Yes!!! I know I will have my two boys home with me. If they are the only two and my little’s special ed preschool reopens for her twice a week, then I want to do lots of fun, messy projects and build in time for individualized rabbit trails, the way we homeschooled when I was just teaching my oldest two. But that’s not going to work if I have a whole bunch at home. My oldest two girls decided they wanted to try public school before all of this happened with quarantine shut downs. If schools are open in the Fall, they will be going, but they are not doing public school distance learning or some kind of hybrid. If they’re home, they’re homeschooling. We are still waiting on news from the school district before I can plan for them. My foster dd8 will be attending her same public school if it is open, but I have put in a request to homeschool her through my kids’ homeschool charter if they are doing distance learning. We could do way better for her academically, combine some subjects with other kids to save me teaching time, and not have to deal with trying to do things on the school’s timetable. This would apparently require permission from a judge, and who knows how open he/she would be, or how long permission might take to get. But we can’t ask until the school gives a solid plan. And, to top it off, my foster girls’ sisters (7 & 10) might come to us in August, right before the school year starts. If so and their school is closed, I will make the same request as for dfd8, but there will be little time to try to get a request through. I normally spend all summer doing very light school and using my extra time to plan and prep everything, but I feel paralyzed. I have some rough ideas for some curriculum choices at least for my four I’ve already been teaching, but that’s about it. Part of me keeps trying to worry about questions of how I can manage if I have all eight at home, would foster dds be offended if I combined them in subjects with younger bio kids they are at a level with, etc.—But generally I’m trying to just leave all that alone until the school district tells us what is going on. I hope it is soon.

I think that's a good idea.

Thank you for your voice of caution and for being so open. I need to think on this more. My first thought is that I already have the one with the most severe issues, but then of course you never really know that, do you? You never know what DHS isn’t telling, or what will crop up later on. Dd3 regressed and had severe behavior issues following dd8 coming to live here—you know about some of that. But after dealing with a very rough period, she is doing so well now, and has benefited from being reunited with one sister. (Her nightmares that used to wake her screaming 8-10 times a night have steadily declined since her sister came, to where she now sleeps through the night more often than not for one thing). But I guess you never know. I suppose if you foster kids for a time without talking about it being permanent, you can see how reunifying siblings goes for them. But you probably wouldn’t see RAD issues until you were talking permanency, right?

I do not think that what happened to these girls was meant to happen. I think their parents were allowed their free agency and used it for evil. But going forward from this point, I feel that God is asking us if we will care for care for these children of his—that this is what he means to happen in the future, if we are willing.

Yes, we’re in the US. We would prefer adoption, but the case worker asked about guardianship specifically because she thought bio mom might agree to give us guardianship (she has been very happy with youngest dd’s progress since she came to us, and mentioned sever times to the cw how happy she is with the care they’re getting here). My guess is that guardianship might be a step on a longer road to adoption, maybe. The home the other girls are in is not a long term option. Their foster parents are not interested in adoption. I am frankly shocked that they managed to pass a home study.

Maybe I could talk to you guys. . . I’ve had some big decisions on my mind, and no one irl with any experience in foster/adoption to discuss it with. The case worker spoke to dh recently, saying that we are coming up on a year here (in 2 months) since foster dds were removed and that neither parent is taking steps they should, and asking if we would consider a permanent guardianship. We would certainly, but we also strongly feel that our two girls and their sisters need to be together. There are two more girls who have been over to stay with us a number of times. And the more we talk and pray about it, the more we come to feel that they belong with our family. I don’t know how this could work. We already have six kids in a three bedroom house, with the four girls in one room together. We don’t have room in the car. I actually always wanted a large family, but I pictured them rather more spread out. (Eight kids in 7 1/2 years—or seven kids in 5 years plus littlest dd 2 1/2 years later). The idea of managing that many, that close together, for years, is daunting—and adding in the therapies and youngest dd’s delays and behavior issues makes my logical brain hesitant. Not to mention long-term questions about giving financial help when launching that many young adults that close together, and the still-unknown of whether youngest dd will be able to catch up completely in time or whether she will be permanently disabled, and will they always feel like two separate batches or will they have true sibling relationships in time? But somehow, the more I wonder and worry and pray and question, the more my heart feels at peace with this. Many months before dd8 came to us, we felt she was meant to come here. We were prepared in advance well before it seemed there was a cause—even the car that allowed us to seat another kid fell into our laps, as it were. And then we thought we had been mistaken as months continued to pass and word was that she was doing very well where she was. Until the day we got a call asking if we could take her right then, and we were ready. Even as my mind continues to worry and question, my heart becomes more and more convinced that if this is meant to happen, a way will be provided. But oh my goodness, it’s a bunch—this school year they were in 5th, 4th, 3rd, two in 2nd, 1st, K, and preschool. A year ago we were considering fostering one baby/toddler.

