How do you get your kids to work?

[Jayne J]

I am a newbie hs'er, working my way through a very informal K with my 5.5 yr old ds. I find myself having no end of trouble getting him to understand that school work is not optional, if you feel like it. He pitches huge fits if he doesn't like what is on the schedule for the day and refuses to do it.

Now, we are very laid back about school at K level--maybe 45 minutes a day of beginning phonics, and basic math ( addition and subtraction) so it's not as if I'm piling on huge amounts of serious academic work before he's ready. (oh, and the 45 minutes includes lots of coloring/cutting/crafting--its not all academics)

We have established a schedule, and try to sit down to work at the same time every day, so it is not unexpected, as ds does not do well shifting from one activity to another abruptly.

I'm getting a little panicky--if I can't even get him to do his K work, how will we ever get through the more difficult and rigorous 1st I have planned? (not too difficult, mind you, but more subjects)

Have you dealt with this? Help!

[JudoMom]

I am a newbie hs'er, working my way through a very informal K with my 5.5 yr old ds. I find myself having no end of trouble getting him to understand that school work is not optional, if you feel like it. He pitches huge fits if he doesn't like what is on the schedule for the day and refuses to do it.

Now, we are very laid back about school at K level--maybe 45 minutes a day of beginning phonics, and basic math ( addition and subtraction) so it's not as if I'm piling on huge amounts of serious academic work before he's ready. (oh, and the 45 minutes includes lots of coloring/cutting/crafting--its not all academics)

We have established a schedule, and try to sit down to work at the same time every day, so it is not unexpected, as ds does not do well shifting from one activity to another abruptly.

I'm getting a little panicky--if I can't even get him to do his K work, how will we ever get through the more difficult and rigorous 1st I have planned? (not too difficult, mind you, but more subjects)

Have you dealt with this? Help!

 

Stay firm, and don't let him out of his work. He'll get it eventually. But...

 

Have you considered not showing him the schedule for the day? That way you can decide when enough is enough. You can let him go early as positive reinforcement if he's having a good day (that way he'll think it's not that bad), or you can let him go early on the bad days without him knowing he "talked you out of school work". Does he like the crafts and coloring or is it just busy work to him (I only ask because my guys go through spells where they balk at that kind of stuff)?

 

If it's any help, I found that my oldest was the most difficult to convince that school work wasn't optional. I think the others watched him do school work, so they realized it's just what we do.

 

Also, don't forget, he'll be older when you start 1st grade. He might be completely cured of this by then. I wouldn't take off the summer, though (I don't know if you plan to or not). I'd do something everyday over the summer, even if it's only 15 minutes.

[ElizabethB]

I have friends who don't feed their children lunch until school is done! (Not in a mean way, just matter of fact, lunch is after school, you have to finish school to get lunch.)

 

I don't withhold meals, but I do withhold dessert and computer and movie time. (Again, not in a mean way, just matter of fact, "I'm sorry, you can have that/do that after school.")

 

We also talk about how that's her job, and will be her brother's job when he is older, and how it's not a choice to not do school.

 

It's also easier when I'm using methods she enjoys. We moved from phonics books to phonics on a whiteboard in K, she liked that a lot better than working from a book. Also, on rough days, I would just do a bit of formal work and then play my phonics concentration game (http://www.thephonicspage.org/On%20Phonics/concentrationgam.html)

 

MUS was working for us in K, but stopped working well this year for 1st grade. Switching to a Flashmaster for math facts and Singapore math (currently using just the IP books) has made her enjoy math a lot more and made things go more smoothly.

 

For history, she started enjoying it more when I let her color in the timeline figures while she listened.

 

You could see what he likes and doesn't like and work around that within reason. He might enjoy doing it all in 20 to 30 minutes with no coloring/cutting/crafting more than the current format.

[apmom]

My son was just the same way back in the fall when we started homeschooling. After Christmas, it just seemed to click (he is in 1st grade, and went to school for K, so that had some effects, I'm sure). It is easier now. But it's just important to just keep at it and continue to hold your ground. Like previous posters said, there is no TV, computer time, etc. until the schoolwork is done. (Actually, we don't have TV at all during the week--it's reserved for weekends only because it caused a lot of chaos trying to get schoolwork done when he was thinking about TV.)

 

I do, however, give him the choice of which subject to do first, etc. Sometimes he want to get math done and out of the way to get to spend more time with history, his favorite subject, other times, he wants to do history first because it's more fun. I'm OK with that, as long as it all gets done.

