Emmy Posted March 22, 2009 Share Posted March 22, 2009 a privilege they've lost? Backstory: This morning I was directing the kids to get ready for church. One of my sons was playing on his bedroom floor with legos - I handed him a stack of clothes and told him to "please get dressed now, we need to leave for church soon". I checked back 10ish minutes later and he was still on the floor playing with legos. I got his full attention and told him directly "we need to leave for church soon and I've already told you to get dressed once. You need to do it now. When I come back, if you are still not dressed you will lose the Wii today." At this he jumps to attention and I walk out of the room to do other things. A diaper change and socks/shoes for another child later I check back and he's STILL playing with legos on the floor. I told him he lost his Wii privilege for today and that he needed to get dressed now or no church for him (I was already staying home with the baby). So of course he's flipping out and begging for a way to earn the Wii back. (we only play the wii on saturday/sunday so it's a big deal to lose it) He's obviously remorseful for his bad choice but I'm not feeling merciful on this - I was VERY direct. Am I being too harsh? Should I let him earn it back? This is a big issue to me because he directly disobeyed me and because honestly with 4 kids 8 and under I need kids to get dressed when I tell them to - I don't have time to help them all pop their shirts and pants on. He's a few weeks shy of 7 years old btw. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hillary in KS Posted March 22, 2009 Share Posted March 22, 2009 No. He knew the consequence was to lose the Wii for today. He chose to play Legos. I wouldn't back down. He can play Wii again next weekend. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
********* Posted March 22, 2009 Share Posted March 22, 2009 I'm with Hillary. I wouldn't let him earn it back for today. He's old enough to understand, and you told him clearly that: choosing to disobey mom by not getting dressed = no Wii today That's easy, he got it. To me, it was a very appropriate consequence. He just didn't obey. I bet that if this same situation happens next time you need him to get dressed, he'll remember that mom did indeed hold true to her word, and he'd be more inclined to get dressed when told to. Imagine if you let him 'earn back' Wii today. Do you think your 'get dressed now or no Wii today' will work next time? Man, being mom is hard. But I believe we make it harder when we don't follow through on our word. :grouphug: Just my two cents. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
myfunnybunch Posted March 22, 2009 Share Posted March 22, 2009 Nope. He knew the consequence and chose to continue playing Legos. He lost the privilege. Stick to your guns, Momma. I find myself wishing I could make my point and make them happy. My 6 y.o. lost his Wii privilege yesterday, and begged and cried. I just repeated "I'm sad that you made the wrong choice too. Next time I know you'll make the right choice and you'll keep your Wii privilege." I will add that there is something about Legos that sucks in my boys too. We've been working specifically on stopping in the middle of playing Legos. If they don't stop playing Legos and move on to follow a clear and specific direction, they lose the Legos. I've taken them away two times. We've had very few Lego problems since. :) Cat Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Murphy101 Posted March 22, 2009 Share Posted March 22, 2009 nope. they "earn" it back by not repeating the error of thinking I wouldn't take it away if they didn't do as requested.:) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Emmy Posted March 22, 2009 Author Share Posted March 22, 2009 Thanks for the replies - I will stand firm on the Wii for today. In retrospect, I wish that I had said he would lose the legos for the day instead of the Wii - I think it might have been more appropriate to the specific circumstance - but I said Wii, simply because it truly is his "currency". I do think it would be counterproductive to let him earn the wii back. I appreciate the input - I thought perhaps I was being too harsh. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abbeyej Posted March 22, 2009 Share Posted March 22, 2009 Emmy, I think we all have times when we mete out a punishment "in the moment" only to realize that perhaps some other option would have been better. Sometimes our mistake is so big that we really do have to backtrack and ask for a child's forgiveness. I do *not* think this is one of those cases. You picked a reasonable consequence (maybe one you can now second-guess, but not a bad one by any means), you made his choice clear to him, and he *chose* not to obey. You can sympathize with him, "Yeah, I know it's really disappointing that you can't play Wii today, and it makes me sad too that I have to follow through on this consequence. I *want* to do what makes you happy, but I'm your mother, and it's my job to help you learn to be responsible for your choices." But I agree with everybody else -- you did the right thing and you have to follow through. :( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rose in BC Posted March 22, 2009 Share Posted March 22, 2009 It's hard to stick with the original consequence but had I to do it over I would not allow my kids to earn back lost privileges. Every child is different and truthfully the earning it back thing might have been okay for two out of three of my kids but with the third one I should never given him another chance. It always backfired. I'm not saying there's never room for mercy. There is (although I'm inclined to think this specific situation you describe doesn't warrant it). But when I have shown mercy I explain that I'm extending this grace without any strings attached. In other words, they didn't earn the privilege back, I'm just being kind and reversing my original decision. I think this should truly be the exception, not the rule. Especially if you have a strong willed child. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MOHeather Posted March 22, 2009 Share Posted March 22, 2009 Absolutely do not take back his consequence. He must learn to obey you when you ask him to do something. I know it's hard. I always remind myself that I'd rather my children suffer these small, rather harmless consequences in their youth than experience the devastation that comes from lack of integrity and character as an adult. :thumbup1: You did good! Heather Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elise1mds Posted March 22, 2009 Share Posted March 22, 2009 Ditto what everyone else has said. I know for a fact that if my 6yo ds thinks I'm going to soften up, he'll take that inch and run a mile. I can't back down ever. It's frustrating and makes me so sad sometimes, but I like to think it's better for him in the long run! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kalanamak Posted March 22, 2009 Share Posted March 22, 2009 (edited) So of course he's flipping out and begging for a way to earn the Wii back. He's a few weeks shy of 7 years old btw. Not flipping out and begging. My son has (rarely) come up with a plan of contrition and labour to make up for something, and if he does it calmly, without game-playing or upset face or nagging, and he is actually making good on something, I will. I doubt I would do it for electronic entertainment. More for restoring a normal bedtime tonight, or an evening swim with Papa. Electronics have a Siren call on my fellow. He wouldn't be rational about it, and that is part of the reason I resist having them in the house, thus far. Edited March 22, 2009 by kalanamak Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Emmy Posted March 22, 2009 Author Share Posted March 22, 2009 Well the update is - he's home from church and I let him know there would be no earning it back. We talked about consequences and such. Hopefully this will be a lesson learned. I'm fully expecting him to meltdown when his older brother gets to play later but I'm ready to hold firm. :) Whew! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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