17 winters ago, I was having one of my weekly coffee playdates and this new homeschooling SAHdad showed up. I’m in the kitchen and say, “I can get you some coffee or maybe you’d rather have hot cocoa?” And he said, “Can I have both?” And my mind was blown bc it just hadn’t occurred to me to be so decadent and I knew we were going to become besties as I made two coffees with hot cocoa added. True story. He’s godfather to half my kids and we still have coffee every week.

LOL. I tell you what I tell everyone who tells me they are worried they over-shared. You know what people who “over-share” have going for them? A quick efficient friend-weeding ability. It’s awesome. Be extra all you naturally are and don’t worry about it. The people who won’t care, not only won’t care, but will probably be just fine with it. The people who are bothered will go be bothered somewhere else. That said I’m a coffee addict and a coffee snob. No way it’s in the shower with me and not even my fellow humans touch my coffee. The dog would end up in a new home. Cause I do love my coffee more than my dog.

My brain cells know what my parents house phone number was when I was 18 (last time they had it) but seriously struggles to remember of that other stuff. The struggle is brutal real.

No no no. What it means is put your bowl of ice cream in a big coffee mug and pour your coffee over it.

Again. Read my post explaining. It’s a revolving door. And it’s not at all like everyone for everything has 20 plus people all at the same time for the entire time. and they are there for a medical reason - to be there for someone in medical need. This. I’ve seen it somewhat often but really the vast majority of the time they are quiet and since the waiting rooms have the seating split up in little groupings, you often won’t know unless you are really looking and observing anyways. Most people are too focused on their own business to do that. and again most people don’t have family of that size and many people don’t have family at all living near by. and again, most people don’t stay the entire time My husband will LOVE visitors the more the better. He hates being alone for more than 5 minutes and it’s important to him to be liked and hear that he is appreciated. If he could get a constant parade coming through - he would absolutely be cloud 9 level thrilled. I would need weeks to decompress from such a social event. lol

Well sure. But not all at once. And most people these days don’t have large families or even any family at all living near by. So for those people, regardless of whether they’d be okay with it or not, it’s unlikely they are going to have 20 people show up. For every person that has 20 show up, there’s probably 2 or 3 that have 1-2 who could wait for them. And this is just waiting. People come and go while waiting. And once the good news that things went well and they are recovering, most people are going to leave.

Again. It isn’t unless it ends up that way. Grandma was 90 freaking years old when she went to the hospital for a broken hip and then didn’t come home. She’d had surgeries before then for various things and it was the same way. Because there comes a point when there’s no such thing as a minor surgery for someone. If they aren’t seeing you, what do you even care? I agree with you in my personal preferences but I just don’t care what other people do. Don’t be jerks. That’s it. Don’t care if it’s that one grandma who has to keep her phone on speaker or 20 people talking over each other while their kids run around. LOL It just takes telling that one person. Or a FB post.

Pending the hospital she’s referring to, dozens to hundreds. The children’s hospital alone claims to do 7400 pediatric surgeries a year. And children are often the ones to have 20 people in visiting waiting. Not that adults never do, but kids? People tend to be a lot more worried about that and want emotional support. Same goes for elderly. My mom and dad died at home so that made it easy. Only people invited were allowed to come over. I didn’t care who they wanted over. But I made it clear that unless mom/dad expressed a desire to see them, then they could call but not come by bc what the dying wanted was the priority and they all had their entire lives to make an effort to spend time with them if they’d wanted to. Yeah. I know. I’ve never been popular anyways. But when my grandma died at the hospital, it took a few days, and that place was PACKED. The room? Only 1-2 at a time. But dadblum. Grandma had 8 kids who all had spouses and who all had 1-4 grown kids, and then some mostly or actually grown great grandchildren. It was standing room only in the waiting lobby area.

