My very best friend lives over 600 miles away now. Since I'm an only, she's the sister I never had, and she considers me to be closer to her than her own sister. We refer to each other as 'girlfriend.' For the longest time, her co-workers thought she had a literal girlfriend in addition to her husband, so I guess many aren't used to the term applied to friendship? We really didn't care either way. We're the kind of friends where if one of us called the other and said 'X happened, and i cant handle it, and i need you here yesterday,' the other would find a way to get there. No matter what. We'll kiss on the cheek and say 'I love you.' I do that with everyone I love, because, not to be morbid, but you never know if you'll see someone again, so I always want the last words I say to be that I love that person.

Sending healing prayers and thoughts. I'm so sorry that you're all going through this. Hugs to all.

I'm an only child, and we live 600+ miles away. I call her once or twice a week, and we visit in person 3 or 4 times per year. That's as much physical visiting as I can do both financially and because of my own family. I could call and email more. I can send more small packages, pictures, etc. I can't move back to where she lives, but I would literally do just about anything else to get my mom back. My fil already lives with us, and I have a lovely guest room just waiting for her. She uses it when she visits alone. I'll have another vacant room a year from now when dd20 is on her feet financially. Dd17 is leaving for university in August, so,that will be a third vacant room, except for breaks and some weekends. We will have the room, and would make it even if we didn't. We took in an abused friend of dd20 and her little boy for the last 3'or 4 months. She just got an apartment and moved out. Mom knew about that. I love bolt's suggestion about volunteering at a Domestic violence shelter. I'm going to look into that this week.

Thanks to all who contributed here. I think I needed validation that I'm not crazy in thinking there is manipulation going on at best and possibly abuse. I know he's crafty, and I know she will not allow friends to see this. I also know that at other times, when I've expressed concerns over minor issues, she has gone straight to him and repeated everything I've said. I think bolt's advice up thread is my best bet. I need to stay upbeat, call frequently, write often, including pictures, etc., visit 2-4 times per year for my own reasons, etc. That won't be difficult in terms of finding a reason as my best friend lives in that state and her daughter just had a baby, plus my friend has had some significant health problems. Mom's already added her husband's name to her checking account, even though she vowed they would keep all assets separate. Mine is also on it, but I would never dream of touching it. She did that when my dad passed away so that I would have access to her account if she had a medical emergency or passed away suddenly. She won't discuss anything else financially with me except to say that I am the sole beneficiary of her will. I assume he will work to change that fact. As I said, it's her money, not mine. I'm not "after it," and think she should be free to do with it what she wishes, except that I would hate to see it go to him. Any deserving charity or individual is fine. It doesn't have to be me. Just please not him. Ultimately, I can't alter that though. I will go back and re-read all of the advice I've been given. I appreciate it all very much. Thank you.

They only stay at Red Roof Inns and Best Westerns because those are the only hotels he likes. When Dad was alive, she enjoyed staying at hotels that were nicer than these (not saying these are bad, just explaining what she likes), and she can afford to do so. He will feign illness if the majority of the group chooses a restaurant he isn't familiar with or doesn't like. Later, if Mom tells him it was good, he will go and tell everyone how much he enjoyed it. He complains and sends back every entree he's ever served. It's too hot, too cold, too greasy, too....something. She enjoys authentic Chinese food, but the only Chinese food he will eat is in the food court in the mall, so she never is allowed to go where she likes unless she is allowed to visit me without him. He has an opinion about everything, but no one else is allowed to share an opinion. Reading is a waste of time. I was reading a book, and he told me I was wasting my life. Television should be viewed constantly without regard to anyone's preferences but his. Visits with family should last no longer than 20 minutes. He uses condescending tones to females and starts every statement with something along the lines of "Let me tell ya sum thin' m'dear..." complete with finger pointing. Dd plans to major in International Business. He laughed in her face and said, "let me know how that works out for ya." I did politely say, "We believe that our children can be successful in any field in which they enjoy and are willing to pursue with dedication and passion. We think encouragement and interest are much more helpful than discouragement as they walk the path to adulthood." I said it with a friendly tone and smile. He replied with an eye roll, a snort and a turned back. He criticizes my Mom's food choices at every meal. He will comment when he thinks she has "had enough." He decides what she should order, or, if there is a "complete menu for x price" option, he will tell her that is her only option. He decides what updates she's "allowed" to make in the home she owns. He retained ownership of his own home in a town 2 hours from the home where he and Mom live, which is the home she owns. His current campaign is to get her to purchase a new Toyota Yaris to leave at his home so when they drive her car to his home, he will have a car to drive too. He has no money of his own except for a small amount of social security and his smallish pension. No investments or savings. Mom has Dad's social security, pension, and also a monthly interest check from substantial investments. She's not super wealthy, but dad left her very taken care of when he passed away. If she doesn't let her husband ruin things, she should never have to worry about money, even in the event, God forbid, of lengthy illness or the need for long term care. These are all generalities, I realize, and I can give specific examples for each if they would be helpful. I'm just unsure which things, if any, are meaningful, and which things are just examples of an unpleasant individual.

