Those who have ever had to move from a place they loved - Help me, please.

[Liz CA]

I am facing a move that is a total change.

We may have to rent out our small property & house or try to sell in this desperate market.

This is the result of a lagging economy in this particular area. We would be moving about 200 miles. This area has a much more inflated housing market and if we decide to rent out our house we will have to rent there because we would not have a decent downpayment.

 

My head is spinning.

Two months ago I made plans for next year's garden, now I may not even be here!

My 17 yo (soon to be 18) ds is enrolled in the local college and does not want to come along. He thinks he can rent a room/apartment with friends. As of right now he does not even have a regular job.

I have small livestock I may have to part with - SIGH.

 

Words of wisdom, anybody?

[Carol in Cal.]

Do you want me to check with a realtor friend for an outlook on prices where you are? She is pretty well networked. I would not tell her anything about how to contact you, just that I know someone who is wondering.

 

I'm sorry you're going through this.

 

Your children are going to remember how you handle it. I try to keep that in mind, with varying degrees of success, whenever I have to do something big that I would rather not do.

 

(((LIZ)))

[Starr]

I'm sorry. As the child of a wanderer I moved every year. It won't be easy but you will adjust. Just remember that it takes a year or so to get settled. And I would try and take my 17 year old "baby" with me. :)

[Liz CA]

Do you want me to check with a realtor friend for an outlook on prices where you are? She is pretty well networked. I would not tell her anything about how to contact you, just that I know someone who is wondering.

 

I'm sorry you're going through this.

 

Your children are going to remember how you handle it. I try to keep that in mind, with varying degrees of success, whenever I have to do something big that I would rather not do.

 

(((LIZ)))

 

If this happens, we would be moving from Butte County to Sonoma County. House prices in Sonoma County are probably almost 25-50% higher. We are still trying to think this through.

[JenneinCA]

Unfortunately I do have experience.

 

We have just moved from Arizona where my parents live, where our dream house was, where my kids friends were, where my friends were, where everything was to Santa Clara, California 800 miles away.

 

We are in the process of selling our dream house with 4 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms, a pool and a $1135 mortgage payment. We are now renting a 3 bedroom house with 1 and a half bathrooms, no pool and ancient wiring for $2500 a month, and we got a good deal.

 

All this because of my husband's job... the location he worked for closed and we were given the options to relocate or be unemployed. Since the job market in Phoenix is not so great to begin with and many of his coworkers were staying, we took the relocation option.

 

The cost of living here is huge. Phoenix is nothing like Silicon Valley. I no longer have an accurate price book. My son's music class cost is likely to double and that isn't even talking about all the other stuff, like car insurance.

 

But we are surviving and I must admit the weather here is wonderful. I know you wanted words of wisdom that will make you feel better. I don't know that I have those, but I will say that you have company on your journey.

 

Jenne in AZ (who is not in AZ anymore!)

[Blueridge]

Bless your heart. It was 3 years ago, Christmas, when my dh lost his job unexpectedly. He was without a job for 4 months, during which time we drew closer to the Lord and to each other. We would take walks every night and talk and look at the big sky, full of stars, and watch the moon go through it's nightly cycles...it seemed to keep us grounded and we felt safe. After months of seeking a local job, I sat in my 3 car garage inside my beautiful cedar 'dream house' and cried and cried. I knew I was going to have to move away from my home, my friends, my family, everything I knew that was comfortable. Dh found a job, 2 states away, and I knew that life as we knew it would be changed forever. We did sell our home and make that move 2 states away, and I adjusted to life in a tiny town inside a home half as big as the one I left. But during these 3 years that have passed, I can see the good. I began to focus on all that we have now...dear, sweet friends, a beautiful location to live in, new opportunities, so much blessing. While we were leaving our old home I could only focus on what I was leaving behind. Now I can see all that we gained. You will be fine...it just takes time. Blessings as you begin your journey. I pray positive, expectant thoughts for you today~

Ginger

[Carol in Cal.]

Unfortunately I do have experience.

 

We have just moved from Arizona where my parents live, where our dream house was, where my kids friends were, where my friends were, where everything was to Santa Clara, California 800 miles away.

 

We are in the process of selling our dream house with 4 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms, a pool and a $1135 mortgage payment. We are now renting a 3 bedroom house with 1 and a half bathrooms, no pool and ancient wiring for $2500 a month, and we got a good deal.

 

All this because of my husband's job... the location he worked for closed and we were given the options to relocate or be unemployed. Since the job market in Phoenix is not so great to begin with and many of his coworkers were staying, we took the relocation option.

 

The cost of living here is huge. Phoenix is nothing like Silicon Valley. I no longer have an accurate price book. My son's music class cost is likely to double and that isn't even talking about all the other stuff, like car insurance.

