They have a week to respond to the letter and I have no idea if the letter was even given to xh yet but it probably was. It said if she’s already moved in she needs to move out. I suspect she’s there now but both xh and ds refused to tell me. I said, “dd said the van driver told her she met xh’s gf. So she’s in town this weekend?” Why else would the driver have said that today? I mean I suspect she’s visiting this weekend - not fully moved in. I drive the kids on the days I have them but dd spoke to the driver on campus today.

can you clarify the last line. I’m not sure I understand. You mean risks between males vs females or relatives vs non relatives or ?

I don't think any of us know. Even my lawyer said it's totally up to the judge's discernment. You guys remember the "shark" I met with a long time ago? She pointed out propriety issues (propriety was her word) during our meeting (in regards to some of xh's behavior... nothing which was illegal). So I'm led to believe some judges care about similar things. /shrug

Yes and as I said it's still on the books in our state that cohabitation is illegal (though not enforced. From my understanding what prohibited it from being officially removed from the books is causing waves with conservatives). Several of my friends (most of the people on my Facebook live in the South) asked me immediately, "isn't that against your settlement??" because they were familiar with clauses address sleepovers and cohabitation. Of course others were like, "what's the big deal?"

Well it sure came across as bashing me for asking my lawyer to do anything. I read your post as stay in your lane, you’re out of line. Sounds like you’re saying I should only seek counsel from someone that thinks like you. While he may not be the best choice, it’s hard to say. Lawyer hopping is expensive and time consuming. He’s my second lawyer. Some people would say moving in a woman and her child (that dd has met once!) is not in the best interests of the children. If you (general you) cannot see that, then maybe don’t bother replying again because we are so far on opposite sides of the parenting continuum.

Can I just also add WOW. Please read the whole story before chastising me. Every one of you not just bolt.

Several people agree with you. And others agree with me. Morality clauses do exist. I just didn’t know to ask for one. An old friend private messaged me that they moved in with a guy and his kids and one of the boys abused her daughter but her daughter didn’t admit it at first. She got away from the guy and his kids but the damage was done. She totally understood my hesitation for a 12 yr old boy to move in with my dd. As I said before, this is not strictly about morality.

Yes, I love it. So much happier lol

Slowly getting house in order. I painted kitchen (Dad helped some). Finished painting around the blinds this week. Landlord added new doors that didn’t match. He paid for paint and knocked a bit off my rent when I painted. before/after

@Jenny in Florida I can open his exercise files on my computer using Affinity Designer, but the tools are different so I will probably buy a month of the program. Many people have complained in the comment section that his class has the current year but is using an older version. He apparently added some updates at the end of the course, but I don't know how much will be different. Ugh so annoying. I bought the course because it said 2022 but he filmed it with 2018 CC.

Went for a walk this morning. According to my pedometer I walked 45 min/a little over 5k. I found my exercise journal but it wasn't up-to-date. Based on facebook posts in the exercise group and this thread, I can estimate I did phase 2/week 1 and at least 2 exercises from phase 2 week 2. There's an A, B, and C. So I may have left off on B, but I did A this week. I figure if I do 2 more days of phase 2 I might just call it good before moving to phase 3. I'm going to see if I can hang in there. Dang job interfering with my exercise lol.

@Jenny in Florida the course I’m focused on the most is the Adobe Illustrator one. https://www.udemy.com/course/illustrator-cc-masterclass/ I will probably need to go to the library (not the closest one to my house but another) to access the program for the exercises. So far I’ve been watching and doing the quizzes. I might just buy a one month subscription to have it at home. I researched getting the certifications but it is more involved than I thought. $150 per course plus sitting fee ($37) at the college that has the testing facility. On the Udemy quizzes I take sometimes they ask “how do you get to this tool” and I think oh brother I might fumble around looking for it (ones that aren’t easily accessible from the tool bar) but it doesn’t mean I can’t use the program. So now I’m stressed that half the $150 test would be stupid questions and I’d screw up. I hope you are safe where you are. @Harriet Vane what language? Is it their native language? That’s so cool. If it wasn’t a hardship for me to go I wanted to volunteer at a church where they do ESL classes for kids. ———— Time got away from me this morning and I ended up going straight to the computer to respond to work emails. I didn’t get on the exercise bike til late tonight. I also saw my neighbor outside and we chatted for while so I didn’t come inside til later than I planned. Once I got inside I painted that second coat around the blinds in the kitchen before getting on the bike and watching Udemy stuff.

