Please if you look at my original post, you can see that it does not say what others are claiming. I made it very clear that I was offering my family's experience. I continuously referred to my daughter. "She". I use the pronoun throughout. Not only was my post misconstrued, it was misquoted: "What bothers me is the sweeping generalizations: "Because my specific kid had these experiences, school is bad."" If you put something in quotes, people assume that you are quoting the person. I did not post that. I did not write anything like that. This is an unfair form of argument. I have been flamed. And now, we are off the topic. I was just trying to share my family's experience. I do agree that people do learn about new things and get exposed to things and decide that they like them. However, in my daugher's case, she consistently conformed to liking the same things that the other kids did. It wasn't just one or two things. And the other kids pretty much liked the same things also. It wasn't like she had never heard Adele before. It's difficult to live in this society and not hear Adele- every store and restaurant and radio plays her songs. She had heard them before, but was never a fan until she went to school. And the Hunger Games has a prominent display at Barnes and Noble. And she had certainly seen skimpy clothing before. But she was never into those things until school started. Nothing against Adele or the Hunger Games. It's more the cumulative effect of conforming instead of being herself. That is what bothered me.

Ok. Sorry to generalize about the behavior of the public school kids. Yes, some are well-behaved. But the general level of behavior that my dd observed in public schools (she had visited in public schools to participate in orchestra and music lessons, which are generally the best-behaved kids in the school) was lower than the level in her small private school. In public school here, it is common for the boys to push other kids into lockers in the hallway. Sexual harassment is the norm, not unusual. If my dd were in public school, she would definitely be sexually harassed at the age of 14. In her private school, they taught kids manners and the kids were generally well-behaved. Few behavior problems in her school. On another point, I thought that with the small classes, they would have lots of class discussions in her private school. However, it was rare, if it happened at all at her school. It was fairly traditional teaching. So, the idea that she will be missing out on class discussions is a moot point- doesn't happen much anyway. Yes, we will have to find some opportunities for her to interact with other kids while homeschooling. We'll get into a homeschool group and she already is in orchestra and sports. She can keep the same friends and get together with them. As for taste in books, clothes, movies, etc. In order to get friends, be popular, etc., she had to give up her own tastes and conform to the group's ideas of what to watch, see and do. She has always liked different types of music- that wasn't the issue. The issue is that now, the other kids decide her tastes, not her. Maybe some kids can resist the peer influences, but she didn't really. I know it will be hard to go back to homeschooling. But we have seen significant negative effects of her being in school, and don't want to go that route for the next 4 years.

Sounds like a great adventure. I was a French major and have lived in France. I would highly suggest that the adults be on a different track than the kids. Kids learn through play and interaction with other kids. If there is some way that your boys can interact with French kids, that would be the ideal. Putting them in a French public school is one way to do that. I have friends who went to France for a year and put their kids in the local public schools. It went well for some of the kids and less well for some of the others. It depends partly on the child and his attitude towards learning the language and culture. Or, if there is some other activity or group for kids, that could work also. Sports or music, for example. But the French kids will be in school during the time you are there, so that is the most likely place. The French also have Catholic schools, so if the public school doesn't work out, a Catholic school might be an option. Hiring a tutor is also an option. My nephew did that in Guatemala to learn Spanish. In Guatemala, you can go and get a cheap Spanish tutor who just talks with you for a couple of hours per day. In France, the rate is probably a lot higher. I would probably try to get your kids into French schools and the adults can get a tutor. Good luck. Bonne chance.

You are right. You would have to show some damages. No lawyer would take it on a contingent fee basis unless there were significant damages- like $20,000 or more in medical expenses, lost wages at work, etc. Tell him to return it and ask for a free burger. He doesn't have a case. I did have a case one time where a woman got food poisoning from a salad bar and was out sick for a couple of months as a result. We got a reasonable settlement from that case. I'm a lawyer, but don't do this type of law anymore. People call lawyer's offices with stupid questions like this. Most people don't have a case worth taking. I couldn't believe how many women wanted to sue their hair dresser for bad hairdoos.

