................... Posted October 6, 2015 Share Posted October 6, 2015 I just feel so exhausted with guiding my enfp. She has so many natural talents but no desire to make any of them great. No desire to stick with any long term projects. She is full of creativity, full of life, all good things But/ no concept of time No concept of waking up early No Concept of long term planning Thinks life is one big party She has always been industrious- last month she taught herself to use a sewing machine, went to the framers market, set up a table and sold all her quilts. many of her great ideas never come to anything, but once she starts she does usually execute. The problem is, these kids are so hard to "school"... I'm tired of making her do piano, tired of waiting for her to start the day at 10am, tired of being her personal coach (she quit swimming and now I have to take her to go exercise 3x per week) I'm tired of feeling bad that I can't make all her dreams come true. ....then on top of it she is a complete praise junkie and WAnts praise all day long for every single thing she does. Sometimes I just go sit in my room and be depressed that I am not a fun parent for her (though I certainly try!!!) we are so vastly different. 😕 I worry about her high school, her college and her future. Her specific type of ENFP tend to desire careers in creativity and wilt with utter depression if they can't be creative. She wants to be a chef and I've accepted that but... Everyone says "oh she's so smart! A chef??" They don't understand. 😡 Just looking for commiseration today. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fairfarmhand Posted October 6, 2015 Share Posted October 6, 2015 Some of this isn't just her personality. It's that she's 11. Eleven year olds are definitely scattered. They lack long term thinking and planning ahead. It's okay. Likely, she will grow into some of these skills. And by the way,when I was 11, I wanted to be an architect. Now I'm a farmer, homeschooling mom and a writer. My dreams of those days grew up quite a bit. Take heart! She's still so young and has lots of maturing to do. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
................... Posted October 6, 2015 Author Share Posted October 6, 2015 True, but I've raised another kid, as well as knowing myself...and she turns 12 next month... This 11-12 year old is way way different from *me*...that is what is so exhausting to me. :crying: However, this is heartening...maybe it'll be slightly better in two or three years. ... My dd's dream life is basically yours....she wants to be a chef, living on a farm, homeschooling. :hurray: 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FairProspects Posted October 6, 2015 Share Posted October 6, 2015 Take heart. ENFPs do grow up and channel their energies. Sometimes those personality traits even change a bit as that occurs. I came up as ENFP on test after test in high school, but I now come out as ENTJ. It just took my analytical side awhile to mature. I still wilt without creativity and that creativity has come out in so many interesting ways as an adult that even I couldn't predict. Both in jobs and in hobbies that make my life more full and complete. She'll get there too. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fairfarmhand Posted October 6, 2015 Share Posted October 6, 2015 True, but I've raised another kid, as well as knowing myself...and she turns 12 next month... This 11-12 year old is way way different from *me*...that is what is so exhausting to me. :crying: However, this is heartening...maybe it'll be slightly better in two or three years. ... My dd's dream life is basically yours....she wants to be a chef, living on a farm, homeschooling. :hurray: But just because she;s different from you doesn't mean she's doomed to miss out on some important life lessons. I get it. My 17 yo is absolutely opposite me in so many ways. In maturity, she's behind where I was at 17. And yet, she's within the range of normal and I am seeing glimpses of the young woman she is growing into. Yes, it is different but it's still so good. Her timetable may be different from yours or your other kids and that's ok. Give her the freedom to explore who she is without the baggage of worrying of future failures. Now raising a kid who is completely opposite you being EXHAUSTING...I totally get that one. Gee whiz it makes me totally worn out. My dd the extrovert wants to engage me constantly and it sucks me dry. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mtomom Posted October 6, 2015 Share Posted October 6, 2015 :grouphug: I worry about mine too. He does have executive function issues. It's hard to sort out what is personality and what is something else. But I worry about his occupation choices. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kbutton Posted October 6, 2015 Share Posted October 6, 2015 I get it. I am not an SJ by core temperament. I am NT. I am pretty sure I have an NF child, and I cling to that common N for dear life. The N part takes some time to mature, along with trial and error. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