Your reply was extremely thoughtful and helpful. Thank you very much! I'm going to address the incident leading up to his announcement of never visiting again. I'm unsure of what other types of incidents to include, so if you need more, please let me know what kinds of things would be most helpful. It happened at dd's graduation dinner. We went to an Italian restaurant where, if you have a party of 10 or more, you must order "family style." We had a party of 10. Mom and her husband are familiar with the restaurant and the policy. nevertheless, they immediately announced they were not going to order family style and would be ordering their own entrees from the separate menu. Dh good-naturedly reminded them of the policy. Both got very angry, and Mom said she would comply but her husband would not. I asked our server if an exception could be made, and he apologized, and said it could not. Dh relayed that information to Mom (the table was very long). Mom's husband then feigned a stomach ailment and said he could only eat soup. So, I asked the server if we paid the $40 family style charge for Mom's husband, could we then add soup for him. The server said of course we could do that. So, I leaned forward and got Mom's attention and told her I had rectified the situation, and her husband could have the soup. I never mentioned that we cheerfully paid $50 for one bowl of soup lol. It was at this point that her husband loudly proclaimed, "I will never come back to visit this family again!!"

It's possible. She had tongue cancer 10 years ago ( never smoked), but called me right away and leaned on me the whole time. Her checks have come back clear each time. I suppose things couldchange, and she decided not to tell me due to her husband. It had occurred to me that he is pressuring her to write me out of the will entirely. It is her money to do with as she wishes. The only reason it would bother me is because it would go to him. I don't have dibs on it. She could give it to the Society for Mosquitos Who Can't Stop Sucking Blood for all I care. I just don't want him to get it because he's a penniless sleazeball. Really. I'm not just making that up. Just this visit he told me he has her buy him all sorts of thing she doesn't use or need simply because he wants them and can't buy them himself. He whites out the date on his deceased wife's handicapped hang tag for his vehicle and uses it to park in the handicapped parking spots. She has been deceased for over ten years. Btw, I don't ever use the word handicapped except in reference to the hang tags and parking spots. If I've offended anyone, I'm so sorry. Please tell me the proper terminology, and I will begin using it immediately.

Right. The elbow holding is what made me start really smelling that rat scent too. You're right about what can I do about it? What *can* I do about it? Probably not a doggone thing, right? However, writing about it has brought another memory to the surface. About a year ago, Mom's husband left her for a week. Just packed a bag, told her he was leaving her and left. When he came back a week later, he told her he had left her because he was convinced she was having an online affair. My mother barely knows how to write an email and respond to one. She doesn't know how to use a search engine or even what to do with a URL. At the time I just thought it was another example of what an ass he is, but combined with the elbow? Now, I don't know.

