Just for clairification: You said she was handing out GF cookies to your nephew, but gave your son grief for wanting one, correct? But she and her daughter are the ones who are gluten intolerant? So she was sharing the GF treats with one child who doesn't require them, but not the others? That would bother me. It sounds like your SIL's condition makes her feel special or unique, so she wants to play it up. She may want others to feel symapthy for her or comiserate with her on how difficult things are for her. If I was forced to spend time with her I'd try to find something she was good at, ask her to provide it & give lots of praise. In the case of a family dinner it could be a food item or ask if she will bring a game the group could play. Maybe she could help provide a craft for the kids to do while dinner is being prepped or even flowers from her garden for the table. Then let her know how delicious the food was or how fun the game was or whatever would be the correct response to what she provided. That might give her enough of the spotlight to make her ease up on the food drama. Redirection & praise. It works for toddlers, why not for those who act like them. Amber in SJ

We have also had several community fairs organized and excecuted as an Eagle Project. We have had a child safety fair at a park where there were booths by local law enforcement, neighborhood watch programs, school & libraries with afterschool programs and a booth where each child could get an ID. All the materials for the IDs were donated by local office supply stores. The scout contacted local newspapers & news stations for publicity as well as putting out flyers at schools, libraries and neighborhoods. The scout organized his fellow scouts for set up before crowd control during & clean up after. We have also had fire prevention and emergency preparedness fairs organized the same way. Another project is donation of new bikes to several children's charities. The scout collected donations from the community to purchase new bikes and then organized his troop (and many fathers) for an assembly day. Then the new bikes were delivered to the charities for distribution. Locally there is an apartment complex that provides inexpensive, transitional housing for kids who are being booted from the foster care system because they are 18. The building was looking pretty shabby. One scout organized several work parties that painted and did repairs to all the apartments. Donations paid for the paint and materials as well as new linens for bedrooms and bathrooms. If I can think of any others I will post. HTH Amber in SJ

We are a 6 person family with 3 bedrooms; everybody shares! Before our ds (3) was born the three girls shared a room and the other bedroom was a playroom/ guest room. The oldest used to complain that she wanted her own room. We let her sleep in the playroom to see if she liked her own room, but every morning we found all three girls in one room or the other. Once we were surprised by the little brother's arrival the oldest daughter shares a room with him and the two middle girls share. It isn't optimal with the 14yo dd sharing with her 3yo brother. These are not big rooms either, maybe 10' X 10' We try to find creative ways for everyone to have their own space. Amber in SJ

Last month Dh's company (biotech engineering firm) downsized from 35 employees to 11. He has been with the company for 12 years. He survived that hatchet job but now he is the only engineer. They are now picking off people one at a time almost every Friday. They are now down to 8 people. The company says they have enough to meet payroll until March 1st. The remaining employees were told to take their PTO (paid time off) because the company won't be able to pay what the employees are owed when they close the doors. We have a little time to get ready, but jobs are scarce around here. I need to dust off my credential & see if I can get into the substitute rotation again. We are trying to be optimistic. Amber in SJ

My little dears were in rare form last month when we had the missionaries over for dinner. The same 3 1/2 yo ds was so anxious to give the perfect prayer. It started out well with being thankful for the food, and for Jesus, and for the missionaries and then he ran out of things to say and he said he was thankful for the food again. Apparently he felt this was quite the breech of etiquette because he paused and said into the silence; "Da*n it! I already said that." Under the table I kicked my dh. At the same dinner my 5 yo dd asked for a napkin, but forgot to say please. One of the missionaries held the napkin out of her reach and said "What's the magic word?" To which my dd, with a confused look on her face said, "May I have a napkin, abracadabra?" And the last time we went to visit my parents, my mom asked my youngest dd to read something and she said, "What the he**, Grammie? I can't read." My dh needs a kick for that one too. Amber in SJ

When we discuss the things we do & don't do on the Sabbath we use the phrase "Sabbath appropriate" maybe a little too often. A couple of weeks ago my 3 1/2 yo son & I stayed home from church because we were sick. I relaxed my usual standards and let him watch PBS. When dh & the rest of the family returned home ds couldn't wait to tell them, "I watched a lot of inappropriate TV today!" It was said with such relish, too. For Halloween Dh was taking the kiddlets out trick-or-treating and the same ds noticed I wasn't getting ready to go. I told him that I was going to stay home & pass out candy and he said; "I know mom. Sometimes mommies need to be alone....(big pause)....with a big bowl of candy." I may need to get a t-shirt made with that one on it. Amber in SJ

