I don't talk to my biological family, so they don't get called anything by me. But if I refer to them in conversation, I've always said "my biological father" or "my biological mother." My adoptive parents are Mom and Dad. I don't find Daddy to be all that odd. It's pretty common in Southern families. My husband's great-aunt is still called Sister even though her only brother died in Korea. And Mema or Pawpaw are also common to hear in his family.

I don't understand how calling the police for unsupervised toddler/preschooler/kindergarteners is some kind of extreme measure. When I worked at the public library, the policy was to call the police if someone 14 and under was left alone at the library at closing. Is it really more unreasonable to call the police if there's a five year old roaming with no supervision? I say this as someone who had a VERY free range childhood and I'm in my early 30s, so not really all that long ago. BUT we had older children and teenagers with us, we roamed in large groups, we never went on other people's property without permission and there is no chance we would ever have damaged someone's property. A five year old wandering alone, damaging property and doing things that are unsafe at an age where they aren't developmentally able to make good decisions about their own safety is not the same as a normal, responsible free range child, not remotely. Calling the police would be HELPING that child, not hurting them.

Wow. I think I would go to the meeting just so I could ask if she passed English grammar in college. The only possible antonym for "strawberries" would be "not strawberries" and that's not a word. "Are you stupid?" might come out of my mouth if I wasn't careful in that meeting.

I know you say that you think she's sincere in wanting the friendship, but I don't see it that way. You said she had already been friends with Sally before you were friends, you just didn't know it? It sounds like Sally is Plan A for having someone around every day to listen to her and make her seem like the most important person in the world and you were Plan B. Maybe something happened with Sally and that's when her friendship with you started, but when Sally came back, you got moved right back to #2. And now she has someone else to revel in the drama with her, who listens to her and even lives with her, so now she feels continually important. She doesn't need a second person to do so because you might threaten the primary relationship.

I have just one young daughter, but I use the family changing rooms because I like the extra space with her, I like to keep her contained instead of having her wander off while I'm half-naked, and because I like how the sink, toilet and shower is all together in one area. BUT I also use the gym at the least busy time of the day and people waiting is a very rare thing then. I wouldn't use the family changing rooms at a busy time because it wouldn't be worth the wait and I wouldn't want to be inconsiderate of others who need them more than me.

I'm the one who actually pays the bills, but I always talk to my husband about amounts, etc beforehand. I pay them all online. And I don't balance a checkbook, we use online banking.

The library I used to work at was a large system and sold some books, whether withdrawn or donated items that weren't needed, in an annual book sale or through Amazon. I think for them it was worth the time because it was a very large library system with about 30 branches and everything was done in bulk. The annual sale was for all of them together and manned by employees, and the sales on Amazon were handled in batches by a consulting company. Since I didn't do those sales myself, I don't know the details, but I think the value comes in doing things in bulk. All ex-library items were stamped on the inside cover with an official "withdrawn from the collection" stamp with the date and name of the system, and barcodes were removed or marked out with black marker whenever possible.

I have a great-great-something-grandmother who was scalped by Indians and survived to have children. And my paternal grandmother was a Russian immigrant whose family left during the Revolution of 1905 in Russia. My husband's genealogy is fascinating. Lots of gunfights and swindling and moonshiners. There's a whole family feud story between the Langford and Jones family in early Texas history and he's a direct descendant of some of those Langfords.

I would take the hug and apology as a sign that he recognizes that you have given him stability and love and that is in contrast to his biological family. It also may very well be a subconscious sign that he is overwhelmed by the situation himself. I can see a 15 year old having an ideal image of what reunification would be in his mind, but then be a little shocked by the reality of it all. Hugging you means he needs your love and stability, even if he doesn't really realize that.

I would call Sarah Addison Allen's books Magical Realism in a Southern setting. I've enjoyed all of them. They have some romance but they aren't Romance.

I do think traveling alone by bus is too much for a 15 year old. They should scrape the money together by themselves to visit him or wait for your whole family to visit. It wouldn't be healthy at 15 for them to cultivate an isolated relationship with him, and as an adopted child myself, I wouldn't allow that as a parent. :grouphug: It isn't easy, but a discussion directly with his biological mother about appropriate boundaries probably needs to be done sooner than later considering how fast they seem to want to push the relationship.