@TexasProud is it out of the question to finish your internship? Are classes not meeting in person yet/did you lose the internship and can't sign up again? I wonder if you'd want to jump back into finishing if it was something you really enjoyed and will otherwise maybe dwell on other things. I'm glad you set up some boundaries, not being responsible for things. Yes, life throws us curve balls. Keep going, anyway. When you're ready.

1 day I dunno maybe meet with a priest and see the kids. my answer wouldn’t vary much but just whatever I had time for in the given time frame. I would tell immediate family so they would understand my sense of urgency to see them. I would need to explain it to xh so I could see the kids. Sit with the kids, play games or watch tv or bake. Take leave from work. I wouldn’t have any big events/locations in mind I think. Just time spent locally. I don’t think I’d bother traveling too far too see anyone. FaceTime some family. I’d do something like @Murphy101. Why bother going through journals? Just toss them if they’re so sensitive. I might watch Hallmark movies lol just basic stuff I like. If with the kids maybe something else we’d all enjoy. I’d probably go to Adoration. Schedule confession and the anointing of the sick/last rites. Eat yummy food. Cuddle the cat. Write letters to the kids? Take some photos. Buy some stuff for others?

That’s what I was thinking. I’ve experienced tornados and we’ve never huddled in a bathroom for hours. Briefly only. The hallway itself is also an area without windows (depending on your hallway’s access to nearby glass etc). Interior areas are good. Your phone will probably sound off to let you know when it’s really bad or you’ll hear a siren or the sound of a train. Otherwise I kinda just don’t fret.

Please don’t quote but I have financial help so I’m not losing money on this but he will. Thank you for your insight.

I liked it in theory, but when I owned one it didn't seem to dry the salad. 😞 I hate wet lettuce. I end up patting it dry but I don't know the best solution.

Tonight I went on a short walk then pushed myself to do a HIIT video. I don't know if I'm motivated enough to finish that program ugh. It's 12 weeks total. 3 HIIT exercises per week. Just not enjoying it much and not counting the weeks missed, I'm on week 3 of phase 2? I can't find my exercise log. It could be that phase 3 is more enjoyable, though. Painted one coat around the blinds tonight.

@Scarlett Exactly. My thinking is sure maybe they like the idea at first. Then reality sets in and maybe they don’t like it (more people to share a bathroom, etc) and if they complain I can have some comfort knowing I tried.

I’m not sure I see it that way.

“Moral fitness” is one of the Albright factors in our state. The judges weigh all the Albright factors. The cohabitation alone is not enough but a non male relative moving in with a girl isn’t great. I literally have to read monthly articles on abuse (95% about children, the rest about other vulnerable people like elderly) to keep my Protection of Children status with the diocese. I read about grooming, molestation, trafficking, etc. There’s a reason many parents object to sleepovers. Now we’re inviting a permanent sleepover scenario where kids can be unsupervised. Just don’t like it.

There is a clause in the agreement that my lawyer quoted in reference to our objections which are not solely moral objections. I think I explained this upthread. The judge may or may not agree with you guys. I don’t think I’m making it worse. If he gets to move her in, so be it. I will know I tried to stop it. That’s better than nothing in my heart and mind. Again, feel free to disagree. These are my thoughts and not all judges think alike.

He agreed to raise the kids Catholic when he married me… we had a Catholic wedding. We had conversations before we dated.

You must not be following the thread. It conflicts with their religious upbringing. If you don’t have issues with it that’s ok. But for our household there is a conflict of interest… the kids attend a private Christian school and are being raised Catholic and we’re going to send a message it’s ok to move in a significant other? Agree to disagree if you will. But I’m not out of line.

Small, conservative town with limited faculty homes. There may be a couple or two but not many and believe it or not, it’s still on the books in our state that cohabitation is illegal lol no one enforces such a law of course. I’m just saying in theory you could argue that unmarried couples need to live off campus. If there’s an accident with someone that was not part of the original group that moved in, would the school be liable? When you move into a home you usually have to disclose household size to landlords or even hotels. IMO it’s a gray area.