I let my dd start with a sheer tinted lip gloss and a "light" mascara at 12. By light mascara I mean something like Neutrogena Clean Lash Tint or Neutrogena Weightless Volume Wax Free Mascara. I allowed a tinted mascara because my daughter has very blond eyelashes. If her eyelashes were dark I would have started with clear mascara. By 13 she was putting a little concealer on the occasional zit and had added sheer color eyeshadow. Here we are at 14 and she has discovered eyeliner. She doesn't do heavy black, but she does like bright colors. She does a very fine, subtle line. I don't think she looks trashy and I have never had anyone say she looks trashy to me, and believe me, at our church someone would have said something to me. More people have commented about the occasional pink streak she likes to put in her very blond hair (it washes out) than her make-up. With teenagers you have to choose your battles wisely. She is a sweet, loving, non-rebellious girl who occasionally chooses to express herself with teal eyeliner or magenta hair streak (Not at the same time!) I am OK with non-permanent forms of self-expressions because that is what the teen years are all about. Just my .02 Amber in SJ

Here in San Jose I have a budget of $800/ month for groceries for 6 people (2 adults, 2 teens & 2 kids) plus one dog, personal products, cleaning products and paper goods. We have food allergies, so some of the low-cost choices are unavailable to us. I shop very carefully and I cook everything from scratch, but I have a very hard time getting below this figure. I do buy loss leaders, shop with coupons when it is things I already buy and stock up when things are on sale. Not to be gross, but the fem hygiene supplies for me & my two dds is huge. Yes, I have considered the alternatives & none have worked so far. Around here organic milk is $6.19/ gallon and good bread is $4.09/ loaf Regular milk is $3.19/ gal and nutritionally deficient, white bread can be found on sale for around $2/ loaf. On the other hand we have known for the last month or so that DH will be out of a job by next March, so I have been stocking up as much as I can in anticipation of having no grocery budget. This is a really interesting thread. I am amazed at how low some of the numbers are. Way to go! Amber in SJ

No waiting at all here in the middle of urban San Jose at 9:37 am. And here in the Silicon Valley, center of all things high-tech, I voted with paper & pen & dropped it in the box. :D DH voted by mail because he is out of town today, but he said the lines were very long at 7am in San Diego where he is working. The poll worker reminded us to get our free Starbuck's coffee & our free Ben & Jerry's ice cream. Amber in SJ

We saw this toy last year & my dd thought it was great in the store, but we just don't have the room. My favorite part was the warning on the box that said the horse inside the box did not have its head attached and to be cautious while opening in front of sensitive children. :D Then I wanted one so that the child who didn't do their chores could wake up the next morning with a horse head in her bed.:tongue_smilie: But then we are a little weird around here. Amber in SJ

I think I am going to step out of the conversation now as we have moved past people asking questions about a faith and getting answers from those who profess that faith. We have now moved to a reply to my post with "You believe..." comments when that person can't speak for me and what I believe and are only using the statement to place me in a category (polytheist) that I don't belong. I also don't agree with someone else telling a poster that their interpretation of a historical event is inaccurate due to their lack of understanding of a doctrine simply because their understanding is different from theirs. I wish questions about religion could be asked by those who have sincere questions and answered by those practitioners of the faith in question without others jumping in to share what they think people of that faith believe. Thank you to those who were polite and asking sincere questions. Amber in SJ

Man! I am never going to get away from the boards. All of you are asking great questions. Yes, members of the LDS church do pay tithes and other offerings. If you are a member of the church on record you will receive the forms. We know that our tithes & offerings go to building churches and temples, printing books in many languages and helping people who are in need. The church doesn't carry a mortgage on any of its buildings. As was pointed out earlier all the positions in the church are voluntary. No one is paid for the hours of service they provide to each other. All tithes & offerings are confidential. We receive a form for taxes at the end of the year of how much we have contributed. As background information from me; I mentioned that my DH is a convert to the LDS church. His family is deeply evangelical. He has several uncles that are pastors and many members of his extended family that are serving missions in places like China, the Philippines, and Germany. We receive monthly letters from them asking for money for the things they need to support their family. This was a totally foreign concept to me being raised LDS. The missionaries in the LDS Church spend two years of their life on a mission and pay for it themselves. It was just something I wasn't used to. I guess I should go educate my little dears, Amber in SJ

The LDS Church is a monotheistic religion because we worship one God, our Heavenly Father. We do not worship Joseph Smith, any of the prophets in the Bible, or any of the prophets in the Book of Mormon. Members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints worship God, period. Amber in SJ

