Does anyone have experience with this? We have state requirements to either test at or above the 4th stanine (I think) or have an independent evaluation. The testing is always nerve-wracking because I'm not sure if dd can meet the requirements, though so far she always has. Evaluations are a good bit more expensive, and the idea of coordinating one at the end of the year after testing flops is not appealing. But maybe just planning on an evaluation would be better than the stress of worrying about this all year. How does this work with a student who has special needs? I know the people who do this in my neck of the woods also do "educational plans." I really don't want to have them make a plan. And I don't want to pay a lot of money for them to say what they think of our plan. But I do want to know that if we just keep plugging along at our own plan, they'll say we've done a decent job at the end. I know, that sounds thoroughly unreasonable, doesn't it? I think part of the difficulty is that dd is so borderline. There's no diagnosable ID, so one has to expect academic work and a certain amount of progress. But IQ is hovering in the "slow learner" range, and there are the added complications of ASD (low frustration tolerance, no motivation outside of special interest, generally low energy), short attention span, and anxiety. Judging *how much* progress is reasonable to expect is really hard. If I can jump through some sort of reasonably painless hoop now, at the beginning of the school year, which means I don't have to bite my nails all year to get that evaluation saying we're okay at the end, it would be a relief, and worth some extra money. Has anyone else done this? Did you start by getting a plan?

I am so sorry.

Thinking of you and all your family throughout the day.

Geodob, thanks so much. This is pretty much what we suspected about the syntonics. When we asked what it would cost per session, he said "a car payment." But this was supposed to be *weekly*. That was not everything he was going to do, of course. But the inclusion of it kind of predisposes me against the rest. The peripheral vision information sounds very useful. Thanks, I appreciate it.

Thanks. Yes, we've got another appointment lined up in a couple of weeks for a second opinion.

I wish I could link, but I don't think I can from my phone. Most of the sites which discuss syntonics seem to be for practitioners who are promoting it. According to Quackwatch, "There is no scientific evidence to support these claims" of curing eye and vision problems through the use of colored lights. This is from"Eye-Related Quackery", dated 20/12/2009. If this doctor could really deliver the improvements he's talking about, I'd be delighted. But the course of therapy is long, expensive, and not clearly explained. I *think* he's trying to take advantage of our concern about our dd. Certainly it does make sense that therapy should be individualized. And I could even believe that light has various effects which we don't fully understand, analogous to treating seasonal affective disorder with bright lights of the proper wavelengths. I just wish I could find something from a disinterested party about how it works, or at least *confirmation* that it works. Instead everyone praising it seems to be selling it.

I took dd11 to our (closest to) local COVD optometrist for a dv evaluation. I suspected tracking issues. He says she has severe problems with her peripheral vision, resulting in about a 20 degree field of view. He also noted moderate tracking and accommodation problems. Furthermore, he noted a significant decrease in perceptual ability and orientation (spatial relations). His recommendations gave us pause. I expected a course of vision therapy, but was surprised to hear him advise syntonics, or color therapy, as part of it. He claims that this portion comes near the end of the course, and that he has had a nearly 100% success rate in making kids' peripheral vision "pop out" in this fashion. Are we justified in thinking that red flags are waving here? I can find nothing very positive about syntonics. Is this new but legitimate, or pure quackery? I also really disliked the fact that this guy said many symptoms of autism might fade as dd's peripheral vision improved. He suggested that anxiety and being primed for "fight-or-flight" responses were due to lack of peripheral vision and continually being surprised by things appearing out of nowhere when they enter her limited field of view. On the face of it, it kind of sounds logical... but...she's never shown any signs of a limited field of view. And I dislike feeling manipulated because some guy says he can make autism "fade away." So, we already have a second opinion scheduled. But I was curious what others have heard about syntonics. And I'm mad if COVD has someone listed who is making dubious recommendations. Reactions?

Thinking of you, your brother and your family. I hope they keep searching and find him without delay. He sounds very skilled; I hope that is keeping him safe.

Thoughts and prayers with him and all your family.

I think I might just be friendly to her, if you think that would feel natural. I think you've described what you're seeing quite well. But I think you've already identified the danger of making her feel self-conscious or unwelcome based on her son's behavior. If it were me, a genuine friend would be very welcome. I would be uncomfortable if I thought someone was just approaching me based on concerns about my child, though. But maybe, once you talk with her more, ways to help might become apparent. I agree with Lecka that encouraging a relationship between the two boys might end up helping him feel more comfortable in the group. But this really will depend on whether the two of them genuinely get along.