I am posting this hoping that it might provide some reassurance to people that the grass isn't really greener on the other side of the fence, although it may appear that way. My dd is just finishing 8th grade at a very nice private school. She loves it there- has lots of friends- not the wrong crowd. This is the top prep school in our area and the students all go on to good colleges, some to Ivy League. We had homeschooled until this year- 8th grade. But, to her chagrin, we decided to pull her out and homeschool her again. We like the school- much better than the "good public school" in our area. But we like homeschooling better. Several reasons. First, she wasn't getting enough sleep because she had to get up in the morning and because she had so much homework it was hard to get to bed early. As a result, she was irritable and cranky. Second, she was becoming very peer-influenced. Classical music, which she had alway enjoyed, was now "boring". She likes popular music, such as Adele, just like every other girl in her class. She wears the same skimpy clothes the other kids wear. She reads the same popular books (Hunger Games) the other kids read. She watches the same movies, eats the same foods, etc. She was losing herself to fit in with the peer group. Third, we lost some of our relationship with her. Instead of having nice family time, it was extra-curricular activities and homework all evening, every evening. She had a couple of hours of homework every night. We used to play games, read books, watch movies, etc. together. That was all completely gone. Instead, it was just homework, homework and more homework. Our relationship suffered as a result of the loss of time. Fourth, she picked up some of the habits of her peers. She learned some poor communication techniques, despite the fact that these kids are much better behaved than public school kids. She interrupted people. She talked over people. She became verbally agressive. She used the "cool" words. For example, everything is "creepy" now. She showed disdain for other people in ways she never used to. She was becoming a different person and not in a good way. She is an excellent musician, but her music did not improve there, because she didn't want to stand out and be different from the other kids. Also, the music class wasn't challenging for her because the other kids are at a much lower level. She did learn some things that are good. Her writing improved a lot- she had a good English teacher. Some of her teachers are very good people and good role models for her. She really enjoyed the sense of community at the small school. She hates it, but she is she is coming home next year. She will get over it. She can keep all of her old friends. Some of them won't be there next year anyway. And we have learned that we like homeschooling and that homeschooling high school is probably more important than homeschooling younger kids. It's in high school that kids can really go astray and homeschooling helps ensure that won't happen. And our situation wasn't one where she got in with the wrong crowd. She wasn't smoking or drinking or doing drugs or anything like that. It's more that she got into the whole teen culture thing and she lost herself and her values in the process. We did some soul-searching and decided that until she is 18, her education is the parents' responsibility, not the child's. We did take her wishes into consideration and it was a very very difficult decision, but I think and hope it was the right one. I hope our story is helpful to you.

My dd is just finishing 8th grade at a very nice private school. She loves it there- has lots of friends- not the wrong crowd. This is the top prep school in our area and the students all go on to good colleges, some to Ivy League. We had homeschooled until this year- 8th grade. But, to her chagrin, we decided to pull her out and homeschool her again. We like the school- much better than the "good public school" in our area. But we like homeschooling better. Several reasons. First, she wasn't getting enough sleep because she had to get up in the morning and because she had so much homework it was hard to get to bed early. As a result, she was irritable and cranky. Second, she was becoming very peer-influenced. Classical music, which she had alway enjoyed, was now "boring". She likes popular music, such as Adele, just like every other girl in her class. She wears the same skimpy clothes the other kids wear. She reads the same popular books (Hunger Games) the other kids read. She watches the same movies, eats the same foods, etc. She was losing herself to fit in with the peer group. Third, we lost some of our relationship with her. Instead of having nice family time, it was extra-curricular activities and homework all evening, every evening. She had a couple of hours of homework every night. We used to play games, read books, watch movies, etc. together. That was all completely gone. Instead, it was just homework, homework and more homework. Our relationship suffered as a result of the loss of time. Fourth, she picked up some of the habits of her peers. She learned some poor communication techniques, despite the fact that these kids are much better behaved than public school kids. She interrupted people. She talked over people. She became verbally agressive. She used the "cool" words. Everything is "creepy" now. She showed disdain for other people in ways she never used to. She was becoming a different person and not in a good way. She is an excellent musician, but her music did not improve there, because she didn't want to stand out and be different from the other kids. Also, the music class wasn't challenging for her because the other kids are at a much lower level. She did learn some things that are good. Her writing improved a lot- she had a good English teacher. Some of her teachers are very good people and good role models for her. She really enjoyed the sense of community at the small school. She hates it, but she is she is coming home next year. She will get over it. She can keep all of her old friends. Some of them won't be there next year either. And we have learned that we like homeschooling and that homeschooling high school is probably more important than homeschooling younger kids. It's in high school that kids can really go astray and homeschooling helps ensure that won't happen. And our situation wasn't one where she got in with the wrong crowd. It's more that she got into the whole teen culture thing and she lost herself and her values in the process. We did some soul-searching and decided that until she is 18, her education is the parents' responsibility, not the child's. We did take her wishes into consideration and it was a very very difficult decision, but I think and hope it was the right one. I hope our story is helpful to you.

