Hi Everyone, We're starting from scratch. We have many questions: pod? Moving van? Or. . .? how do you get cars from the west coast to the east coast? leave our current house empty for the Realtor to sell? (On the surface, it sounds easier w/ kids.) I think dh would drive the van cross country w/ our dog. And then the kids and I would fly. Thoughts on this idea? Anything at all that you can share is very appreciated!! Alley

Ha! Ha! Those of you who are posting "run and never look back" are cracking me up. Are you sure that isn't just a So. Cal feeling. No. Cal is a little less congested. My parents are from So. Cal and my sister lived in San Diego for years and I have no interest in moving down there. I really, really, really appreciate your perspectives. You've seriously helped me to feel better. It really is a neat opportunity for dh and here I am acting like a big baby. If we moved every 2 years or something, it would be one thing. But I've been in this town for 25 years. Do people move at 45 years of age successfully?? Thanks again!!!!!! Alley

Seriously, I got teary reading your responses. What a relief. I'm a huge history buff. I was afraid you'd say, "once you've seen stuff, you've seen it." Can you tell me about the summers? And bugs? I'm spider phobic. I hope people will keep posting -- it's really helping. Alley

Ugh. Dh was up for a job in Richmond, VA. We live in CA. I have sooooo many days when I would love to move to the other coast and just try something new. But dh never heard back and we thought the job went to someone else. Well, he got the call from a head honcho asking if he was still interested. He said they'd had changes in HR and needed to get this IT position filled. Now I'm freaking out again. I don't want to move back east in the middle of the winter, for one. But mainly, I'm just scared. I'm rather introverted so it's not like I have 100 good friends here, but you know, I have some very well established roots. Of course, we hs so that's not an issue. There's more $$ involved, so that would be nice. I've just heard so many people saying, "Californians don't know how good they have it till they leave." For all my big talk of wanting adventure, I'm a big wimp. Has anyone successfully moved after being scared about the wisdom of it all. Remember, California is going south financially rapidly and my husband works for the state. He's nervous that his job won't always be there. We're all nervous for CA. Alley

I love the idea I saw in Family Fun magazine where the whole family takes a drive to check out the holiday lights. Then the family votes on which house did the coolest job -- and then leaves a box of wrapped chocolates with a note saying they won. We're going to do it for two houses this year. And I'll have hot chocolate in the car for the boys. Silly fun. Alley

Really, really, really thanks. I feel so much better just getting it off my chest. Dh doesn't even know why it's still bothering me. I totally get that I "walked into this" and yes it makes me annoyed with myself. I'm way too old. Treehouse -- I guess I do what I have to to avoid a scene. Plus my parents like her and I know I would have been ganged up on. I don't think they've ever seen my point of view when the other person is someone they want to impress. Impish -- I'm glad you wrote. I wasn't at all saying the topic was "off limits." I was trying to give her the idea that the topic is touchy at our house. To spare me and her the awkwardness of it all. But I appreciate your writing. I be that's how she took it. That I was laying down an edict or something. Thanks again everyone. It really helps! Alley

You guys are hilarious! Mrs. Mungo -- I wish I had your guts!! (I used all mine up just in pulling my kids out of ps and now hsing.) Suptterduck -- Yes, I already came to that conclusion. Thanks again. Without being too mean to myself, I really should have known better. I've known her since we were 11 and she wasn't that nice even as a kid! Alley

I asked an old, old friend to come to dinner at my parents house the other night. I haven't seen her in ages. I knew she wasn't into hs -- she'd been very clear over a year ago about it when I said that we were thinking about hsing our kids. Since I'd brought it up with her, I'd pulled my kids out of ps. So before we met on Sat. night, I emailed her on Fri. and very casually and kindly said, "we decided to hs, pulled the kids 8 mo. ago, blah, blah, blah" and I added, "my parents are still on the fence about hs, are somewhat seeing the benefits but haven't totally come around, would you mind not bringing it up in front of them at dinner?" (We live in different regions.) In my mind, I was just giving her a "heads up." As in, might want to stay off this touchy subject. She basically just said "sure" and I thought nothing more about it. Dinner seemed fine enough. She's always been a little prickly. I wouldn't say she has narcissistic personality disorder, but she definitely heads in that direction. Anyway, my dad and mom were gone for a moment and I forget what lead to this (I'd had a glass of wine), but she said something like, "you're a very controlling person. Look what you did w/ the email you sent me on Fri. You told me what I could and couldn't talk about." I felt surprised and hurt, but just smiled and changed the subject. In my mind, this comment came completely from left field. Even if I'd wanted to shoot back (I didn't want to), I wouldn't have even known what to say. She's recently lost her mom and I don't want to do anything to add to her grief. I really do feel deep compassion for her loss. She was really close to her mom. On top of it, she admires my mom and dad -- and doesn't understand why I don't (I've never explained the verbal and physical abuse to her. I don't see who it would benefit by explaining what living w/ my parents was like to her.) Sorry for going on and on. I needed to get this off my chest. It really hurt my feelings. The whole "you're too controlling" thing makes me so frustrated. I think she got that from my mom. My parents have called me controlling and selfish my entire life -- which has made me bend over backwards not to be controlling or selfish. And, in the process, I get walked on a lot. Again, sorry for the novel. Dh feels like I brought this on myself (I did) by inviting her for dinner. He says at my age I should know better (I should). If you're still reading -- thanks. Alley

