No studies to cite. But I have a daughter who was born when I was almost 43. I had gotten married at 39; my husband is 8 years younger than me. (Both of us had early, unsuccessful marriages with no kids.) I do not tell my daughter than she can be anything she wants to be. I think that is bad advice. There are plenty of people who can't be what they want to be, for various reasons. Some of the things I have told her: - there are worse things than being single, one of which is being with the wrong partner. - plan your life such that you can live happily and support yourself with your work. If you find someone to share your life with, great. If not, you can still have a great life. - don't look at "being single" as a temporary time that must be endured and gotten through. Follow your interests, have a life of your own. - to paraphrase the OP: you may marry early and have a family, you may marry late and have a family. But you can't be sure of any of those things, so don't consider your life incomplete until those things happen. - having kids at 41.25 and 42.75 seems to be working out for me so far, but I wouldn't suggest it as a strategy. (I certainly didn't do it on purpose.) I know a lot of single women. The ones who are unhappy are desperate to find a man. Unfortunately, they have no interests other than finding a man, so they are not interesting to the men they meet. The independent ones who are comfortable being single are enjoying life, doing interesting stuff, and open to marrying, but aren't sitting around waiting for it. ETA: and they are aware of the risks of waiting too long to try to have children. But they aren't going to have children alone, or with a person they know is wrong from the start.

Yes, I think this is true. I have a relative who went through some very hard times (abusive husband, bankruptcies) and when she came into an inheritance she bought herself some things she wanted because... she had been deprived for so long. Now she is on a good financial path but it would have been senseless (and heartless) of me to chide her for indulging in a few luxuries when she was finally able to. I realize this probably does not apply to the person in the OP. Another thing I try to do when listening to people like this is to remember that I have made my own mistakes, if not with money specifically, then in other ways. It does no good to feel superior to people like this. (Not saying anyone on this thread is expressing that, but I know it happens.) I still don't give people money, but I try to understand them.

Sure, I know people like that. Since they're not my own kids, and aren't asking me for money or advice, I don't see it as my place to try to fix them. Sometimes people just vent. If they vent too much, I limit my exposure to them.

I understand the "work in progress" older teen/young adult. I have one of those and it can be a slow process. And with both we have always made incremental changes. There have always been certain things they had to pay for on their own: makeup and "special" skin and hair care stuff for my girl; computer/xbox games for my boy. Other than gifts, I've never bought those things. My daughter used to earn money babysitting and my son doing yard work to pay for those. Then, they got part-time jobs. So their expenses increased. Now, other than the very basic needs, they buy their own clothes. My son (who has his license and shares a car with me) is going to help with the cost of purchasing and insuring a third car for the family. He paid half for a computer for school (just a chromebook; it's all he has needed). They pay for their recreation unless it's a family thing we are all doing together. They don't buy their own groceries but if there is something they want and I don't feel like buying it (gum, other special treats) they pay for it. My daughter needed a new phone and wanted something more expensive than we were willing to pay, so she paid the difference. Sometimes they will treat me to a coffee when we're out, just as I used to treat them. Mostly we want them to save so when they are out at college (both are doing community college for their first two years) they will have some money. They've had their own bank accounts for a while - just savings accounts - and have a debit card for making withdrawals. Both are looking into student credit cards so they can do more purchasing. I'm not a fan of buying with a debit card and lest anyone is worried about credit card debt - they have had it drilled into them for years that they must never spend more than they can pay back when the bill comes. They do need to open checking accounts at some point soon too. So far they have never needed a check for anything. Having separate money has helped my kids see the impact of spending and saving. With your son, I would put a priority on the ID and getting him his own bank account. Then see how much is going in, how much he needs for his needs (not wants) and that will help you see how you will contribute.

I think there is only one person suggesting that the coach pay for the whole thing? Maybe I missed something but I don't see a large number of people saying the coach should pay for it all. Some (myself included) are suggesting that they coach may be asking each family to contribute too much.