Zinc. Take 50 mg./day with a meal. Don't take it on an empty stomach or it will make you nauseous. There are over-the-counter treatments for acne also. I like the exfoliating cream. Put it on your face and massage it in, then wash off. I use Yves, I think. It opens up the pores so they don't get clogged so much. Swimming is also a good way to get exercise and get rid of acne. Good luck.

Pros- Sleep. Schooled kids are almost all sleep-deprived. This is not appropriate or healthy for teens. I think it is responsible for much of the attitudes of teens, depression, anxiety, etc. Also- lifestyle. Homeschooled families can relax and enjoy their time with their children in the evening. Schooled kids and their families are doing homework. Every evening is homework time, not family time. It's a rat race for the school kids who are trying to get into good colleges. The suburban kids who do AP classes, extra-curricular activities, etc. are busy 24/7. They are already in a rat race. They often put in 12-14 hr. days. It is a world different from homeschooled kids. And they aren't going at their own pace or following their own interests. They are following the school's pace and the school curriculum. Cons- money. It costs more to homeschool high school because it takes more outside classes and lessons. It's all free at the public high school. Also, one parent normally stays home, so this is reduced income for the family. Best wishes.

My dd is 13 - 8th grade now. She was homeschooled all along until this year. Now, she is in the best private school in our area. Just wanted to share what it's like. It's a big change for us. Our dd is suddenly no longer available. She pretty much goes to school, does homework and activities and eats and sleeps (and not much time for sleep). I didn't realize how much homework kids do now. She used to read for pleasure- no time for that anymore. Just reads required books for school. I used to read to her every night. No time for that anymore either. This is a very good school- great teachers who really get to know the students personally and are highly-educated people. She is learning important things, such as how to write well and she is learning Geometry and French and Chemistry and Physics. She likes the teachers mostly and gets along well with everyone there. The students are mostly good kids. They are mostly well-behaved and respectful and they are good students. Everyone at this school goes to college, and the best students go to Ivy League schools. They have high average SAT scores, yet they are not test-oriented. She loves the school and has made friends there already. She works her little heart out every evening doing her homework and never complains. Her grades are ok, although she did struggle a little with math and English, which ironically, were the subjects we concentrated on in homeschooling. She is an excellent violinist, and has a very good string teacher, but some of the kids in her string class are beginners, so it's not at all interesting or challenging for her. They talk as if they always help students with their special gifts, but the music program does nothing for her. It's as if a Calculus student was forced to be in 3rd grade math. And we can't afford this school, even with all the financial aid they are giving us. But she loves it and is doing well there. If she stays there, she will be assured of getting into a great college. Anyway, we aren't sure yet what we will do next year. Maybe homeschool or public school. She is an only child and really doesn't want to be home alone again, like she was in the past. She would hate it if we told her she was going to be homeschooled again. And the 9th grade public school in our town is not so great, although the 10-12 grade public school is good. Anyway, the big thing for us is the rushed lifestyle. Getting up early. Rushing around to get ready for school. Always being slightly sleep-deprived (even though the private school starts an hour later than the public school). Never having the free time to enjoy an evening of playing games together, reading together, etc. It's a frenetic pace of life instead of a relaxed lifestyle. But she says she prefers it this way, so maybe it's a fit for her, even if it isn't a fit for us. I thought I would clue people in on our experience leaving homeschooling for private school. It's sort of like we are homeschooling and going to school. She goes to school during the day and then she does sports and/or music and then we help her with homework at night.