I understand the idea of "keep it short and sweet." And I'm trying to do that. I'm keeping lessons to about 10 mins. each of math, writing etc. They're twins -- so it's 2 against one. They fight me (one especially) on getting started with whatever. "We haven't had enough time to play!!" Oh, please. They do Legos for a good hour before we start. And when I say I keep it short and sweet -- I do! Ten mins. on writing and back to play. Much later, 10 mins. on math and then back to play. One morning we take a Spanish class. Twice they do a morning karate. There's a temporary afternoon pottery class once a week. I'm not overwhelming them. Any advice? One son is pretty good about sitting down and getting started, but he's way more academic. The other son is the louder and more verbal of the two. Any advice would be soooo appreciated. Alley

If you give them margaritas, they might not notice too much about the dinner! I LOVE guac and chips. My trick is to ask DH to go to Chevy's and buy their salsa to go. It's so good and it's makes my meal seem much better. Alley

of the van's carpet?? It looks awful and it's smashed in. I have no idea how to get it out. And we plan on having this van for 6 to 8 more years. I can't believe that I have to look at pink mashed in Starburst for so long. Plus it's right where the kids pile into the van. So if friends are standing there saying good bye or whatever -- there's the Starburst!! Alley

I seem to have really clean friends who do keep spotless homes and none of them hs. I end up feeling really embarrassed and it's a big deal when I let people come over. Right now, I'm cringing at how dirty the windows are. Alley

Can you give me some fun ideas of things to do with kids in Scottsdale? I'm thinking of meeting my sister there and between us we have an 8 year old girl and three 6 year old boys. THANKS!! Alley

My husband and I were yelled at yesterday by a lady in the parking lot of Costco because we parked our Dodge Grand Caravan in parking spots that she said are designated for large vehicles. My husband and I were laughing about how puny our van looked next to the SUV's and she over heard us and said something along the lines of, "that's why those spots are reserved for large vehicles -- not for small ones like yours!" Something like that. I laughed thinking she was kidding. And my husband told me on the van that she wasn't kidding and was apparently annoyed. We've been parking in these certain spots for 7 or 8 years. There's no sign. Yes, the spaces are big, but we always thought our van was sort of big until it sat next to the big guys yesterday. The funny thing was that her truck was basically the size of our van. Not that big at all. Life's too short, but just wondering. Alley

It amazes me that some homeschool moms say, "you can get done in an hour what it takes the ps all day to do." Between writing, spelling, math u see, reading aloud, SOTW, blah, blah, blah, there's no way I can get it all done in one day. Let alone one hour!! Don't get me wrong: I don't even try to do this all in one day along with Spanish class, karate, art class etc. But I was reading in the Well Trained Mind that we should be doing math every day. And I happen to think writing should happen every day too. SOTW often gets kicked to the bottom of the list. Ahhh! Any suggestions for scheduling all of this in a week's time? Unfortunately my 6 year olds somehow are under the impression that if they homeschool they should have nothing but fun all day long. (I keep explaining to them that, "no, when we homeschool, we're miserable at home instead of at school!") Kidding! :lol: Any advice? Alley

We're reading Wet Magic by E. Nesbit. In the middle of my reading last night, my 6 year old boy yelled out, "this is a great book!" "Normal," everyday kids come upon magic. It's really nicely done. I always recommend Trumpet of the Swan -- our very favorite at this point. Alley

Wendy, I agree with you. And said the exact same thing to my husband who then told me that it does make a huge difference in the bill. I took his word for it. I don't know what to think. On top of it, if I'm buying long john and jackets doesn't the affect how much we've saved?? Maybe I'm going overboard and should jack it up a bit. Alley

