Walking the line between intellect and maturity...

[Mommy22alyns]

How do you do it? DH and I are running into so much frustration with Becca because we so often fall into the trap of thinking of her as older than she actually is.

[Kuovonne]

I'm interested in hearing what experienced parents have to say on this too, as I find the same issue with my daughter. She is five, like your Becca, but when she was still four, people would mistake her for a six or seven year old - she is tall and very articulate when she chooses to be.

 

I find that I have to constantly re-adjust my expectations both up and down from day to day. Whenever I try something new with her, I never know if it will be totally easy and boring, or horribly, frustratingly difficult. Nothing is ever just right the first time. If I have to shelve something, I might try it again a few months later.

 

As for curriculum choices, I'm avoiding "boxed" curriculum because I think they would be too difficult to match to her varying levels. I'm using Five In A Row because it can be easily adapted to be easier or more difficult from book to book and day to day. I'm using RightStart Math and Spell to Write and Read because I can progress through them sequentially, slowing down or speeding up as necessary without affecting any other subjects.

[Storm Bay]

In our situation none of our kids is totally synchronous in their development--not one is as far advanced emotoinally &/or socially (depending on the child) as they are intellectually. It's challenging for sure, since they argue intellectually way beyond there age peers, but aren't ready to handle what they're arguing for many times. My oldest, who is hg, still likes to play on the playground at 13, although she does get bored much sooner than the younger two and finds some of the activities there too young.

[Laura Corin]

For example, if Calvin is capable of doing high school work, then I give that to him, but I don't expect him to spend the number of hours a high schooler would: we just get through the material slower, unless he wants to move fast.

 

As far as emotion and responsibility, I just try to remember the age that they are - easier with Hobbes than with Calvin, just due to personality.

 

Laura

[SkateLeft]

All I can say is that it gets better.

 

When my dd was younger, it was very, very hard. My expectations of her were sometimes unrealistic because I knew what she was capable of, and because she was my oldest, I didn't have any other frame of reference. I didn't really know what other 5 and 6 year olds were doing.

 

Now that she's older, it's much easier to deal with because there isn't such a disparity anymore, and if my expectations are unrealistic, she lets me know. :D But now I have to stop sometimes, and think about whether or not she's mature enough to do something that she wants to do.

 

So it does get easier!

[Academy of Jedi Arts]

It's not easy. I have to evaluate everything on a case to case basis. For example, dd7 has seen rated R movies and reads books with mature themes, but she still can't leave the yard without permission. I also talk to dd about expectations- what she thinks fair expectations are. If something isn't working, we have to tweak it. We are constant tweakers.

[SunshineMom]

My 5dd-I have learned to adjust my expectations through out the day. For instance, yesterday she woke up early dressed with her swimming suit under her clothing (swim class is at 11am). I said "ready for the day?" she replies "I don't want to waste any time."

 

However in the car, she sobbed because she couldn't hear her favorite song collection.

 

Later she asks out of the blue "mom, what does conscientious and to make a ruckus mean?" I am not sure where these words are coming from.

 

Without warning, she asks "mom, what is a dart frog?" I know she knows the answer but I played along with the wrong info.....she got incredibly angry and explained everything about the frog and wanted to know how frogs make poison. (These are the questions that I find hard to have a ready answer for) Does anyone else get this, asking for information, just to ask?

 

We are reading Stuart Little by White. I turned to the page we left off and could not remember where we were in the story, she retold the last proceeding four pages without missing a beat.

 

I was talking with her letting her know we would be starting our reading program again and that I have not seen her read much lately. She replied that "she reads at night by herself and for me not to worry."

 

In the evening, she cried because she wanted to play babies and that even though it was 10pm she was not tired!

[Desert Rat]

Like others here, my mantra is "He's just 8". It helps that my dh and I are constantly reminding each other (although I usually roll my eyes or he does that funny grunt thing).

 

Like Laura said, I let him work ahead but we go slower or take more breaks. Also, I remind him when he gets frustrated that he will have X amount of years before he'll be responsible for knowing this information so if it's too much, there's no harm in coming back to it later. This particularly helps because he's stubborn and insecure at the same time. So he doesn't want to "give up" yet he really does need to slow down or take a break.

 

HTH

[Storm Bay]

Does anyone else get this, asking for information, just to ask?