My dd- 13 just started school at a private school here after being homeschooled her entire life. It is a great school. Great teachers, great students, etc. Fits our family in many ways. Here is the problem. I feel that we are homeschooling and schooling at the same time. She goes to school and comes home and then has a music lesson or gymnastics and then eats and does homework until bedtime. Pretty much every day. She isn't getting enough sleep because we all have to get up early now. So, we are not on our best behavior because we are all sleep-deprived and grumpy. She likes some of the classes. She is learning in some of the classes. Good, important stuff like literary analysis, geometry, French, writing, etc. But some of the classes aren't at her level- either too high or too low. And some of the teachers really work with her and others just give out assignments and grade papers. Some don't really help her, like she is used to in homeschooling. Some teachers feel that their job is to evaluate students and teach the curriculum, but not to help the students achieve excellence. My dd is surprisingly motivated, considering the fact that she is being overworked and is sleep-deprived. Anyway, I was wondering if maybe this could just be a homeschool sabbatical year. I think it might be good for all of us to realize what we need to be doing for our homeschooling because we had started to slack off the past year or two. Maybe we could go back next year and do it better. But, she is making friends there at the school and she'll probably want to stay there with her friends. The irony is that she sees her other friends less now that she is in school, because between lessons and homework, there is not time for socializing. What do you think?

Sounds like a great teaching situation. 3 kids. Teacher freedom. "There are a TON of random Lang. Arts things, but the only math programs they have are Saxon and "Larson Math" which is done on the computer. They do have Right Start games and math manipulatives, but no other formal programs." I am a former teacher. My dd was homeschooled all the way to grade 8. Sorry, but I am going to say to go with what they already have there. It looks pretty good to me. Saxon is great- the continuous review keeps concepts in students' minds, rather than forgetting what they learned. Add in a little of the Larson math and math games sometimes for variety. Singapore (Math in Focus) is very good also. It definitely takes teacher time and takes some teacher training. But with Singapore, I would definitely supplement with some games and drills. Singapore tends to make jumps that some students don't follow. Kids who pick up things quickly will get it, but some students need the intermediate steps that are missing in Singapore. I would suggest that you start all the kids with Saxon and once you get going, if you find that it isn't a fit for one student, you can find something else that fits that student. But Saxon is a very good program and you have it right there, so I suggest starting with it, at least. Lang. Arts. I recommend the Saxon (Hake) Grammar and Writing. Again, it reviews the prior material so that the students don't forget. It emphasizes grammar, but also has writing and spelling in the form of dictations. And I also suggest have them do some writing assignments. Then, for reading, I recommend lots of reading aloud and lots of silent reading time. Daily reading aloud by the teacher. And a daily silent reading period. Sorry, I know you were looking for something else, but I think what you have is actually pretty good.

We have used CLE through 8th grade, but mostly just math and language arts. Those are great and I recommend them. That is because they are the Sunrise Edition. The science and social studies have the lower grades in the new Sunrise Edition, but not past grade 4 or so. The Sunrise Editions are good, but I wouldn't use the older versions. Just make sure that it says "Sunrise" on it and it will be fine. It's been a while, but I don't think we used the science and social studies in first and second grade. We just concentrated on the language arts and math. But I have seen them and they look fine to me. CLE is a conservative Mennonite curriculum, so the curriculum will reflect that perspective. This will be reflected more in the science and social studies curriculums than in math or language arts. For example, if you are looking for a program that teaches evolution or glorifies war, CLE wouldn't be a good fit for you. CLE is more God-centered. God created the earth and all things in it. And God is glorified, rather than man's achievements. CLE is gentle and doesn't hit you over the head with their beliefs- it's more subtle than that. CLE teaches the subject, rather than teaching a particular belief system, but it is based on a belief system, as everything is, if you really stop to think about it. I hope this is helpful.

