@Jenny in Florida I'm so sorry about your job! And the unsettling walk

Yeah, he said she's 2 years older than him which would make her 5 years older than me. I'll turn 40 in Oct. so I'm guessing she's 45. So definitely don't think she'll want to have more kids and hopefully will be careful. The home has 3 bedrooms + mudroom. But even if they convert the mudroom into a bedroom, it's not really a bedroom. I told him I didn't think that was a good idea because it wasn't insulated and it was always super hot or cold (we only used it for the cat's stuff, misc storage and the deep freeze. NOT ideal as a bedroom). He claims something was fixed in the air ducts?? so it regulates temperature just fine now (yeah, right). He also claims some new updates will be done on the home like adding a half bath. Ok I'll believe it when I see it lol I mentioned to a family member that if they ever wnat to go on a date when I have my kids, what will they do with the 12 yr old? xh is too cheap to hire a sitter so he'd probably ask ds to stay home with him (since ds has flexibility to stay there). My relative said well they better not ask you to watch the 12 yr old. Not your problem. I said yeah.

Got some legal feedback. What I was looking for is called a morality clause. It's not in my papers and they were common 10 years ago but less so now. He said I would have had to specifically ask for it to include it because he normally doesn't. But even with it, it can be a pain to enforce. There's some vague verbiage about the best interests of the children so if I wanted to push it I could say that having a gf and her son move in is not in the best interests of the children. Then they could decide if I was reaching or if it was a valid argument. They could go down a list of factors like a non-relative boy moving in with my daughter, not enough bedrooms, etc. As of now I'll do nothing and see if she stays interested in moving. I don't know if the college cares or not about him letting a non married person move into faculty housing, either. I think another faculty member had a live in boyfriend, but maybe he didn't live there and just visited. So I think they might not enforce that type of thing.

I wondered but ds probably corroborated the abuse narrative.

Not really into sports watching in general. The actual voices/inflections of several YouTube stars dd has watched drive me bonkers. I don’t know how it doesn’t grate on my kids, too. Like they scream a lot or do high pitched things that are totally unnecessary. I’m always relieved when she watches Yammy or someone with a pretty calm demeanor.

Oh I have no idea. I just think they overwhelm me and stress me out… same goes for small, yappy, bitey dogs. If a dog of either type doesn’t jump on me, get in face, or try to hump my leg, I’m usually ok. I don’t like dogs trying to lick my face and it kinda goes with the territory I think.

We are signed up to help with the Halloween class party so either dd will see me at school that Friday or she’ll know I dropped off something. She knows I try. I’m not planning to go to her dr appt tomorrow (I was invited but the medical records at their pediatrician office say I abused son and caused divorce thanks to Xh plus Xh overpowers the visit. It’s just icky) but she’s coming over after that.

Today I thought about walking outside. The furtherest I got with that was washing my shorts and buying razors to shave my legs ha but I biked (uh not my best executed plan) with the coccyx pillow on my exercise bike seat. 30 min. Then I turned on a YouTube music playlist I’d made and walked laps around the house and did steps in front of the TV while it played. That was approx 15 min? Did a few strength training sets. Got a little past my step count goal (dr suggested 7500 on the days I bike since the biking bumps it up).

I won’t go. It’s never been advised by my therapist or lawyer to share the separate parent time. Not playing house. Last year I had Halloween. It’s his year and I am ok with that. I also declined to share a booth at the fall fest. He needed someone to pedal his baked goods and offered to split the fee (we discussed weeks ago). If I do a booth it will be by myself.

I’ve been invited to trick or treat with Xh and fam — I declined. He showed me dd’s costume that they ordered and reminded me I’m still welcome to join. I was like why don’t you bring your gf? He said she might come, he doesn’t know. I’m not touching that situation with a 10ft pole lol hoping I’ll get a babysitting gig that weekend.

I also feel sorry for her. And I won’t be surprised if ds gets left behind on date nights to be in charge of two “siblings.” Because Xh is too cheap to hire a sitter and wouldn’t they need some alone time? She’s coming to his town this weekend. She’ll see the house and town and maybe reality will sink in. It hit me today that she’ll be forced to come up with tuition for her son if he joins them at the private school. I don’t know if that would be a financial burden.

I have no idea. The physical stuff seldom happened. He seldom raised his voice or showed any outward signs of lack of composure. The few times I saw that side were usually directed at inanimate objects. Flipping my Easter basket of candy that was on my lap during our fight on the way to church, punching a hole in the wall in our first home, throwing a fast food cup of soda -maybe just the liquid - while driving and the soda clinging to the interior doors (because the wind prevented it from all going outside). Ds probably has no recollection but I do remember on occasion Xh would raise his voice at him and he’d tinkle a bit. I’d get so upset. Ds is very sensitive but also Xh is very scary when he gets mad. As hard as this all is I’m so thankful to be free of him as a partner.