Wow! you ladies are fast. While I was typing you may have had all your questions answered. As for the question about why we would want to call ourselves Christian, I think it is because we feel that the original definition of Christians as followers of Christ at the time of Christ's mortal life applies to us. The points of doctrine where the LDS church diverges from other Christian churches were added later to the definition of "Christian" as the Catholic & other Christian churches evolved. Members of the LDS church consider themselves to be followers of Christ and therefore able to call themselves Christian. If a large group of Christian churches got together and voted to add a doctrine you didn't believe in to the definition of "Christian" would you no longer consider yourself to be Christian? In much the same way that a person doesn't have to be a member of a specific political party to call themselves an American. More clear as mud. None of this is meant to be sarcastic or snarky, just explaining how I feel. Amber in SJ

I'll take a stab at some of these. I have been a member of the LDS church all of my life and my DH converted 8 years ago. We believe that Jesus and God are two distinct and different personages. Jesus is the only begotten son of God. They are one in purpose and Jesus, by surrendering his will to the Father's will, is heir to the Father's kingdom (meaning all of creation). We also believe that every person on Earth is a spirit child of God and through Christ we may become joint-heirs to the Father's kingdom (see Romans 8:16-17) Our belief about original sin is expressed in a part of the scriptures we believe in called "The Articles of Faith" "We believe that men will be punished for their own sins and not for Adam's transgression." We also believe in a modern-day revelation given to a prophet that is commonly called by LDS people as "the Word of Wisdom." The word of wisdom discusses health matters & food. We are told that tobacco, alcohol and stimulants are not good for the body. Coffee and tea fall into the stimulants category because of the caffeine. In the same discourse getting adequate sleep, eating meat sparingly and eating more fruits, vegetables and grains are also discussed as being healthy for the body. I feel that following these commandments serves a two-fold purpose the same as following any of the other commandments given by God. If I follow the commandments I receive blessings and I show my obedience. I certainly don't judge others who are not of my faith who drink alcohol or coffee. As for the different levels of Heaven; I may not be able to explain things adequately so I apologize if this is muddled. We believe in the eternal nature of the spirit and we believe that the spirit will continue to learn and progress even after death. We don't believe in just heaven or hell as if you could get into heaven with 499 or less sins or sent to hell if you have 500 or more sins. There is repentance, forgiveness and learning even after death. I hope any of this made sense and I appreciate your willingness to ask a practitioner of the faith you want to know about rather than rely the judgments of others that may have a prejudicial slant. I also hope the other members of the LDS faith on the board aren't rolling their collective eyes at my inability to explain. :) Amber in SJ

I have never..... Had a driver's license Smoked a cigarette of any kind Had a baby delivered by a doctor I had met before that moment (I have 4 children) Amber in SJ

I allowed her to redeem herself by going to "you tube" and listening to all the remakes and comparing them to the Dylan version. (The Clapton version is pretty cool.) We looked up the movie it was made for; "Pat Garrett and Billy the Kid." and discussed the relevance of the lyrics to that story. She found the chords and played them on the guitar. I even told her if she wanted to translate the lyrics she could be done with Spanish for the day. Homeschooling lives! :tongue_smilie: Amber in SJ

Today DH was driving to the ortho with DD 14, and they were listening to a "classic rock" station. When "knockin' on Heaven's Door" came on she said, "Who's that singing an Avril Lavigne song?" Aaakkk! Sputter! Choke! I think he had to pull over & compose himself. Luckily, I am in charge of her music class. Amber in SJ

This thread has alternately cracked me up and made me sad. I would like to state for the record I am wealthy. We make less than 1/3 of that magic $250K number. I live in a (slightly under) 1200sq ft home built in 1970 that has not had much changed since that date. Our single car is 9 years old and it replaced the 11 yo car we had before that because our family outgrew that car. Our children share rooms, wear used clothes and only own a GameCube because it was a gift. I have never owned $300 shoes. I use coupons, shop sales and worry about rising costs of everything. We pay an obscene amount for health insurance and property taxes. My Dh's company went from 35 employees to 11 two weeks ago and the future looks shaky. Saving for our children's college education and our retirement are a dream. So why am I wealthy? We give 10% of our gross income in tithing to our church and about the same amount to other charities that we carefully research. We have that choice. The choice makes us wealthy. We can choose to fulfill what we perceive is our obligation to those less fortunate. One of the reasons we feel this obligation is because of the faith we subscribe to. If this choice is removed from us it is no longer a matter of faith. If the government forces us to give more and more of our money based on how much we earn to those who have less, we are creeping closer and closer to a state religion. It seems to me that by forcing a person who has worked hard to make a certain amount to pay more is the same as saying we feel that people who make more than a certain amount are greedy cretins who don't care about their fellow man and must be forced to show compassion. I would be more inclined to support a use tax on those goods or services that are perceived as available to the wealthy. Those goods and and services that we have heaped so much scorn on in this thread. Possibly a tax on luxury cars, yachts and mansions. Maybe a tax on $300 shoes and handbags to be distributed directly back to the poor. How about people who have housekeepers and nannies and landscape services? Oh wait, who would decide which services and goods should have this tax? There was a time when someone who owned property was considered wealthy, so all of you who have paid off your houses/ property; more taxes for you! But wait, you cry, we worked hard to pay off this house we shouldn't be penalized with higher taxes. What about places on this planet where owning livestock makes you wealthy? Any of you who own goats have an obligation to the poor to pay more! See how it gets all crazy when one person tries to impose his/her ideas of who has more than they need and should pay more to those who don't have as much. Many of us claim we don't want to government to legislate morality. Charity and requiring more and more money from one part of the population for another part of the population is absolutely a moral issue. Whew this got long! But then so is this thread. Have a great day everyone, Amber