 

But we are surviving and I must admit the weather here is wonderful. I know you wanted words of wisdom that will make you feel better. I don't know that I have those, but I will say that you have company on your journey.

 

Jenne in AZ (who is not in AZ anymore!)

 

It's crazy how much housing costs here. The good news is that although rents are going up, housing prices are coming down very quickly right now.

 

There are some great homeschooling groups in the area, and some ISP's that you might want to consider that give you money for curriculum and a lot of freedom of choice, or private ISP's that coach you and help with your paperwork. There is a great field trip list called BAHFT that has postings by homeschoolers who have scheduled 'school field trip-like' events that require a lot of participants to go, making spots available on a first come, first served basis. There is a classically oriented 2 day per week school, and there is the LEAD center, which is based on TJED. I don't use either of those, but they are worth checking out.

 

The Santa Clara Library is far better than any of the San Jose ones. Go there pronto--I guarentee that you will love it.

 

The Seymour Center is great for marine biology and marine mammals. The famous and spectacular Monterey Bay Aquarium is not that far away. The Mid-Peninsula Open Space district has great hiking and guided walks that are free, some of which are reasonable for children. If you are very interested in nature studies, the Riekes (no relation to the health thing--it's the founder's name) Center offers the absolute best Nature Awareness programs around.

 

There are many flavors of homeschooling groups--Christian/specific, Christian/eclectic/inclusive, Islamic, unschoolers, park only eclectic, attachment parenting, etc. About 15 miles south a group rents a Grange hall and offers classes in a coop setting all day on Tuesdays for all ages through middle school.

 

Take your time, develop your contacts, and resolve to do specifically Californian things while you are here, and I'll bet you'll have an enjoyable stay. I'm sorry that you're being 'dragged' here, but there is also a lot to like.

[Carol in Cal.]

don't know what music class your son is in, but if it's choral, the Vivace Youth Chorus of San Jose is outstanding. They meet in Willow Glen, so about 10-15 minutes from Santa Clara. My DD is in their highest regular choir, and what they have accomplished with those kids is quite remarkable.

 

The price is more reasonable than most high quality choral groups, as they want to be accessible and inclusive. They have a lot of homeschoolers in their groups and a discreet, respectful scholarship policy.

[catalinakel]

I used to live in Sebastopol, and also out Coleman Valley road in the hills overlooking Bodega Bay. My sister lives in Chico and her ex-husband's houses in Concow burned this past summer....I now live in Henderson, NV, which is a suburb of Las Vegas. Before living here(we have been here almost five years) I lived on Catalina Island. So I know about moving away from wonderful places. And I know about California real estate. And I can't imagine how a move to Sonoma Co. could be financially beneficial unless there is a better job there than in Butte Co. I loved Sonoma county, but the real estate there is very expensive. If I had to make a move and had a son in a college he likes I would help him get set up to live on his own(or with a family or roomate). change is hard, but truly inevitable. What exactly are your issues with moving? We moved from a wonderful small town on an island surrounded by the beautiful ocean to be near to my parents here in the desert so that we could help them as they age. We could never afford to buy a home there, or in Sonoma Co. either.

 

I am sort of rambling here, but not sure what sort of wisdom you are wanting. I have moved lots...never easy, but sometimes necessary. You must make of it what you can...or make things work where you are. We would have been life long renters in Catalina, and that just didn't make sense for us. What makes sense for you guys?

[catalinakel]

by the way, growing a garden in Sonoma Co. is a no brainer! Lots of help there with that, and great soil and weather(not as hot as Butte Co.)

[jplain]

We moved from a place I loved 1.5 years ago, due to a job transfer. I still ache over it, but it is getting better. I make friends slowly, but I have a few now, so things are better. I'd still move back in a heartbeat though. Give yourself time. Don't expect to settle in quickly. If you find your groove sooner than expected, it'll be a nice surprise.

[readwithem]

Would your dh consider commuting at least till your son finishes the school year? We did that last year about the same distance - drove some and flew some - talked every night, etc. I'd probably not recommend this with little children but with high schoolers it's do-able. I think we also showed we respected the commitments (in our case piano and dance) that were already on the calendar. Maybe your dh's new position will help with the transition costs.

 

A plus side for me was that by the time we actually moved, I was more prepared - mentally as well as physically - cleared out a bunch of stuff we just didn't want to move, said goodbye to friends gradually, etc.

[Liz CA]

But during these 3 years that have passed, I can see the good. I began to focus on all that we have now...dear, sweet friends, a beautiful location to live in, new opportunities, so much blessing. While we were leaving our old home I could only focus on what I was leaving behind. Now I can see all that we gained. You will be fine...it just takes time. Blessings as you begin your journey. I pray positive, expectant thoughts for you today~

Ginger

 

Thank you! This is excellent advice!

