All my kids have started at 5, but you know your child best. My current 5yr old can be a really bad sport when he plays backyard games, but so far with his team he seems to be able to keep it together better. Your child may not behave the same around his coaches and teammates as he does with you. Also, he won't be the only one learning team sport behavior at that age. I have found that five yr olds are all over the place-some are pretty serious about the sport, some just want to run around, some are not wanting to be away from their parents, some cry when things don't go their way. There has always been a wide range of behavior on my 5yr olds teams and as long as the kid wasn't being unsafe, everyone was very understanding.

Thanks! I haven't heard of a lot of those. That gives me a great start. I don't have a very strict definition of recent. It seems like a lot of book lists have older books, and I want a little more of a mix.

I am hoping to find some good, recently written books for DS9. The main problem I have run into is that a lot of books that look good at first turn out to be a little too "middle school" for him. If a review says for ages 9-12, the book will often be about 12 yr olds. I'm not super picky, I just don't know that he will relate to middle school kids. He seems to relate more to Clementine and Year of Billy Miller than to One for the Murphys and When You Reach Me if that makes sense. Really, any book suggestion for 4th graders would be great. I'm planning to put about 10 on a shelf and rotate new choices in throughout the year. Thanks

I think I would outsource fun stuff to a grandma. I'm not sure you would really want to be the person making the kid do a dreaded subject. So, art, music, games, crafts related to things they are studying, a unit study you are interested in, field trips, etc. I'm sure you will all have a great time. I would love for my mil to teach my kids to knit, crochet, etc. She is very crafty. If my mom lived closer, I would love for her to play different games with my kids. She has much more patience for young children's games than I do.

A bunch of random thoughts responding to a lot of the previous posters. Thanks everyone for helping me think through this. Yes, I feel pretty good that he was able to get in. The total time in transportation should be between 60-90 minutes a day (15 minutes each way twice a day, plus sitting in line, and extra traffic and stop lights). That is definitely one of the biggest negatives. I think the main thing the school would give ds, that I feel like I can't do, is a sense of what other students are doing at this age. I feel like he is super content with his knowledge. I tell him he needs to learn to type this year and he says he already knows how. Well, yes, he sort of can. But not well. I don't feel like he gives me his best effort. He is a good kid and he will if I make him, but I know he would put more effort for his teacher. Also, another reason I am considering sending him is to hopefully give him more community. I am thinking he may need a little more life outside of his little brothers. This school is a good school because it is small (1000 students total k-12) and it has a lot of money. I love homeschooling. I guess what I need to work on is helping him be part of a community and getting him to do his best work for me (and not just tell me that he is going to be a professional baseball player so he doesn't need to know this or that. I don't think he actually believes that and I know he wouldn't say it to a teacher.)

So far (the last two years) I have definitely not been teaching all day and I am ok with my kids education so far. We have had plenty of time for field trips, games, outside play, everything that I think childhood should be. We have kinda just fit school into bits of the day and it has worked out. Looking at next year, I feel like we really will have to spend more time doing school. My going into 2nd is not a strong reader yet, my going into k is a pretty academic little guy and is definitely ready to read, and my 4th grader needs to ramp up his output. It's not so much that I want to be just mom in general, it's more that I don't want to spend all day on school, then have to cook and clean, and not get much time doing things with my 3yr old. He is my last baby and I feel like his babyhood just went so fast. (Of course, I don't really want him to spend his year in the car either). I do feel like this is the year that I need to make homeschooling the priority. It was easy to decide to homeschool the last couple of years because our zoned school is not great and it was fairly easy to give my kids a better education than they could get there. When I compare my homeschool to this better school, I feel like I need to have a higher standard for our homeschool. I don't think I will send him to that school. It is all cons about going there, but it has a very good reputation locally and I feel like I am making the crazy decision to not let him go. It is hard to get into the school unless you live in the district, so this may be his only chance to get in.

He wants to homeschool because he likes his free time. Honestly, he has had lots of free time, but I feel like this year he really needs to ramp up his work. I have been pretty laid back, which seems to have worked since he passed the test to get into the school, but I just don't think he can do a 4th grade year as laid back as we have been. And, that seems to be why he wants to homeschool. As far as testing, they take the reading, math, and science tests in 4th and I don't think the school got to be number one by ignoring test prep. So, that is one concern of mine. The school is a k-6 school that feeds into a 7-12 school. There are only 1000 kids in the whole district.