I don't know the ages of all your kids. The karate kid is older than the dance kid, who is 13, and then there are the 5 and 7 year olds? Opportunities for older kids shouldn't hinge on fairness to younger kids. If karate is a good thing to continue with, and it won't disrupt other plans, then go on with it, and be thankful to the owner for offering it. Explain this to the 13 year old dancer, and tell him he may have similar opportunities at some point. The younger kids can understand, or at least be told, that this is a perk of being older, working hard, etc. Edited, sorry to assume wrong gender of child.

I think the cost is excessive based on the information given. As I read it, the parents are being asked to provide funds for pizza, a drink, and a goody bag containing unspecified items - loved the description "bag o'crap" upthread - to cover their own child. In addition, parents are being asked to provide other things needed for the party. $15 per person is a lot for pizza and a drink for a 5 year old. I haven't had a 5-year-old for a while, but I do remember they could not eat much pizza, even though they liked it and had healthy appetites. I too like to splurge a little for a party, but there's no point in being wasteful. And when people are being asked to contribute, they should know what the money is going to. If it includes enough food for siblings and parents, that should be known to the parents who are paying so they can decide what they want to do.

The library could be subsidizing but in any case, I would be suspicious too. Maybe the person getting the stuff is factoring in their cost of time and driving to get things? Still, that seems like a lot.

Since the coach is asking for the money I'd assume that does not include a gift. Well, I can buy a large pizza here for $12. That is a simple pizza, cheese and pepperoni. (So more toppings would be more.) A 2-liter bottle of store-brand soda costs about $1 (usually a little less). Probably small boys like that can only manage one slice of pizza, but let's say I'd get two or even three to be sure of being covered. Three bottles of soda should suffice, right? So about $4 per kid, not including goody bags. ETA: Just saw OP's update. $15 seems like a lot, since parents are bringing quite a bit. Must be great stuff coming in those goody bags!

I don't mind talking on the phone, though I don't really like it. I prefer people to call me; I always get caught up in worrying that I'm calling at a bad time, which is stupid because that's why there's voicemail or whatever it's called now. We still have an answering machine on our landline. (Though we mostly use cell phones.) Then there's the problem of that little delay when people are calling cell-to-cell; I guess that is getting better but that used to drive me crazy. Phone conversations could be so awkward. But still, if there is someone I really want to talk to, I'm happy to talk on the phone. I do have to keep paper and pen nearby so I can doodle. But if it's someone I don't want to talk to, my mind wanders. And I'd better not be sitting by the computer or I will start browsing the internet. But mostly I have eliminated those boring phone conversations out of my life. Do prefer to text for quick things.

I don't see what this has to do with being introverted. If you walk in, you don't have to be chatty, and you don't have to buy. A while back there was a thread about people who take up a lot of time in small stores, asking questions, trying things on etc., with the express purpose of ordering online and getting the items cheaper. I think some people misinterpreted that to mean that anyone who walks into a small shop has to buy. More and more I want to support small businesses when I can. Often I can't justify the prices. I don't feel any guilt over going into a store and walking out empty-handed.

Does anyone else remember the days before Amazon, when bookstores sold books for the list (publisher's) price, except for remainders and, of course, used books? And that was normal? Now, it seems that Amazon's book prices are normal and everyone else's are overpriced.

I miss A Common Reader so much, even after all these years. Such a fun catalog and so many off-beat books that would never have been discovered on Amazon.

Is your husband open to the idea of reading a book on decluttering? Or will it make him defensive about his stuff? I'm just thinking about my own pack-rat husband and understand he may be nothing like yours. He listened to me read snippets of the Kondo book and he was not impressed. "Spark joy" is not his language. Thanking things for their service before getting rid of them? Please. Anyway, reading a book together on decluttering would make him suddenly become very busy and not have time for our reading.

We loved Chinaberry when my kids were little! Found so many treasures there that no one else had ever heard of. Bas Bleu is fun too, and I occasionally buy from them but I have such a fondness for Chinaberry. I remember one catalog in which the owner took people to task for using their catalog as a "shopping list" for Amazon - and were proud to tell her about it. She was quite eloquent and not nasty, but she got the point across that their catalog was not meant to be a resource to be used to buy elsewhere. This was at least 15 years ago. We were already buying from them anyway, but that had a lasting impact on me and my shopping philosophy.