But what a blessing it is to have so much support if they do want those people there. We do not come in masse like that. Usually it would 1-3 of us, with one that stays always and other people rotate out stopping by to check in and leaving. Usually the one that stays is me bc let’s face it, I’m an unemployed mom and the expectation is that I can drop everything to be there for someone who needs or wants me there. And I’m usually happy to live up to that expectation if at all possible. My friends or family will stop by to bring me a snack or coffee or just to chitchat while we wait. Usually we don’t bring children at all bc they are little virus vectors. Last time I was in hospital for a week and my husband never brought any of the kids up - not even grown ones, which hurt a lot of feelings that he was genuinely oblivious to at the time. Yes. And no. I never felt I had any genuine control as a patient in the hospital for anything. And that’s more bc of the medical environment and or my medical state at the time than anyone visiting out of concern for me. It was entirely thanks to those visiting or staying with me, that I was able to have a real say in anything bc they would advocate hard for me and weren’t dependent on a bed push button to make someone come listen to me. Sometimes that person advocating for me was my husband but many times it was actually my dearest friends. Sometimes they advocated for me against my husband even. I adore them for that. I wish I’d had them back when I had the first half-dozen kids.

The hospitals here vary greatly but you have a right to have one person with you 24/7. They don’t advertise that and some discourage it. The hospital does not have to offer anything to that person though, so there might not be any vending machines on the floor or an open cafeteria in the hospital at all. Usually there’s the most uncomfortable by design ever recliner or bench to sorta sleep on at best.

It is my and many other older women’s observation of both ourselves and other women. It’s not even a bad thing so much as a typical thing. This topic was a hotly debated mother topic 30 years ago too. Which is why I said that I might be sad to not see my son or daughter at the hospital for any reason, but everyone I know would be genuinely concerned if it’s not just that I am not there, but no one else is either. And we do see that a lot more these days. And new mom isolation depression and couple stress is a real thing too. So let’s not gloss over the real hardships of going too far in the other direction on this issue of new parents feeling they have to do it all on their own and ending up just feeling they are failing each other.

okay. 🤷‍♀️ It can be. And if you read my post, I note that for most of mine I did not have visitors, I didn’t even tell anyone the baby until after baby was born. and again, if you read my post, I mentioned multiple times that there should be support. So your angry feelings seem misplaced. Okay. Re-read my post after you set your emotional baggage down then? I said younger mothers tend to not value bonds outside of the mother/child, wife/husband as much as they will later in life. And many women later in life caution younger mothers, rightly, to be careful not to isolate themselves to those two bonds. None of my support network has involved my FOO. Ever. And that’s a good thing for many sad reasons I won’t get into. In my younger mother years, that’s just the way it needed to be. I would want that to be different for my children. If they don’t want that from me, then that’s okay by me too. God knows, any parent who expects their grown children to agree with them on anything is in for some major life disappointment. But I stand by my opinion that bonding with the baby is ideally not just for the parents. Or even just for the grandparents either. Children are raised in communities. Moms get sick. Dads work long hours. Life happens. I totally get that some people aren’t helpful and don’t have healthy relationships. But for those that do? Let them in the circle. I would be sad if my daughter didn’t want me around at all after a baby is born. But that’s her choice. But I would be very concerned for them all if she had no one other than her Dh around. Nothing against spouses at all. But I remember the decade I was all alone or just me and Dh to care for my newborns and young children as very stressful and damned hard. We managed and even by miracle or miracles thrived in many ways. But I wouldn’t want that for my children if it could be done with better support. And statistically, we were outliers and most do not thrive in that scenario.

Bonding with parents isn’t the only bonding babies need to feel loved. Bonding with their children isn’t the only bonding parents need to feel loved either. That said, I think it’s fine for the recently birthed mom to decide she isn’t up to visitors. With most of mine I didn’t tell anyone until after baby was born except for my 4 closest friends, 2 of which were present at several births. But that was later in life when I’d built those bonds. Many moms don’t have those bonds and actively do things that make it hard for them to have such relationships I think grandmother and other close attachments shouldn’t be considered visitors but I do understand that’s the sad state of things for many people, it certainly was for me too. I do think that anyone visiting should not be asking anything of the mother or the father. Contribute to making their healing and transition into parenting easier or don’t come. Take a minute to hold the new baby and 20 minutes to helps with something. Bring outside food. Run an errand so dad doesn’t have to leave mom and baby. Clean something. Don’t stay more than 30 minutes. Women under 40 tend to not value those outside connections as deeply as they often will later in life. Usually with regret at how they ended up isolating themselves and then feeling they were alone in their struggles.