Okay, I can see the issues the boy is having, and I can see your concern and good intentions. I'm not sure why you feel the mother is overwhelmed and needs help. Could you clarify? Eta: not implying that she does not need help, just not seeing the specifics. For example, maybe she is trying to keep the boy engaged with his group, but maybe her goals are accomplished by what is already happening.

I do agree with this. Lots of teachers handle this sort of discussion with great sensitivity, I'm sure. I do believe the primary issue here may be inexperience.

I'm sorry, things came up and I didn't get back to this right away. My understanding is that he told the students to include all grief experiences. He wanted them to identify the various "losses", rate them on a numerical scale, discuss how they felt, and choose one experience to discuss with reference to their coping techniques. My dd had turned the paper in before she told me about it. I'm waiting until it is returned so I can take a look at it before I take this any farther.

I'm sure whoever designed the unit has the very best intentions. Actually, I'm pretty sure this teacher does too. From dd's description he does not sound punitive or intentionally inappropriate in any way. He just sounds young, eager, inexperienced and therefore a bit insensitive and oblivious. He has apparently been very open about losses he has experienced, which sound like they are few and relatively recent. That's why, when I posted, I intended my tone to be more of "Gosh, why don't these teachers think things through?" rather than "I think this guy is a danger." That possibility hadn't crossed my mind, and I'm fairly sure he hasn't realized that's how his style could be perceived. He has unquestionably pushed the discussion farther than he should. That has become clearly apparent. The "loss line," with the personal details he wanted the kids to include, does seem to be the most egregious violation. There are a few other details which have come out as well. I think you're right that most of the kids are self-censoring. I just don't think he should be asking questions which require that. Make no mistake, he is pushing things to the point that students would have to lie by omission at least in order to avoid talking about significant grief and trauma. Stress is a great topic for freshmen, I'd completely agree. But he has added to it this year. I think he could turn this situation around just by explicitly saying that no one needs to share more than they wish, and perhaps offering the options of fictional or hypothetical situations. Instead, he has been explicitly saying that students need to answer questions with a variety of personal details. Anyway, we've had a good talk about boundaries this morning, and the fact that yes, kids can enforce them, even with teachers. I think I'll be heading in for a chat with the teacher and counselor next week.

As far as hours: we're supposed to get 10/week, with (I think) one of those really being supervision. In reality, because scheduling and trying to get through schoolwork are issues, we've been getting more like five hours. Dd is theoretically level 2, though mostly looking like level 1 now. We've been getting this for a bit over a year now, and because of the way the funding is done, it may not last much longer.

I *think* at this moment we most need to just bring in another person who can work with her and keep her going on some things which are fairly clearly laid out and give me a break. We need a positive person who will take instruction from the ABA folks and me, and then work with her and cheer her on and keep her going. See, the thing about our ABA is that they cannot *do* academics. They can provide support for me doing it, and that's been great, but they can't do anything like that themselves. So I have to be there, every moment. And, really, I think there's some rule that I have to be there anyway. When dd is working well, I feel pretty foolish using our ABA hours having me sitting there teaching while the behaviorist is twiddling her thumbs, pretending to ignore dd (because that's how she works best) and occasionally making notes. When dd is not working well, I get good advice and support, but little work gets done. And either way, the process chains me there. I want to be able to step away and hand some of that to someone else with a reasonable chance of the work getting done. Right at this moment, the person needs to be a reasonably educated adult who can follow instructions. But, soon, that person is going to need to actually be able to teach a fifty-minute class. I would love to get to the point of being able to say " okay, dd, your math tutor is here," and *walk away* for a while. And then at the end of an hour the French tutor would come strolling up the path. This may be hopeless fantasy. I don't want to hand over everything, and I don't want to follow in lock step with everything that would be happening in a ps classroom. I want materials dd can work with well and reasonably happily. But I want her to learn to work with others and me to get a break. Right now the main behavioral issue is just shutting down when she is overwhelmed. That's hard, apparently even from an ABA perspective. They cite the "dead man rule": if she isn't *doing* anything, i. e., if she's acting "dead", there's apparently no ABA response. And of course that's what happens when she gets overwhelmed most of the time. So what they've done is help me learn to keep her engaged and notice the warning signs before that happens, to head it off. So that is the biggest behavioral problem a tutor would need to cope with. Not to say there haven't been others, but those are getting far less frequent. Actually, when I type all this out, the list of requirements seems significant. :-( Maybe this is a good business for someone to set up, lol. I bet every town has a few kids who need tutors with somewhat better-than-average skills and a bit of ABA.

