Want to WHINE about anything?

[PeterPan]

Adverbs are tricky for ds and curricula are not thorough about teaching them and therapists don't like to do them. Well let's add to that whine SLPs who teach grammar in isolation instead of as FUNCTIONAL grammar being used as a sentence. But I'm FIRING that person soon, soon, soon, so I don't have to whine about that one. I'm hoping the HELP books will do better on adverbs than the Spotlight half book (Adjectives/Adverbs) did. We'll see. They're terribly useful, so why are the curricula not nailing this? Sigh. They literally gave him an entire page of 30 adjectives to change to adverbs with -ly (ie. a parlor trick) when he has ZERO CLUE how to use those words in a sentence as functional communication. Zero clue what they'd be used with. But oh it would be accomplishing something because he'd be able to add -ly. Mercy. And it's really hard to think up, because these are less commonly used. It's not so easy to think up quickly like adjectives. Sometimes, just occasionally, the constructions on the worksheets will sound unnatural. 

So anyways, yeah we keep plugging along. Pronouns are going pretty well. The whole simple predicates thing is wearing on me. He's actually making a ton of progress, just not so much with ADVERBS, hahahaha. 

So that's my whine. You have one? Feel free to share or suggest imprecatory solutions to your problems or mine. I'm all for firing but maybe we could do better? I haven't roasted materials in ages. Maybe he could show up for sessions with the person we're probably firing but always wear a CLOWN SUIT? Maybe that would pull them out of their stinking depression and get them to actually smile? LOL But that's not imprecatory I guess. Easier just to let them go, drifting into the ethernet so they can solve their own problems. 

[Jentrovert]

I'll add a general whine or three. I'm tired of having to be involved in every single thing. It's like *nothing* can be done without me, not one little, tiny part of anything. Because even if I'm using an app to outsource some labor, she can't be trusted to actually *do* it without supervision. Even if she likes it. 

Along similar lines, I'm tired of providing executive function for everyone. And tired of not being able to have an unstructured day or two with them, to just do nothing together, because everyone functions so much better with routine and structure. Unstructured days are miserable.

I'm tired of explicitly teaching every darn thing. 

And last, but not least, if I have to continue listen to and watch her act like a dog multiple times per day I'm going to scream. (Current strategy, working marvelously, for moving from yellow zone to green)

Things really aren't that bad. I'm just tired. 😜

 

 

[PeterPan]

3 minutes ago, Jentrovert said:

if I have to continue listen to and watch her act like a dog multiple times per day I'm going to scream. (Current strategy, working marvelously, for moving from yellow zone to green)

Oh my, I LOVE your list of complaints!! These are so, so true. It's why I finally started cruising, taking trips. I just need to go somewhere with my kid, do zero school, and have things feel NORMAL. Having someone wait on me, clean, entertain, socialize, and beautiful beaches, well that all makes it good too. But yeah, it's sorta work hard, play hard. Is there anything like that you could do? My ds is surprisingly ok with camping. I sorta have to suck up my own soul to get it done, haha, but we seem to have a good time.

Yeah, both my kids have done the dog thing. My dd does it now when her language drops. My ds, I don't know why. Maybe some thing, like not ready to use language? It's sort of a stim for him. But it's not like pushing language makes language happen in the moment, mercy. Also meowing. 

25 minutes ago, Jentrovert said:

And tired of not being able to have an unstructured day or two with them, to just do nothing together,

Yeah, about the only way to get that here is if dh takes ds for a while (which means I have to deal with mess when he comes back) or if I just let him play nintendo all day. I've currently decided that Link's Awakening on the nintendo is very valuable and has character building properties. He's learning to stick with it and solve problems rather than just asking for help and cheating with the internet right away. So that's valuable and ok to spend a whole day on, right? 

27 minutes ago, Jentrovert said:

It's like *nothing* can be done without me, not one little, tiny part of anything. Because even if I'm using an app to outsource some labor, she can't be trusted to actually *do* it without supervision. Even if she likes it. 