I still remember my mother in law needing security to escort her to her car because she snagged a Tickle Me Elmo.

What a load of crap. It might be socially awkward if a 30 year old man talking to a third party says he went to mommy or daddy’s house over the weekend. But when talking directly to his parents he addresses them as mama or mommy or daddy? Who would even care? All my kids call me mama. Sometimes Mommy, usually when scared or hurt. Unless they have a pickle up their rear about something, then they call me Mother.🙄 Being called Mother by my kids is the equivalent of when I use their full name, including confirmation name.😝

Me too. I had to really focus to see the bird.

Idk. I’m itching just thinking about this. I’m livid that schools no longer are require being nit-free. But also. I’m going to be frank that treat lice can be very time consuming and expensive, and for people that already do not have time or money to spare, this may genuinely not be possible for them effectively treat, especially repeatedly. And social services will do nothing bc technically lice and bedbugs are not considered a health danger. Now I know all of us reading think that’s nuts but since they do not tend to transfer dangerous diseases, that’s the view of most health and child welfare depts. A friend last fall was literally in tears nearly the entire semester bc they were treating their two girls and the house and everything and were just miserable with scalp abrasions from scratching until they bled and it didn’t matter bc no matter how much they would think they’d gotten rid of them. 2 weeks later the scratching would start again. Maybe with some classmate first but it always came back around. And in the mean time she felt disgusting and ashamed and isolated and broke from spending money they already didn’t have bc she didn’t want to go anywhere she didn’t have to but school and work were places their family had to go to pay the mortgage and buy food same as everyone else. It was awful but the most awful part was the school policy that perpetuated the problem. I just feel horrible for people in these situations. Our whole family no joke at all got PTSD dealing with bedbugs many years ago. And I’m sure my friend’s family has traumatic emotions with lice too. I just can’t understand how it could ever be reasonable for the community to have policies they permit such infestations.

well I’d say they aren’t mature enough for the phone and take the phone away. But that’s me. This is our policy too. I have told my kids that it’s easier and faster than they imagine to misuse someone else’s phone and the first step is never letting it leave their possession.

Well points for me then bc I feel the same about it whether it’s in schools or church. If the teen is not being disrespectful or disruptive - then I don’t think anyone should care about it. I would think this is more true at youth group. Now I have had to say in front of the parent to a 5 yr old that they can leave their phone on the table on silent next to the door (inside the room) or they can have mom keep it until the 1 hour spiritual retreat is over. The table is where we put everything that isn’t supposed to be in the room. Purses, drinks, toys… whatever. It was no problem. And the teachers put ours there too (our entire purse with phone in it). And there’s a coat rack too. but a 15 year old is not a 5 yr old.

Nm

LOL I know exactly where that is bc it’s not far from me and I drive around there all the time visiting a BFF.

Crap like that is exactly why it makes sense to so many kids to either just kill themselves in what they hope will at least be a less painful way and/or seek revenge via mass violence. 47 days. smdh

This. Just wt*. This is NOT bullying and I’m furious and tired of it being called bullying. Bullying is verbal harassment. Knocking your books out of your hand. Idk atomic wedgies. Being shoved or tripped. *Maybe* A single punch when things go a bit too far. Getting the crap beat out of them or beat to death is NOT bullying. That’s just full on manslaughter and that’s what those who did it should have faced.

Yep. I almost never do things that are advertised as for home schoolers.

Right? Makes my day when Costco, aldi or Ikea has the answer. And also… LOL I’ve worked really hard to improve upgrade my life aesthetics duct-taped-box-fan only to often find that worked best. So solidarity with you on that. I’m watching this thread bc bc I finally spent a few weeks doing a ton of allergy testing and it turns out - I’m allergic to this planet. Including cats and dogs. So much for the theory that if you grow up around a lot of nature and animals you’ll likely not have allergies to those things. So I need to rehome my dog and 2 cats and reduce allergens in the house. Heavy pet hair, heavy outdoor stuff like pollen and dust bc the kids still love to open the windows on a beautiful day and then shut them when I start to get miserable. I’m wondering what would be best. And how many would be needed. (2800sf with 2 of the rooms have high vaulted ceilings.) Comparing various brands and options is downright dizzying.