Oh, me too! I would love to get in on that.

Even if your area doesn't have a foster care closet, you can probably drop them off at the local DHS office and they can give them to foster families who need them. Our area doesn't have a foster closet or a clothing stipend.

A relative once berated me for using the term “Hispanic”, claiming that it is a racist dog whistle and the proper term is “Latinx”. (She lives in a super woke area, and loves to tell others why things like this mean they are actually bigots). Um, my husband and children are Hispanic (and not Latino)—but apparently they don’t count. Because they don’t look Hispanic to her. Just calling people whatever they call themselves and generally trying to be considerate seems to be the way to go.

My foster daughters have a sister who is turning seven today. We were all invited to her birthday party this evening—but late last night I got a call from her foster mother saying that they had changed their minds about inviting us. Apparently it is a joint party for their niece and my girls’ sister, and when a relative expressed concern over the number of guests invited, they decided to uninvite sister’s guests. I asked her to reconsider at least letting dfd8 come, and they thought about it for a while and responded that she could come. I would understand not wanting to get together a large group right now, or not wanting to invite our whole crew since there are so many of us, but I am completely incensed that they would just cancel on sister like that. Why not just hold two parties? She shouldn’t have to go without her family on her birthday because foster cousin’s grandpa doesn’t want them there! And if they would just make their foster kid play second fiddle at her own birthday party like that, then they have no business being foster parents.

Thank you so much! Some concrete advice on what to do is exactly what I am looking for, and exactly what was missing from everything they sent me. Do you mind my asking at what age you started using the sign with your twin, and how much time it took to see results in his behavior using this method?

I know that many British people are Black, as well as many other races, but there are historically British races.

I don’t think it is a bad thing, really. I mean, I don’t think it’s a symptom of racism or something to imagine a character as having the most common demographic of the setting the story is in, or to generally tend to imagine a setting to be similar to one’s own until told otherwise.

If the name gives a hint or if there is a cultural flavor to the writing style, the characters match that culture. (So, maybe a character named Michelle looks French, even if she is not mentioned as being French. Most fantasy that feels middle-ages-European-ish, they look European. In Chakraborty’s books the characters look like a variety of peoples from Egypt to Persia to southern African. In British literature they always look like varieties of British). If the story feels American and there are no descriptions or name hints, I picture them as the nondescript European mix that is so common here.

There are individuals who work there who are really great and do all they can to help the kids, but taking the organization as a whole—I hate them. When our little one first came to us nine months ago, they sugarcoated and left out vital information and basically were pretty dishonest about her known issues for the sake of getting her in to a home. They dictate what and how our family can do minor things, but then give no help or guidance on the big things that are part and parcel of foster care. They take months to get around to taking care of what they are responsible for. They drop these desperately damaged kids off and just abandon us with them. Sometimes I can’t get ahold of a caseworker for a few weeks at a time. And yesterday, after we had a major incident with our little foster daughter committing animal abuse and I informed the case worker about it, their response was to email me several articles relating to animal abuse in children. I read through them all. In summary: 1) Abused children often become animal abusers 2) For a variety of reasons 3) Children in an older stage than ours should get therapy 4) Children ours’s age should never have been exposed to examples of cruelty in the first place 5) Kids who abuse animals might burn your house down, and 6) They can grow up to be serial killers.