I'm going to try to make this as short and coherent as possible, but am afraid it will be lengthy and possibly not as sensible as I would like, so my apologies in advance. I'm also on the iPad, so errors are just a given with me. Again, sorry. To give a brief background, they've been married 5 years, her husband is not a fan of any of us, and Mom is generally over the moon about all of us. My mom and her husband just left after an 11 day visit. They came for dd17's graduation and dd20's baby shower. Mom was remarkably rude and unlike herself the entire time. Her husband was rude as well, but it was his usual behavior so it was expected and "normal." Mom didn't hug us when they arrived (or any other time). She started arguments that were unnecessary and out of left field. She didn't congratulate dd on graduation day. Dd wasn't at the top of her class, but she was 7th in her class, and had a 4.96 cumulative GPA, which she worked darn hard to achieve. Mom picked at dh at our celebratory graduation dinner because she and her husband disliked the restaurant dd chose. Dd is a peacemaker, so she felt bad and got teary feeling she had ruined her grandmother's evening. Mom's husband announced at that point that he would never visit us again. Dh's birthday fell during their visit. They said his gift would be dinner for dh and me, pointedly looking at each of our children and loudly proclaiming "no children," at Olive Garden, because Olive Garden is what they wanted to eat. I know all about boundary setting, but I also knew that I needed to keep things relatively sane for the duration of the visit and was still in the midst of finalizing baby shower preparations, so we graciously agreed. We went to dinner and it was awkward, argumentative, and stressful. They got along with each other only, and seemed to be looking for offenses where there were none. The baby shower was more of the same. No compliments, only criticism. Mom did buy a very lovely, heirloom quality bassinet for dd and knitted a baby blanket. Dd was so excited about both and profusely thanked mom, hugged her and was over the top excited. Mom seemed pleased, but seemed more focused on whether everyone understood that Mom had done these things and Mom got the credit, if that makes sense. There was also one entire day when she focused her attention and criticism on me and repeatedly asked me what I was going to do with her money after she died. The big concern seemed to be was I going to blow it. She didn't want me to blow it. Those were her exact words. Repeatedly. I finally gently asked her when I had ever "blown" money. She had no answer. Finally, I witnessed a bizarre and potentially concerning exchange between them where she accused him of hurting her by hitting her elbow and then grabbing it and holding it even when she said he was hurting her. He dismissed it by saying he was holding it because he thought she was lying and was going to hit back because they were still newly weds and were being playful. I tried. Asking about it later, and she got angry with me. So...if you stuck with me this long...should I be concerned that Mom's health, mental or otherwise, is declining, her husband is rubbing off on her, her husband is manipulating her, or he's abusive and she's trying to cover it by pushing us away? I have no experience with this type of issue. ETA: there were countless other comments and gestures that all add up to an unbelievable level of rudeness. What I wrote above may not seem like a big deal to many, but I was trying to keep it brief. Other brief examples: comments on my older son's one pimple (how long has your skin been so AWFUL??), dd20's boyfriend and baby's father who left her (in my day, people did the NOBLE thing), and I could just keep going for literally 11 days...

I like to lounge in yoga pants and t shirts with fuzzy socks if my feet are chilly. I don't enjoy Sudoku, but like the occasional crossword puzzle. We didn't really celebrate Father's Day today. That has been moved to tomorrow. My mom and her husband flew in on the 6th because dd17 graduated high school on the 7th. I wanted that weekend to be all about her, but didn't want Mom to miss dd20's baby shower, so we had to schedule it for today. Dd has school Tuesday through Saturday, and works every day except Sunday, so Father's Day was the only choice before Mom was insisting she must return home. We had a lovely time. Dd selected a shabby chic ladies' tea as her theme, so we had pale pink tablecloths with gorgeous lace overlays, mason jar centerpieces decorated with pale gray ribbon and An oversized flower which we half filled with pink and cream potpourri and topped with wax flameless candles. We had all sorts of dainties to nibble, played a few little games, and had a nice visit with everyone. Everyone here is snacking on the leftover goodies.

Thank you to MotherSweets for recommending eShakti. I'm definitely going to look into ordering from that site. There were quite a few styles that appealed to me. I am an apple who is constantly battling to change my figure. I recently found two dresses I'm pleased with at Talbots online. I happened to catch a great sale, which made the price a bit less painful.

