She said that where she lived, men did the mowing. I could imagine a guy feeling pressure to do all the mowing and not wanting his wife to do it, if that was typical in the neighborhood. When I was a kid, my mom told my dad she would rather mow than do dishes, so she took over that job. We had a big yard. That was between 1956 (when I was born) and 1965 (when we moved away from there). She also took care of her big vegetable garden, though I guess that has always been considered women's work.

Aww, thanks. I did have some pretty amazing adventures on my own. And I'm glad I did them and didn't wait to find a companion to do them with, because, I'd have missed a lot of adventures. But still, there were times I thought "oh, wouldn't it be nice to have someone to share this with" - someone closer than my hiking group companions, kwim? When we went to England as a family it was so wonderful to share some of the places I'd been, but maybe even better to discover new places together.

There are people around who still think in terms of male/female roles. I would guess that in homeschooling circles where the mom stays home and teaches the kids, and dad goes to work, there may be more of that than in other groups. Over time those things change. Kids are hearing/seeing that being challenged. Example in another post, where someone asked for some strong boys to take care of chairs. The poster suggested that the girls are strong too. The next generation of coop organizers will be different from this one. My own anecdote: from time to time my church has special events for which the admin solicits desserts. She typically put out an announcement looking for women to bake, etc. I never thought anything of it - I'm the baker in our house. No big deal. My daughter, however, would get a little bristly when she'd see those. "Does she think men can't bake?" So, one day I suggested to the admin that she stop asking women specifically, noting that plenty of men cook too and there is no reason to exclude them. She said she'd simply never thought of it, and from then on, all requests for food prep have been gender-neutral. She (admin) and I simply didn't notice, because in our worlds, the women are the cooks. It wasn't a big deal to ask her to change it; she wasn't offended. Now, I'm not sure that any men have offered up baked goods, but, that doesn't really matter. No offense was intended, and none was taken really, as far as I know. My daughter wasn't really offended; she just thought it was silly to ask only the women. And she was right.

We're either grilling burgers (we keep Costco patties in the freezer in summer) or pizza that my husband will bring home from Sam's Club. Either way there will be salad. In either case, nothing that's going to inspire you.

I'm not sure this is necessarily true. Most men I know (yes I am speaking anecdotally) do not have the same types of relationships with their kids that their wives developed simply because the wives were with the kids more. Many men I know lack close friendships while women find that easier, because women have more time for it, and many women develop relationships through their children. (I met my closest friends at MOPS meetings when my kids were little.) Many stay-home moms I know have free time to work out and pursue enjoyable interests while their husbands are working. Sure, men don't choose between career and children, but many choose between career and relationships with their children, especially if they are committed to having a stay home (homeschooling or not) mom. Obviously I am speaking of my own observations and speaking generally. I'm sure there are exceptions to what I just said. And I'm not implying that men are not good fathers if they are focused on their careers.

When I donate, it's either cash or whatever I find in my pantry (I don't have expired food, I don't stock stuff we don't eat) that is useful. If I would eat the food, I would donate the food - so generics are fine. Another way to look at it is - if you buy cheaper, you can afford to donate more. I also buy things that go together - pasta and sauce, etc. Tuna, mushroom soup, egg noodles. Oatmeal packets may be more useful than a big container of rolled oats. I try to think about the person who might use the items so I might get something I wouldn't normally use - I'm picturing a harried working mom, who isn't necessarily going to measure out oatmeal to simmer on the stove, kwim? But packets would be helpful.

I did this in 1992, and it is still one of the best things I've ever done in my life. I was 36 years old, had been married and divorced and had a decent career-type job, but I had never traveled on my own. Getting off the plane in London and finding my way to my hotel was one of the most terrifying things I'd ever done. (Don't diss me for being a late bloomer :-) .) The walking trip was incredible even if I was the youngest person by at least 20 years. :-) Just a few weeks before the trip, my closest friend died suddenly and 2 of the ladies on the trip - widows, lifelong friends in their 60s - were a great help to me. In 2005 my family went to England and ended up staying in one of the B&Bs I'd stayed in on the walking tour. The same couple owned it and the place was just as magical as it had been the first time around. I'd love to go back a third time.

Agreed, absolutely.

What do you mean by "hard stuff?" My kids see women doing a lot of things that used to be traditionally male. Most of the medical professionals we see are female (including the vet). All my son's instructors at the community college so far have been female. There are female firefighters and EMTs at the fire station where my son volunteers. We know female engineers and other women involved in science. Just an example: my kids went through orthodontics at a big university dental school. We were there for about 5 years between the 2 kids. Every new school year there was a poster up, with photos of the new resident orthodontists (who had been dentists and were moving into the specialty). The first year, it was probably 50/50 male/female. Every year the number of females increased. I think the last year we were there, there was 1 male, 7 females. Now it's true that there are no female welders at the shop where my son works. ETA: Are you talking about physically hard stuff?

