Scarlett Posted May 4 Share Posted May 4 I just realized I forgot to update. Dh spent a full week there and the momentum was very much needed. They paid $6000 for the trailer and were able to sell it that week for $6000. So it’s gone. I haven’t heard anything about the nephew. 16 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KSera Posted May 4 Share Posted May 4 5 minutes ago, Scarlett said: I haven’t heard anything about the nephew. Hopefully his mom has. She must be worried about him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted May 4 Author Share Posted May 4 17 minutes ago, KSera said: Hopefully his mom has. She must be worried about him. Oh I am sure she has heard from him. I just haven’t heard anyone say anything. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted May 5 Share Posted May 5 @Scarlett Your dh must have done an amazing job of cleaning up that trailer to have gotten all of the money back on it! I remember you said it was a real mess while the nephew was living in it, and I'm glad to hear that all of your dh's hard work paid off. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted May 5 Author Share Posted May 5 Just now, Catwoman said: @Scarlett Your dh must have done an amazing job of cleaning up that trailer to have gotten all of the money back on it! I remember you said it was a real mess while the nephew was living in it, and I'm glad to hear that all of your dh's hard work paid off. Me too. I am pretty amused that Dh thought it was only worth $1500…….but he is easily triggered by smells and I think that is what devalued it in dh’s mind. It would devalue it to me too! But maybe a few days of being aired out after that good cleaning was the trick. Plus apparently used rvs are expensive! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted May 8 Author Share Posted May 8 Sadly, this is playing out as suspected. I don’t have many details but Mom SIL was paying for a motel until yesterday then he was going to be homeless. Yesterday mom SIL texted dh asking if he knew what happened to <insert drug paraphernalia here>. Apparently nephew was there going through his stuff. Dh was very angry at his sister for even asking …. He did not answer her. Hopefully he is headed to CA. 9 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted May 8 Author Share Posted May 8 Non Mom SIL just sent me a security screenshot. Nephews van is in the driveway. 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted May 8 Share Posted May 8 (edited) I hate to say this, but it might be time to start considering giving the mom an ultimatum -- if she wants to live with her son, she needs to move elsewhere to do it. It's not fair that she keeps allowing him on the property when she knows how the other residents feel -- and the idea that she had the nerve to ask your dh where her son's drug paraphernalia was, just demonstrates how she is enabling him. I'm so sorry your dh is stuck dealing with this. But at the end of the day, it sounds like the nephew's mom may end up having to move if the rest of the family is going to have any peace. I know we keep blaming the nephew, but if his mom is asking where his drug paraphernalia is... 🤯... she is a big part of the problem here, too. Edited May 8 by Catwoman 13 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KSera Posted May 8 Share Posted May 8 12 hours ago, Scarlett said: Hopefully he is headed to CA. I hope he has somewhere to live there. Living on the streets is about the worst scenario to give someone an opportunity to overcome a drug problem. I know he’s been a pain to everyone, but I can’t help feel badly for him and for his mom. Such a stressful, difficult situation. I hope he will be safe and things will turn around for him soon. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted May 8 Author Share Posted May 8 1 hour ago, KSera said: I hope he has somewhere to live there. Living on the streets is about the worst scenario to give someone an opportunity to overcome a drug problem. I know he’s been a pain to everyone, but I can’t help feel badly for him and for his mom. Such a stressful, difficult situation. I hope he will be safe and things will turn around for him soon. He has had the absolute best opportunity to overcome drug use for the past two years. He has had amazing help from many different directions. He has thumbed his nose at all of it. 1 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BusyMom5 Posted May 8 Share Posted May 8 37 minutes ago, Scarlett said: He has had the absolute best opportunity to overcome drug use for the past two years. He has had amazing help from many different directions. He has thumbed his nose at all of it. I think this is important to remember. If someone is not ready, you cannot MAKE them get help. I hate that, but it's true. Blaming other family for not being more accommodating isn't fair. Blaming mom for not being able to help isn't fair either. 6 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted May 8 Share Posted May 8 (edited) 7 minutes ago, BusyMom5 said: I think this is important to remember. If someone is not ready, you cannot MAKE them get help. I hate that, but it's true. Blaming other family for not being more accommodating isn't fair. Blaming mom for not being able to help isn't fair either. I agree that no one can force him to get help -- but I think "blaming mom" for asking Scarlett's dh for the location of her son's drug paraphernalia is absolutely fair. That just sounds like enabling to me. Edited May 8 by Catwoman 7 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted May 8 Author Share Posted May 8 Word is he is leaving today for CA. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted May 8 Share Posted May 8 45 minutes ago, Scarlett said: Word is he is leaving today for CA. How is his mom holding up through all of this? Despite everything that has happened, he's still her son and she obviously loves him very much. She must be so worried. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted May 8 Author Share Posted May 8 16 minutes ago, Catwoman said: How is his mom holding up through all of this? Despite everything that has happened, he's still her son and she obviously loves him very much. She must be so worried. I think she is in a pretty bad place. She’s barely talking to anyone. Really inside of her own head it seems like. Everyone has a lot of sympathy for her because we know he is her son and then she doesn’t want to see something bad happened to him. But we have a limit and we’ve reached it with him. She just can’t keep making his problems the property’s problems. Apparently he was there this morning to get money to pay his phone bill. And I’m sure money to get to California as well. I’m not sure if he spent the night or not but hopefully he leaves today. we all know his mom will not stop helping him financially. It will be to her ruin probably but we can’t help that. 