It's the list of SLDs compounding it. My ds is 11 and still pretty similar. Anything we want independent we have to build up very intentionally and carefully. There's always such a gap between my GRAND INTENTIONS and what I actually get done. I have a feeling it involves gump and me getting up my butt. 

I will say, we have more peace in our house with ds than we have ever had since he started anxiety meds. And I know people were like oh they change brains, he's developing, and all this mess. Fine, whatever. I'm just saying we have more peace, more calm, and more progress. I know some of the meds have significant side effects, but the particular stuff we're using doesn't and is so life alteringly better that I don't think we'd give a rip if it did. You watch it wear off and you're like nope, do another dose.

So I guess you would say meds have given me hope that we can get somewhere good with him. They've made some kind of good outcome seem possible.

Oh, and just as a follow-up to my own whine, I did begin the process of writing the SLPs to get things changed. Took four emails and still haven't heard back all the replies, haha. But at least I'm feeling more chilled about it. Well that and I took a little med myself. Decided I was done feeling edgy today. And the adverbs are just as bad, but I've concluded I'm going to have to break out another resource and have just made peace with it that till I get a better source it's going to be too hard. We're doing relative clauses, and they're kind of the right level of hard. I don't know why adverbs are SO much harder, but I'm going to pretend it's the materials and look for something better. 

And you know, I think there's a lesson in that. A lot of this is where we get a new grief, a new problem, and we have to whine, grieve, etc. until we accept it and make peace with it and begin to plan a way forward. I think it's ok to whine and say it sucks, because some things really do suck. And admitting it doesn't mean we're not gonna pull up our bootstraps and find a way. But it might mean we need a break to take care of ourselves.

[Garga]

People here at WTM have recently been saying that the education forums are slower than normal.  I’ve been cyberschooling this year, so I hadn’t noticed and I thought they were exaggerating, but they’re not!  Those forums are a lot slower than in the past.  That makes me feel sad.

But what I’ve noticed is that the WTM FB page seems to be pretty busy and I hate it!  I hate it!  If I comment on there and someone else comments on the post, FB notifies me, and when I click on the notification, it doesn’t take me to the thread they commented on.  I’m at the top of WTMs FB page and have to scroll through and see if I can remember which post I commented on. 

The comments aren’t all in order.  They’re attached to the person’s name that someone commented on, so you have to re-read pretty much everything to figure out who commented and when on whose post.  

I just haaaaaate it all sooooo much.  The forums here were beautiful and excellent for continuing conversations, but FB just isn’t set up to work that way.  WHYyyyyyy is everyone using FB over the forums??  It doesn’t make sense.  

[PeterPan]

2 hours ago, Garga said:

WHYyyyyyy is everyone using FB over the forums??  It doesn’t make sense.  

Hmm, I don't know! I've been trying to go over to FB only once a week. It just got NUTS. I didn't realize the WTM FB was so hopping. You're right, the forums are a way better set up. 

Do you think SWB not talking at conventions is part of the issue? I think there's going to be a gradual shift, a fading. Just my assumption. 

43 minutes ago, CuriousMomof3 said:

I'm going back to work full time on August 3rd

Is that set in stone? So much keeps changing.

44 minutes ago, CuriousMomof3 said:

Hearing DS10's AAC voice in that setting is really hard, and so he gives up and just listens.  It's hard for DS9 to see his brother's cues, and know when he needs to stop and give him wait time (something he's made so much progress on when we're together in person), so he keeps talking over him.  

It sounds like you're making a lot of effort. These will be precious memories, worth the effort.

45 minutes ago, CuriousMomof3 said:

I hope we get back to how it was before I'm back at work!

Yeah, I don't know. Do you have anything relaxing planned?

[PeterPan]

3 minutes ago, CuriousMomof3 said:

I'll be working from home.  

I hadn't heard this! What a relief for you!