[Liz CA]

by the way, growing a garden in Sonoma Co. is a no brainer! Lots of help there with that, and great soil and weather(not as hot as Butte Co.)

 

Yes, I know Sonoma County well. We lived there for eight years before we moved to Butte. This move was to finish a college degree for dh and we got a good deal on property and stayed.

Going back to So. County would mean for dh to work with his brothers in a family company versus wondering every months if his current employer can make payroll.

 

I know we would lose big time trying to sell in this market and we would be renting in So. County to start with - perhaps for some time.

The only consolation would be that I love the ocean and I would be very close to the coast.

[1bassoon]

When we moved Down South from The North 3.5 years ago, I thought we'd never again find what we had - the area dh and I were both born and raised in, friends we raised our children with, church we loved.

 

I was right.

 

 

And I was wrong.

 

 

We found more, much more than we ever expected. God has grown us in ways we never expected, and we are grateful for that. I could go on and on. . . . but one thing I did was to create a "blessings" book - every year, on or around the anniversary of our move, we created a book full of the blessings the Lord had bestowed on us. Everyone wrote in it, from the littlest toddler to dh & I. This proved especially helpful when the "dream" job my dh moved for crumbled like dust in so much wind - ah, but that is another story for another time ;)

 

HTH. Embrace the change, but don't be afraid to mourn for what you lose. If you're like me, it will hit 6-12 mos. after you move and set up the new house.

[Liz CA]

Would your dh consider commuting at least till your son finishes the school year? We did that last year about the same distance - drove some and flew some - talked every night, etc. I'd probably not recommend this with little children but with high schoolers it's do-able. I think we also showed we respected the commitments (in our case piano and dance) that were already on the calendar. Maybe your dh's new position will help with the transition costs.

 

A plus side for me was that by the time we actually moved, I was more prepared - mentally as well as physically - cleared out a bunch of stuff we just didn't want to move, said goodbye to friends gradually, etc.

 

Yes, we have considered this and for the first few months - perhaps even a year, he would have to do that unless we had a buyer right away. We are also thinking about renting it out, however it's the kind of place where you really need to find some country people if you know what I mean. We are 30-40 minutes from the next town.

Also, our son has lived here since he was seven and all his friends are here and his wonderful youth group into which he is heavily plugged in on all levels.

 

I am taking each day at a time. Tomorrow is supposed to be payday. We'll see if dh's employer can make payroll.

I feel calmer than on the day I wrote this original message and God has been reminding me that he will take care of things - here or there.

[Liz CA]

HTH. Embrace the change, but don't be afraid to mourn for what you lose. If you're like me, it will hit 6-12 mos. after you move and set up the new house.

 

This is so true! It took me about 9-12 months to feel at home in a house we designed. Odd, isn't it?

Perhaps, another reason for my initial shock is that I am more of a "root" person rather than a "mover". Maybe it has become this way over the years. When I was younger I thought moving was fun and living in different areas was educational.

Now I just want to put down roots.

[KinderSafari]

We moved 4 hours away from all my family to the middle of nowhere in northern Wisconsin. My family doesn't come visit because they have 50 relatives within 1/2 an hour of each other, why drive to the middle of nowhere to visit us? :( Growing up, we would spend every Sunday with all the relatives, cousins, etc. eating and playing games at Grandma's house. It was a blast. One of my favorite memories, and I longed to share that with my kids as well. Alas, after 5 years of gas-guzzling trips back and forth with 5 kids, I finally decided - it's okay if my kids don't have that same great memory I had. They won't know any different, and they will have their own fun memories.

 

It's now been 8 years since we moved, and I LOVE where we live. This is the longest I've lived anywhere. I love EVERYTHING about where we are, except we don't have family nearby. It's different. But it's okay.

 

The houses are inexpensive, we own an acre of forested land, have few neighbors, have excellent friends, in a safe, small town community that has everything because it's tourist central.

 

My husband resigned a year ago and we panicked! We couldn't afford to move away! But we didn't have a job! Slowly, we both picked up occasional internet jobs and have made it month to month with God's grace - and our jobs are slowly becoming more secure. So now we've also created our own jobs and could actually live anywhere we want! This has been a huge blessing to us!

 

This is never what I planned. My plans were to continue on the same safe controllable path.

 

This has turned out so much better. Scarier at times. :) But better.

 

You are smart to start to network and get information!

 

I don't have any advice for your 17 year old. :( That would make me very sad too. But I understand his perspective. Moving for him would be "scary" too.

 

God bless you!

Change is hard!

It seems like change is out of your control, so try as much as you can to embrace it, consider the difficulties, and do what you can to make them as smooth as possible.