Too much depends on where you live. Here in the Bay Area small homes (like mine, 1200 sq ft) run about $650K. We make considerably less than $250K (a fraction) and we consider ourselves to be middle class, but feeling the pinch. As for people who are in blue collar jobs being poor in this area? Think about this: to qualify for a habitat for humanity home you must make less that 50% of the median income for your area. Two homes were recently built here and they went to a manager of the produce dept of a grocery store, and to a teacher. Of course I understand that we choose where we live, but DH's job doesn't really exist anywhere else and both of us are natives & love it here. We know plenty of people who make $250K or close to it & they are not wealthy. If you have two high-tech careers it is not difficult to do. Most of them go about their business, paying taxes and contributing to charities. Some of them are running businesses; providing jobs, paying for health care for themselves and their employees. It all depends on where you live if $250K is wealthy. Amber in SJ

We did SOTW 4 two years ago when my two sheltered dds were in 7th & 5th. It was very difficult not to get bogged down in all the violence & wars. It was made more immediate for us by the fact that my dds could identify more readily with the children of this era. A couple of things I did for this year were: 1. I read everything they were going to read first. If there wasn't some kind of uplifing message or redemption then we skipped it. There is some great historical fiction for this era and you can make good choices. 2. When I gave them writing assignments for history I tried to avoid assignments that would require them to put themselves in the place of a child that was in danger. I know this sounds wishy-washy, but my dds would get too caught up and couldn't separate. 3. Family History! When we got to a place in history where we knew someone who had lived it or lived at the time of historical events, whether in our family or not, I sent the girls over to talk to them, or called them on the phone or corresponded with them. Great-grandparents who went through the WWII era could tell us about the fun things not just the grim facts. 4. Find something they are interested in to focus on as a project. One of my dds is very interested in fashion so her project was to show changing fashions and the reasons for change (rationing, development of new fabric, etc.) My other daughter is all about technology and she had a great time following the development of new technology. Even if a new technology was started as something developed for war, it usually was followed by a peace-time application. This was a year where we learned so much about the roots of some of the conflicts that are in the news today. HTH Amber in SJ

here is what Wiki has to say on the subject: "An outspoken political conservative, Rev. Boetcker is perhaps best remembered for his authorship of a pamphlet entitled The Ten Cannots. Originally published in 1916, it is often misattributed to Abraham Lincoln. The error apparently stems from a leaflet printed in 1942 by a conservative political organization called the Committee for Constitutional Government. The leaflet bore the title "Lincoln on Limitations" and contained some genuine Lincoln quotations on one side and the "Ten Cannots" on the other, with the attributions juxtaposed." All the weird highlights belong to Wiki Amber in SJ

I found this quote interesting: "You cannot bring about prosperity by discouraging thrift. You cannot strengthen the weak by weakening the strong. You cannot help the wage earner by pulling down the wage payer. You cannot further the brotherhood of men by encouraging class hatred. You cannot help the poor by discouraging the rich. You cannot establish sound security by spending more than you earn. You cannot build character and courage by taking away man's initiative and independence. You cannot help men permanently by doing for them what they can and should do for themselves." These words were written in 1916 by the Rev. William J. H. Boetcker, a Presbyterian clergyman and pamphlet writer. Have a great day, Amber in SJ

Here is another news source for the same story if anyone wants to read http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2008/10/10/MNFG13F1VG.DTL Amber in SJ

Welcome to the Bay Area! We are in San Jose which is right next door. You might want to look into a very large homeschooling group here: All Ways Learning of Silicon Valley: Inclusive homeschool support group. Contact Vicki Krakower at 408-865-0721 or email at vicyvovo77@aol.com. You can be as involved as you want and it is a great way to meet other homeschoolers. There are classes, field trips and all kinds of activities. And, yes, the weather is fabulous! Amber in SJ