Mamasteff Posted February 17, 2009 Share Posted February 17, 2009 For two years we have hosted a homeschool girls' valentine's day tea party, inviting several friends who live in the area. Last year (at a tea house) a friend's daughter was kind of ... annoying? demanding? The only one of 8 telling me she didn't like to eat this, or wouldn't drink that, and asked to go home early. I chalked it up to her being younger than most of the girls (but there were several close to her age). This year the party was at my house. I tried to let the girls (ages 9-12) alone as much as possible, sitting in another room until I heard the noise level rise, then going in to serve the next course, etc. This same girl was JUMPING ON MY FURNITURE!!! This has not happened in my home before and I was really taken aback. I feel comfortable with her mom, but not sure how to mention something to her about her daughter's behavior. The girl just seems to be on a different track, maturity wise, than all the other girls - no one else was leaping on furniture! There is an older brother who has some special social needs, and I am wondering if she is allowed to get away with things at her age because he was. What would you say? How would you say it? thx. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fivetails Posted February 17, 2009 Share Posted February 17, 2009 What would you say? How would you say it? thx. "Quit jumping on the couch *kid name*, it's not a trampoline." :) That's about all I'd do....I wouldn't approach the mom unless this girl is at your house a *lot* and there are serious, persistent behaviour problems that you can't handle there....y'know? This, to me, doesn't really fit that...the first incident was a year ago, the second was recent but...well...sometimes kids get a little hyper/energetic/rambunctious/wild/etc - especially at a "party" and in front of others.... or she may just be a "jumpy" kid - the sort who is constantly moving....I've got two of those and have indeed had to tell them both to quit jumping on the couch/bed/chair/other sibling/me. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carol in Cal. Posted February 17, 2009 Share Posted February 17, 2009 I would take it up with the child herself, in the moment, and not involve the parent. I would frame it positively, but with no wiggle room--not a question, a demand. So, not, "Would you like to sit down, please?" and not, "Don't jump on the furniture!" but rather, "Furniture is only for sitting on." If she got smart with me (as in, "What about the table?"), I would take her aside and gently and smilingly say, "I think that you know what I mean. Let's enjoy the party and not argue about this." 9 times out of 10 that would work. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
joannqn Posted February 17, 2009 Share Posted February 17, 2009 I would calmly but firmly tell the child, "Jumping on furniture is not allowed in my house. Please stop and get off now." If the child gave me an attitude, I would take it up with mom rather than discipline her myself...unless I knew the mom very well and knew a time out in the corner would not bother mom. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harriet Vane Posted February 17, 2009 Share Posted February 17, 2009 "Quit jumping on the couch *kid name*, it's not a trampoline." :) That's about all I'd do....I wouldn't approach the mom unless this girl is at your house a *lot* and there are serious, persistent behaviour problems that you can't handle there....y'know? This, to me, doesn't really fit that...the first incident was a year ago, the second was recent but...well...sometimes kids get a little hyper/energetic/rambunctious/wild/etc - especially at a "party" and in front of others.... or she may just be a "jumpy" kid - the sort who is constantly moving....I've got two of those and have indeed had to tell them both to quit jumping on the couch/bed/chair/other sibling/me. ;) :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KidsHappen Posted February 17, 2009 Share Posted February 17, 2009 "We do not jump on the couch in this house!" If it is just one child and one incidence then a direct statement regarding the behavior is all that is required. If it is more than one kid or a common occurance then more set rules might be needed. I have a lot of neighbor kids at my house and I got tired of reminding them of the rules so I typed up a "House Rules" sheet and had each of the read and sign it. It states that if I have to remind them of a rule more than once, they will be asked to leave. It seems to be working pretty well. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Danestress Posted February 17, 2009 Share Posted February 17, 2009 I have all boys, and maybe it's different with boys, but I think some kids get excited in groups and a bit over energetic. I would have told her that she couldn't jump on the sofa, but that if she wanted to go run a couple of laps around the house or shoot some hoops or something, that would be okay. Some children just have a difficult time sitting. I would definitely not allow it, but I wouldn't think it's something to take up with the parents. And believe me, they probably know their child is immature. Unless you are really part of their lives and involved with and loving on this girl a lot, I wouldn't take your concerns to them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mamasteff Posted February 18, 2009 Author Share Posted February 18, 2009 I did exactly what you all said - in fact, KidsHappen gets the award for EXACT word-for-word quote - "We do not jump on the couch in this house!" Thanks for your kind words. This is definitely a jumpy kid. The glaring difference between her and all the other girls - both tea parties, and moments in between - is, of course, apparent to her mom too. If mom is not super worried, I should mind my own business. :001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ottakee Posted February 18, 2009 Share Posted February 18, 2009 I think you handled it well. It could be that mom IS aware and concerned about her dd's needs but really wanting her to "fit in" with the other kids and be able to go to parties, etc. I have 3 kids with special needs and my girls are very rarely invited to anything. They don't really misbehave but my 13dd is cognitively impaired and has some stuttering issues which makes it much harder for her. The older they get the farther the gaps widens and the harder it is for the child and the parents. I did exactly what you all said - in fact, KidsHappen gets the award for EXACT word-for-word quote - "We do not jump on the couch in this house!" Thanks for your kind words. This is definitely a jumpy kid. The glaring difference between her and all the other girls - both tea parties, and moments in between - is, of course, apparent to her mom too. If mom is not super worried, I should mind my own business. :001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JFSinIL Posted February 18, 2009 Share Posted February 18, 2009 (edited) My dd has a friend who was like this - I simply told her not to run on the furniture and not to throw popcorn around - I asked her "Would your mom let you do this at home?" and she sheepishly admitted "No - she'd be mad." Then I pointed out that this was our home and the same rules applied. I said it nicely but firmly...and we have not had a repeat of the problem. She has been over several times since then, too. Sometimes kids just need help realizing that just because they are not at their home rules will still apply. That just because they are out from under their parent's eye doesn't mean "anything goes"...when any kid enters my house they come under MY eye and have to follow my house rules....which, amazingly enough, are probably about the same as those they have at home. Just let the kid know all the Mom's are in a union and share the same house rules. Edited February 18, 2009 by JFSinIL Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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