Extracurriculars, wants to do cello, I want to say no (edited)

[Janeway]

My 11 yr old wants to learn to play the cello. I want to say no. This is because there is nothing social or group activity related where we live for homeschoolers for orchestra. There is stuff 45 minutes plus away. She could get private lessons here and then when she is older, play for a community/church orchestra, but that would be a ways off.  Our local schools do not have dual enrollment so that is not an option. 
 

Would I be a terrible parent if I said no? Or told her she has to wait a year? She will be 12 this fall so waiting a year would mean waiting until 13. 

 

Edited to add: She has a habit of getting excited about something, for some reason, usually related to a movie or youtube video. She then starts it and quickly realizes it takes effort and drops out. She already insisted she wanted to take Spanish this fall and art in an outsourced class, which I have already deposited for and will lose the deposits. She also wants to do archery, which I found the class but registration does not start for that until August. Now, she suddenly wants to drop all that, and theater, just to do cello, which she saw on Wednesday Adams TV show, a show she was not even supposed to watch but she snuck around and watched it by sneaking up in the middle of the night to watch. I am betting that while I drop all the other classes she is in so I can put the money in to cello, I am betting that within a month she is getting upset and saying she hates it. 

Edited June 12, 2023 by Janeway

[Jean in Newcastle]

Of course not. People can learn instruments even when they are older if there is still an interest. 

[Dianthus]

Does she want to play in a group now? Is that her intent? Certainly is much of the joy, in playing with others. However, she will probably need a couple years of lessons before she is ready to play in orchestra unless she is already very musical. I would start private lessons and see how it goes. Rent a cello to start. I would do it now and not wait.

[Shoeless]

Why don't you want her to play cello? Not having an orchestra nearby seems like a weak reason. She could play and enjoy the process of learning the cello. Music can be a solo or group activity. 

If the issue is the cost or that you're overextended and don't want to drive to lessons that's fair.    

[Clemsondana]

It's fine to say not to an extracurricular.  We, or people that we know, say no for reasons of time, schedule, commitment, or money all the time.  But, I'm not clear on how availability of an orchestra fits.  My kid has taken violin for 8 years and over the past few years has started playing in church 3-4 times a year.  Although there is a youth orchestra, kid has never done it, preferring to do other activities.  The violin teacher does have the kids play some group pieces at the recital and sometimes they play in nursing homes so there is occasional playing in small groups (maybe 10-12 students).  Some church playing is a duet with the teacher, but other pieces are solos with piano.  It's great when an instrument becomes a major activity - I loved my years of marching and concert band = but it's also OK to just take lessons and learn to play, in the same way that kids taking piano lessons do. 

[8filltheheart]

Playing in orchestra as a beginning player is limited "fun" anyway.   From my perspective as a parent, it really takes a couple of yrs to get to a level where playing in an orchestra or a chamber group is worth the time commitment.  Learning to play should be the main focus.

Edited June 12, 2023 by 8filltheheart

[Clemsondana]

With the edit, it sounds like a lack of orchestra isn't the reason that you are saying no.  One of mine also wants to do everything.  I set a number of activities (or a number of hours/week, or an amount of money for lessons, whatever works for your situation) and tell kid that they are welcome to add something but they have to choose what to drop.  I've also been known to have kid wait a month and see if an activity is still interesting.  Our usual approach is something like: We're already signed up for X.  Let's wait (a week, a month, or until after X if it's short-term) and see if you want to stop doing something and add Y.  Or 'We already have a plan for fall semester.  If you want to make a change for spring semester, we can talk about it towards the end of fall.'  

I'd have no problem saying that, having already made a deposit, we will do those classes/activities in the fall and revisit the options for spring semester.  When my violin player started, I rented month-to-month for the first 3-6 months, and I did the same with martial arts.  After the first 6 months, I started paying for 6 months at a time, and eventually moved to yearly (there are discounts).  So, semester-by-semester plans seem reasonable,  

[luuknam]

What Clemsondana said. Middle school is a great time to experiment and try new things before everything in high school becomes too serious, important, and time-consuming, but I wouldn't drop other classes you already signed up for for it.