Evergreen State Sue Posted January 6, 2009 Share Posted January 6, 2009 I have not received a thank you note for a wedding gift given last June. What would you do? The wedding was in June. We drove 3 hours to the wedding and 3 hours home again the same day. The husband is my 2nd cousin. He and his bride had been living together for at least 3 years. I'm very close to his mom (my first cousin) in that we chit-chat about 3 times a week by e-mail. I put a lot of thought into their gift and made it a theme of helpful books. I included Dave Ramsey's Total Money Makeover book, the Love and Respect book, a book summarizing each book of the Bible (I don't think they are Christians, but I wanted to include something related to the Bible), a cookbook, and a kids cookbook for the brides two young daughters from a previous marriage. Each book was wrapped separately with a separate note inside each book explaining how I thought it had helped us in our marriage. All the books were then put in one box. There were two wedding cards put in the box one from the family and one from my daughter who wanted to make a special one for them. The gift was hand delivered to the reception room and placed with the other gifts. When his brother was married, I just gave them a check in their wedding card. My only acknowledgment from them was my check cancelled. That's why I wanted to put more thought and effort into this gift. Now I'm left feeling our gift was one of those gifts they just rolled their eyes over and couldn't decided who would write the thank you. My sister received her thank you in September so I know they at least did one thank you note. So, should I just forget it? Should I mention it to them? Should I mention it to my cousin? Should I ever do this book themed wedding gift in the future? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tap Posted January 6, 2009 Share Posted January 6, 2009 I would just let it go. While a note would have been nice, they either didn't finish them or overlooked your card. I am sure they appreciated it and would feel bad if they knew you were hurt. The lack of note doesn't mean that they didn't appreciate it, it just means they didn't send a note about it. If they did send a note, it doesn't mean they liked it, it just means they sent a note either out of gratitude or just to be proper. If you want to know if they liked the gift, then call and ask "hey, did you have a chance to look at any of the books we gave you?". But it you are still holding out for a thank you card, I doubt one is coming. I think this aspect of etiquette is fading, as are RSVPs and other written correspondence rules. It is just a phase in society, and it doesn't mean that it is right or wrong, just that the importance of it is seen as less than before, especially in younger generations. I have gotten to the point that a thankyou card is nice, but no longer expected. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
G5052 Posted January 6, 2009 Share Posted January 6, 2009 If you know the gift got there, I would just move on. I know that your intention was good, but my guess is that they weren't "into" some aspect of your gift and/or felt that it was a little too personal. Sometimes people just don't write thank-you notes because they just don't, and sometimes they don't because they were offended and don't know what to say. Just a thought. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted January 6, 2009 Share Posted January 6, 2009 I would just let it go. While a note would have been nice, they either didn't finish them or overlooked your card. I am sure they appreciated it and would feel bad if they knew you were hurt. The lack of note doesn't mean that they didn't appreciate it, it just means they didn't send a note about it. If they did send a note, it doesn't mean they liked it, it just means they sent a note either out of gratitude or just to be proper. If you want to know if they liked the gift, then call and ask "hey, did you have a chance to look at any of the books we gave you?". But it you are still holding out for a thank you card, I doubt one is coming. I think this aspect of etiquette is fading, as are RSVPs and other written correspondence rules. It is just a phase in society, and it doesn't mean that it is right or wrong, just that the importance of it is seen as less than before, especially in younger generations. I have gotten to the point that a thankyou card is nice, but no longer expected. :iagree: Sadly, but I agree. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
melissel Posted January 6, 2009 Share Posted January 6, 2009 They could be like me, and just be horrible, horrible thank-you note writers. I wasn't raised to do it; I didn't even know that people wrote such things as thank-you notes until I was an adult! And even though I know I'm supposed to, it's just this thing I have a VERY hard time with, whether I love a gift or hate it. IMO, you should just let it go. If they loved it and just didn't get around to a note, then great. If they hated it and were offended, oh well, it's their problem then. Unless I was truly concerned that my gift never arrived to the recipient, I'd just consider it a gift given in love and that's that. And on behalf of all of us who are not so good with the thank-you notes, I apologize profusely!!! :blush: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TwinMominTX Posted January 6, 2009 Share Posted January 6, 2009 Etiquette says you have one year to write a wedding thank you gift. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LaxMom Posted January 6, 2009 Share Posted January 6, 2009 And Miss Manners would point out - gently of course - that you are not in a position to "do" anything. There is simply no way to approach the lack of a thank you without it being vulgar, so don't. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zelda Posted January 6, 2009 Share Posted January 6, 2009 And Miss Manners would point out - gently of course - that you are not in a position to "do" anything. There is simply no way to approach the lack of a thank you without it being vulgar, so don't. That's how I understand it, too. There seems to be a real lack of true graciousness anymore. No lack of strong opinions though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aggie Posted January 6, 2009 Share Posted January 6, 2009 Personally, it irritates me when a gift is not acknowledged in some way. I'm not Miss Manners, but even a call or an email would be fine, esp for new mothers. There are exceptions...any 'gift' given to a grieving family should be excused, imo. So, imo, if a gift is not acknowledged, I have to assume it didn't make it to the receiver. And if that's the case, I would like to find out where it is and have it replaced if necessary. I think a polite inquiry would be fine. :001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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