................... Posted October 6, 2015 Author Share Posted October 6, 2015 Today we made each other laugh by telling each other a long boring story about the long boring life of me and my imaginary ESTJ daughter and all the boring spelling bees we would win, and the boring daily routine of getting things done quietly and neatly and doing the art projects just as they were in the manual and getting all the As nice and neat and how we would spend our free time studying spelling and how bored her piano teacher would be because instead of my real dd who asks amazing funny crazy and cool questions my boring child would come and play the piano and be a good boring girl and leave ...and how it would be so frightening to have two taskmasters in the house, and what would become of us on a Saturday afternoon? We would probably clean ! Hahaha we laughed and laughed ...thankful for my ENFP!!!! 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs. Tharp Posted October 6, 2015 Share Posted October 6, 2015 She will be grateful for the worldview you model when she reaches adulthood and will likely have a greater ability to plan, organize, and follow through than the average ENFP because of it, not to mention greater respect for people for whom those skills come naturally. This can only help her in the long run. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
................... Posted October 7, 2015 Author Share Posted October 7, 2015 That's true Mrs Tharp...overall hopefully having me as a mom will be a positive experience even though there are hard moments and we have to work hard to understand each other and keep giving grace and growing! My dd and I chose some new curriculum for science and writing that she really loves and for her, loving what she is doing is 90% of the motivation. It won't be a magic pill but I do see the difference in how creatively written programs really improve her outlook. 😀😀😀 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Calizzy Posted October 7, 2015 Share Posted October 7, 2015 I don't really have any advice for you, but I am enfp. I have always been rather flighty! I am naturally smart, but only gave 50% effort at school. I did graduate from college though! I quit projects often. It's a miracle that I have a stable life, I have 4 kids and I am a classical homeschooler. I am a Christian and I believe the Lord keeps me faithful in my daily duties. I just wanted to encourage you that enfp's can still be responsible. I know I was a strong willed teen (and still am!) So good luck and hang in there! 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tsuga Posted October 7, 2015 Share Posted October 7, 2015 My MOM was an XNFP. Now that was exhausting! By the way, she has a stable life, was a fantastic mom, pulled it together, and is highly valued at work not only for her ingenious interpersonal skills, but also for her accuracy and ability to react in crisis. :) She is really great at channeling adrenaline and moving fluidly through situations which is a huge gift in the medical world. Your baby will grow up and if she believes in herself will almost certainly get it together for a career. But also I understand. I have a wee little ENFP. It's so hard. She also wants to be a chef. But also to have annual vacations to Hawaii. Um... 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
................... Posted October 7, 2015 Author Share Posted October 7, 2015 Yay Calizzy!!!! Thank you! By the way I think ENFPs are amazing....💜 I need to help my dd believe in herself more ... 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ausmumof3 Posted October 9, 2015 Share Posted October 9, 2015 I think my 6yo dd is enfp though it's not set in stone at that age. It is exhausting ! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
................... Posted October 10, 2015 Author Share Posted October 10, 2015 One good development...she had been studying careers and asking very specific questions, reading about them etc. and changed her mind to get a bachelors in elementary Ed and then train for Montessori. This makes more sense to me on every level than the chef thing!!! Thank God. :) and she can always cook for fun! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommy to monkeys Posted October 10, 2015 Share Posted October 10, 2015 I'm an ISTJ and I have an ENFP, but she's 5. She's is adorable, fun, makes friends everywhere she goes. . .but of all my children she is the MOST EXHAUSTING FOR ME because she is my polar opposite. I'm quiet, methodical, organized, and not particularly emotional (I'm not devoid of emotions. I just don't make choices with my feelings and every. single. thing does not illicit an emotional response). She's a friendly, talkative, highly emotional, easily distracted free spirit. We're not at the point you are yet, but I'm going to follow along. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
................... Posted October 10, 2015 Author Share Posted October 10, 2015 I know how you feel. At least my "E" came back out and now we have one letter in common. I was always an extrovert but during early mommy-hood became an introvert, for whatever reason. Now that in sort of back t myself, at least it helps that we both love parties and events. But still my "e" is not strong and I definitely need time to myself more often. But it's not just that, it's the sheer vast chasm of difference in how we view the world. Now I woo say that I am a better person for her in my life. Without her I would miss so much, I would never have seen so many things, or even learned my childhood all over agai. (And in fact never had much of one.) ****if**** I give her the time and get off my beaver cycle and stop. ...then I can really grow as a person and enjoy not only her but all that she sees. I'm like a person marching on to get the job done and my kids have helped me see and experience so much! And my INTP husband too! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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