First of all, I think the guy on the video is on a little shaky ground because he doesn't back up his opinions with any facts. Secondly, my concern is that if a teacher blames problems on the system, then he isn't taking responsibility for what he has control over- how he teaches the kids. If the problem is athletic scholarships and the dumb kids he has in his class, then there is nothing he can do to fix it, other than make a you tube video and hope that millions of people view it and decide to change the sytem. That said, I agree very much with his "nerd" analysis. Doing well in school is not cool. We have an anti-intellectual culture in our schools, where athletics and cheerleading and proms and pep rallies are emphasized. It undermines the actual mission of the school, which should be academic. I am not against physical education. But our sports programs are often not about physical education for the mass of students. They are about a few students being glorified for their physical prowess, while the others are mere spectators. I am a former Olympic coach. I am in favor of sports. However, I am also familiar with the sports programs of many other countries. Most other countries do not have interscholastic sports. There are physical education classes in school, but school sports teams do not play against other schools. Competitive sports are mostly done through clubs, outside of school. It completely changes the school atmosphere. School in most other countries isn't about football games and cheerleaders and cliques and proms and who is dating who, etc. School is for academics. I spent a year teaching in Taiwan. I asked the students there if they made fun of "geeks" or "nerds". They didn't use such derogatory words for intelligent people. They said they respected intelligent people.

We are CLE fans. Used it from 100 to 805. The high school math is not the Sunrise Version. They only have Sunrise in math from 100 to 810. The high school math is the older version, which is really slightly altered Alpha Mega Lifepacks. It is doable, but I do not recommend it. We got some of the 10th grade Lightunits for Geometry. It is ok, but not very interesting. They just did a new Algebra Textbook for CLE. They only have a preliminary version of it right now- it won't be published for a couple more years. Keniki, who is on these boards used it this past year. The new Algebra textbook might be a good choice for Algebra. You can get a photocopied version of it from CLE, not the real textbook for now. Anyway, CLE is great for 1-8. For high school, you probably want to look elsewhere- Jacob's or Lial's or LOF or Saxon or Teaching Textbooks or Chalkdust or AOPS or something along those lines.

My dd just finished Algebra in 7th grade. We weren't planning on it, but then we decided to put her in a private school in the fall and we found out that at that private school, the norm is to do Algebra in 8th grade and the advanced students take Algebra in 7th grade. So, we did a 4 month cram course in Algebra that I would not recommend. We just borrowed the Algebra book from the school and got a copy of the teacher's edition and went through it. I don't recommend this approach unless you are really knowledgeable about algebra because you have to re-learn it first so then you can teach it to your child and it is very time-consuming. She took the placement test this summer and passed it and will do Geometry in the fall. She has an excellent math background and did the CLE math through 805. She always tests at 99th percentile on standardized tests in math. But, I don't think any of this is necessary. Algebra is complex and most kids just aren't up for it at a younger age. My dd hated doing Algebra- she would have been happier just finishing the CLE program and then doing Algebra in the fall at school. A friend of mine, who has a PhD in Chemical Engineering from an Ivy League university and has excellent math skills and he didn't do Algebra until the normal 9th grade and he didn't do Calculus until college, but took several years of it in college. I suggest that you not worry about where other children are. You can drive yourself crazy doing that. Sometimes I hear the neighbor kid talking about learning Greek mythology or some science topic and think, "oh no, my dd doesn't know that- we haven't covered it. Is she behind?" Relax and give your child one of those standardized tests and you will see that your child is doing better than most public school kids. That always helps us relax. Many of the public school kids are reading way below grade level, while most homeschoolers are reading way above grade level. That's why the homeschoolers score better on the tests. It's not because we teach to the test like the public schools do. So, teach your kid at his own level and don't worry. Don't compare. Best wishes.