My oldest went to our neighborhood school for first grade, then I homeschooled him 2nd and 3rd. My others have always been homeschooled/too young for school. Next year my kids will be 4th, 2nd, k, and 3yr old. There is a neighboring school district that kids can test into (if there is room) that is the best public school in our state and in the top 200 in the country (according to US News rankings). It is pretty hard to get in, but this year they were only taking 4th graders and my oldest got in. I think it would be a good opportunity for him. I know it is a really good school. He has done ok homeschooling so far, but I think he would get a better education there than I could give him at home (not the case with our neighborhood school). I feel like I am throwing away a great opportunity. However, I do like homeschooling him and I know his brothers would miss him if he were gone all day. I love the flexibility I have with homeschooling. And, I really don't want to drive him there and pick him up every day. His 3 younger brothers will probably spend 90 minutes a day in the car. Also, I am nervous about the rushed evenings. It costs money to attend (about as much as preschool). It won't cause us to not be able to pay bills, but it is a significant portion of our discretionary income. On the plus side, it would give me more time with my 3 little kids. And I know he would be getting a really good education and hopefully making some friends. I am a little worried about teaching 4th grade along with teaching my other kids. When I plan for the year, I am spending all day teaching and I want to be able to be just a mom also. I'm afraid if I do fourth grade "right" we won't have time for all the fun stuff. In short, I would prefer to homeschool, but I feel really guilty to not give him this opportunity. I don't know what to do, but I have to decide by Friday.

My kids really like the fairy/folk tales by Rachel Isadora. We have done Hansel and Gretel, Fisherman and his Wife, Rapunzel, and Princess and the Pea. She has more too.

my first double post

I still would really love for someone to tell me how having no one in authority in a home works for the five and under crowd. Today we were at the pool and my 3yr old was the only one in the kiddie pool so he was doing whatever he wanted. Well, then more kids joined and I told him he could no longer throw his toys. He kept throwing them (even though I redirected and explained) so he got out. I'm pretty sure that could be considered having a privlege removed for an infraction. But, like I said earlier, I have never met someone who let their kids throw toys when other people were around-no matter how they describe their parenting style. On a side note, there was an "obey lifeguards at all times" sign at the pool. I was trying to think of a good word to replace "obey" on the sign.

I admit I do get confused talking about "obedience" with people. I use "follow instructions" but I think it means basically the same thing. My kids are younger than most of the examples in the thread, and I can't imagine that most people didn't expect their young children to follow instructions. Things I have very nicely asked my young children to do today: not slash the wall with a sword, not throw blocks, stay out of the street, color only at the table, take their muddy shoes off, pee before we leave the house, not blow the birthday candles out since it wasn't their birthday. I did not have to say any of that to my 7 and 9 yr olds because they already know all that. My 3 and 5 yr olds needed to be told and needed to follow my instructions. Some people use the word "obey" but I have never met any one who let their kids throw blocks in a room full of people or blow out birthday candles that weren't theirs. I am not exerting my power over them and I am a very laid back, reasonable parent. I feel like I parent similarly to most in this thread, but I do expect my kids to follow my instructions at least until they are capable of appropriate behavior. I spend time emphasizing treating others and their property with respect, but when they are not respecting others or property I expect them to follow my instructions in order to do so. If I tell them to stop wrestling on the stairs, I expect them to stop immediately. I guess some could call that first time obedience (though I have only heard that term here). If I want them to help me out or whatever, I definitely let them finish what they are doing/come up with a solution that works for everyone. I guess my point is, in my real life I have never met someone who didn't expect their kids to follow some instructions (although those people may exist). When I hear "obey," I think "follow instructions." However, I think lots of people interpret the word obey different than I do.

I have a close family member who married a very rich man (he owns his own business). Their kids were bribed all the time to behave and be happy. If they whimpered they were given whatever would make them happy. Literally all the time. Those kids are now 12 and up and as far as I can tell, perfectly decent human beings. All the people of my parents generation tsked and worried that they were spoiled rotten. Now, those kids are as delightful (or more so) as any other kids their age. I don't believe kids can really be spoiled.

Do the neighborhood kids play in the afternoon? It seems like in our neighborhood the kids play from like 10-1, then they go inside during the heat of the day. Could you do school from 8-10 and then 1-3?

My DH conceal carries for work and I do think he gets so used to having it on him that it may not occur to him to take it off. He definitely wouldn't put a firearm on just to go to a friends house, but if he stopped by on his way home I don't know what he would do. The only time I know of him leaving it in a lockbox in the car is when he meets us at the pool after work. I'll have to ask him. I assume people at least know it is a possibility he has a firearm on him, but no one has ever said don't bring it in my home. I hadn't thought about people bringing one to my home. I definitely wouldn't want someone bringing a loaded gun in a purse.

Oh, also, I kinda see the difference between caring for a sibling and helping around the house. Currently, I am positive my olders would rather help bathe the younger ones than clean the kitchen, but maybe they shouldn't make that choice.