3 minutes ago, CuriousMomof3 said:

I'd hate to have them fly out here, quarantine for two weeks, and then have it go south.  

Oh man, I didn't know that was paused. Makes sense. Well foo.

 

[kbutton]

5 hours ago, Jentrovert said:

Along similar lines, I'm tired of providing executive function for everyone.

Oh, yes!

I don't have to provide the kind of structure I used to, but I still have to remember everything and be the one that checks all i's and crosses all the t's. It's annoying. 

I almost never get a real summer. We have projects or emergencies or obligations. This summer, it's projects and emergencies. To keep the main projects going, mine don't get started or have to stop. Sigh. 

Does anyone else live with a person that fails to verify important information? I am so over that. I feel like the full-time verification department, and I feel like my job doing so is not valued, or the other person would be verifying things now and then, thank you very much. So I am swimming upstream to make sure things that the other person is dead sure about are really true. Fun times. 

[PeterPan]

2 hours ago, kbutton said:

to verify important information?

Oh my, I don't do that, but maybe that's because I don't GET information? LOL Literally nothing. Except maybe like 3 years later as an after the fact.

But I can see where that would feel crazy. 

[Garga]

Oh my yes, on the having to think for everyone else. I wish I only had to worry about my own thoughts/problems/calendar. And then I get the subtle put downs or eye rolls  because I’m nagging or harping or something. Um...seriously? And it’s not just the kids...

 

[kbutton]

Yep, not just the kids!

My kid with the most labels is the most organized--he is coming along nicely, and I usually can't complain about him. Today he didn't do what I asked while I was at the store, so I cornered him on the basement stairs and got him good with a squirt bottle of water (he was amused) until he apologized. 😉 It was genial; I promise! 

This week's verification was around a permit for a shed and hearsay from a friend. The friend was correct but not complete (or the understanding wasn't complete, lol!). We still need a ZONING permit even if we don't need a building permit. Let's see how long that hoses up the works! Also chased down information about what the frostline is for our state--that was a bit of a time suck.

 

[Lecka]

Well I will join in!  My husband is in the process of retiring from the Army and transitioning to the VA.  We have heard very positive things overall.  But right now he has 3 separate things going, and it is really confusing, and hard for him to tell if he is keeping up with things properly.

This has been complicated by Covid-19!!!!!!!

It would be going much more smoothly otherwise!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

In good news he already has a phone intake interview scheduled, for one week after his retirement date, for the most important thing. So that is good!  

[kbutton]

9 minutes ago, Lecka said:

Well I will join in!  My husband is in the process of retiring from the Army and transitioning to the VA.  We have heard very positive things overall.  But right now he has 3 separate things going, and it is really confusing, and hard for him to tell if he is keeping up with things properly.

This has been complicated by Covid-19!!!!!!!

It would be going much more smoothly otherwise!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

In good news he already has a phone intake interview scheduled, for one week after his retirement date, for the most important thing. So that is good!  

The famous military bureaucracy! I am glad the most important thing is scheduled. That must be a relief. I hope the rest falls into place sooner than later.

[PeterPan]

2 hours ago, Lecka said:

transitioning to the VA.

He's going to work for the VA or receive services? 

 

2 hours ago, Lecka said:

But right now he has 3 separate things going

Oh my

2 hours ago, Lecka said:

This has been complicated by Covid-19!!!!!!!

Yup. VA (hospital) stuff is pretty minimal right now, everything pushed off that can be pushed off. 

[Lecka]

Receive services from the VA.  Recently he has seen a counselor and gone to a pain clinic for back issues.  The counselor will definitely be something he transitions to at the VA (and that is what is set up).  He might go there for back issues.  He might qualify for medical care in general for some things.  That is all still being figured out and will involve some appointments. He also has a mouth guard right now because he grinds his teeth, and that might be something that goes through the VA, and he will have a dental appointment.  But it's maybe unlikely he would have dental services after the one appointment.  

