joannqn Posted March 14, 2009 Share Posted March 14, 2009 So, last night I get this cryptic voice mail from a friend's 12 year old. The call came at 8:50pm and said the "I'm calling to tell you that the party is at 1 to 3 o'clock instead of whatever time my mom told you. I'll call you tomorrow to make sure you don't show up at whatever time my mom told you." I was pretty sure that the party is referring to the birthday of one of the other children. The only mention of a party mom made to me was on Thursday (1 1/2 weeks ago) when she said she was thinking of having a birthday party on the following Wednesday from 4-6pm. I told her that my ds wouldn't be able to come because that's his taekwondo class time and he couldn't skip as he was preparing for a tournament the following Saturday. She suggested that perhaps just my DD could come which was fine with me. Nothing more was said about the party. I realized this last Thursday that I had forgotten about the possible Wednesday party and assumed we had missed it. So, this morning, the 12 year old calls back and says, "I'm just calling to tell you that the party is at 1pm." I tell her "I don't know what party you are talking about because your mom didn't tell me about a party." She says, "Ok, then forget about it," and hangs up. A moment later, a different child (the 9 year old) calls and tells me that the 7yo's birthday party is today at 1pm. I told her we'd try to be there but I couldn't promise anything because we didn't know about it until today and my son has a tournament today. Here's my dilemma. My son does, indeed, have a taekwondo tournament today. DH is taking him at noon and he'll be there for several hours. Meanwhile, my plans for today were to get myself and the other two kids dressed, mail something at the post office, return a purchase, visit the library to return books and check out books for the next 2 weeks history/science lessons and to get DS some independent reading, clean, and catch up on laundry. While I had plans for the day that I'd like to keep, I also don't want to punish the birthday child and my daughter (who'd want to be there) by not taking her. I now have 2 hours to get showered, get everyone dressed, shop for a birthday present and get my daughter there...all the while skipping at least some of my plans for the day. What would you do? BTW, this mom has a habit of giving no more than a day's notice for birthday parties or changing it last minute. Last September, my husband had 3 hours notice for the 12 year old's birthday. I was out of town so I didn't have to deal with it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted March 14, 2009 Share Posted March 14, 2009 If you truly want your dd to attend, I'd get on the phone with the mother. No offense but I wouldn't set or change my schedule from the cryptic information you've gotten from children. I'd be inclined to skip the party, tell dd to ask her friend over for a different day and allow them to play on your schedule. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Once Posted March 14, 2009 Share Posted March 14, 2009 If you truly want your dd to attend, I'd get on the phone with the mother. No offense but I wouldn't set or change my schedule from the cryptic information you've gotten from children. I'd be inclined to skip the party, tell dd to ask her friend over for a different day and allow them to play on your schedule. :iagree: I dislike when people have their children make phone calls that are difficult and hide behind the adults reluctance to say no to a child or confront when the information seems burdensom. I would call the mom and expect her to give me the accurate info on the party. Then I would make decisions about it with her on the phone describing gently how it impacts my day and suggesting that more notice would have made the whole process better. I have been on both ends of the line. Being so stressd as to not be able to organize your child's birthday requires a very loving response that sets clear guidelines. Remember this is an opportunity to set a set of expectations that you can live with and that are healthy for both families. If you have a long term relationsip with this family birthdays will come up again. And maybe next time, not in this disorganized way. :glare:I must be in a fighting mood today because I just re read my response. But I still think you have an opportunity to make things clear. I would not easily give up my plans, especially since they are for your family and neccesary. Your daughter will learn something about organizing and planning if she sees the consequences for your friend's family. It is an imperfect way but the lesson will still be learned. Give her a hug and fit in a fun activity along the way. GL Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tree House Academy Posted March 14, 2009 Share Posted March 14, 2009 I would call the mom, confirm the message, and then tell her that you will not be able to make it as you have already made plans for today. Also, tell her that, had you had some more advance notice, you would have been able to come. Buy your daughter an ice-cream and have a fun day together. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vicki Posted March 14, 2009 Share Posted March 14, 2009 I would go to the party. I wouldn't want to hurt the birthday girl or my own child. I would also probably call and talk to the mom to get accurate information and let her know in the future I would like more notice. I try to be flexible. I know that is not always possible. God bless, Vicki Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hen Posted March 14, 2009 Share Posted March 14, 2009 I've been in this situation several times, I just call and say we can come, or just the kids can, if that is o.k with them...but that since we didn't have much notice, we won't be bringing a gift with us, I'll bring it over at another time. It helps to not have to squeeze in gift-buying time, kwim? The invit-ers have been find with that, since they were guilty of calling soo last minute. hope it works out! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jenny in Florida Posted March 14, 2009 Share Posted March 14, 2009 Either one of my kids would be devastated at missing a friend's party because the adults messed up. So, if my plans were flexible, I'd let the kid go. In terms of gifts, I'd either try to rustle up something quickly with a single stop or explain that I'd bring the gift another day. It sounds like it is the mother who's a flake. But, as someone else said, I wouldn't punish either the birthday child or my own for that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ereks mom Posted March 14, 2009 Share Posted March 14, 2009 I would call the mom, confirm the message, and then tell her that you will not be able to make it as you have already made plans for today. Also, tell her that, had you had some more advance notice, you would have been able to come. Buy your daughter an ice-cream and have a fun day together. :) :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kalanamak Posted March 14, 2009 Share Posted March 14, 2009 Mom is strange, and I'd try not to make my or her kids suffer because of it. I'd try to go, but if we had a surfeit of parties and socializing, maybe not. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Danestress Posted March 14, 2009 Share Posted March 14, 2009 I would assume that the Mom did a last minute deal because she didn't really WANT everyone to come but wanted to be able to say that she invited everyone. So I would thank them for the invitation, buy a cute present if the child is someone you want to buy a gift for, and give regrets. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
joannqn Posted March 14, 2009 Author Share Posted March 14, 2009 Thanks for your input everyone. We ended up not going. I haven't talked to the mom yet; I'll do that next time I see her on Monday. I figured I told the messenger we might not make it and that would be good enough for now. I went ahead and completed the errands that I needed to get done today with my daughter's help and if we got home in time, she could show up late. We didn't make it home until after the party was over. My daughter understands and wasn't upset. I suggested to her that we could offer to take the birthday girl on a special play date at another time and she was happy with that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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