Oh that part is logical — I meant she’s illogical 🤣 picking up and moving her own kid to the middle of no where to move in with people she hasn’t known long. I’m sure the love bombing is strong. I’m not even worried about her as a mothering figure, at least now now. Like I genuinely get good vibes from what I know (the day I found her Facebook page I saw she had Positive Parenting as one of her liked pages).

I had to look up these rules with my landlord fight. I'm sure it varies by area! Here I have 45 days from moving out to receive my security deposit back or an invoice with what was wrong and the remainder of the deposit after those charges. Why would an entire fridge be replaced? Couldn't the vent just be cleaned??? What on earth happened to the ceiling fan and counter tops to warrant that? I would classify those as things docked from the security deposit... so if the deposit was $1000 and the fan was $200, then the landlord can replace it that way. And a whole counter top would be $$$ so that would run over the security deposit but what are they claiming is wrong with it? So while they might not get any security deposit back, it should cover at least some of the issues.

Maybe monster was too harsh but he does genuinely think I didn’t care for him much, leaned on him too much with dd, didn’t do a good job as a homeschool teacher, emotionally abused him… these are all things he has said. If yelling like I did was emotional abuse then I screwed up and I have apologized and tried to discuss things, mend etc but he won’t let me. But he won’t believe dad was ever abusive toward him so there’s an annoying double standard. I can’t go back in time and not yell at my sensitive child with APD. He has chosen not to come over this week. That’s fine. I mused over it because he said she plans to move there in 1-2 months. Houses in her area sell fast, too. I don’t care if he dares. I care about the idea of her moving in with her kid and pet(s). It’s a huge shift. I don’t particularly care about meeting her. I know dd will tell me if she’s mean. I don’t need to do anything really.

I lied lol I updated before things “played out” and I know they could change. But I deduced the moving in thing based on the fact that Zillow has 0 homes for sale in that area and seldom does. Plus the way he answered my questions about moving in together.

I got some answers and my hunch was right. He won’t use yes/no answers to direct questions but it’s clear the plan is for her to move in once she sells her home. He has seen her face to face many times… so I wouldn’t be surprised if they were talking before our May divorce was finalized. She’s a US citizen so at least green card is off the table as her motivation to get serious with him. I hope she’s not pregnant. It’s so illogical to me.

That comment above about "no one seems to respect" was in reference to people off the forum

No one seems to respect my desire to have the annulment complete. Don’t want an annulment? Don’t believe in them? Fine. But don’t chastise me. This weekend I submitted part of my needed info. The church where I was baptized is getting my records (apparently that church updates theirs to reflect all the sacraments on the certificate). I know it sounds stupid in this society but because I’m still seen as married, dating would be considered adultery. On top of that I’m still settling into my new home, healing from an injury, working on fitness goals, my job, etc. I literally told a well-meaning friend last night that they are assuming I’m unhappy or super lonely. I’m sure more time & healing is good but I do feel I’ve completed a lot of it, thankfully. I went through the Leslie Vernick Conquer course over several months (I think basically a year) during the separation. I paid $27/mo to access the materials and be in their secret Facebook group. I did a group therapy course over about 12 weeks that overlapped our divorce settlement. And I’ve done individual therapy and attended several sessions for parents of kids that deal with things like depression. Since money is so tight I work side gigs when I can. Labor Day weekend I was house/dog sitting the whole time.

Yes and no. The author states that we’re sensitive and then included upsetting stories. It’s been a long time since I read it but I remember some stories of different HSPs and I believe one dealt with abuse. I was mad the author didn’t edit that part differently or omit it. I remember it being hard for me to read.

I’m from the US. My mom was of Mexican descent and dad is white. But because of the stigma/fear at the time, my bilingual grandparents on her side chose not to pass Spanish on. My grandfather hid his nationality at his job. It was a different time. So, I’m basically a gringa. I studied Spanish for years but it didn’t stick (Pimsleur, high school & college courses, Michel Thomas, Duolingo). My skin used to be darker when I was younger. I’m relatively fair skinned and my hair is almost jet black.

Since ds is only in 9th grade I don’t know if I’d expect Xh to wait that long (he’d probably remain living there for community college, too). However, this whole thing sounds nuts to me. Minus the part where I know he can turn up the charm, mirror, love bomb etc. so probably swept her off her feet somehow. Yeah that’s actually kinda how I felt — like what’s the point in meeting? How does that actually change anything? I’m not going to warn her of anything. She’ll have to find out the hard way. He won’t have time for her between his job and returning to school in the spring.

I just have dark hair, if you’ve seen my YouTube links. Otherwise I don’t know 🤷🏻‍♀️ lol

I will be very amused if she is Catholic because that might make things easier on me with the children’s religious upbringing. The only reason I would even suspect she might be Catholic is because it’s very common in Hispanic communities and we’re both Hispanic

it’s possible but I don’t hold my breath. My son thinks I’m a monster.