Are there *any* other people who have yet to give their kids tech toys/items?

[Blessedfamily]

. . . I've found that teaching my son people skills is a more effective way of smoothing his way with other preteens than making sure he starts the "keeping up with the Joneses" routine extra-early. Perhaps his experience will be rockier during the teen years, but right now, he is able to make and keep friends just fine. He is sometimes able to get them interested in things they wouldn't otherwise be interested in, and there are enough things they already share an interest in (sports, for example) that he hasn't had any problem relating.

 

As I mentioned in my response to Colleen, I don't forbid him to play video games at other kids' houses, so he's not completely alien to that world. But he's totally comfortable with the idea that we don't want it in our house.

 

My own experience as a teen with significant lifestyle differences from my peers was such that I don't particularly worry about it with my kids. There will be lifestyle differences--some big, some small, some under your control, some not. Learning to make friends always involves negotiating those differences with grace.

 

:iagree:

 

I have no judgments if parents want there kids to have a game system or whatever electronic "toy". I just wouldn't do it in order for them to "fit in". I have no intentions of buying a game system, no matter how popular . I just don't like the staring at a screen for long periods of time. (Not a t.v. screen or computer screen either)

 

As a teen, I did not care a bit about peer pressure. I have to say at 16 I was just frank about my priorities and values(not judgmental). If my friends were going to do something they knew I didn't "do" they didn't ask. We caught up later.

 

I was accepted for what I was and was very popular, though I wouldn't have cared if I was less so. My "people skills" drew other people, not what I had or where I hung out.

 

Boys may have more peer pressure with gaming systems, but girls just as much with a host of other things and activities(cell phones, smoking, etc.)

 

As a parent, one of my major goals it to instill the same self confidience in my girls that I had. I do not want them in the herd. I want them to have enough self confidence to choose to say "no" on their own to whatever goes against their own values.

 

As for the previous comparison to TV- as a young person I chose not to watch a lot of what I considered to be junk tv. Yes, when others talked about it, I did not have anything to add. But we talked about a lot more than tv, so no problem there. I certainly wasn't going to watch just to be able to discuss with friends.

 

Others see things differently and buy my kids things I wouldn't buy. My dd5 has received a leapster. I wouldn't have bought it, but I keep it in the car for long trips (she doesn't get to play the whole time). We regulate her time, but I admit that's easy to do with a pre-schooler.

 

This Christmas I received a webcam in order to keep my kids in touch with family who live far away. I have no plans to ever use it. I keep in touch over the phone. The person who bought it knows how I feel about these things and said they bought it anyway just in case I change my mind.

 

So to answer your question, Colleen I'm not sold on electronics for my kids either.

[Scarlett]

http://www.edtechnot.com/nothealy.html The problem for me with tech use is what is not being done due to the time commitment and often arguing that ensues regarding proper limits on tech use. If I see one more teenager text during a meal out or while I am tutoring it will be the end of them. Seriously ,what an appalling lack of basic civil manners. Texting while another person is sitting directly across from you trying to communicate with you is the rudest behaviour yet.

 

I am going through this right now with my 20 year old niece who is living with me. She does this constantly and I find it highly insulting. Her texting has become a real source of contention with us. One Sunday, we had been together with my 8 yo son to religious services. We then went to eat pizza. She sits across from me texting. I studied her for a moment and then said, 'ya know, texting at the table, right here in front of me, is the equivilent of two little girls whispering in the corner to each other.' She stopped for THAT time period, but it continues to be a problem.

 

My ds8 is already asking for a cell phone. Dh and are just laugh. He begs for 'when, then?' We say,'when you have a need for one.' I can't see that happening until he is driving alone.

 

I said this before in this thread, but I putting the breaks on the DS for ds...the only gaming thing he has. The computer too...

[RoughCollie]

Are we really completely alone in just enjoying the "simple" stuff and playing outside?

 

We live in a suburb. The neighborhood kids used to play outside, but at around age 12, that stopped. My kids go outside and there is nothing to do and no one else to play with, even when it snows. Heck, they are the only kids in the neighborhood who have to do yard work -- everyone else hires it out to companies. This is a middle-class neighborhood, by the way, nothing fancy.