 

 

 

Yes, that would be ds, 8. For an eg from when he was about 5, he asked me one night why it got dark. I told him it was because the sun went down. He proceeded to correct me by reminding me that it was because the earth had turned...I was the one who had taught him that:001_smile:. He is also the one who likes to dig very, very deep into a topic (eg when he was 4 he wanted to know how fire made light & we had to keep digging until we got to the atomic level.)

[dmchr6]

Yeah it does get better as they get older. You do have to really individualize for the kid, though, and luckily homeschooling allows that. The hard thing with bright kids is that they may really excel in some areas so we expect that in all areas (and certainly never think they may be behind!)

 

My 14 yo ds was so far ahead when it came to reading, comprehension and understanding math, but he couldn't write worth beans, spell or remember math facts for what seemed the longest time. And of course the expectation was there that he should be able to do that because he seemed so smart in everything else! I just didn't push those areas too hard because I knew that those parts would come, and they really have. For example, I just took narrations from him till he was about 11, when he finally learned to type well and now he LOVES to write. And interestingly, the handwriting has finally caught up at least to be legible now.

 

Another hard thing is getting books to read that are appropriate. He could read books way above his maturity level and I had to really watch what he was reading. He read Ender's Game at age 8 before I had a chance to, and I don't think I'd have recommended that at his age.

 

It really does get better though, as the maturity level catches up. He's still very bright academically, but he can handle much more now too.

 

My 2 year old seems to be an awful lot like he was, so here we go again... :) (Not that the other kids are dumb or anything, they just seem to be developing more in line with their maturity levels!)

 

Good luck with it!

[Pam "SFSOM" in TN]

How do you do it? DH and I are running into so much frustration with Becca because we so often fall into the trap of thinking of her as older than she actually is.

 

Well, I have been known to, when frustrated beyond coping, yell at the top of my lungs, "You're acting just like a FIVE YEAR-OLD!!!"

 

At which point the five year-old looked at me quizzically and said, "Umm, Mommy, I AM a five year-old."

 

After that, it just became a joke. When I was annoyed with a behavior I would shout about acting their age, then they would laugh, and I would smile, and all would be well. The point was made that the behavior was annoying me, the point was also made that it was age-expected behavior. After that I usually gave them my old stand by "That was fun, and now you're done. Or take it outside. Whatever. But you're done HERE."

[nitascool]

In our case my 8yo has the size and gross motor coordination of the average 5.5-6yo the intellect of a 12 yo and the emotional maturity of either a 3yo or 12yo depending on the moment.

 

So when we're out in public everyone assumes that he's 5 or 6. You can imagine how many time's the poor kid has been asked if he's going to Kindergarten this year. Ugg. And how often he has said... "Obviously, you are a poor judge of chronological age." Even though I've told him several times to just smile politely and say... "I'll be going into 3rd grade." Which is just a little white lie right? lol

 

Of course, on those days when he has a public fit competition I can totally see why someone would think he were only 5.

 

With him we have to constantly remind ourselves that just because he thinks like a tween doesn't mean he is one. Also we really struggle to keep the reward-responsibility ratio balanced (sometimes he has more responsibility then he should have).

[Mommy22alyns]

Well, I have been known to, when frustrated beyond coping, yell at the top of my lungs, "You're acting just like a FIVE YEAR-OLD!!!"

 

At which point the five year-old looked at me quizzically and said, "Umm, Mommy, I AM a five year-old."

 

After that, it just became a joke. When I was annoyed with a behavior I would shout about acting their age, then they would laugh, and I would smile, and all would be well. The point was made that the behavior was annoying me, the point was also made that it was age-expected behavior. After that I usually gave them my old stand by "That was fun, and now you're done. Or take it outside. Whatever. But you're done HERE."

 

 

See, I need more examples of what five year old behavior actually looks like... :glare:

 

Nita, Becca gets asked if she's "going into kindergarten" a lot, and she likes to tell them "I'm in kindergarten!" I love your son's reply!

[Storm Bay]

See, I need more examples of what five year old behavior actually looks like... :glare:

 

Nita, Becca gets asked if she's "going into kindergarten" a lot, and she likes to tell them "I'm in kindergarten!" I love your son's reply!