I have experienced that too. A family member became angry with me because I wouldn't go on a trip to visit some other relatives with her. She ended up not going because she didn't want to go alone. So that made it my fault (in her mind) that she didn't get to go see the other relatives. She could have gone. I couldn't have gone; I simply didn't have the money for the flight and all the extras that go along with any trip. She's never quite forgiven me and I know just as sure as I'm sitting here typing this out, that when a particular family member dies, it's going to be my fault that she didn't see him before he did. It's even harder with weddings. Brides have been told that it's their special day, and everyone has to make sure their every wish is fulfilled. So it can be very hard to say no, even when the request is unreasonable.

I know some people like this. They have no problems. Never any money troubles, kids have always been well-behaved honor students (one just got a full ride to a very nice college), the husband always has well-paying jobs he likes, the wife loves staying at home. When she decides something needs to be done around the house, they hire someone to get it done right away. Everyone enjoys good health. The only deaths in the family have been of very aged grandparents in their 90s. They never fight. What's there to fight about? Some of this is due to hard work and the husband's education (engineer), some is blessing or luck or good genes or whatever you want to attribute it to. (BTW this is not a "facebook perfect" family who presents a false front. I know them quite well. The wife and I actually have had to stop talking about our kids because she has never understood LDs and ADHD. When she said about my LD kid, "can't he just work a little harder?" I knew she was never going to get it.)

We currently live about 700 miles away from my in-laws. At times we have gone two years between visits, though we try to go once a year now. They will not come visit us. They do other travel, but not as far (they are 78 years old). And, they have never liked visiting us; I think my MIL is very uncomfortable with me and/or staying in my house. They will not fly. I feel bad about it. There is no ill-will, particularly, but visiting them in an exercise in frustration. They live in a small, remote mountain community so all we really do is sit around their house talking about nothing. The kids hate it. There is some passive-aggressive disapproval of our lifestyle (homeschooling, our lack of love for college football, among other things). We tried once to meet in the middle, in a nice city with stuff to see and do, but we spent most of the time sitting around the hotel rooms talking about nothing - so it was just like visiting them at home, but with added expense (though better food). We're due for another visit in the fall. I'm encouraging my husband to go alone. ETA: After reading Junie's post... I agree that this is your husband's mother so you need to let him lead on this. I've not been able to let go of the guilt feelings about my in-laws, but I encourage others to do so. It's up to your husband to manage his relationship with his folks. I used to really try to push it, mainly because of my kids, but my in-laws don't have much interest in them, and my kids know that, so it's not like we're depriving them of fond memories of good times with grandparents.

I had to look it up. From Merriam-Webster: Recently, the way people use the words elope and elopement seems to have shifted. To those who consider the most common sense of this word, “to run away secretly with the intention of getting married usually without parental consent,†as sacrosanct as a wedding vow, this can be unsettling. If eloping no longer means “running away from furious and disapproving parents in the dead of night in order to get hitched,†and instead just means “small weddingâ€â€”or worse, "small destination wedding"—then we might well ask ourselves, "is nothing sacred?" The article goes on from there, about how the meaning of the word is changing.

Yeah, how can it be a destination wedding when the couple live there? By that definition, any wedding where people have to travel is a destination wedding. Not so. I'm going to a wedding next week, here in PA. The couple live here. But the families are in the west coast of the US, and eastern Canada. They have to travel. But the couple didn't pick this place to get married because it's so wonderful here. This is their home. Their church is here. Friends are here. Not a destination wedding.

Sitting in a car, either as a passenger or driver for 14, 16, 18 hours is vastly different from most people's typical day with varied activities. Well, unless the person is a long-distance driver or otherwise spends many hours at a time just sitting. And having to be alert for all those hours... I find a few hours of driving much more exhausting than a typical 18 hour day. Being a passenger for many hours makes me tired too, but in a different way. ETA: in my experience and observation, obviously.

I was never comfortable forcing my kids to eat, and equally so when at someone else's house and they forced their kids to eat. I don't recall my parents ever forcing us to finish food. I do remember that when my mom made liver and onions for dad and herself, she made us a separate dinner. I grew up to be an adventurous eater and while I have my preferences, I am the least picky person in my family now. My kids are and were fairly picky. They are getting better. I do encourage sampling food, even food that has been disliked in the past because tastes do change. I used to withhold dessert until I read somewhere that if dessert is a part of dinner, even children who don't eat everything else should get some - don't make dessert a reward, or the most desirable item on the menu. That doesn't mean I give dessert even if nothing else is eaten. But they eat a reasonable amount of offered foods, and/or get something for themselves, then they join in with dessert. We don't have dessert all the time. ETA: One of the problems with making kids eat whatever I make is... I make everything and I typically don't make things I don't like unless someone requests a particular dish that they want that I don't. But just as I have things I like and dislike, so do my kids. The cook has everyone else in the house at their mercy. Of course a solution is to learn to cook, but it's not always practical for everyone to cook their own meals. I try to cook according to everyone's taste when I can.