 

When we go to the mountains on vacation, we stay in an isolated, rustic cabin. The kids would love to spend the entire summer there, even though there is no high-tech stuff around. This place doesn't even have cell-phone coverage. There is plenty to do there -- we have to haul water, build a fire to cook, tromp through the forest, swim in the river, read books, play games, hunt bears (not with guns), bird watch, catch lizards and frogs, and so forth. None of us gets bored for even a moment.

 

We did not buy any high-tech stuff for the kids until they reached age 10 (Gameboys), because I wanted the kids to use their imaginations to the fullest while they were little. In contrast, their friends had multiple video game consoles, iPods, cell phones, and computers and televisions in their bedrooms by age 10, which stuff is upgraded to the latest version every couple of years. Their friends' mothers work full-time, and I guess they have to in order to pay for all that stuff, plus expensive vacations and expensive lessons in everything you can imagine.

 

My kids naturally see the difference between what they have and what their friends have, and one of them suggested I work full-time so our family could have that lifestyle. Nope, not happening. I already work part-time so we can eat. But I understand how attractive all these things are, despite the fact that I think our kids have it pretty good considering what they do have.

 

I have noticed that when DH and I take the time to play with or do things with our kids, there is nary a whimper -- the kids would rather spend time with us than with their high-tech toys. This sure is a different world than I grew up in -- those high-tech things were not invented yet. I think the danger is when these things become babysitters or when they isolate the kids from other people too much.

Edited December 28, 2008 by RoughCollie

[MrsMe]

We don't either and won't start. We don't do a car tv either unless we're traveling for days. There's a life out there and it doesn't need to include a million tech toys for them to sit on their booties! We have family members that can't see a relative for 1/2 hour without bringing it. And the biggy: We don't want to start something that requires constant limitiation or breeds laziness. Sorry techies....not to offend, it's just not for us.:tongue_smilie: Let me say that my dd loves tv and that's already an issue. I just can't see adding to that.

[Colleen]

I am aghast.

 

So be it.

 

Nice example of you. It just re-emphasized my point that you are pretty hostile when others respond just a bit snippy to you.

 

What rich irony. You admit your response was snippy and are then "aghast" and dismayed at my example in response?:D

 

Another point....Did you honestly think that comparing religion is the same as comparing parenting values??

 

Maybe, maybe not. You conveniently missed the point of the analogy.

 

The only reason I ever paid attention to your posts originally was the fact that you ask for ,whatever, sympathy?, but also sometimes a different point of view, yet you get really offended when it is then offered. You don't want to hear other people's opinions.

 

As I said earlier, I've listened ~ with genuine interest ~ to a variety of differing viewpoints offered in this discussion. The last thing I've done is stopped up my ears, stomped my foot, and cried, "I can't hear you!" when people have described what tech stuff they do own, and why how it plays a role in their children's lives. Nope. There's been an array of replies here and I've learned something from the conversation, even though it did take a couple of twists and turns. Your perspective on me is never going to change, Nadia, just as your own abrupt tone is never going to change. And that's okay.

 

Have a lovely day. Hopefully you won't get rained on today.

te]

 

We're off to church, followed by some music at the museum. Should be a lovely day, yes, rain or no rain.:)

[Colleen]

Colleen, I think maybe the issue is the way you stated this question. I will speak for myself because I don't know how others reacted as they read it, but it came across a bit judgmental when I first read it.

 

I imagine it came across as judgmental to those who do have tech gadgets, and not judgmental to those who don't.

 

I posted because your question reads with the assumption that by having tech gadgets kids are not out enjoying the "simple" stuff and playing outside.

 

Ah, I see what you mean, and I'm sorry I came across that way. That wasn't my intent.

 

I am not judging you or your choices (I made the same choice for many years, it has been just in the past few years that we have brought "tech gadgets" into our home). Just sharing my response/perspective as to why I responded to your post when you weren't necessarily looking for my opinion.

 

I do appreciate your perspective. I have no doubt some things will change around here as all my guys get older so it's good to hear how others manage tech "gadgets", maintain balance, etc.

[emeraldjoy]

I suppose I will chime in here too.

We are a no tech home. No ipods, one cell phone that has been lost for 3 weeks, no video games, etc.