I posted in early March, but so much has changed since then. My oldest dd and I are doing so much better. We have pretty much resolved the attitude issues. After working through that, dd is still interested in trying out public school, which we are fine with. I have been trying to decide whether the sign her up for AOPS’s self-paced class for the second half of Prealgebra—it seems like it might be a lot easier to get her placed in the right level for math if we have an outside grade for verification. But it’s so expensive—the last of our charter funds would cover about half of it. Dd9 would also like to give public school a try. I think it might be good for her self esteem to experience a normal classroom, instead of always being sandwiched between (and comparing herself to) high-achieving dd11 and ds7. However, once the school district lets us know what school will look like in the Fall, we will let them decide then whether to go or stay home, unless it is entirely distance learning like now—if they’re home, they’re homeschooling. Our little one’s eight-year-old sister is with us now, and I have been crisis schooling her. I have been shocked first by how little work and how trite and easy it was, and then by the fact that she couldn’t actually do it. She is a bright kid who no one seems to have noticed was missing essential foundational skills. The last few weeks I’ve mostly scrapped the school packet work in favor of working on number sense, place value, and reading comprehension—these are the things she really needs, and I only have so much time to work with each kid. DHS has a policy that foster kids stay enrolled in the same school, but if they aren’t back in the classroom I will try to get permission to teach her through my other kids’ homeschool charter instead of through her school’s distance learning packets. I got her name added to the charter school’s list just in case. Ds almost-8 and ds 6 will be home with me. If they are the only ones, it will be so quiet! I would have so much more time for fun messy projects with them, like I used to do with my big girls when they were younger. It’s really hard to make any plans, because I would want to choose different materials if I just have the two of them at home vs. if I am homeschooling five. Dfd3 is still with us. She will be 4 in September and will go to her special developmental preschool two mornings a week, I think—she will be eligible for Head Start preschool, which they would have liked to put her into this year if her birthday had been two weeks earlier, so maybe they will want to move her? Or if her preschool is still closed. But if I get a say in the matter, I would keep her where she’s been. I have two days left to spend the last of this year’s school funds, and I am a bit frozen. I normally get what I will need to do my planning and prepping over the summer. It’s hard to know what to do with it when I have so little idea of what I will need to prep for.

My mom’s parents planned on a boy and a girl—she always says they got their boy, their girl, their surprise, and their shock (who are eight and 15 years younger than my mom).

The seniors here are done. They are sick of being isolated. At a local senior facility, they staged a protest and walked out last week— hobbled out the doors together with their walkers and wheelchairs and sat out on the grass together in the sunshine. They have not been allowed to leave the facility for outings or have family visits for months. Now they’ve told the management that it is over—literally announced that they would rather die, and that if management didn’t end the facility lockdown now, they would all be pulling their contracts as a block and leaving.

Oh, that’s too bad. Those self-paced courses seem like such a good idea—I just wish they weren’t so expensive. It just seems to me like doing an automated program with teacher support when necessary shouldn’t cost the exact same amount as taking a class with full instruction.

. . . because I took his too-small clothes and gave them to his younger brother. He is seven.

We also added a kid, a surprise three days after bringing home our puppy! I wouldn’t have planned it that way, but they needed an emergency placement for our foster daughter’s sister that day.

My son has a hamster he has had for a while, and my daughter has six Rhode Island Red pullets that are about six weeks old. And this is my girl Sunny. She is ten weeks old today. Her mother is a Golden Retriever, and we’re pretty sure her father must be a Lab.

What is an otter tail and a double Lab coat? We have a new puppy, too, and the father is unknown, but we suspect Lab. Okay, this sounds like very useful advice. I'm going to be trying this!

It’s not really a problem yet for them to be wearing their winter clothes, still. But these lovely Spring temperatures have arrived this last week or two—meaning we have about three weeks until it will be uncomfortably hot during the day. (It’s still weird to me that Spring and Fall weather is so short here, and the rest of the time is roasting or freezing).

My difficulty is compounded by a few things. One is that, to control the laundry monster, I have tended towards the minimalist side of things with kids’ clothes in the past so as to have less stuff to manage and to make myself stay on top of washing and folding frequently—so my kids tend to wear out most of their clothes each year, as they wear them a lot. One is that my foster girls’ previous foster mom really goes in for tight-fitting styles on little girls, so almost none of their stuff still fits. Also, my older girls are picky about their shorts length, and won’t wear shorts that don’t come down far enough. Another is that several of my kids have difficult-to-fit body types (looking at you, three-year-old! After much trying in the Fall I finally figured out that while she was the height measurement of a four-year-old and had the waist measurement for 5T pants, her thighs were 6T. I searched high and low for 6T girls capris with adjustable waistbands for her to wear as pants.) Okay, enough whining. You all are making some good suggestions, and I will look more online, but I wish it had occurred to me earlier that I might need to budget significantly more for our clothes this season.