. Rang up one, she said 'oh, didn't realise it was today'. Oh well. Can't be bothered following up with the other two.

I invited 3 little friends of my daughter for a play-date today. All 3 I see regularly at playgroup, all 3 are customers of my partner so they know where we live etc. 2 of them are on facebook with us. None of them have shown up. I verbally asked them if they wanted to come, gave the time and day. All 3 said yes great. Should I have followed up again (it was just last week)? It wasn't a formal invite, just a 'do you guys want to come over' - yes! Surely if they didn't/couldn't have come they should have let me know? I feel quite upset.

I totally understand. Even now - 7 years on - I wonder how on earth we were able to turn away from the hole that my brother was buried in and get in the car and - leave him there, alone. I still think about that. I would never request not to have a funeral, the time of planning his funeral was powerful and wonderful, full of memories, full of tears and laughter. I can imagine that's not the case for everyone though. In terms of taking time to grieve, I was fortunate in that my workplace said I could quite literally have as much time off as I wanted - months, if I wanted. I took a month - most of us took about that time. I spent that time scrapbooking, making a huge scrapbook with stories all about him. That sort of 'grieving work' was powerful and necessary. This was before I had kids, so I could live life the way I wanted. It would be different now.

There's another book she co-authored with another fellow with ASD, and they were a complete contrast in many ways. She wasn't interested in relationships, he was; she thought in pictures, he didn't. The Unwritten Rules of Social Relationships - it's a very good book.

Yes to the recipe, and yes I got it wrong, it probably is 3 cups flour not 1 like I said. Yes I think the cream you said is right. I get confused too now when I go to the shops because there are lots of different creams. Oh and I think one American cup is slightly different to an Australian cup, but it wouldn't matter in a recipe like that, I don't think.

Haha I just realised we make 'lemonade scones' here - (a cup of self-raising flour, a cup of cream, a cup of 'lemonade' (Sprite!), mix quickly, pop into a hot oven ) - doubly confusing to you guys! eta - it is probably 3 cups of flour.

I've asked for a lemon tree and some lavender plants, and some DVDs. I've bought myself some books (the kids can give them to me 'from them'). If we had more money . . . my old Kindle has started to freeze up fairly frequently so I'll eventually need a new one. My laptop has completely died (child poured juice on it), so right now I'm without. I'd love a new quality quilt cover and sheets set, even new pillows and a new king-sized quilt, that would be luxurious.

Thank you! That's very generous of you. I've enjoyed your book about playing with maths, too!

I think US biscuits are like scones? I had one once and it was very similar. I agree, coke spiders are the best.

Thanks everyone! Great ideas. I did intend to say "we're not doing shooting play, instead . . . " but I just wanted some 'instead' ideas. I like the treasure hunt and explorers idea, I agree, they need some kind of action game that just isn't killing. I will gather my supplies!

My friend is having some trouble so I'm babysitting her boys for 2 days next week. They're 4 and 7. I babysat them today as well and all they played (with my 2 kids, 4 & 6), was shooting, killing and war play. I am not too keen on 2 more days of this. Firstly, because the pretend violence turns into real violence pretty quickly. Secondly, because I am uncomfortable with war play. I'm trying to think of how I can structure the environment to decrease the war play and increase more co-operative play. Any ideas? Oh, and it's very hot here now. We are going between outside and inside, depending on the heat. I'll have to think about water play actually.

I always thought root beer was ginger beer. But, having googled, apparently it is not. So what do you call Sprite if it's not lemonade? Oh, btw, we don't call it 'soda', we call it 'soft drink' or 'fizzy drink'.

Well, Sprite is a brand name. But yes that fizzy lemon-lime flavour is what we (in Australia) call lemonade. I tasted what you call lemonade when I was in the US, and it tasted to me like lemon cordial.

It isn't a book for children - and there are so many other better books out there. I didn't feel that it was a particularly good portrait of autism, either.

Kids both reading Pokemon books. Even my not really reading 4 year old seems to be teaching himself to read via Pokemon! I've just finished the "Mysterious Benedict" series. Thanks for the suggestion - they were great, I really enjoyed them! I am now reading the much-recommended "How Children Fail" by John Holt. I have mixed feelings about it. There's great stuff in it - but some terrible stuff too (esp about children with disabilities!) Interesting on a historical level, maybe.

I'm so sorry. We lost our brother in October of 2008. We all put in and gave our mum a necklace which had different coloured (I mean different golds, silver) rings on it, one for each of us (7 siblings). She also got one of those necklaces where they turn a photo into an image on silver. She wears both those necklaces. Another thing we did was plant a tree on his birthday (which was December). I spent two months scrapbooking all the photos we had, and had it ready for Christmas. It had a page for each of us with our brother, plus pages like - him at school, him at camp, him with pets etc. My sister spent that time collating all the video we had and put it on DVD and gave each of us a copy. For me, now, I can barely stand looking at photos even though they were so important to me in that initial stage. My mum still longs for new photos that people dig up, or loves people framing photos in a new way. Everyone is different. For my mum, it is so essential that no one forgets him. So she likes to wear the jewellery, partly I think she hopes someone will ask so she can tell them about him. For me, even now, it's hard for me to talk about him without sobbing. So - everyone is different.

Thanks - I keep wishing I could create a space where my other half could listen to his music, watch his videos, play his xbox etc - all the things which have gone out the window a lot since we had kids! He does have a good set of headphones at least. I'll ponder further, I think part of the problem is that he can't just leave his things lying about - like his CDs - due to the kids. Maybe I could try to create a safe storage space so he can just grab his things without having to search everywhere when he wants to listen to something.