 

I was standing next to my son at a soccer game when his friend came over and asked him how many gaming systems he had. As my son looked at him with a blank look and I had to ask him to explain what he meant (for we both truly did not know) I did not feel sorry for my child or think that he was missing out on something important nor did I feel that he was lacking some hugely important knowledge about something that would affect (or effect I always get this one wrong) him for the rest of his life....I actually felt good and a tad bit proud that we managed so far without knowing what a *gaming system* was.

 

I do not know ANY children in real life that have video games and use them by choice in moderation. In fact they ALL display severely addictive behaviors that thier parents worry about. I am not nullifying any stories that many on here have shared about the balance they were able to achieve, I just don't now any in real life. Because of what I have observed and studied about them, I have no problem strongly saying they serve no real purpose and have done far more harm than good in many, many homes. I do not want this for us.

 

Our oldest son is very intersted in them, however, very....sometimes I wonder about the forbidden fruit thing that has already been discussed. However, what I firmly believe and tell him is that someday he will understand why we are making the choices we are. He doesn't get it now, but I know someday he will and be thankful to us for our choice. My husband sure is thankful to his father for not allowing it when he was little.

 

So Colleen, you are not alone and I much appreciate this thread because sometimes we do feel alone on this issue. Empathy is such a beautiful thing, very theraputic for the givers and receivers. Thanks.

 

Emerald

[Jill- OK]

For *me*, it's been important that my kids are not "counter cultural" in an aggregate of ways; it's been a value I've embraced to allow my kids to be in today's culture with boundaries we've discussed.

 

You know, I've been thinking and thinking about this idea, after reading this post.

 

(Just for the record, nothing I'm about to say is in direct response to Joanne's post only; this thread has really interested me, and the many little sub-categories of what's being discussed are things I'd love to explore with other homeschooling moms. I'm going to string together lots of thoughts I've had, and hope that no one takes it as a challenge to combat, lol. ;-)

 

At first, I nodded my head and thought, "Yeah, I've thought that, too!" when considering the number of ways we differ from peers, due to choices our family has made that run against the 'norm'.

 

But when I considered it further, I realized that my own thought of "Ugh...yet another way we're going to look like kooks" when confronted with making an unpopular choice about our family life wasn't really a deciding force, just a sidebar, if that makes sense.

 

I guess I'm saying that my spin on this train of thought is that I don't really mind being wacky in the ways that I really consider important. I might wince at the thought of putting another 'dork' sign on my kids' backs, lol, but that's not going to stop me if I think it's important morally, or to their physical/spiritual development.

 

With me, it's more that I don't want to unnecessarily limit my kids. I don't want to say "No" more than I have to.

 

I will, and do...but an overriding parenting philosophy of mine is that I want them to really listen when I say "I can't let you do that", and I believe that will be more likely if I only say "No" when it truly counts.

 

I want them to have fun. Simple as that. I'd prefer that they enjoy the same kind of fun that I do, and I tend to structure our lives so that that's more likely...but I want them to have fun even if it's the kind of pursuit that I don't care for, myself, and that's where the minimal allowance of techy stuff comes in. I also want them to learn to balance desires with practical considerations, and I think that allowing an older child some decision making that might differ from mine is a good way to do that.

 

Now, as far as friendships go (something Colleen mentioned in her OP)...while this might get me some tomatoes on a homeschooling board...I do believe that they're important for kids of a certain age (ducking, lol).

 

I know that I've felt lonely at points, on this journey, and this place (WTM boards) has been a great source of encouragement, and even led to a few 'real life' friendships. Now, I don't believe that allowing more techy toys is a good way to foster relationships, and nothing I've seen with my kids and their friends would lead me to believe that if we had more or less 'stuff', things would be any better or worse.

 

But...

 

I've loosened some of my restrictions for my oldest two partly because of my experience with this forum, when it became apparent that more phone time and use of computer (for email, etc.) would be helpful in maintaining some of their relationships. (Oldest daughter is the only one with her own email, and it's understood that I have the password and the right to spot-check her from time to time).

 

In other words, I would encourage a loosening of restrictions if it would help foster relationships for older kids who aren't building them, currently (when we lived in a city neighborhood with kids all over within walking distance, there was no email, etc., allowed, because there was no need)...but I don't think that's the same as allowing techy stuff that would entice kids to come spend time at my house, and therefore invite relationships that might not be based on healthy beginnings, anyway.

