Jennefer@SSA Posted March 1, 2009 Share Posted March 1, 2009 Here's what I mean... We have a 2 story home with a playroom full of toys upstairs. Since we have come home from church an hour ago the 2 younger (4 and almost 3) have been walking around downstairs just roaming. They follow me wherever I go, just like 2 little shadows. It is driving me nuts. They have a room full of wonderful toys upstairs but they refuse to play. Arghhh! They act like if I am not right there entertaining them they are unable to engage with toys. It is not feasible for me to be right there all the time. They should be old enough that they can't wait to play, right? This has been going on for awhile but seems to be getting worse lately. I am not sure why this is happening. Any ideas? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ria Posted March 1, 2009 Share Posted March 1, 2009 I think the problem is that the playroom is upstairs. If it was on the main floor, adjacent to the living area, they'd play there. Can you rearrange? Ria Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted March 1, 2009 Share Posted March 1, 2009 What happens if you go up to the play room and sit in a chair and read a book? Do they play? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abbeyej Posted March 1, 2009 Share Posted March 1, 2009 If you took 15 minutes to go hang out with them in the playroom, and perhaps actively play something for five-10 minutes then spend the last 5 minutes fading into the background (and eventually going downstairs) would they *keep* playing? Even if you can just get the rest of the hour out of your 15 minute investment, you would be "training" them to play on their own for the future. Sometimes the choices are overwhelming too. If you start them on an activity, they may keep with it, though the choice of *what* to do was simply too much. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mom2boys Posted March 1, 2009 Share Posted March 1, 2009 We have a basement playroom, and my kids both have room to play in their bedrooms. Yet right now, they are here in the living room with me - entertaining themselves - but sharing the space. I think kids want to be near the rest of the family. Or at least some kids do. Could you set them up with Duplos or puzzles near where you are working? Would they play on their own if you were near by? When I truly need a break from my kids, I have to go run errands while they stay home with dh. Speaking of which, I am off to the store. :auto: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nestof3 Posted March 1, 2009 Share Posted March 1, 2009 Yes, my boys spend their days playing with each other and sometimes on their own. They play Leogs, Playmobil, restaurant, dress-up and play outside as pirates, swing, pretend they're knights or Romans (sometimes creating their own outfits), draw, read, listen to stories/music, do arts and crafts, watch movies on United Streaming, etc. They do sort of off-the wall things sometimes like pretend they are monks from the middle ages and tend a garden and ward of Vikings. Ben set up a sign language school once, and a couple of years ago, he cut all of the alphabet out with yarn and laid them on the floor in order. Oh, a really funny thing was when they cut out tons of letters of the alphabet and acted out a Leap Frog phonics DVD. Nathan really likes to have time alone listening to audio books and draw. Ben prefers more time with others, but Legos have really caught his fancy these days. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
akmommy Posted March 1, 2009 Share Posted March 1, 2009 At 2 and 4 my kids rarely payed in their rooms. They preferred to be where I or/and their dad was. It used to drive my DH crazy because of the mess, but I kept most of their favorite toys in a corner of the living room. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nestof3 Posted March 1, 2009 Share Posted March 1, 2009 Oh, and at 2 and 4, my boys loved playing with their kitchen stuff, Duplos, Little People, etc. Their toys, for the most part, have always been in the family room. I liked that I could keep an eye on them, though I do secretly wish they had a playroom at the far end of the house sometimes. :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sophia Posted March 1, 2009 Share Posted March 1, 2009 Jjennifer, My 4 y.o. went through a stage where he always wanted someone playing with him and although he all his siblings are good about spending time with him, I felt it was important for him to learn how to occupy himself too. I told him I would not allow anyone else to play with him until he showed me he could play by himself for 20 minutes. Then I gave him ideas of what he could do, and I would encourage him every 5-10 minutes that he was doing great by himself. It was not easy, he didn't like it (he's very attached to his older sibs), but in the past several months he is much better about finding ways to amuse himself, cleaning up when he's done with an activity, and even helping the 2 y.o. when he gets 'bored'. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jennefer@SSA Posted March 1, 2009 Author Share Posted March 1, 2009 I think the problem is that the playroom is upstairs. If it was on the main floor, adjacent to the living area, they'd play there. Can you rearrange? Ria I can't rearrange as the layout of our home wouldn't allow it but I can start keeping some toys downstairs again like I did when they were little. Hmmmmmm....thinking..... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jennefer@SSA Posted March 1, 2009 Author Share Posted March 1, 2009 What happens if you go up to the play room and sit in a chair and read a book? Do they play? Yes, they will usually play happily then. I actually do this a lot, especially in the evenings after dinner. I will take bills that need to be played or lessons that need to be planned and sit in the corner. It works about 80% of the time. Problem is, I can't always be in there like when I am preparing meals or trying to do school with my oldest. We have little bit of a unique dynamic in that my oldest has Asperger's Syndrome. He wants to play but it has to be his way. He scripts all their play and oh the poor soul that doesn't follow the script. A lot of kids are like this, I know, but imagine the typical kiddo x 10 and you have my ds7. He and my very strong-willed 2yo are like oil and vinegar. There is constant conflict in my home and it breaks my heart. I think this is part of the reason that ds4 and ds2 don't want to be upstairs either. Big brother is too unpredictable. Any other ideas to help. I see Dawn's post and it just makes my heart ache b/c I want my boys to be best friends and enjoy playing together. I guess this goes a lot deeper than the whole playroom thing, huh? Sigh. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shannon C Posted March 1, 2009 Share Posted March 1, 2009 My kids are constant shadows! They rarely go and just "play" in their room where the toys are. For some reason, they must be wherever I am. You don't know how much I'd love to be able to curl up on my bed and watch a Lifetime movie right now while my kids entertain themselves and my dh does work around the house. Not going to happen!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted March 1, 2009 Share Posted March 1, 2009 Since they will play when you are in the room, I think it might be the age. There is a security playing close to mom and/or dad. Add to the mix your oldest's need to play his way and you probably have your answer. Can you bring down some "kitchen time only toys" or some what ever room you need them in toys? That way when you are busy in another area of the house they have something close to play with. Making them for play in one particular room of the house makes them a bit special. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dragons in the flower bed Posted March 1, 2009 Share Posted March 1, 2009 I think this is part of the reason that ds4 and ds2 don't want to be upstairs either. Big brother is too unpredictable. My oldest three have all done that sort of thing at times. I remove the offending child. I'll say something like, "Your choices are sitting at the table drawing while I cook or reading on the couch." The other kids then know they're free to play. I realize that doesn't work all the time, and your oldest's special needs are continually present, but maybe you could just do it when you're cooking or in those other moments when you can't be in the playroom. Also, you might be able to have the little ones pick one toy set downstairs in the morning so they have something to do when you all are going to be down there. Bringing it back up would have to become part of the nightly routine, but it might be worth the other time it saves in tripping over little shadows. :001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Danestress Posted March 1, 2009 Share Posted March 1, 2009 (edited) You yourself are the most awesome, fun, interesting "toy" they have ever been exposed to. Nothing beats you, Mom, at this stage anyway. They don't want to be off playing with toys - they want to be engaged with you. Yes, it's incredibly frustrating because real "adult life" includes having to get things done like cleaning, cooking meals, helping other children etc. All I can say is that if you try to involve them in what you are doing - let them help you cook or clean, for example - everyone will be much less frustrated at the end of the day. I don't think my boys wanted to be off on their own at that age. I don't think they ever played in their bedroom at that age. They wanted to be in whatever room I was in, though within that zone of comfort they were very good at entertaining themselves. My boys used to spend hours coloring with eraseable markers in whatever room I needed to be in! Edited March 1, 2009 by Danestress Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kewb Posted March 1, 2009 Share Posted March 1, 2009 When mine were at the ages your 2 are they wanted to be near me 24/7. The playroom went unused unless I was there in their midst. They would play with each other on whatever floor of the home I was in at the time. Now that they are 10 and 8 they are out and about with nary a thought to me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WTMCassandra Posted March 1, 2009 Share Posted March 1, 2009 Short answer: Momma is the magnet, especially for a 4yo and a 2yo. Since your oldest has issues, he can't take the lead on this. I recommend that you stock yourself a corner in the playroom with a comfy chair and a stack of quiet things you can work on so you're not feeling frustrated while you're up there. Bills, filing, handwork, wireless internet ; ), whatever. I think you may need to adjust to the new normal and just sort of go with it until your younger two are older and can play better on their own. Mine were not able to play alone at 4 and 2. That was when I *began* training them to play alone in our basement playroom. I had to Be There All The Time. It was a huge pain, and I really do not enjoy imaginative play AT ALL. After a couple of years, I MOSTLY could run up and go to the bathroom on my own without a fight breaking out. Mostly. Now that they are 10 and 12, they do much better (we live in a different house and playroom is above garage now). So I do feel your pain. But I think in this case you are going to have to reframe it and adjust in a way that won't drive you crazy (hence setting up your own corner). I guess the good news is that they don't expect you to be engaged WITH THEM in all of the play, just a presence. At least you can get some things done. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BikeBookBread Posted March 1, 2009 Share Posted March 1, 2009 ....and I thought I was the only one with children who wouldn't play! I moaned about this for YEARS to my husband, friends, mother, etc... I would research and buy beautiful, fun, meaningful toys (meaningful in MY mind, that is!) and they sat unused. Until now... Now that the girls are both over the age of 3 they play with each other more and more. They haul out their dolly stuff, parade around in dressups, pull out the pop-up play tent in the living room and build forts. We have decided not to set aside a special playroom so that toys don't become a pile under which we are crushed! We keep all of the girls' toys in their shared bedroom, and keep puzzles and library books in our most-used common area, the family-room/kitchen/bar eating area along with coloring stuff. I can now finally actually walk around the kitchen without fear of tripping over one of them. They still love to be with me (I'm slowly understanding this is really, truly a blessing, not something to frustrate me, now that it is starting to disappear!), but that now is usually in the form of sitting at the bar while I cook watching, jabbering, coloring. It's pleasant. They still do protest when I start cleaning, though. "Mommy, are you cleaning UHGEEEENNNN????" I've started to bring them into that process too now. ...but I still have to lock the bathroom door! :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kidsnbooks8 Posted March 1, 2009 Share Posted March 1, 2009 We do not have a playroom right now, but we have in the past. It always ended up just being the toy holding room.:glare: The kids would just drag what they wanted to play with to wherever everyone else was. So now, I just keep quite a few toys in the family room, some in the dining room and some in the bedroom and then we rotate them. Our house is not pretty right now, but hey I have 4 young children and this is where they live. They will grow up soon enough and this will no longer be a problem! They just want to be around everyone else.(especially Mom);) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sadiegirl Posted March 1, 2009 Share Posted March 1, 2009 My boys are 12 and 13 and they have always liked to play in the room we are in-be it the living area, kitchen, or bedroom. From an early age, they prefer to play games, Wii,or watch movies with us rather than just themselves. Sometimes I get frustrated for some just time for me and my husband and I remind myself that I'll have time for that later when they are out on their own. Many people I know don't have kids that want to be near their parents much less play with them so I try to be thankful! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
runamuk Posted March 2, 2009 Share Posted March 2, 2009 We have a wonderful playroom upstairs with a train table, shelves full of games and toys, dress-up clothes, building sets, a bin of stuffed animals and dolls, a dozen or more puzzles and a table to work at, and a small television with family videos for them to watch. They've used it half a dozen times since we moved in 9 months ago. They prefer to be on the first floor with me. So I let them bring down two toys at a time and the toys must go back up stairs if they want to play with something else. I can't always work up there and they don't want to be up there by themselves, so we came up with this compromise. And I've found I enjoy having them around. I get to see their lego creations and their drawings and they get to help out with dinner (a "chore" they fight over). I say enjoy it while it lasts. As a mother of a teenager, I can tell you that the time when they don't want to be around you at all comes pretty fast. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Colleen Posted March 2, 2009 Share Posted March 2, 2009 Short answer: Momma is the magnet, especially for a 4yo and a 2yo. That's not case for me. Even my oldest, as a young child, didn't need my involvement in order to occupy himself. So, to answer Jennifer's question, yes, my boys play. You (Jennifer) said you have a room full of toys. Maybe there are too many toys? We've never had many toys ~ although we do have a good deal of Playmobil. I believe less is more when it comes to toys; more space and fewer things leaves more room for imagination. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WTMCassandra Posted March 2, 2009 Share Posted March 2, 2009 Wow, you're lucky. I had to work hard to get mine trained to play nicely without me right there. But it was worth it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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