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lecka Posted May 8 Share Posted May 8 This is such a heartbreaking situation! I am sorry for everyone involved. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KSera Posted May 8 Share Posted May 8 1 hour ago, Scarlett said: I think she is in a pretty bad place. She’s barely talking to anyone. Really inside of her own head it seems like. I feel terrible for her. I expect most of us would feel that way if this were our own kid. I think people have a tendency to think nothing like this would happen with their own kids, because they parented better than that. I’ve been fortunate so far that this hasn’t been a path any of my own kids have taken, but I’ve seen enough to know that’s not because I’m in control of the choices my adult kids make. And I know no matter how old they were, it would break me for one of them to be homeless and addicted to drugs. I don’t think I could turn my back on them, even with drugs (and addiction is not an easy thing to just turn off when they decide they want to), so I just really feel for this mom and for her floundering kid. I wish she had the resources to get her own place for the two of them, but it doesn’t sound that way. I hope he will have someone in his life that will be able to help him get stability and onto a better path. 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted May 8 Author Share Posted May 8 3 minutes ago, KSera said: I feel terrible for her. I expect most of us would feel that way if this were our own kid. I think people have a tendency to think nothing like this would happen with their own kids, because they parented better than that. I’ve been fortunate so far that this hasn’t been a path any of my own kids have taken, but I’ve seen enough to know that’s not because I’m in control of the choices my adult kids make. And I know no matter how old they were, it would break me for one of them to be homeless and addicted to drugs. I don’t think I could turn my back on them, even with drugs (and addiction is not an easy thing to just turn off when they decide they want to), so I just really feel for this mom and for her floundering kid. I wish she had the resources to get her own place for the two of them, but it doesn’t sound that way. I hope he will have someone in his life that will be able to help him get stability and onto a better path. She hasn’t turned her back on him. She will continue to give him money. And you really believe it would be wise for her to get her own place and move him in with her? She doesn’t want that. Her divorce is final and she has the money for her own place. She has outright stated she doesn’t want him to move in with her. He is going to CA where it is warm and where his dad is. He will be homeless when he doesn’t go by house rules and I guarantee you he wont be given a year and a half worth if chances. By the way his sister believes he is just a manipulative user and that SIL just keeps believing lies and promises. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KSera Posted May 8 Share Posted May 8 1 minute ago, Scarlett said: She hasn’t turned her back on him. I know. I didn’t say that she had. I was rather supporting her in the fact that I know she has done more than many of those around her think she should have. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted May 8 Author Share Posted May 8 2 minutes ago, KSera said: I know. I didn’t say that she had. I was rather supporting her in the fact that I know she has done more than many of those around her think she should have. And the reason we feel that way is because she is enabling him. It has not helped him one bit in 2 years of him being in AR. And she is harming herself in the process. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted May 8 Author Share Posted May 8 Also, I do not believe that bad parenting is the reason some people choose to live like the nephew is living. He is an adult and he is making his own choices. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted May 9 Author Share Posted May 9 Looks like he has left for CA. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spryte Posted May 9 Share Posted May 9 I’m sorry it’s come to this, for everyone. Hoping he finds what he needs in CA, and that everyone in your family can find peace, Scarlett. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted May 9 Author Share Posted May 9 Non mom SIL said she feels so relieved this morning. And even mom SIL feels better. She was laughing in conversation last night. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted May 10 Author Share Posted May 10 Non mom SIL called me this morning. Nephews van is back in the driveway. DH called it yesterday. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted May 10 Share Posted May 10 29 minutes ago, Scarlett said: Non mom SIL called me this morning. Nephews van is back in the driveway. DH called it yesterday. Did he get lost on his way to California? What an emotional roller coaster for the whole family! 😞 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted May 11 Author Share Posted May 11 Non Mom SIL stalked the ring doorbell camera while she worked yesterday. She saw a big cooler and a bunch of drinks stacked up at the front door. Later she saw mom SIL load it up into nephew’s van (why is this mid 20s man/boy letting his mom do heavy lifting knowing she has a very very bad back). So perhaps MIL was mistaken about the day he was leaving for CA. He is gone from the property again so hopefully he is really gone this time. Dh is on his way over there. Ow to spend a couple of days. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted May 11 Share Posted May 11 I hope everything works out for the whole family, Scarlett -- including the nephew. I'm sorry your dh will be away again, especially on Mother's Day weekend. 😞 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted May 11 Author Share Posted May 11 5 hours ago, Catwoman said: I hope everything works out for the whole family, Scarlett -- including the nephew. I'm sorry your dh will be away again, especially on Mother's Day weekend. 😞 It’s all good. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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