Then there is his disability rating, which is separate from the medical appointments.  He was able to go to 2 (I think?) appointments for that before the Covid stuff.  He still needs his physical.  

He also seems to be recommended to have some referrals, I am not clear if that is to see if he qualifies or if he already qualifies.  And then, I am not clear if he is going to have an appointment with someone who then looks at his referrals, or if he is going to be setting up appointments with all the "recommended referrals" separately.  

My husband has never had a pcm or done a referral authorization -- he doesn't even know what they are.  He has always had active-duty healthcare.  I have had a pcm and done referral authorizations (mainly for autism).  But I don't know how similar it is.    

He has been working with a VA liaison, and she is great.  But, she has only been able to do phone calls since sometime in March.    But at this point all his stuff has been transferred to the place we are moving, and so we need to transfer to a new VA liaison if we want to do that, and we have not done that yet.  I think though that is mainly for the disability rating, and he has everything done for that except the physical.  

We are also moving, so at this point he is talking to people in the place we are moving to, and they are sending mail to my parent's house, and any time he doesn't answer the phone (which happens!) they are sending my parents a form letter saying that they couldn't reach him.  

We are doing no private services for my son with autism, and spent the past year "on consult" where we could call if we had a problem.  We never had a problem!  So that is good!!!!!!!!  

[JessinTX]

On 6/16/2020 at 7:39 AM, Jentrovert said:

I'll add a general whine or three. I'm tired of having to be involved in every single thing. It's like *nothing* can be done without me, not one little, tiny part of anything. Because even if I'm using an app to outsource some labor, she can't be trusted to actually *do* it without supervision. Even if she likes it. 

Along similar lines, I'm tired of providing executive function for everyone. And tired of not being able to have an unstructured day or two with them, to just do nothing together, because everyone functions so much better with routine and structure. Unstructured days are miserable.

I'm tired of explicitly teaching every darn thing. 

And last, but not least, if I have to continue listen to and watch her act like a dog multiple times per day I'm going to scream. (Current strategy, working marvelously, for moving from yellow zone to green)

Things really aren't that bad. I'm just tired. 😜

 

 

Girl I will just echo every single thing you said, except I'll substitute playing I spy for acting like a dog. And yes under everyone I'll include DH too.... seriously what would these people do if I was not here. 

I'll also add my own whine about adjusting meds. DD's anxiety has been off the charts with all the chaos and uncertainty lately. I can't take the hourly meltdowns anymore. But randomly experimenting with trying this new drug or adding that new drug just feels so....... exhausting? Unbearable? defeating? 

On 6/16/2020 at 11:03 AM, CuriousMomof3 said:

DS10 has been in the hospital for almost 5 of the past 6 weeks. 

On 6/16/2020 at 11:03 AM, CuriousMomof3 said:

I hope we get back to how it was before I'm back at work!

I hope you get your baby back home soon! This helps me keep perspective. My girl might be driving me insane, but she's here where I can keep her safe and she's healthy (physically at least). 

[PeterPan]

8 minutes ago, JessinTX said:

I'll also add my own whine about adjusting meds. DD's anxiety has been off the charts with all the chaos and uncertainty lately. I can't take the hourly meltdowns anymore. But randomly experimenting with trying this new drug or adding that new drug just feels so....... exhausting? Unbearable? defeating? 

Yes, the flare up of the anxiety and trying meds has been a challenge! It actually worked out really well here, because we're now on a med, where he had been sort of borderline before, with the doc saying keep using cognitive strategies. Now on the med he's doing better than he did without. 

Yeah, meltdowns suck. The med we're using isn't perfect and he still gets breakthroughs, especially if he eats an orange or other high methyl foods. 

[PeterPan]

1 minute ago, CuriousMomof3 said:

I couldn't decide, and so I deferred to DH who wants to try.

It will probably be a big relief. Sometimes you have to just do things and hope for the best. It will be good to be together with your family.