No, please don't worry about that. I didn't read that as minimizing, but rather as a very valuable insight. I'm so sorry you experienced that sort of trauma.

Okay, I'm listening and thinking here. I'm going to try to get copies of the various assignments. And, as stated, we'll be talking over the weekend.

I talked with dd after picking her up this afternoon, and offered to send an anonymous letter to the teacher and the principal. She seems to like the idea of doing that after the class is over at the end of this semester, and she agrees that he clearly needs some counseling of his own. She still is not willing to do anything right now, though. She says he's the sort of teacher who is trying to be friendly with his students, bumping fists with them and being chummy. She is quite certain that he would bring up the receipt of a letter in class and press to know who sent it, and she'd feel on the spot and uncomfortable. When I met him briefly at orientation he just seemed very eager and earnest. I don't think he's straight out of college, but probably under thirty. I told her on the way home that I wouldn't do anything she was not comfortable with. Then I got home and read the responses that suggested the teacher's behavior really needed to be changed immediately for the sake of all the students, and the question of grooming behavior. This clearly puts a different light on things which hadn't occurred to me. I'm going to spend the weekend having a few conversations about this with dd. I don't want to push too hard, but I will bring up the concerns that have been expressed here. I am certain based on what she has already said that she will understand these concerns. We'll be talking over how to proceed.

We're already getting ABA, which has included a bit of work on things like getting through a math lesson without shutting down. It has helped a lot. But our hours are limited, and we have a lot of other areas that need help. What I'd like to find is one or more tutors who get autism, preferably without breaking the bank. Dd is almost 12. We need to deal with middle school work now, but I'm also looking ahead. Her older sister has just started the local high school, and I cannot presently see dd11 thriving in that environment. I *do* have ideas I think are workable to get her a high school education, but I think I need help and support from others. I can't do this alone if I'm going to do it for the long haul. I want her to learn to work with and for other people. She needs to be able to do this as she matures. I want to take advantage of people who know their subjects better than I can or will, preferably people who can share their excitement in their subjects. I want her to be able to work with someone else for a while so I can do that load of laundry and genuinely clean the house without feeling like I'm short changing her education, kwim? Because she can't really keep going on her own yet. So, hiring college students is an option I've thought of, but when I hear the term ABA tutor it sounds really good, lol. The point about turnover among college students is a good one, of course. Maybe I should talk to the local tutoring agencies and see who they have. Someone with experience as a school aide could be good, if they can really teach. Or, I guess, even if they can just encourage her to keep working with material I've assigned, for now. I guess teaching is really a different role from supervising and encouraging, but either would help.

Okay, I still need to think through a lot of this. Just as a quick note, though... For us, insurance won't cover anything. Our ABA is funded through a county program, but it won't cover tutoring. So this is going to be a strictly self-pay situation if I can find people to make it work. Our BCaBA has actually just gotten qualified as a BCBA. She's really good, but she's hired through an agency where the lowest-cost help is a BCaBA at $80/hour. So the agency isn't going to be a source of anyone for tutoring. There is a local university I can check with. So, maybe I just need to ask about students with some knowledge of ABA, at least in theory.

Yes, you know, usually I'm really not pleased by anonymous notes. But this might be one situation in which I might consider that route. You are correct that other kids might have much more serious issues than my dd does, and his questioning is not limited to one assignment. It seems to be his basic methodology. He is young, and new at this school. He may need some mentoring from the principal or someone.

Me too!

Thanks, everyone. I appreciate knowing I'm not the only one who feels this is really inappropriate. All dd wants right now is to find her way around in this school without attracting attention until she feels a bit more comfortable. Since she's the one in the classroom and she doesn't believe this teacher would handle my intervention well, I am going to respect her wishes. I will suggest she makes up imaginary, low-key situations as needed; that's a really good idea. Once she's done with this class she may not ever need to deal with this teacher again. She'll only have one more semester of gym in her four years there. I may speak to him and/or the principal about the class at that point if she agrees.

Thank you so much! I've got to come back and study this when I have time. We're trying to get through some work here (wishing I had an in-the-trenches style emoticon on my phone). I want to spend some time thinking this through and get back with you.