My husband and I have watched seven episodes so far, and that feeling of being confused for half of the show doesn't go away, and I don't usually have a problem with this issue at all. There are many things they want to be mysterious or something that they don't fully explain. I don't remember the two adults in the bar that you mention. Dr Pryce is apparently doing some kind of experiments that the other Mr Godfrey knows something about (which is mysterious) and dislikes him for.

As an adopted child (foster care also), I want to say thank you to you (and all adoptive parents) for taking a child into your home and family. I think all adopted children go through a time in their life where they want to know where they came from and are trying to understand it all. The teenage years, especially if they are tumultuous, often fuel this desire. But I want to let you know that smart, reasonably well adjusted children will always eventually recognize that there was something wrong in their biological family (especially in foster adoptions) that led to their adoption. They may very well end up being completely comfortable with only their adoptive family and not feel the need to continue the biological connection. I don't. Or they may stay in contact with the biological family and that will be okay too. Just like you can love more than one child, an adoptive kid can love more than one set of parents. My brother is in contact with our biological mother, has even visited her, and yet is still closer to our adoptive family. :grouphug: I hope all goes well for you and for your son. This is a world-changing experience for both of you in many ways.

The insane part of that isn't that he thinks homeschooling somehow leads to bad eyesight, but that he doesn't realize that OF COURSE most of the ones he sees in his practice have eye issues. The kids who can see just fine never need to go to the eye doctor! Simple logic failure by a doctor, he should be embarrassed.

Men are widely discriminated against in divorce and custody issues. Custody and support are frequently given to the woman simply because she is a woman and mother. It's been the default for a long time, and more nuanced judgments are a very recent thing and still only occur in some areas. Frustration over this is where a lot of the Men's Rights Movement began, and that's a valid issue for them to pursue.

I don't like Aldi's, it has always seemed to me to have low-quality meat and produce, though I've sometimes bought dry goods there. I don't grocery shop at Walmart either. I go to a local butcher when I can, but they only get each type of meat once a week, so I supplement with meat and fish from a local, employee-owned grocery chain. Usually I get my produce there too, but in the warmer months I also go to the farmer's market.

I think the move to giving prizes/awards to all kids in things like Science Fairs/Art Contests, etc., has less to do with the self-esteem issue than it does in school officials getting tired of rewarding parents for doing their children's projects for them. I remember when I was a kid knowing that some kids had awesome science fair projects because their parents did all of the work for them, and then they bragged about their prize ribbons. It was really annoying, and it taught all of the rest of us that cheating would get you ahead more than being honest, and that adults either couldn't tell or didn't know how to deal with the problem. It doesn't bother me at all that all kids get awards as long as my child isn't learning to distrust adults and to see cheaters winning over kids who did the work themselves.

As a child, all of my siblings and I received a gift for Easter along with our baskets, but it was always a religious/spiritual gift in celebration of the reason for Easter. One year we all got new Bibles with our names engraved on the covers, one year I remember my sisters and I got cross necklaces, things like that. My daughter is still little. We color Easter eggs, make a small Easter basket with a small amount of candy, and I will usually include a Bible storybook of some kind in the basket as well. I don't like to make huge productions of holidays, especially religious holidays, that would turn them into commercial moments more than their intended meaning though.

All of this talk of pedophiles and men looking at teenage girls and girls looking for attention is exciting and polarizing and that's why it gets all of the posts and talk. But you can't control the thoughts and actions of the people around you. You can't stop people who want to think about s*x from thinking about it, even with kids. The kids who get kidnapped by pedophiles aren't the ones walking around in bikinis at the beach, they are kids walking home from school in regular clothes, they are the kids walking around their neighborhood or playing in their front yard. If pedophiles and perverts are your fear, you are better off watching your children closely, talking to them about how to deal with strangers, and being involved in their lives, not worrying about what they wear. Skimpy clothes (and a bikini is skimpy, no matter how you look at it) lead to self-objectification and body shame. I posted about this earlier in the thread and it was ignored by pretty much all because arguing about s*x and how all of us women have to protect men from themselves is more thrilling. But self-objectification and body shame is a real issue for women, and young women too. Why do girls become anorexic? Why do girls go around wearing baggy clothing to hide every line of their bodies? Why do girls think they need to walk around in short skirts and low-cut tops? Because they have a skewed sense of their own self worth, caused by society and ourselves. Yes, women's bodies are overly-sexualized. And as parents we encourage that by buying skimpy clothing for them. That is us telling them from a young age that they should think about how their body parts are displayed. When their bodies are bare or nearly-bare they are constantly examining them for flaws and comparing them to others, including airbrushed and perfect media images. And they often, very often, find themselves lacking. I'm sure there are any number of people who will disagree with what I say or who would rather discuss sensationalized s*xual situations. But this is a real, quantifiable issue. If you are interested at all about this issue, simply google "body shame and objectification" or read articles like this one: http://link.springer...?LI=true#page-1. There are scholarly, academic studies and articles on self-objectification and body shame that discuss the link to the wearing of revealing clothing. I'm not even religious. For me modesty is about helping my daughter value herself more and, hopefully, not fall as prey to the objectification of our culture. It's bad enough that other people objectify girls, I'm not going to give her any help with self-objectification and body shame by dressing her in clothes that draw attention to her possible strengths and flaws before she is psychologically and developmentally ready to understand it all. Please note that I am not accusing other parents of purposely objectifying their children, I think all of this is just something that people aren't aware of how much it affects our children, and that is why I am posting about it. It is only through awareness that we can make fully-informed decisions for our children.