We sold our house about 4 years ago FSBO. We started out listing it too high, but then lowered the price and then we negotiated a little and it sold. Make sure you know legal requirements- you can ask a local attorney who does real estate for advice. There are usually disclosure requirements, requiring you to disclose the condition of the property at the time of sale. And declutter and make the house look nice and ready to move into. Move out about half your stuff if you are living in the house, especially personal items such as family pictures. Put it in storage. All the stuff of a normal house makes it look cluttered. It should look spacious, not cluttered. Advertising. You aren't on the MLS, so you have to advertise more. I put signs out at the highway. Several signs in each direction, FOR SALE BY OWNER, with arrows and phone number on them. Then, at each turn leading to our house, I put several signs. I had to keep getting new signs and putting them up. But everyone knew that our house was for sale by owner. Anyone looking in the area saw the signs and our neighbors all knew. And we ended up selling to a realtor, not as an investment, but to live there. Our area didn't have the discount realtors. I probably would have used one of those if they were available. Also, any FSBO will attract realtors who want to try to list your home or will tell you they are buyer's agent and try to work out a deal with you since they have clients looking for a home in the area. Be prepared and know what to say to realtors. They will come looking at your house soon. And price it reasonably. If you overprice it, it will sit for months. People come when it's first listed. If you overprice it then, it won't sell and then no one is coming and you feel stuck. Best wishes.

Here is a link to a recent article by a mom who took her daughter to a Taylor Swift concert: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/andrea-lampros/taylor-swift_b_928371.html I think she didn't like all the emphasis on looking pretty, make-up, etc. but she doesn't describe any drug activity.

Reading at night before bed. My dd loves it and it has helped her really get into reading. Easy, enjoyable for both of us, relaxing, and educational.

I thought the video raised some good points. I wonder though about people's own responsibility in taking out such high student loans. It seemed that the video was blaming it all on the government when people take out excessive student loans. And when I heard that privatizing all the student loans is their solution, it made me wonder if big banks were bankrolling the video. They want to make money off of these student loans, just like they want to take over the Social Security System so they can make money off of that. They just got our whole economy in a mess because of their poor practices in housing mortgages and we had to bail them out. And they want the student loan business also. I am still paying my student loans. Debt is a terrible thing and I wish I didn't have any. I am not taking on any new debt and I am paying off my old debt now. It is a form of indentured servitude. I will not take on any student loan debt or co-sign anything for my dd's education. There are a lot of grants and scholarships at many colleges and there is low tuition at state universities and there is also community college and there are part-time jobs for students, or full-time work and study in the evenings. No need to take on student loans.

Try to catch them doing things right and compliment them on good behavior- then you will see more good behavior. Teach good behavior as a subject, just like you teach other subjects. You don't wait and teach math when your child makes an error in counting. You teach it to them ahead of time, so they know how to count. It's not all about just how to repond to a particular situation. Be proactive, not just reactive. Some kids prefer the negative discipline to being ignored. For them, it is better to act out because then someone pays attention to them. Don't get caught in this trap. For time-outs, if my dd doesn't immediately go to the time out, I start counting up. First, I say 5 minutes time-out. If she delays going to her room, I say 6 minutes. If she argues or says something back, I say 7 minutes. And I just keep going up, if she continues. So, she gets the idea that just doing it is better than talking back. Time-outs are good because then, they aren't getting the attention, and they get a chance to cool down. Misbehavior has various causes. If you can eliminate the causes, you will have less misbehavior, but this doesn't excuse misbehavior. Make sure your children eat well, and sleep well. Excessive time with peers or media can also cause misbehavior. Lack of impulse control and self-discipline can cause misbehavior. Conflict in the home can also be a cause. And being in a social group that supports or condones bad behavior is also a problem. That's why grounding is sometimes helpful. It lowers the amount of peer influence as well as punishes. Punishment should not be excessive though. Frequent, smaller punishments work better than fewer but more severe ones. Many children just have poor impulse control. They don't think before they act. That isn't an excuse either, but it is something you can work on. Actively teach them impulse control and model it by doing it yourself. Ultimately, children need to learn self-discipline, not just conform to the rules. Try to help them learn to control themselves, not just act on impulse or without thinking things through carefully. Help them learn decision-making. I don't agree with spanking or corporal punishment. Yes, it works in the short-term, but not long-term. In the long-term, it teaches all the wrong lessons. It teaches that might makes right. It teaches children that violence is ok. And it teaches children that it's ok for other people to violate their bodies and to harm them.

