SonshineLearner Posted January 27, 2009 Share Posted January 27, 2009 However old your parents are, I think that's when you think, "REALLY too old." My parents are 60 now, and I would never get close to that with dating or marrying. I married someone 6 years older; it's not a huge deal. More of what is different for us is how we were raised. I was raised in a family that homeschooled, went to a non-denominational church...and he was public school all the way and Catholic. He was raised in a family that was more blunt, mine was not. On the other hand, my Uncle married 25 years younger...his 2nd wife. They seemed happy enough. They were married maybe 25 or more years...and he died of cancer. :-) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
akmommy Posted January 27, 2009 Share Posted January 27, 2009 I have no problem with large age gaps because you just never know who you're gonna find kizmet with. I do however tend to look fairly critically at the relationship if the girl is 18-22 ish because I knew man who in his 40's and 50's seemed to prey on young women in need of father figures. He used that need to manipulate them. So when I see relationships like this I tend to question motives. But if the girl has no such need and the relationship is genuine then so what as long as they are happy. It's not something I would seek out for various reasons, but it's hard to predict where we will find love. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Desert Rat Posted January 27, 2009 Share Posted January 27, 2009 Ha! This thread reminds me of Holling Vancour on Northern Exposure. Shelly was 18 when he was 63! I'm 2 years older than my dh. My best friend is 34 and marrying a 50yo man. He is the sweetest thing and it's about time she found someone who treats her as a man should. I'd always disliked her ex and wished for a good man to come her way after they divorced. Wish granted! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peek a Boo Posted January 27, 2009 Share Posted January 27, 2009 LOL! I've never heard of a Scout Leader scoping the sisters....... I'm sorry, that is HIL-AR-EE-OWS! :lol: That is EXACTLY what happened with us. I had the worst crush on him from the time I was sixteen and first met him. Every time I saw him, I floated behind on a wave of sighs and hormones. He was so coldly polite, I thought he DESPISED me. Then I turned 18... ;) YES!!!!! that was so weird... and to be fair, at the time our home life was horrible and me, my bro, and sis were hanging out at the Scoutmaster's [and his wife's] house more than our own house. The Scoutmaster was working on building an airplane & we were all helping a lot, so we saw him several times outside of Scouting ;). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joanne Posted January 28, 2009 Share Posted January 28, 2009 My first husband and current husband were/are 15 years older than me. In my case, I did not "get" my age peers during my early years. In some ways, I might be called an old soul. I also had 2 sisters 11 and 12 years older with no siblings in the gap. They influenced my music, tv and cultural understanding. I *do* believe psychological factors are often a part of "age gapped" relationships. I don't think that necessarily means something inherently bad. Psychological factors are part of every intimate attraction. As far as creepy?? The generalization bothers me. Aged gapped relationships can be creepy but I don't put that on every situation. As a young adult, I dated a man 24 years my senior. Looking back as a much older adult, I still don't have alarm bells. That relationship was respectful and lasted 5 years. However, the age and related power differential between President Clinton and Monica bothered me. Marital happiness, respect, cherish and honor are too important too simplify with arbitrary imposition of numbers. One last thing, and I speak from experience. I believe that divorced and remarried parents with adult or near adult children should be careful and respectful in using "step" terms. My husbabnd's sons are great men but I would never insult them or anyone by claiming a "step" title. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lionfamily1999 Posted January 28, 2009 Share Posted January 28, 2009 YES!!!!! that was so weird...and to be fair, at the time our home life was horrible and me, my bro, and sis were hanging out at the Scoutmaster's [and his wife's] house more than our own house. The Scoutmaster was working on building an airplane & we were all helping a lot, so we saw him several times outside of Scouting ;). I have to say, with age gaps like these, and men willing to wait until legally allowed to date the women they want... I don't see it as creepy so much as... romantic and a harbinger of good treatment and respect to come. Of course, there are people that would disagree, but... my dd is 12. She could pass for twenty something, if only because she is tall and developed. Age, from teens to twenties, can be nearly impossible to guage, especially for early developers (of which I was one). My husband was creeped out the first time he saw me, I was 12, and the fact that he thought I was 'hot.' It bothered him to be 17 and like a preteen. I would imagine the same could be said for many, much older, men when they find themselves attracted to someone who is a child in age, if not in physical developement. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peek a Boo Posted January 28, 2009 Share Posted January 28, 2009 I have to say, with age gaps like these, and men willing to wait until legally allowed to date the women they want... I don't see it as creepy so much as... romantic and a harbinger of good treatment and respect to come. :: technically-divorced Peek bites the end of her tongue off :: :tongue_smilie: ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lionfamily1999 Posted January 28, 2009 Share Posted January 28, 2009 :: technically-divorced Peek bites the end of her tongue off :: :tongue_smilie: ;) Ah, see, but my husband's concern with walking the line, erring on the side of caution, etc, has extended fully into our present relationship ;) All the same, sorry to have caused any discomfiture.......... oops Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peek a Boo Posted January 28, 2009 Share Posted January 28, 2009 Ah, see, but my husband's concern with walking the line, erring on the side of caution, etc, has extended fully into our present relationship ;) All the same, sorry to have caused any discomfiture.......... oops no discomfort ;) I just found it ironic, lol! we're in a good place now :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Audrey Posted January 28, 2009 Share Posted January 28, 2009 One last thing, and I speak from experience. I believe that divorced and remarried parents with adult or near adult children should be careful and respectful in using "step" terms. My husbabnd's sons are great men but I would never insult them or anyone by claiming a "step" title. Thank you!! Totally off-topic, but this issue is a big one for my dh. His mother passed away in 2001 from cancer. His parents had been married a few months shy of 50 years. Then, his dad (whom we'll call F) remarried less than a year later. It was a shock to say the least, but c'est la vie, eh? The issue is that F, and his new wife, P, keep saying that P is now the "step-mother" of my dh and his 6 grown siblings. It creates such a tension. None of them will refer to her as step anything or mother anything because.... frankly, she isn't any kind of mother to them in any way. She's just their dad's wife to them. But, she acts hurt by it and uses it as an emotional trump card frequently. As one of the outlaws who just married in this family, I feel caught in the middle, as do the other outlaws. One the one hand, we've got our spouses, whom we'll back up no matter what, but on the other hand we've got a FIL and his emotionally ploying wife to deal with, too. You have no idea how glad I am to see someone else who gets it!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lionfamily1999 Posted January 28, 2009 Share Posted January 28, 2009 no discomfort ;) I just found it ironic, lol! we're in a good place now :D Good, I was choking on my foot for a minute there :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.