[Mommy22alyns]

There are some things we don't do until all school work is done for the day - playing on the computer or video games, watching movies, etc. Like a PP said, just matter of fact. I give Becca a break for lunch/snack and some "stretching" when she gets too fidgety. She also earns a sticker on her chart for every day that she completes her school work, and when she gets five stickers she picks a little treasure from our treasure box (I fill it with trinkets from the Dollar Tree or Target's Dollar Spot). That seems to motivate her too.

[Tabrett]

This is a battle you have to win. Don't let him leave the table until all work is complete, even if he and you have to sit at the table all day until bedtime and start over the next day (obviously feed him and let him use the bathroom;)). Tell him you are going to do this and stick to what you say. Do this matter-of-factually, don't show any anger or emotion at having to sit. Act happy to sit with him. Get a good book and relax at the table; smile.:D Tell him every time that he tries to get up that as soon as he is done, you would be glad to let him go play. That you want him to go play, but you must finish your work first. You may have to do this for several days, but he will see that you mean what you say and stop fighting you. But if you give in an inch and let him quit working, he won and he knows he won and he knows how much he has to do to win.

 

I agree with the other poster about not letting him know what he has to do each day. That way, you can let him stop when you see him getting frustrated or exhausted and you are still the winner.

 

I hate to use the cliché "pick and choose your battles", but this is a battle you need to choose to win. You and your son will be much happier if you do.

[Tracey in TX]

Is this seasonal, does he have spring fever? Sometimes a change in barometric pressure alters a child's attention. (Ask any ps teacher :))

 

Write down the schedule. If it's posted, it's law. Remind him that it's time to do XYZ. Make the schedule the bad guy...not you!

 

When I taught private school I'd threaten to hang the kids by braids, belts, etc from the ceiling fan and press "high" ("low" if they were being really good :)) The humor made them laugh (every single day!), but gave them a few minutes to get out the giggles--and get back to work.

[Jayne J]

Well, I am truly glad to hear that this is not unusual. I had pictures of happy little hsers gladly doing their work, and my son being some kind of freak of nature:D.

I guess we don't really have a "schedule" so to speak--I know what I want to cover and we kind of "do the next thing." We do have a structure-- First breakfast, then grooming/dressing, make our beds, then school time-we do phonics, then we do math and once those are done, we move into the crafts, which are seldom "required." The amount of work I require for each subject is minimal--I usually aim for 15-20 min each, but if things are good we go longer, if it is hard for him, we do less. I'm having trouble maintaining even minimal standards (i.e, read 1 Bob book--takes less than 3 minutes if he pays attention.)

We already don't watch tv in the day, nor do we play outside (ok, I'll be honest--it's 20 degrees here today and that may have alot to do with it;).)

It sounds like I just have to keep his nose to the grindstone. I'm actually kind of glad to hear that--it means I haven't failed already!

Thank you so much everyone!

[katemary63]

But if you give in an inch and let him quit working, he won and he knows he won and he knows how much he has to do to win.

 

A couple of things come to mind for me. Please don't be offended. I just think you should ask yourself why your son is willing to out right disobey you. I have 4 kids, all ages. I can honestly say not one of them ever refused to do what they were told because by the time they were age 2, they KNEW that was a bad idea. YKWIM. Now, I'm not saying my kids were never naughty. I am saying they would not have disobeyed me face to face by that age. They certainly might have TRIED to get out of it, whined a bunch and made stinky faces or had bad attitudes, but if I said, "Sit down and do your work." That would be the end of it right there. I am not at all talking about yelling or anger either. I am just saying, a kid aught to do what mom says, and if they don't...something should be done about it. That's how I operate, anyway. Take it for what it's worth. I know everyone is different.

 

Also, You have to make his only other option much worse then participation. If he does not participate in your K activities - WITH a good attitude, then what he does do sure as heck should not be fun for him. NO toys, TV, treats, games etc. LIke a PP said, I would probably make him just sit on a chair doing nothing until his was willing to participate. You can read a book, do some chores in the general area etc. Then when he says, "Okay, I'll do school." Be happy as a clam!

