I did two videos today but not much else. I'm feeling blah from doing very little here at my mother's house. I have weights and do videos but most of my time is kind of hanging out waiting to do something with her. I'm feeling bad about my eating too, all healthy and delicious just too much. I'm into a weird slump here and have two more weeks to get through. The second week is at my sister's which will also be hard. I need to stop whining and get it together.

I hope you do go and send pics!

It wasn't pleasant and it got worse before it got better but totally worth it.

I'm so sorry. Healing is possible. I was depressed for many years as a young adult and mother. For me, talking with someone was not the point. I needed to " do the work" which was to actually feel what I had spent years just holding onto but not being willing to really feel. It was quite hard to access those feelings because I was really worried that I would not stop crying or would somehow never come out of the feelings, which sounds irrational but was a real fear. So eventually I decided that feeling all the stuff wouldn't be any worse than the depression I was in so just went for it. I started by sort of accidentally getting angry about a particular situation, then realized my anger was me holding onto a tiny bit of self-love, that I deserved. This was followed by months of tears. I decided that my tears and feelings would be the flash flood and I would be the riverbed. I did do talk therapy during this time but it wasn't especially helpful. After many months of crying and raging, I felt myself become undepressed. The only way I can describe it is as a physical load leaving my chest and shoulders. I thought I would have to spend effort to stop all the repeating thoughts I would have, but they actually went away without any effort on my part. I really hope you find a modality that works for you. I haven't tried meds or hormones but I know people have good results with them. You can't push the river but you can make an easier place for the river to flow.

Both of mine are too. One son has one in reserve but doesn't sleep with it.

Ah ha! I will start looking at avatars for stuffties portraits.

Yes. Always have, always will. Spouse has no opinion or if he does he's kept it to himself all these years. I call them stuffties but bow to popular spelling. I had been thinking of this topic for a few weeks then this article appeared today: https://www.nytimes.com/2024/04/25/style/stuffy-dating-stuffed-animals-relationship.html?

I'm sorry you are beating yourself up now. My oldest was 14 when he broke his ankle. I pretended it wasn't broken for a night entirely because we didn't have insurance and I was just panicking, willling it to not be broken. He ultimately needed surgery to set it. The hospital social worker helped us access Medicare for him which was life-changing, but yeah, also my worst parenting moment.

I often hear the phone ringing in my sleep or when I'm in the shower when it isn't actually. "Exploding head syndrome" is my new favorite go-to explanation for everything.

Hygienist tells me to use toothpaste with baking soda which helps neutralize the saliva acids that form plaque.

I love these. The last one reminded me of when I was little and saw a gravity pendulum knocking over dominos one by one. I was absolutely convinced that the world would end if that pendulum stopped.

Great news! Congrats!

Missed it, but congratulations!

I did a 3.5 mile walk yesterday, a fitbymyk video, and a lot of gardening for my mom today. I also bought some 5 pound weights to leave here since I come so often, and will start with those tonight.

My sister has lived in London all of her adult life and has certainly picked up elements of an accent but her kids are full-on Londoners and have their father's accent. This has always struck me as going against everything you read about babies learning syntax in the womb.

Thank you for this update, it's just great. I love the connections with the girls knowing about your writing, the gifts you gave, and the promise to go back.

At my mom's again. Doing a lot of fitbymyk videos.

Same thought, I reported it yesterday.

I don't see that our right to even consider traditional roles has been abrogated. I'm a pretty rabid feminist who made the choice of a traditional role, homeschooling, etc.. The difference made by the women's movement is that I had the choice versus not having the choice. If it hadn't worked out I have an escape hatch, courtesy of the women's movement, to get a job, run a business, have a credit card, etc.

I did a four mile bushwhack yesterday. Traveling again today, ugh. Left behind my weights but plan to find a pair at my mother's house.

A friend who works in our local, pretty liberal high school says boys there are very much into Andrew Tate. How will this end?

quoting myself to say - instead of "casually" which denotes low-key engagement, I would rather use "easily." This is a great resource for repair, thank you for posting.

I hear this, but I'll offer an alternate take: when people can talk more casually, seriously, and openly about the immense crime that was enslavement, healing and repair seem closer to possible. I appreciate the honesty of the original post and the responses.

The first enslaved Africans in New England were acquired from the West Indies, exchanged for enslaved Indigenous Pequot people from Massachusetts in 1637. I've been researching the connections between New England and the slavery-based economies of the Caribbean which were pervasive, extensive, and wildly profitable. New Englanders can be somewhat righteous about our abolitionist heritage but Rhode Island was the state with the highest number of slave-trading ships and Boston's wealth was founded on the trade. New Englanders owned, financed, outfitted, and crewed the ships transporting captives from Africa to ports across the West Indies, South America, and the southern US and also traded salt cod and other foodstuffs to the West Indies to feed enslaved people there. Baked beans cooked with molasses and served with brown bread is considered the quintessential New England dish but all that molasses was made by enslaved laborers in the Caribbean. Even though slavery was abolished early in New England many families still profited from it here including ship builders, fishermen, sea captains and sailors, farmers, lumberjacks, carpenters, blacksmiths, coopers, mill workers, and grocery store owners.