Help! Repeating 8th grade before going to a private prep school. Help! I need advice!

[unsinkable]

I have a Sept. birthday boy who applied & was accepted to a Catholic boys prep school. We live very close by (he could walk there) and ever since he could talk, he'd ask about the boys playing sports in the athletic fields behind the school.

 

("Who are those boys, Mommy? What are they doing? Can I play?")

 

Someday, Jacky.

 

Now someday is here and I don't think he is ready. He would be in the most basic classes, no accelerated or honors classes. And I worry that even those classes would be a struggle. He struggles now with pre-algebra.

 

I had written the admissions director with my concerns and I received a terse reply that based on his transcripts and entrance exam scores, he was ready. The admissions director wrote that if he "repeated 8th grade", he'd have to reapply and retake the entrance exam.

 

It wouldn't be repeating the same work. He'd just keep moving on in math, kept moving on in Grammar & Writing, keep reading good literature books, etc.

 

Plus, he'd have to work on school skills like notetaking & studying for tests b/c we didn't do that a lot.

 

I feel like there is no easy answer, like I'll regret either decision. My dh feels the same way. I regret that I even started the process and put us in this place.

 

Can anyone relate? Advise? Comfort?

[Pamela H in Texas]

I've told this story a million times, but maybe it'll help you also?

 

Last year (fall 2007), we were in a major situation (that just got worse through the year so thankfully we did something). The virtual academy opened in my area that October. I called, talk to various people, including the special education director.

 

I knew my son was in a major growth spurt academically, but I was not comfy putting him in his age-based grade (we had held him back officially one year from the beginning and unofficially a couple more grades). They didn't give me a choice. It was 7th grade (he was 12) or he couldn't enroll.

 

We did it.

 

And my ds struggled a tad bit, especially at first, but he quickly caught up, doing BEAUTIFULLY. It wasn't perfect, but he was on the low-average side of things. He finally felt capable. He didn't feel so dumb.

 

Now I know your son's issues aren't as pronounced as my son's, but jumping on in was a GREAT thing for him. Though your son has a late bday and I can see holding him back, it does seem like he probably can handle moving on also. What does your SON think?

 

As for some of the classroom skills? My daughter had very little exposure to such things until she started college this past fall (at 15). I don't look at her notes (couldn't read them anyway! LOL) but I know she DOES take them. They are what SHE feels she needs. I think your son will pick up on that just by being in an environment that encourages it.

 

Anyway, I can see holding him back, but I think the director of the school is probably right that he'll do just fine also :)

 

Best in your decision :)

[In The Great White North]

If they are giving you a choice, I would wait. There are no benefits to being the youngest and behind academically. (BTW, how old is he? In my dd's class, there is a two and a half year spread, so its not just a question of when the birthday falls.)

 

I have heard many parents say their child was OK being young for their grade. I have heard many say they wish they had waited. I have never heard any parents say they regret waiting.

 

If most of their incoming 8th graders are already doing algebra, he will be behind.

 

It is hard to be accepted socially if you are in the "lowest" classes, especially if you are also younger.

 

It sounds like the only cost to waiting is the test and application fee. I see that as a small price to pay for a happy high school experience.

 

I can see why you feel you'd regret letting him go, but I don't understand why you feel you would regret the decision to wait a year?

[SonshineLearner]

Do you have the time between now and next year to study? If so, then you have a HUGE amount of time for him to mature. Those months can surprise you. Also, you could really beef up on his math by doing math with him and either you or someone who understands math...orally accessing where he is in his understanding. Then you can attack the holes and get him ready!

Good Luck!

Carrie:-)

[Deidre in GA]

my son wanted to go to public high school but both of us wanted an additional year of home work. we did a year we called '8th grade advanced.' he didn't repeat anything - we continued working at the levels best for him. it really was a good decision in our case.

 

of course, we made this decision before we applied to any school. if you're only going to be out the application and test fee, i'd go with what your gut is telling you your son needs.