 

I also have to say that I personally think that a good attitude is important. My DD8 "hates" some subjects. She is allowed to express her opinion about them and even whine ( once!) so long as she does the work. But I do NOT let her make such a stink that I start having a bad time. She in not allowed to bring the whole room "down" or sit with an angry look on her face the whole time. A bad attitude gets consequences here - such as running around the house 10 times, cleaning the bathroom, sweeping the porch, no movie tonight, early bed...what ever. Conversely, a great attitude gets HUGE rewards..like, "Wow, your attitude is so pleasant and I had SO much fun working with you today, that we are going to go to the park/ dollar store/ ice cream shop ect. - RIGHT NOW! We're not even going to finish grammar - we are going now. What a great kid you are!" An ordinary positive attitude gets praise and a smile - no other reward. I'm saying this since he is certainly starting out with a bad attitude. My advice is to work on the obedience AND the attitude.

[FO4UR]

Your routine sounds sensible to me. :001_smile:

[Parrothead]

A couple of things come to mind for me. Please don't be offended. I just think you should ask yourself why your son is willing to out right disobey you. I have 4 kids, all ages. I can honestly say not one of them ever refused to do what they were told because by the time they were age 2, they KNEW that was a bad idea. YKWIM. Now, I'm not saying my kids were never naughty. I am saying they would not have disobeyed me face to face by that age. They certainly might have TRIED to get out of it, whined a bunch and made stinky faces or had bad attitudes, but if I said, "Sit down and do your work." That would be the end of it right there. I am not at all talking about yelling or anger either. I am just saying, a kid aught to do what mom says, and if they don't...something should be done about it. That's how I operate, anyway. Take it for what it's worth. I know everyone is different.

 

Also, You have to make his only other option much worse then participation. If he does not participate in your K activities - WITH a good attitude, then what he does do sure as heck should not be fun for him. NO toys, TV, treats, games etc. LIke a PP said, I would probably make him just sit on a chair doing nothing until his was willing to participate. You can read a book, do some chores in the general area etc. Then when he says, "Okay, I'll do school." Be happy as a clam!

 

I also have to say that I personally think that a good attitude is important. My DD8 "hates" some subjects. She is allowed to express her opinion about them and even whine ( once!) so long as she does the work. But I do NOT let her make such a stink that I start having a bad time. She in not allowed to bring the whole room "down" or sit with an angry look on her face the whole time. A bad attitude gets consequences here - such as running around the house 10 times, cleaning the bathroom, sweeping the porch, no movie tonight, early bed...what ever. Conversely, a great attitude gets HUGE rewards..like, "Wow, your attitude is so pleasant and I had SO much fun working with you today, that we are going to go to the park/ dollar store/ ice cream shop ect. - RIGHT NOW! We're not even going to finish grammar - we are going now. What a great kid you are!" An ordinary positive attitude gets praise and a smile - no other reward. I'm saying this since he is certainly starting out with a bad attitude. My advice is to work on the obedience AND the attitude.

:iagree: That is the way it is in our house too. Come to the table with at least an attitude to get the job done, or consequences will be dire. At least dire in dd's eyes.

 

Temper fits are not allowed.

[Ria]

This isn't a school issue at all; it's an obedience issue, which boils down to it being a parenting issue. Is your son accustomed to obeying you only when he feels like it? You must be consistent, and it sounds as though your son isn't quite used to obeying you. Unless that changes, schooling is going to be difficult, and it will only get more challenging.

 

Ria

[katemary63]

Temper fits are not allowed.

 

Just a comment to young mothers.....if you make a decision like the one above - they simply won't happen. Just as I have never had a child outright disobey me, I have also NEVER had a child have a fit of any kind. If I had ever whitnessed one, I would have first picked my eyeballs up off the floor, and then tanned someone's hide good. Make a DECISION from the get go that it is not an option. You don't have to spank if you don't want to...I did spank my older ones ( I got no problem with it) , but did not spank my younger ones, doesn't matter. It's the attitude of authority ( loving authority) that you present and the willingness to give consequences and make them stick that does the trick. ;)

 

ps. My son has ADD and gave me a run for my money, they were'nt just all easy kids.

[Jen in PA]

My dd is also 5 1/2. She will tell me every day that she doesn't like school -- who likes having to work? But I remind her each time that this is not negotiable. She can give me a couple hours of her day, four days per week, or I can wake her up bright and early to leave for the whole day on a schoolbus. I actually tell her that. It's not to scare her (she would probably love ps -- she is very social). I do it to remind her that my way is the easy way, and that it really is her best option. I know which subjects are her favorites, and when she seems truly stressed out, I focus on those areas. I try to focus on her wonderful attitude when she is learning off the lesson plans -- reading the comics, playing store with her little brother, gathering pinecones, writing notes to tuck in DH's lunch -- rather than on her grim face when she comes to the table for the more formal work.