 

I like his line, too, although if my kids used it I probably wouldn't like them to, either. This problem also happens with really tall kids, to, who are expected to act older than they're chronological age. Having a brother who was below the height charts until somewhere in his teens (he grew until he was about 21 or 22) and a childhood friend who is now 6'7" (male, fwiw) I assume nothing any more. Now I simply ask how old a child is if I want to know or if I'm confused by height/behaviour/coordination apparent conflicts.

[LisaKinVA]

It does get easier... I really pushed my 1st when he was in K, because he was so capable. He didn't complain, and he did work hard -- but it wasn't as "fun" as it probably could have been (but then, FLL wasn't available yet either)

 

He is now turning 9 this month. I'm not sure what "typical" 9yo behavior is, but I do know what's required skill & time-wise in the local PS for 4th grade... so we do use that as a guide line. I also still take certain strengths and weaknesses into account. His biggest area of weakness is in writing (not composition, per-se -- just trying to write quickly enough to encompass what his brain wants to write). Developmentally, he's 9. Mentally -- he's just way ahead. So, to ease that frustration, My end-of-year writing goals are that of an average 4th grader (this year), not the 6th-9th grade work he's actually doing. KWIM?

 

He has to handwrite (neatly, with proper punctuation and capitalization -- and spelling), everything that has an answer 3-sentences or less. (Last year, it was one sentence or less). Composition assignments are done hand-written until we get to the rough-draft stage, at which point we switch to the computer for rough-draft, proofing and final work. I also allow him to type his responses to literature questions.

 

For math, we sill use graph paper -- and have seen MUCH improvement in his math assignments since we started using it.

 

The amount of reading he "has" to do is commisserate with his PS peers. However, in order to get Wii game time, or computer game time -- it's 30 min. of free reading for 30 min. of game time.

 

That's my 9yo, though.

 

I also have a Ker and a 1st grader.

 

My Ker looks like the average Ker... sometimes behaves like the average Ker -- but work-wise is well above the average Ker. His subjects this year are: Math 1 (which he's half way through), Letters & Sounds 1, Spelling 1, Penmanship & Numbers practice, and he takes FLL, music, art, history and science with his older sister. In actual writing, he only has to do Math, Letters & Sounds, Spelling and Penmanship & numbers. His spelling tests are done orally (the *only* reason he has spelling, is because the others do, and he wanted it too... he's reading at a late 1st grade level, and the spelling words are, in his words, "sooo easy." :D

 

It's not unusual for him to fly through several pages of math or letters and sounds one day, but just do 1 page of each the next. I don't worry about it (but I've had two go throuh K already, so it's easy for me to say that now :D). Everything else in his shool day is either "fun" or has narration, picture drawing, etc. Maximum day for him of school work is 2 hrs (for everything). And, yes, he could *do* more, but I don't require it (other than the same free reading for Wii or computer game time).

 

He will easilly complete a standard 1st grade curriculum this year, but most likely complete 2 years of reading, math, history, science, grammar and art ( which seems to be about typical for my children). But my primary goals for him this year have more to do with learning to form letters and numbers correctly *above anything else we do.*

 

We're still very early into the school year -- but my biggest worry is that my 6.5yo dd (1st grader) will start speeding through subjects and want to move very quickly -- and I won't be able to continue combining K/1st for music, art, history and science much longer. Although, one way to "slow" her down is to add a secondary art curriculum (she truly loves art).:D

 

So, I guess my advice would be to understand what is deveopmentally appropriate (time in school, how much writing is expected, etc.), and use that is a base-line. There will be days (or perhaps weeks or more) when your dd will way exceed the expectation -- and that's great. But there may be days she just needs to be 5 (and spend more time playing than doing school work). By keeping the base-line standard in mind, it is much easier to accept the days she does the minimum.

 

The other things -- which I've had my young children narrate to me -- have to do with encouraging their language use and development (such as, use spelling words in a sentence, answering questions about what's been read, etc.). I've found that when I ask my young children to write down the answers I get things like, "The dog ran." But, when they narrate to me, I get "The big, black dog ran around the yard very fast, trying to catch the squirrell." Eventually, I'll want my Ker or 1st grader to write that entire sentence -- but right now, writing that amount is not developmentally appropriate (if they *want* to write it, that's an entirely different scenario, but I wouldn't *require* it.)

 

It's an adventure, and I have to keep my base-line goals at the forefront whenever I'm working with my children -- that way, what they do is more about them, and less about me...

 

Have a great day!