Would your family be unhappy with this plan??

[TheReader]

You're not out of line. 

I had a similar situation with a friend, and it led to the demise of the friendship when I finally put my foot down about it. I hope your situation resolves in a better fashion. 

[HSmomof2]

24 minutes ago, Murphy101 said:

I think if you don’t want to go because you wouldn’t be able to enjoy it - that’s good enough.  If you phrase it that way, then I think her comment is barbed and not okay. 

However if you said you couldn’t go because your husband and kids would get mad at you? Then she is on mark to say that’s not okay. It would bother me to hear that from a friend too.

All that aside.  Would you regret not going to Hawaii if you could go and didn’t? If so, you should go. I get the money thing. But I’ve come to realize if I wait to do the things I’ve always wanted to do and enjoy until there’s enough money for us all, I am never doing anything again. Like.  EVER.  Seriously.

My situation is different.  My husband has traveled a lot for many years for work. While I stayed home and did literally everything else.  And I truly harbor zero regret about having the kids or home schooling or being there for my kids. But now I finally have the chance to travel. So I’m going to. No regrets. My kids are absolutely okay with it. They miss me but they don’t resent it. My husband is okay with it as long as he gets some time with me when we can afford both of us.  My older kids have all kinds of interests that they enjoy that take them places.  We don’t have to do everything together to support each other.  It’s okay to go with your friend.  At least once after discussion with your husband of course but I don’t think it’d be awful to do it and my family wouldn’t be unhappy about it at all  

And all of THAT aside lol

Go to Curacao instead of Hawaii. It’s better beaches and less expensive.  I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to afford my half of a trip to Hawaii. And I would never take 7 days away that requires 4 of it be travel time. Where are you flying from?! 

I don’t want to go under the current circumstances.....perhaps in the future when my dc are grown (and I have a better job with more vacation time😊) and money’s not so tight. Dh and I would also like to take dc on a decent family vacation before ds graduates, which is another reason I don’t want to use all of our vacation money to go with friend within the next year. 
(Hawaii is only about a 5 hour flight for me, so the distance isn’t really an issue.)

[theelfqueen]

I have gone on many a trip without my family (when my bestie had her first baby she was stationed in Hawaii... oh darn. Had to go see the baby! When one of my close online friends turned 50 our group of 5 met up for several days at Disneyland. 3 of the last 4 years I've gone to an out-of-state by-plane scrapbook retreat ... ) but it's in our budget. I dont have limited vacation time as a SAHM. It doesn't interfere with our family plans. 

If those things weren't true... it would be a different story. You have to make decisions that make sense for you! 

[sassenach]

That would be a big no from me. Your friend is being self-centered. I would never even desire to spend a week with a friend instead of my family. Family vacations are PRECIOUS to me. Sorry Friend, you are not number 1 in my life!

Don’t try to get her to understand. Just tell her that you can do a local weekend and she can take it if leave it. 

[KungFuPanda]

On 3/1/2020 at 1:29 AM, Carol in Cal. said:

This is why it is hard to have friendships between single folks and married with children folks.  The people are the same but the circumstances are so different they make it almost impossible to bridge the two.  

Your friend is clueless and you are not wrong.

I have single friends.  I don't think the friendships are at all difficult to maintain.  In fact, it can be easier to get together because there are fewer schedules to consider when making plans.  I think the OP's friend is being deliberately difficult and needs to cultivate some single friendships (or learn to enjoy her own company) if this sort of thing is important to her.