I'm trying so hard to keep our energy bill down, but I'm freezing!!!!!!!!!! I'm keeping the house at 65 degrees. Of course, it's not so bad when I take the kids out for the day -- who cares if the house is chilly? But on the days I'm home doing lessons, it's no fun. I'm wearing two pairs of socks and two long sleeve shirts plus sweat pants. I'm thinking of buying some long johns from Lands End and wearing a light jacket around the house. Other than bundling up in my robe, I don't know what to do. Plus I don't want my kids seeing me walk around in a robe all day. And it's not practical -- the sleeves get in the way. I do love when I bake b/c the kitchen warms up. Any suggestions?? Alley

1) Definitely time at the library where I come home w/ a huge stack of books for me plus magazines that are strictly for fun. 2) Something nice smelling in the air. I have a dog so when the house smells beautiful it's really a treat for me. 3) Walking stinky dog and seeing the fall colors. 4) Time alone. Dh takes the kids to the park and I get time to putter around the house. 5) Best combo: time alone, walk dog, long bath, color hair, putter in house, read. ;)

I disagree with the thought that says, "kids have to learn how to deal with this sort of thing." That's our warped culture talking. My response is, "NOT AT SEVEN!" We -- you and I -- are adults and we have a tough time dealing with a bully in our life. A boss, a rude mother in law. A mean girlfriend. How is a 7, 8, 9, 10 year old supposed to deal with a bully's garbage?? My point is that we're expecting kids to "learn to handle" something that is beyond their skill set. A friend's 13 year old was bullied on a sports team. Her child has been homeschooled her entire life. When the ps kid started bullying her -- was awful to her -- my friend's daughter handled it awesomely. Why? Because she had 13 years of an amazing homeschooling, confidence-building experience. She wasn't expected to "handle it" at 7. More garbage from the school folk. In my humble opinion. Also, I agree w/ the idea that there are just too many kids vs. the adults. Good luck to the teachers trying to watch the bullies. Also, everyone should read Queen Bee & Wannabees for insight into the very complicated "girl culture." I'd pull your child, of course. Alley ps. I'm sorry if I sound cranky, but I think the school's response is reprehensible and this situation has gone on for far too long.

Hi Everyone, Dh and I seem to disagree on how much to spend for the holidays. My parents did a super nice job in making us feel like we had spectacular Christmases (in retrospect they didn't spend much. Once they gave us a puppy -- costs in the long run, but cheap up front. Another time they gave us a TV that went into the guest room. But we still thought of it as ours. It wasn't really. And then they included lots of little, fun stuff: candy, nail polish, Barbies.) Plus my mom wrapped anything: socks, undies, clothes. You know, stuff we needed anyway. I feel kind of weird doing that. Mainly because they need that kind of stuff now and I don't want them to wait till the end of Dec. Anyway, dh was raised with very lacking Christmases. One year he got nothing. Don't get me wrong. He wants the boys to have great Christmases, but he clearly doesn't have the urge to make them huge. So far, we've spent about $75 on each child and it'll likely ratchet up to $100. What does the hive think of this amount? Anything else you do to make the gifts go further? Please, no feedback on "learning to give to others." We're doing plenty of that sort of thing. I'm strictly talking about under the tree gifts. Also, how do you handle Santa? Does Santa give one big gift? Or? What if the kids ask for something that you can't get/afford? Thanks! Alley

I speak so highly of the people on this board that now all I have to tell by know-it-all is that the "well trained mind people say" and he actually takes it seriously and listens. So, ya gotta know I'm talking you up! Alley

I have to say: I completely understand where you're coming from. And, yes, I think your daughter should have dedicated the day to you since you upended your life to be there -- and the other family is there all the time. I have to say too: I remember when I had my babies. . . I wanted everyone together. And dh's mom was the one who made it clear she'd like some time alone w/ just us and the baby. Oh. I hadn't thought of that. In my glow and happiness, I'd wanted everyone together. (And I didn't get it, my mil is way too self centered. She had it her way. No biggie. I dealt w/ it.) So I would bet that your daughter wants everyone -- you, of course, included -- together with her, her husband and their new baby. It almost seems like a natural reaction to having a baby: wanting everyone together. But, I want to emphasize that I can really, really see your side of it. You want special time w/ your family and the baby and I think that's a valid thing to want considering how far away you live. Give the baby kisses for me!! Alley

Our VERY favorite: Trumpet of the Swan. Awesome book.

Both of our families are gone this Thanksgiving and Christmas. Of course, I still want to make the actual days special for the boys. Making December special is easy -- there's so much going on. But the day itself is hard because everyone tends to be w/ their family. Any ideas? Thanks, Alley