thank you SO MUCH. This has been the most helpful post, although I do appreciate everyone's input and suggestions. I think I will bring it up when we bring out the spring/summer wardrobe.

but I have been overweight in my adult life....does that count?

thank you so much for this.

hmmm...a people pleaser....I know the feeling having been one my whole life. My second dd, I guess I could see being affected by one conversation so deeply. Ok ya'll have made your point.

Yoga pilates... http://www.exercisetv.tv has some good free videos.

yes, this. I am wanting this to be more about arbitrary numbers on a scale. I want her to feel good about herself. But I don't think it has to be an either/or situation. Either I say nothing directly and she feels good about herself. Or I lovingly make some suggestions and she is crushed. Basically I am wanting to figure out how I can come alongside her and be her cheerleader for a healthy process. I don't want her to feel awkward about it. It wasn't awkward about her acne...should this be different?

ok. Just wondering... that's all.:001_smile:

And I am trying to look at this like I would any other issue. Too much TV? I'd say something. Too much video games? I'd say something. She started getting acne, I told her about my struggles as a teen and bought her some products to use to help combat that. When she started growing up and got body odor, I nagged her about wearing deodorant and showering till it became a habit. So why should I approach weight differently. I suppose I am going to try to be a bit more gentle and tactful, but I think I need to bring it to her attention, that how we eat and what we do matters. For the record. I am not overweight, nor is my dh. Could probably stand to lose 10 pounds, but my BMI is 24. This is because I pay attention to portion size and I exercise ( I love pilates :001_smile:). I do eat pie. I do have an occasional soda. But I am careful. I want her to realize that you do have to pay attention to how you are eating to stay healthy.

but don;t you think that so much of what a parent says is viewed in harmony with the perception of the relationship as a whole? For instance. I knew my mother loved me and we were pretty close. She could tell me hard things and I would take them differently from her than I would from my dad, to whom I was not close and felt like I could never please. I am doubtful that ONE conversation, in a loving manner, can do the kind of harm that you are suggesting.

yep. mine is 13. What in the world? I just don't get it either!

yep. and it still rages in some places. really.

yep. met too.. It is raining. again. and cold. blah. I spent most of yesterday in bed, sick with a bad cold. Today, I am still having a Nyquil hangover, but am feeling a bit better. But my is it hard to get started;

http://www.focusonthefamily.com/parenting/effective_biblical_discipline/4_secrets_to_successfully_handling_behavior_problems.aspx http://www.focusonthefamily.com/parenting/effective_biblical_discipline/why_kids_misbehave/the_wonders_of_reality_discipline.aspx Here are two articles that might give you some ideas....

read up in some of Kevin Leman's books. He has lots of practical suggestions for "pulling the rug out from under" a kid.

ABSOLUTELY NOT!!!! I find it rude and insulting which is why I used it there. It is NOT a term I would want anyone to use when speaking to my kid, overweight or not!

yep. upon re-reading...these are just lame excuses. So I just need to DO IT!

the thing that I find so difficult is 1. growing up my family had horrible diets. To this day my dad brags that he likes nothing green. So I don't have a good example of how to lead in that area. 2. this is my "challenging" kid. I have to stay on her about so many different things already, attitude, schoolwork, chores....that to add one more source of stress makes me want to scream!!! 3. she now has braces. so she says that apples, carrots, raisins, etc. that she used to munch on are too much trouble to eat. 4. fresh food is so EXPENSIVE!

I am thinking that snacks at home need to be more fruits and stuff. Perhaps my pie project really needs to be our only "sweet" indulgence for the week, and the rest of our snacks should be healthy. Maybe I need to get in the habit of reading labels aloud to the family. I know I don't realize the caloric content of many foods till I actually read the label. And I do need to show them what 1 serving looks like. A cup of cereal is really not as much as one might think.

the teachers for sunday school, youth service, and Wed. night classes are all different. I think each one thinks that it is "special" to bring a treat to their group. And no I am not blaming the church. Absolutely not. But for the teens especially it is kind of an open "buffet" type of thing. A cooler full of drinks, a table with snacks. And if there is a small indulgence at home and we are at 3 church services a week it will add up. And what do you do with a kid that just hates to move?

Seriously, this is what I am considering. I have thought about going to the dr. for a annual physical, just to get an idea of what we are dealing with. I am not being snarky when I say, "please tell me how you would say this." My family tries to operate on the openness principle. When there is an issue we try to deal with it. openly. kindly. thoughtfully. When we bottle things up and avoid them, they end up coming out anyway, and usually it is uglier then than if we'd addressed it to begin with. So give me some words of wisdom, Ester Maria. (do you think, perhaps she is waiting for someone to step in and give a little bit of guidance here? Is that possible?) It's hard for me because I was a skinny mini (complete with flat chest...but that is another thread) until I had kids. The last thing I want is for unhealthy patterns to grow unchecked and then "I've just always been chunky." I want her to know that we can take control of our health and well-being. WE ARE IN CHARGE OF OUR CRAVINGS!

teachers bringing cupcakes. boxes of little debbies being passed around. Bags of potato chips. Sodas!!! Every week. at each service. It wouldn't bother me too much but if they eat a sweet or junk food at church and then later they eat a dessert at home...well, it all adds up. I think I am going to enforce the rule about candy, and if their teacher brings cupcakes or a snack, then they must tell me about it. I refuse to criticize the teachers who are doing such an awesome job otherwise, but I think I need to make my kids more responsible to say "no thank you." if they have had enough. At my house they typically get one treat per day...it could be a small serving of chips or a dessertish type thing, but one per day is all they need. If they get cupcakes and a bag of chips after they ate something fun at snack time , then that is overkill IMHO.

she is totally oblivious....really. I'm thinking about just mentioning that sitting inside this winter is kind of showing up. So how can I help her to work on that. Not that she's a fatty. Not that she's gaining weight. Just "hey, anything I can do to help you out with this?" Not that I am being critical or ugly or thinking she is fat. Just a friendly reminder that I am here to help.

It is not really about what we are eating. We don't eat a lot of junk. I don't buy processed foods. It is portion size. She just likes to eat alot! And she is the kind of person who does not like to move much. I do make a pie once a week. ONE pie. That means everyone gets one and a half slices per week. I doubt that one pie I make a week is what would pack the pounds on. She does drink milk all the time. She does not like water. Perhaps I need to enforce "only drink water between meals"? She really has a sweet tooth. She gets lots of treats at church. How do I address that?

This is the same Grandma who told this dd that ice cream was good for you because it had milk in it. (she was being totally serious) Fortunately we live hours from her and it is only an issue several times a year.