[unsinkable]

I've told this story a million times, but maybe it'll help you also?

 

Last year (fall 2007), we were in a major situation (that just got worse through the year so thankfully we did something). The virtual academy opened in my area that October. I called, talk to various people, including the special education director.

 

I knew my son was in a major growth spurt academically, but I was not comfy putting him in his age-based grade (we had held him back officially one year from the beginning and unofficially a couple more grades). They didn't give me a choice. It was 7th grade (he was 12) or he couldn't enroll.

 

We did it.

 

And my ds struggled a tad bit, especially at first, but he quickly caught up, doing BEAUTIFULLY. It wasn't perfect, but he was on the low-average side of things. He finally felt capable. He didn't feel so dumb.

 

Now I know your son's issues aren't as pronounced as my son's, but jumping on in was a GREAT thing for him. Though your son has a late bday and I can see holding him back, it does seem like he probably can handle moving on also. What does your SON think?

 

As for some of the classroom skills? My daughter had very little exposure to such things until she started college this past fall (at 15). I don't look at her notes (couldn't read them anyway! LOL) but I know she DOES take them. They are what SHE feels she needs. I think your son will pick up on that just by being in an environment that encourages it.

 

Anyway, I can see holding him back, but I think the director of the school is probably right that he'll do just fine also :)

 

Best in your decision :)

 

Thanks for sharing your story. I hadn't read it before.

[unsinkable]

If they are giving you a choice, I would wait. There are no benefits to being the youngest and behind academically. (BTW, how old is he? In my dd's class, there is a two and a half year spread, so its not just a question of when the birthday falls.)

 

I have heard many parents say their child was OK being young for their grade. I have heard many say they wish they had waited. I have never heard any parents say they regret waiting.

 

If most of their incoming 8th graders are already doing algebra, he will be behind.

 

It is hard to be accepted socially if you are in the "lowest" classes, especially if you are also younger.

 

It sounds like the only cost to waiting is the test and application fee. I see that as a small price to pay for a happy high school experience.

 

I can see why you feel you'd regret letting him go, but I don't understand why you feel you would regret the decision to wait a year?

 

I'd regret waiting a year if he has a bad reaction to waiting a year --- he really wants to go and he's nervous/embarrassed/depressed about the perception that he might be "held back a year."

 

That is not how I look at it. I was actually shocked when the admissions director referred to waiting a year as "repeating 8th grade."

[unsinkable]

Do you have the time between now and next year to study? If so, then you have a HUGE amount of time for him to mature. Those months can surprise you. Also, you could really beef up on his math by doing math with him and either you or someone who understands math...orally accessing where he is in his understanding. Then you can attack the holes and get him ready!

Good Luck!

Carrie:-)

 

Thanks for this point. He can make huge strides in the next 7 months.

[unsinkable]

my son wanted to go to public high school but both of us wanted an additional year of home work. we did a year we called '8th grade advanced.' he didn't repeat anything - we continued working at the levels best for him. it really was a good decision in our case.

 

of course, we made this decision before we applied to any school. if you're only going to be out the application and test fee, i'd go with what your gut is telling you your son needs.

 

That's what I'd do...not repeat anything, just keep working and moving forward.

 

I am a moron for not thinking this through. I should have been thinking like this before. I really opened Pandora's box by having him take the entrance exam and applying. :crying:

 

I actually don't even know what I was thinking in the fall when I signed him up for exam prep classes. I can't even remember what was going through my mind.

[abbeyej]

...he really wants to go and he's nervous/embarrassed/depressed about the perception that he might be "held back a year."...

 

I think that's a *really*significant* part of this equation. And since you sound relatively unsure about holding him back, it really sways me toward thinking he should go... (Whereas after your initial post, I was thinking holding off sounded good -- and if he got in once, he'd likely be accepted again, especially if he could show that he did something really interesting and growth-promoting in that extra year.)