Thanks for all the responses. The 5yr old mostly washes himself-the 9yr old helps soap his rag, tells him if he got all the shampoo out, etc. The 7yr old has been washing the 3yr olds hair, but 3yr old mostly washes his own body. I am in earshot of 3yr old in bath and often within eyesight (he is super calm though..I wouldn't have left ds5 alone in water at that age even though he could swim). In the winter, I am queen of infrequent kids showers. They play outside most of the day and they are dirty in the summer. Plus, I like sunscreen and bug spray washed off. But, maybe they do wash too frequently. Lots of good suggestions.

Yes, I would like opinions. Can you tell me why you would rather they help in other ways? Honestly, I hadn't even thought of it being a problem until I read people suggesting it may be a problem. I would like to think thru it more. Since I am mostly solo parenting with very little support, I worry that I may miss something obvious. Back in the day when I lived with Dh full time, near family, and attended mommy and me playgroups I felt like I had a pretty good read on "normal." Now, I still think I am doing ok, but it is nice to have some outside perspectives (if that makes sense).

So all these big family threads got me a little nervous. I only have 4 kids, but it is usually just me here with them. This summer my 9yr old has been showering with the 5yr old and the 7yr old has been taking a bath with the 3yr old and washing him up. This has helped me so, so much. I can clean up dinner, put laundry away, get ready to put them in bed, etc. But, a common theme in the large family threads was that older kids shouldn't be doing daily care of younger ones. I have also seen some people on homeschoolers anonymous writing negatively about having to bathe younger siblings. How do you decide how much is too much in care for younger siblings (right now my older kids pretty much just bathe the littler ones and maybe occasionally watch the 3yr old in the backyard and haven't complained about either).

I think 5+ is large. We have 4 and that feels "normal." Going to 5 seems like a huge life change. We live in an area with a large catholic population. I think 3 and 4 is pretty common, but I only know a few families with more. I rarely see families with 5+ out.

Mine too! I never thought of it that way before. I, too, worried very much about having the 2nd. It was way, way easier than I had feared (and almost all of my friends thought having the 2nd was easier- especially having a planned c section).

Agreeing with others that the health insurance would have gone after the home owner anyway. We have good insurace and when my son broke his arm (just a routine childhood accident) we had to fill out the accident form before insurance would cover it. We have a neighbor with a trampoline and a friend was jumping on it and broke her ankle. The friend did not go after the neighbor, but their health insurance did. I do think it is sort of weird. Accidents happen and if it is truly an accident (not neglect) it shouldn't matter where it happened. Health insurance should pay for it.

Thanks for everyone's thoughts. This hockey league is instructional and it is for 4-9 yr olds. It is a step even below a house league so it is cheap and low pressure and all 3 kids could go on the same night. Kids with no experience can play. I am just concerned because they all three took 6 learn to skate lessons and ds5 and ds9 can now skate (maybe not super great, but they can skate around the rink easily without falling and at a decent pace). Ds7 still goes so slow it cannot be called skating. He just hasn't grasped how to do it yet. I really don't think he is ready to play, but I also don't think it is fair to let his brothers play and he will have to go and watch. That is a good idea about private lessons and getting him good skates. I might try that. I normally wouldn't want to invest that much, but he really does try hard and is very sweet. I hate that he works so hard, but can't keep up.

My ds7 is an awesome kid and I just love him to pieces. He seems to be a typically developing kid in academics and sports. The problem is ds9 and ds5 both seem to learn faster in everything (academics and sports). Ds7 is just starting to pick up on it (maybe because ds5 is surpassing him). My specific question: ds5 wants to play ice hockey so I signed him up. Now ds9 wants to play and I am leaning toward letting him because this is the last year he is eligible for the instructional league. So now ds7 wants to play and he can't skate. He took 6 weeks of lessons and is nowhere good enough to play hockey (although they let everyone play). I want to encourage him to play indoor soccer or basketball...something that his brothers aren't doing, but he isn't as interested in that. How honest should I be with him? Should I tell him he can't skate well enough? Do I just let him play? Keep encouraging another activity? And my more general question: how do you manage close in age siblings that have very different ability levels and also how hard do you try to give each child their own thing? This particular ds currently wants to do what his brothers do, but then gets upset that they do better than him (but he is very sweet about it).

My 5yr old DS wanted to make summer goals and he decided he wanted to learn to tie his shoes, shower himself, and tell time. He came up with the idea on his own. Now my 7 and 9yr old DSs would like to do sort of the same thing, but they have no ideas and haven't really liked mine. Does anyone have suggestions of academic, life skills, or fun goals they could work on (mostly on their own)? Or know of any internet challenges? I know someone told me about a being outside at least 60 minutes for 60 straight days and there was one about board games. I am interested in any suggestions. Thanks!