My daughter doesn't wear a bikini now (amazingly to me at least, many 4 year olds do) and I will never buy her one or let her wear one. Modesty is very important to me, and I am not even religious. Here is an article that explains a lot of my personal feelings about the issue: http://www.beautyredefined.net/modest-is-hottest-the-revealing-truth/. The article mentions studies (and I have read other similar ones) that say that "body-bearing clothing leads to greater states of self-objectification, body shame, body dissatisfaction, and negative mood (the latest study of this kind was just published in May 2012’s Sex Roles academic journal)." I think revealing clothing, including bikinis, do exactly this. They tell our daughters that their bodies and how they look are the most important value they have. I hope to minimize any issues my child has with body shame as much as possible.

I can't think of a single situation where calling a 7 year old child a B* would be even understandable, let alone appropriate. A 16 year old? I might not agree, but at least the attempt to shock them by using something they likely have heard before and will again soon would at least make some weird sense. But a 7 year old? That's extremely over the top. Does your fiance have anger issues? Calling a 7 year old a swear word sounds like an anger problem. I wouldn't want that in my life. If your daughter doesn't want to be alone with him, heed that as the warning it is. There are any number of explanations. One of them could be he's not controlling his anger well anymore. One of them could be that he is a predator with a clear age preference (and they usually do have this) and she's hit that range.

Yes, therapy is essential. I was adopted after abuse also. The most important thing you can help her to understand is that all of the things that other people do they did because there was something wrong with them, not because there was something wrong with her. Other people have illnesses or make choices that can affect us in bad ways, but that is because of their choice, not because of us. Point out similar situations if you can think of them. Make sure she understands that your current marriage problems are because of the choices you and your husband make and issues that you may have and not because of her. Understanding this got me through a lot of hard times, and therapy really helped me get there. If a ten year old is feeling this way, and is dealing with difficulty at home as well, she needs a safe haven where she can talk about how she feels without feeling like she may be contributing to problems. Therapy can really help.

Culture is beside the point. It is fine to have a family culture where everyone parents everyone else's children if everyone agrees to it. But if you tell some openly and honestly that they do not have your permission to make decisions for your children without your input and they do so anyway, that is a basic boundary issue. Where people's boundaries are may differ, but that they should not be violated is a pretty universal truth.

The problem with what she's done (as I see it) isn't that she robbed you of an experience with your child. It's that she did not ask permission. It wouldn't be a big deal for an aunt to take a child to Mommy and Me swimming if she had permission from the mother. The problem is that she thinks that it is okay to do things like this without asking you. She is assuming partial ownership of your children. This is the boundary you need to set and enforce. Let your MIL know that you don't want your children alone with SIL and let your SIL know that she should not (and you will not put up with) her making decisions about your children.

This website lists income limits to qualify for Medicaid for children: http://www.ncdhhs.gov/dma/medicaid/families.htm#infants Definitely do all you can to get her into therapy. I'm an adopted child and I had many symptoms of RAD, though I was never diagnosed with that. Therapy helped me a lot. As an adopted child, I knew my parents loved me, but I also knew I wasn't the same as them. And there are many more difficult emotional issues to process for a child. You're an amazing person for taking a child into your family like this. I hope you can find the help you all need.