We didn't say much, because there had been other issues with all of our children that we had already unsuccessfully attempted to address. We did bring them back home. Once we moved from North to South Carolina, our girls both attended an excellent high school. I don't want to give the impression that I am anti-ps in all circumstances, because I'm not. :)

When we first moved to the Carolinas, dh thought we should give ps a try since I was unpacking and organizing the house, and we had a relatively new baby. Our younger dd began 5th grade. One assignment was to develop a personal timeline with photos and dates of important personal events and write an autobiography. The teacher stressed that the title should be creative, but bonus points would be received if the student could alter the title of a well known literary work and use the altered title for his or her autobiography. Dd spent her early years with medical issues, having surgeries, and spending copious amounts of time in the children's hospital. However, she also had many healthy times when she did "normal" things. So, while she realized it wasn't really true to the original, she used the title "A Tale of Two (insert her name)s," and her GT teacher was perplexed. The teacher had never heard of Dickens' book. I thought that was strange. It wasn't that she hadn't read it. She had never heard of it. She was approximately 35. I don't know if that matters. It didn't to me. ;)

That is truly boast-worthy! Excellent job! You should be really, really proud of yourself. I know you're already stretched thinly time-wise, but if you can do this consistently, I would be very interested in purchasing an e-book from you so I can save like that on healthy fare. I know how to extreme coupon, but I have never been all that successful with meat and produce. You scored big time! :)

What is your temp? If it's super low grade, is it possible it's just from inflammation, or you are fighting off something? How did you discover it? I know you said you had no other symptoms, but I'm wondering if you had aches or chills or anything that clued you in to the fever. Your answers might affect my decision. For example, if I had a well check, and they told me my temp was 99, that would be a low grade fever for me because I typically have a temp that's lower than 98.6. However, if I was otherwise feeling fine and asymptomatic, I would mention the "fever" to my friend, and if she was ok with it, I'd go. However, if my fever was 100 or higher, I'd stay home even if I had no other symptoms. Same goes if i had chills or something. I'd assume something was brewing, and I wouldn't want to risk spreading it to others. I'm probably no help. I hope you arent getting sick, and I hope you can go on your grown up play date. I know how refreshing those can be!

That's awesome news! We had a similar situation, but it only lasted one year. I can't imagine what y'all went through for two! So happy for you!

I completely agree with getting it done by a professional piercer using a needle. There is just no comparison to the minimal damage a needle does to the back of the ear versus what an ear gun can inflict. I've had both, and would only go the needle route from now on, both for hygienic and ease of healing reasons.

We would eat it here.

Pre-treating with Zout works really well on red clay dirt. Don't use bleach if the pants contain polyester or spandex because those will yellow with exposure to bleach (bleach alternative or non-chlorine bleach is fine).

We can take it it to our county trash and recycling center. They will recycle it in various ways depending on what type of oil it is. We don't have much oil waste, but it's an option that is available to us. I know that vegetable oils are recycled into fuels, as an example.

Regarding an amount, I think that's very much based on an individual or family budget. I don't think there is a set amount that "should" be spent. People come up with the most creative, adorable gifts that cost very little but are so precious to the recipient. Having said that... Diapers, wipes, and books? I would say you're the awesome aunt! :D

Well, Jean, I, too, have felt so bad that I haven't wanted to leave the house even for chocolate, so I know you must be having a really rough day. Hugs! I hope tomorrow is better. You did accomplish things, so you should definitely give yourself major points! I've finished the diaper cake, bought the wrapping paper, exchanged the dress (had to do it through the mail - praying the new one arrives in time), made the reservations, rescheduled the appointment, "made" dinner (take out - ha ha), updated to do list. I didn't get the photo enlarged or call my mom. There's always tomorrow, right? :)

I'm so glad that your MIL was found last night, Jean! Please be gentle with yourself today after last night's stress. Today, I need to: Reschedule a doctor appointment Exchange a dress Have maternity photo of dd enlarged Assemble favor boxes for baby shower Purchase wrapping paper Make a diaper cake Make reservations for dd17's graduation dinner Call my mom Make dinner Update weekend to do list

Praying for all of you!

Praying for all of you! Hugs.