I thought quite a few people in that thread said they liked/loved their spouse 100% of the time, but that they also knew people who did not. I can't think of any close, long-term relationship I've had where I liked/loved the person 100% of the time. Family member, boyfriends, close friends, long-term coworkers... I've had moments with all of them, and I'm sure they did with me too. And I agree with PP who said arguments have nothing to do with it. I am close to a couple, the husband of which is proud of the fact that they never argue. Well, the wife isn't happy but she never disagrees because she doesn't want to rock the boat. (Not afraid of violence, just... super submissive and agrees with whatever he says). Some people have problems but pretend they don't, and so don't argue 'cause then they'd have to admit they have problems. Not saying the OP falls into one of these categories. Some people are just that compatible, I guess.

Another thing to take into consideration is how long the adults/drivers can drive without getting too sleepy, and if the drivers can sleep in the car and wake up refreshed. My husband and I trade off every few hours on a long drive. But neither of us can sleep in the car. If we do fall asleep, we wake up feeling groggy and horrible, and not fit for driving. I don't think either of us would be able to manage getting up at 3am and being fit to drive a long distance. Some people can drive for hours without any ill effects. Two of my nieces drove from Los Angeles to Atlanta without stopping overnight. They stopped for gas/bathroom breaks, and took turns sleeping. They were college age at the time and had no kids with them. :-) There's lots of variation in abilities.

Just another thought. We have family we need to visit periodically, 11.5 hours away by google maps, 14 minimum for us. When we have driven it in one day, we are so tired that everyone sleeps very late the next day and no one wants to do anything till the afternoon. The drivers especially, who had to be alert for all those hours. But even the kids would be tired and out of sorts the whole next day. So we didn't really save time by not stopping the night. Of course there's no denying we saved money since at our destination we stay with family. On the way home sometimes we'd push through and do it in a day. But again the next day would be pretty wasted. ETA: my dad was a big one for driving straight through, stopping as little as possible. This was on our annual family camping trips which were supposed to be fun. But getting there wasn't fun at all, so we started the trip off badly.

That trip in one day would never have worked for my kids. With bathroom, eating, and leg-stretching stops, it would be at least 15 hours and everyone would be crabby. We did much better when we broke the trip up; bonus if we stayed in a motel with a pool so the kids could swim before bed. YMMV of course. I know people who do those sorts of drives routinely and it seems to work for them.

I showed my daughter (18 years old, calls herself a feminist, loves makeup) the video. She thought it was ridiculous and couldn't bring herself to watch the whole thing. She said "Cover Girl is failing and they're trying to be relevant." And "no one wants foundation spilling and people spraying stuff." Among other things. :-)

Some kids just have stronger preferences. My daughter never liked anything sparkly and never wanted princesses on her clothing, but she had definite ideas about her style. This had nothing to do with what I did or didn't do with regard to clothing. Even now she is pretty fussy and it can be difficult for her to find the right clothing; for example, she is supposed to wear khaki trousers or shorts at work in the summer, but she has a hard time finding what she likes. She is also hard to fit (long-waisted, very slim). Anyway, the more I read this thread and the more I think about it, the more I believe, Mercy, you are not going to convince your daughter that those shorts are OK if she thinks they are not. No matter how many hive aunties say they are great. :-)

I think they look fine, but I'm not sure that's going to be reassuring to a young girl. I do remember being embarrassed by some of my clothing as a kid. But I do agree that decorating them might help.

1. I want to go back to England and Scotland. I have been to England twice, Scotland once. I would never tire of those two countries. 2. Not a fan of a Caribbean cruise I took - that's not exactly a destination. In general, not a huge fan of beach vacations. Well, flat, "tropical" or Jersey Shore type beaches. A wild northern California or Oregon beach - those are different. I love that kind of beach. 3. Whenever anyone asks this question, I still think of England and Scotland. It's not that I don't want to go anywhere else. But, that's what I dream of. But, I'd go almost anywhere (except the beach!)

Sometimes I do this. If you portion out the dough into cookie-sizes balls, freeze it on a cookie sheet till firm, then put in a ziplock or other container and keep in the freezer, you can take out enough to make just one or two cookies whenever you want. ETA: Ziplock will work fine. Just push all the air out.