My home's value has dropped a lot over the past 3 years. But in the past 2 months, it has rebounded. At least in my area, the economy is starting to recover, and there are jobs available and the housing market has started to recover. Maybe it's just around here, but home values are going back up here now. I go to zillow.com to check my home's value once in a while.

I make several different things for dinner, so that if someone doesn't like one item, there are still others they can eat. Then, I say they don't have to eat it but they can't complain about it. No complaining allowed. And I don't cook to order. They can't say I don't like this, cook something else. No, the dinner is done. Eat it or don't eat it. But no complaining. On a related note, young children often don't like certain foods. I keep preparing those foods and eating them in front of the child. If I keep eating it in front of them, eventually, they will want to try it again. It may take 10 or 20 times of eating it in front of them, but young children will usually want to try it. I don't coax or force them to eat something, but just eat it in front of them many times. I don't believe in catering to them all the time, just cooking what they like. I know parents like that and at the potluck at church, out of all the great dishes there, the kids willl only eat one or two foods, usually dessert. And those kids are already obese. All they eat is macaroni and cheese and junk food.

Talking about "obligations" and "expectations" in a marriage is problematic for me. I understand that we all have them, but I don't think marriage is about what you require of the other person. You don't have control of the other person anyway, so spending time worrying, thinking about all sorts of expectations of your spouse is just unproductive, if not counter-productive. You will inevitably be disappointed and it will be because of your own expectations, not because of your spouse. You can really only control yourself, so your efforts and thoughts should be on what you can control, not on what you can't control. Just the fact that you asked this question shows that marriage is not a clearly defined institution with clear expectations and divisions of labor. You just work together for the good of the family. Occasionally, you may find yourself with someone who does not want to work together for the good of the family. But regardless of that, you should continue to work for the good of the family yourself. But having lots of expectations and obligations of your spouse just sets you up for disappointment. Because we are all human and every spouse will eventually fail to live up to some expectations. Better to love them anyway and keep trying your best. That doesn't mean you can't ask them also to do their best for the family. It doesn't mean you have to tolerate abuse or infidelity or drug or alcohol use, etc. But having lots of expectations of a spouse to be a great lover, rich, etc. will harm the family and relationship more than help.

I am still paying off my student loans. Student loans have low interest rates, however, you can't get out from under them, even in bankruptcy. Many people get locked into jobs they hate because they are locked into student loans. It's a form of slavery. I recommend not taking out any loans except for buying a house. I'd suggest that she work and go to school at the same time or find an inexpensive living situation, so she doesn't rack up the student loans. You can live at home and go to a state school and work on the side and have no student loans. Do not co-sign any student loans because they will come after you if she defaults on her student loan. They will hold you responsible for the full amount of her loan, plus any accrued interest. Be creative and find a way to pay without doing student loans.

I would look for a teacher who teaches beginners but can also stay with them for many years. Some teachers specialize more in very advanced students and others mainly just teach beginnners. And I would also look for a teacher who has group lessons. It will be a while before your child is ready for a youth orchestra. In the meantime, it's good to get together with a group. It keeps the kids more motivated if they get to go and see their friends. It's less fun when in the child's mind violin = being alone, away from friends. In my experience, the poor hand position is not due to the teacher teaching it wrong. It is just laziness- the hand droops. Some teachers will continually emphasize it while others only occasionally mention it because there are so many other things to teach. However, I don't know of any teachers who teach poor hand positions. It is common for violin students to lapse into poor hand positions. 10 is not too old to do Suzuki. Suzuki is a good program, but there are very good traditional teachers also. I think it's good to find someone who is a good teacher as well as a good violinist. My daughter's first teacher had a master's in early childhood education in addition to being a very good violinist. She had all these "teacher tricks" that made it more fun and more effective for my dd. For example, she would talk to my dd's fingers as if they were people. There are some music teachers out there who really don't want to teach, but are just musicians trying to make a living. Most musicians don't make enough with just one job, unless it's a major city orchestra, so they need to teach on the side also. On the other hand, for very advanced students, it's often better to get a real professional musician as a teacher than to have a music educator. Anyway, you can ask around for recommendations and talk to teachers in your area. Your piano teacher might be a good resource to get started.:001_smile: