Ah ..... the 12th year! Both my daughters turned into over-sensitive, mouthy, bratty kids when they turned 12. It started to spring up a few months before their 12 b-day, and definitely started to abate as they approached 13. I have never seen so many tears in my life! I couldn't say anything right! And everything was a challenge. I have heard from many of my friends that the same thing happened to their kids. I just kept the same level of standards even though it meant standing toe-to-toe with them more often. I believe that is what helped them turn the corner into now normal kids. I think a lot of parents find this time period hard and back off, and then the kid STAYS a problem.

I was especially saddened to hear the older girl say the comment about the monkeys and fish. I knew she was just parroting what the parents had said. What a terrible way to teach your children about what you don't agree with. As a parent I try (although I know I don't always succeed!) to explain in a reasonable manner why we don't agree with someone's behavior. I also always try to make it clear to my kids that they might end up forming a different opinion than me. And that is okay too. If I feel I truly have a case against something (ex: smoking. I can give facts, figures, and show how it will truly harm them) then I lay it out and tell them that they should never never never do it. But something like this? All she was doing was teaching hate and intolerance. And with ridiculous arguments.

I hesistated to post this because I don't want to be inflamitory, but it just keeps going around and around in my head. I see this issue as more of a parenting one than a lifestyle issue. I took my 2 daughters into the city this weekend. The area where we visited happened to be holding it's annual Gay Pride Parade. We ended up staying and watching for a bit. Everybody was fine, no indecency, just a lot of groups marching by and everyone having a good time. There was a lot more public displays of affection than I normally see in the city, but it was all of the holding hands or quick kisses type. I got the sense that everyone was feeling a bit more relaxed in public because it was Gay Pride day. Anywho, we took public transportation home, and a lot of the people who had been participating in the parade were on the train. Some were sitting with arms linked, or interacting in a manner that you could tell they were a couple, but again, nothing overt or extreme. There was a mother on the train with her kids also. She was FURIOUS that she ended up on this train. She must not have realized, like me, that that day was Gay Pride day and that gay people would be out and about and open about it. The train was packed so she was standing. She had her daughter's face (maybe age 7?) pressed tight up against her leg. I was sitting just a few feet away. At one point the daughter peeked out from her mother's leg and looked at me. When kids look at me I usually smile at them. This girl absolutely glowered at me! I didnt' realize at the time the whole issue with the mother, I just kept wondering why any time I caught this girl's eye that she would shoot me a nasty look. It was only after we got off the train and I heard the mother complaining to her older daughter (age 13?) about the situation that I realized it. The younger girl probably thought I was gay, too, and because of how the mother was responding was shooting me nasty looks. It just struck me how young she was to hate someone on sight. When we were walking to the exit I heard the older daughter say "Monkeys and fish are smarter than them!" -- I am assuming this is the old argument that homosexuality isn't usually found in the animal kingdom. It made me sad to think that at such a young age she would have such a disparaging opinion of people she had never even met. I wanted to pull her aside and say "You are very young, and someday you will get out into the world and meet all sorts of people. Some will be very smart, very creative, and very kind. What will you do when you find out that some of these very people are gay?" The mother then said something that made me laugh out loud from her stupidity. She said "I never would have got on the train if I knew so many of those people would be on! They should have made an announcement or something!" I kept thinking "and what would that announcement sound like? Attention all passengers! There is a high probability that gay people will be on the trains! Please plan accordingly. Attention ....."

Thanks for all the replies. I had my hesitations with this and I don't think we will be doing it. Just doesn't sound like something for us.

My girlfriend sent me a link --- she is interested in having her daughter do this with my daughter (age 14) but I can't get a good feel for it from their website. Anyone have daughters that are in this? Is it a good experience? What kind of community service projects do they do?

But, back to the OP's point -- which, I believe, was not about homeschool Ooooh, good point! And great way to get the discussion back on target. There is a lot of coddling towards unschoolers on the board. Laying out how unschooling can work for your child is one thing, saying that you and your kids sleep in until 11 yet they can't write a paragraph, or that you have taken months off to clean your house, is another.

Virtual High School The link to the Massachusetts one is http://www.govhs.org, but from there you can search by state. We have used a few of their courses, and are signed up for a bunch more next year. We have had a great experience with them!

Virtual High School offers an AP Computer Programming course (http://www.govhs.org) We've used them this year for another course and they are great.

Here is the link: http://www.collegeprepgenius.com/

Yes, SAT's can throw you. They did me. You have to remember that they are intelligence tests, not necessarily knowledge tests. There is a big difference. The way I understand it is that they have to develop the tests to gauge basic knowledge, but have to make it difficult enough to test everyone evenly. That way someone who is a whiz in math won't necessarily beat out someone who struggles with math. They have to make the questions more tricky than hard. The same is true for the other sections also. My daugther (age 14) took the PSAT last fall and is studying to take the SAT in May. She is halfway through Saxon Algebra 2 and has close to a 99 average. Math is not difficult for her. But on the SAT's it was. It is a whole different animal. It is more figuring out how they are trying to trip you up and getting to the basic math question that they are asking. I realized quickly that I needed a good outside resource to get a leg up on these tests. First I purchased College Genius, which is a set of CD's that goes over how the tests are set up and ways to find all the little tricks. Then I signed her up for a SAT class at our local university. She has gone every Sunday for about 6 weeks now, and will finish up with a diagnostic test before the real SAT test. Her scores from her PSAT, which we did with little prep, to now have skyrocketed. So has her confidence. Don't panic. Read up on these tests to get a feel for how they are designed. Get outside help Have your child do many many many questions. There are only so many ways they can cover the same material, and soon they will recognize the patterns. Let me know if you have any questions. I am by no means an expert but I remember feeling exactly as you do know, and now I feel soooo much better about her ability to score well.

I know some states require that homeschoolers can take some classes at the public school. How do those districts handle the kids not taking the state mandated no child left behind tests? I am toying with the idea of approaching the school board in my town. I am anticipating this being one of their arguments. I have heard this argument before from them when I wanted to have my kids just do some extracurricular activity.

I'd be upset too. When something similar happened with one of my kids (her character being challenged by an adult) I requested a meeting with all parties involved. While it is a good lesson for your son to learn to deal with difficult personalities, I also think it is a good lesson to show him how to stick up for himself. I don't think it is unreasonable for everyone to sit down and clear the air - especially about the lying accusation

When I send my 14 yo daughter to Sparknotes to get some background information on The Communist Manifesto, and at the top of the page is a small picture of a young woman. The picture has been cropped so you can only see her face, but she is doing something that looks suggestive and sexual. The caption says "What in the world is this girl doing? Find out in the Sparknotes Guide to Spring Break!" I hate that my daughters are exposed to this kind of stuff on a daily basis! I know it is part of society and all that, but sometimes I feel it is just everywhere! Even researching The Communist Manifesto isn't safe. I know, young men from high school and college will be looking at this site, so there is your target market, but I just wish that young girls from high school and college wouldn't have to be caught in the same net. I also was a bit upset the other night at the movies (I did warn this was a rant!) I was taking my daughters to see something, and in front of me were about 6 young boys (ages 16 or so) and they all bought tickets to the movie "Taken" I have not seen the movie, and from what I hear it is not too violent (all things being relative) but I thought how these young boys were going to sit through a 2 hour movie about a young girl who is kidnapped and sold into the sex trade. I'm sure it isn't going to turn these boys into raving maniacs, but how much exposure do these boys get on a weekly basis that reduces women to either sexual images or sexual victims? Sigh ..... being a mother to 2 girls really has opened my eyes to this stuff. It was just always *there* when I was growing up and you learned to deal with it, but now that I see it through my daughter's eyes I find myself getting pretty miffed.

In response to everyone: My mother is not an imminent danger to herself. She thinks way too much of herself to ever have suicidal tendencies. I found out that she showed our letters to the therapist through my stepfather. When I say my mother refuses to speak with us, she is doing what she usually does. SHe plays the victim and "falls into chaos" (her words, not mine) anytime she thinks she may have to discuss her "recovery" with us. She loves nothing more than to feel like she is the star of a really bad, over-acted dramatic role. She will sit in a corner and wring her hands while my step-father speaks for her. So when I say she will not speak with us, what I mean is she uses any opportunity to feed her need for drama and feed her need to be seen as a weak victim. And my stepfather loves to play the role of "the man in charge" so they feed off each other. In speaking to him, though, he was more than happy to tell us how much the therapist thinks my sister and I are responsible for the turmoil in my mother's life. How they showed the letters to the therapist and she diagnosed us on the spot. This is the same therapist she went to 6 years ago who actually told her she was NOT an alcoholic and that she certainly should be able to have a drink now and then to relax. I am sure my mother has not told her all of her addictive behavior. How she has driven drunk many times, how she has stolen prescription drugs from family members, how she brought home pot and asked my sister and me (when we were 10 and 12 )how to smoke it, how she hides her vodka in the back of the toilet, how she was found by my sister this last relapse stumbling and drooling she was so drunk - at 2:00 p.m. ..... etc. The only thing we addressed in our letters to her is our concern that this therapy would take the same path as the others. How we hoped that this time she would be open and honest and get the help she needs. We have also repeatedly asked to be involved in this process, a request she has flat out refused. We know if we are not involved, as we have not been allowed to be involved in the past, that there is no hope for her. I am getting to the point where I think even if we were involved there is no hope. This therapist is a nut, and is exactly what my mother needs to continue. I personally have never gone to therapy to address being raised by an alcholic mother. I have felt that, so far, I have been able to deal with all of this. I have a strong marriage of 20 years and a great relationship with my kids. The life I have carved out for myself is the exact opposite of what I had. I am very happy and very satisfied with my life except for the relationship with my mother and I see that as a result of her disfunction. Believe me, I haven't always been in such a good spot, but my 40+ years have led me to a good spot. I do think, though, that I will be going to a therapist this time. I need some help in dealing with what I believe will be the option of cutting ties with her permanently. She just will never get any better because she truly believes she is a good mother and a good person and has no problems. Joanne - you gave me good advice once (and thank you again for your help!) You said I needed to give my mother the life she has chosen to lead. I am going to get on with the business of doing that. Our writing a letter to her was a last ditch attempt on our part to try and help her get help. I should know better by this point, but I wrote the letter anyways. The whole "showed the letter to the therapist" just made me feel ..... icky and just seemd so wrong. But, we all know that addicts don't play by any rules of decency.

I have a professional etiquette question. My mother is seeing a therapist - I believe the therapist calls herself a "life crisis therapist." My mother is an alcohol and prescription drug addict. My mother has seen many many therapists over my lifetime, and she always manipulates the situation so that only a very distorted view, favorable to her, of what is going on in her life emerges. She therefore never truly gets any help. During this most recent process my sister and I have written my mother letters regarding her therapy. We aren't able to speak with her on the phone. My step-father, a huge enabler, speaks for her. My mother showed our letters to the therapist without our permission, and the therapist is using them against us. This therapist has refused to speak with us, but counsels our mother against us -- all because of what my mother has told her, I am sure. None of these letters were abusive or anything like that. Although I realize that my mother offered these letters to the therapist, it just seems wrong that the therapist would take them, read them, and then base a diagnosis of us on them. Am I right in feeling that this was completely unprofessional of the therapist, or is it something that is completely within the realm of proper therapy? My mother has a history of finding only real whack-job therapists to help her, so I am thinking that is the case again.

I could too. HOWEVER, if my son got sent home because he was misbehaving on the bus, after repeatedly being told to stop, and that misbehavior was for something as stupid as public farting, I would be one embarrassed mother. His mother should be embarrassed that he is rude and inconsiderate. That he doesn't know when to stop. That he doesn't know that "poop" jokes aren't for everyone or every situation. I applaud the bus driver for kicking him off the bus. Someone has to set standards around that boy.