 

Does that make any sense?

 

I'm just wondering if the boys who came over during the summer, and are now going to PS could be kept in touch with through email, or something like that. I have no doubt, Colleen, that your boys are fun and charming young men, and I'm betting that the disconnect is coming from a simple logistical issue (easier to get together with PS friends because you run into them more often), rather than lack of something to do. (I know my own kids and their friends sometimes turn to listening to music or looking at this or that on the computer when it's not workable to go outside, but that doesn't seem like the 'main draw', if you know what I mean).

 

Can you think of anything else (besides acquiring electronica, lol) that would foster connection-making/keeping between your son and these other kids? I really don't think that friendships for teens are the end-all, be-all...but I do think they serve a good purpose, and can even be useful for helping maintain a connection with parents. (By providing a 'foil' for certain lessons, and reinforcement for others. Just a personal opinion, though). We've driven ridiculous distances, and went to other inconvenient extremes in the name of helping our kids keep good friendships, and I don't think it's been a waste.

 

I hope something from this thread helps. I might be reading your tone wrong, but it sounds like you're hurting a little for your son. :-( (I would be, too.)

[Ravin]

My stepsons are definitely in the tech-heavy category. They still like to read, though, and go for walks with their mom a lot. The 13yo. has had a cell phone for about a year now. He uses it to keep in touch with his mom, they text every day, usually many times a day (except, of course, when he's in school). It really helps keep them close when they're not actually under the same roof.

 

DD is only allowed to play on the Xbox when the boys are here visiting, with them. She has computer access, and will probably be getting her own computer some time in the next year, but that's as much a tool as a toy. Most of the websites and games I have for her are educational.

 

She also has a toy laptop with some educational games on it, that she played with a lot for a month or two and now mostly ignores.

Mostly I've tried to avoid techie toys, as well as battery operated noisy gizmos. I do distinguish those toys from tools, though. DD will likely have a cell phone by around age 10; we take the free-range philosophy, and DD will be able to have more freedom with the security of being able to stay in touch. She also got a digital camera for her birthday last year, though it wound up not being as durable as I'd thought it would. DD takes after me in how hard she is on electronics.

[rafiki]

.

[RoughCollie]

Are we really completely alone in just enjoying the "simple" stuff and playing outside? I kinda think so, judging by how few guys are interested in coming over here and hanging out.:confused:

 

We waited until our kids were 10 before we gave them Nintendo DS, and they were 11 or 12 before they received a video game console. Their friends had these items beginning at age 5. Back then, though, all the kids in the neighborhood played outside all day.

 

In our experience, teenage boys and their friends only want a few things available to do: video games, a computer, a t.v., and lots of food. They have a great time outside, but only when it is a planned activity, like a family or scout camping trip or a trip to the beach.

 

When their friends are not here, my boys write fiction, draw, read, and do many other things, but when with the herd, they become very limited in their pursuits.

 

With my DD and her friends it is a different story -- their main interest is shopping (spending my money), but failing that, they do a whole lot of other things, and may never go near a t.v., computer or video game console. They also like to cook and bake their own food (making a big mess in my kitchen), rather than having the finished product handed to them.

[NoPlaceLikeHome]

So far we have resisted buying game systems such as wii, nintendo, x-box, amd the small hand helds. When he is older, I will allow a pre-paid cell phone that can only dial phone numbers for emergency use;)

 

I am afraid if we do get these things that he will only want to play games instead of read or play:) We do allow limited playing time with a few scholastic computer games such as Oregon Trail or Children of the Nile though.

[Dirtroad]

Kids are 10 & 8.... no game boys, Wii and such. NO guitar hero, no ipods or MP3s. MOST IMPORTANTLY... no cell phone.

 

They get 15 minutes a day (if all chores are done & book work) to play a game on the computer. That is the limit of gaming and technology.

 

WE love books and games too. Plus they GO OUTSIDE & get dirty!;)

 

You are not alone. I see little advantage to these items & many bad behaviors/rudeness abounds. The disadvantages far outweigh the advantages (if there are any).