Oh, I am so sorry. Praying for your family now.

Oh, I am so sorry. Praying for your family now.

I buy from Amazon but also from a few catalogs, but those are mostly specialty books. If a find a book that I really want/need at a store or in a catalog/website that I come across, I will purchase it from them even if I can find it cheaper on Amazon. Amazon carries everything, but it's the smaller booksellers who highlight little known books. If those small booksellers go away, Amazon's not going to bring those books to my attention. This is particularly true for specialty, niche-market booksellers who see people use their catalogs/websites as free resources to find new books, which they then go on to buy from Amazon to save a few dollars (or get a couple of days faster). There are few bookstores near me other than a couple of Barnes and Nobles, and they seem to be carrying fewer and fewer books. Most bookstores that carry used (either exclusively or in addition to new) I find are poorly organized and too many of the books stink. (My beloved Powell's in Oregon is the exception; I'm sure there are others I don't know about.) Old books with acid paper make my eyes sting and water, so I can't read them. Plus I hate the feel of really old books. Daedalus Books carries mostly remainders and we have gotten quite a few good books from them.

When my kids were younger I made a hot breakfast every day, for them and for me. My husband was on his own. As the kids got older, their preferences became more pronounced around the same time their skills increased, so I stopped, mostly. I will still make breakfast on occasion but usually that means setting up steel cut oats to cook overnight, or scrambling eggs for my son and myself on a day he's working, just because it's simpler. Though, this summer I plan to stay in bed late more often, so he gets more practice on getting up, fed, and out the door on his own. Most days I have to drive him (not enough cars in the family right now, but that's changing soon), so I'm up anyway and it's quicker for me to do it.

She's talking about cold cereal; usually in the US it seems people say "cereal" to mean cold cereal, and "hot cereal" to mean... oatmeal and such. I don't think muesli is very well-known here; most of the time when I mention it, people say "huh?" She listed porridge which, as far as I know, means oatmeal or similar.

I am trying this drink for a little get-together tonight: Strawberry Basil Soda from the Kitchn website.

Ah, I forgot about your reflux. Ugh. (Chiles and such don't affect mine.) Herbs? Rosemary, sage, basil, oregano... ? This Bavarian seasoning blend from The Spice House sounds good. (Never tried it, never bought from them.) They have a page of salt-free blends though many of them contains chiles.

Do the dietary restrictions exclude the use of pepper? Black, white, cayenne, different chile peppers that range from mild to incendiary? Just in case it's of interest: Spices Inc chart of chile peppers and their heat level. (I'm not endorsing the company or their products. They just have a useful chart.)

I'll be retiring as a homeschool mom this week. It is indeed a bittersweet time. My 2nd child was very difficult to homeschool so I am feeling a lot of relief. On the other hand, there are so many things I would still love to share with my kids. And there are new Great Courses coming out all the time... and new curriculum... :-) And, I don't know what to do next. I feel the need to get a job, but I haven't worked for 20 years, and I'm 61 years old! I do not want to tutor or substitute teach. Actually, I don't want to work at all. But, we could use some more income. Interesting timing: next month our public library is having a seminar on finding employment after age 50. I'm signed up. Till then, I'm going to clean my house.

Do you seriously say that? I'd consider that response as rude as the question 'why don't you drink?" I guess a rude question deserves a rude response... I'm seriously surprised by the number of people here who are routinely asked why they don't drink. I have only the vaguest of memories of being asked, and it probably hasn't been in the last 20 years. Oh, once about 3 years ago I was on medication that was incompatible with alcohol consumption, and I had to decline champagne at a wedding. One of the people I was with - who is a friend with whom I have shared many a wine date - asked why I didn't partake. That wasn't rudeness on her part - she was surprised and naturally wondered what had changed, if I was OK, etc.