This boy's mother must be sooooo proud :rolleyes:

This is what my dd (age 14) did this year for 9th grade AP World History (online thru Keystone) AP English Language (online thru VHS) Saxon Algebra 2 Spectrum Chemistry Italian (Rosetta Stone and other outside resources) SAT Prep class

The other day I was talking to my 14 yo daughter about an applicant I had read about. This applicant had top grades, a full extracurricular schedule, and had done a bunch of volunteer/community stuff. My daughter was a little taken aback and said "When does he get a chance to just live?" My answer was that was his life. The secret to getting into the colleges is to foster a full, rich, challenging life and then get busy living it. You shouldn't join a club because you think it will look good on your application. You will drag yourself through every hour spent there and feel exhausted at the end of the day. You should join a club that you love, that motivates you, and then when you spend 20 hours a week there you have enjoyed your life and done something that can look good on your application. I think our job is not to package our kids for college, but to help them develop a rich full life. That life will then look great on applications. But fostering the life comes first, not the other way around. Parents make the mistake of either forcing their kids to do things just so they can have stuff on their applications, or the equally big mistake of not helping them foster anything because they are afraid of stretching them thin. The truly successful applicants are the ones who do have a ton of academic and extracurricular successes on their transcripts, but those items are there because the kid was pursuing a passion or a goal. Take care of the little stuff and the big stuff will take care of itself.

I've had this happen to me a few times. I don't know where it came from. I think if you just keep deleting them WITHOUT opening them up (that is key) they will eventually go away. If you just keep deleting them you should see them drastically reduce in about 3 weeks

I think some issues are getting mixed up here. First, the issue of what food was served. The debate about whether soup and salad is considered out-there to some kids, and what color the lettuce was and whether that had anything to do with it could go on forever. There is no end to the combination of foods and circumstances that could set one kid off and please another. I don't think that what Colleen served is the issue. The issue is that, by 12, a child should know how to conduct themselves at the table. I don't care WHAT is put in front of you! You say "Thank you, this looks good!" and proceed to TRY it (or in the worst case scenario just push it around a bit.) If the child truly does not know what it is, they should say "This looks yummy! What is in it?" It is just like receiving a gift. If a child acted rudely when opening up a pair of gym socks for Christmas instead of a toy, should the actual gift be debated? The only proper response is "Thank you". Being pleasant while a guest in someone's home or accepting a gift is not conditional on the food being served or the gift given. All these things should be taught at home. Period. Otherwise the kid should stay home until they, and their parents, get it right. I think that Colleen would probably have not thought the kid rude for not eating the food, she just thinks his reaction is rude, which I agree with. As far as telling the parent, probably not. It is like telling someone that smoking is bad for them; they know already, or at least have an idea, and they don't want to hear it.

So, my jury duty was cancelled because of weather, and I am done with my jury obligation until the next time I get called up. They will put my name back in the pool and the earliest I would be called again is next year. So now we know:001_smile:

Thanks for all the responses. Because of the storm I probably won't be able to get her in tomorrow, but Tuesday seems like a long way off when you are worrying. Thanks for the confirmation that this flu can last a long time. I will still take her in, but now I won't (hopefully) worry so much!

I am scheduled for jury duty tomorrow, but we are supposed to get a major snowstorm. I am assuming that jury duty will be canceled, but does that mean I am off the hook? Or will I have to report on Tuesday? Anyone been through this?

My 12 yo dd just can't seem to shake the flu! She first got the full-fledged flu on January 22 (I know the exact date because she had a piano competition that she worked 6 months to prepare for that she had to miss!) At that time she had fever, aches, fatigue and all the rest. After a week of this I took her to the doctor who diagnosed her with the flu. She got better for about two weeks, then has struggled with the fatigue and headaches again on and off all the way up until now. So now we are going on about a month of this stuff, on and off. I plan on taking her to the doctor on Tuesday if she is not better (we are scheduled for a huge snowstorm tomorrow, so that is probably out) -- but I just wanted to know if anyone else has the flu symptoms for this long? It hasn't been consistent, but it sure is tenacious.