[MIch elle]

He may have a strong feeling one way or the other then your decision is made.

 

Do they have a shadow day? Do they have other former homeschool families/dc that you can talk to?

 

Many states have a cut off date of Dec. and in college he may be right on with his peers. I have a Sept. 25 b-day and I went to K at age 4 and did fine.

 

Between now and Sept. your dc has time to mature and prepare if he decides to attend.

 

:grouphug:

[Sahamamama]

I'd regret waiting a year if he has a bad reaction to waiting a year --- he really wants to go...

 

This might be the key to your decision -- your son's own diligent effort, propelled by his own motivation. How can HE apply HIMSELF to the preparations needed within the next seven months? How can you work together as a family to prepare him for this next step?

 

With your husband's input, try to objectively ;) assess your son's academic and social/emotional progress. What are his strengths? His weak spots? In what overall areas does he need to develop more maturity, self-direction, and work ethic, in order to succeed at prep school? In what ways does your son grasp the larger vision of what it means to "grow up" -- to move away from boyhood towards manhood -- and how does attending this school next fall fit in with his own personal vision? What amount of strong, consistent, determined effort is he willing to put into a season of intensive preparation? What degree of commitment is possible for you as his teacher and guide?

 

Write out what you'd like to focus on within the next seven months, then sit down with your son and discuss it. What's realistic, what is not? For example:

 

1. What level of math does he need to master by the end of the summer? How will he achieve this goal?

 

2. What level of grammar/vocabulary/spelling/writing/reading skills does he need to demonstrate by the end of the summer? How will he achieve this goal?

 

3. What level of independent, self-directed work ethic does he need to demonstrate by the end of the summer? How will he achieve this goal?

 

And so on... Sometimes boys this age take off like rockets, and in your son's case, he wants to go to this school. From what you wrote about his yearnings of younger days, it seems as though he's been wanting this for a long time....

 

Highly recommended resources:

 

Spellbound (2002, DVD) -- This documentary follows eight young teens as they prepare for and participate in the National Spelling Bee. If you want to be motivated on the value of hard work and dedication, then see this movie!

 

http://www.spellboundmovie.com/

 

Boyhood and Beyond: Practical Steps for Becoming a Man (Bob Schulz)

 

http://www.christianbook.com/Christian/Books/product?item_no=432001&netp_id=333913&event=ESRCN&item_code=WW&view=covers

 

Created for Work: Practical Insights for Young Men (Bob Schulz)

 

http://www.christianbook.com/Christian/Books/product?item_no=432003&netp_id=433017&event=ESRCN&item_code=WW&view=covers

 

I do hope this helps!

[unsinkable]

*********UPDATE*********

 

He's regisitered for the fall.

 

:crying:

 

I'm crying for me. I am an emotional cripple.

 

He asked me, "Don't you know I'm going to miss you?"

 

He was a fat little baby a minute ago, I swear. And now he's in the Class of 2013.

 

Thanks to everyone again. It was helpful to read everyone's thoughts.

[Jeannie in NJ]

I know how you feel, we just got the acceptance papers for the school that dd will be entering into 9th next year along with an additional huge amount of additional paperwork to have done within a week .

 

We spent today running errands and I said to dd that next year I will either have to run errands by myself (horror) or wait until she gets home from school. No more finishing homeschool by noon and then going shopping. I really just hope that she will still enjoy going to the mall with me, her old ma.

[unsinkable]

I know how you feel, we just got the acceptance papers for the school that dd will be entering into 9th next year along with an additional huge amount of additional paperwork to have done within a week .

 

We spent today running errands and I said to dd that next year I will either have to run errands by myself (horror) or wait until she gets home from school. No more finishing homeschool by noon and then going shopping. I really just hope that she will still enjoy going to the mall with me, her old ma.

 

:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:

 

My dd will still be at home (she's in 9th now.) And my baby (in 5th.)