Inattentive ADD Non Medication Support

[workingmom]

I'm looking for resources on support forums/groups about non medication approached to handling inattentive ADD in tween girls. Academically she's a private school but the expectations are for very advanced work and although its not ideal, bringing her home for homeschooling is a constant back and forth. We homeschooled/part time homeschooled /part time public school the two older boys and that was amazing, but their personalities were that they truly enjoyed learning and did the work. DD is constantly complaining, we clash personalities, and she always needs her friends circle so not ideal to homeschool her. (Maybe middle school, here 7th-8th). 

We did a lot of executive function skills development over the summer and this year having a teacher meeting allowed us to put planner checks at end of day into her education plan, which is helping a lot. I just really worry will she be able to handle high school let alone college if we keep taking away the academic challenge. I also want to hear from other parents about non medication options including and if they really made a significant difference. The pediatrician said at this stage meds are a good option especially if you notice negative self talk. 

She has a formal psychological evaluation coming up but also want to hear some of your thoughts.

 

 

[ktgrok]

Best I can say is to outsource executive function to technology, reminders, alarms, Siri/Alexa, etc as much as possible. I find it HAS to be voice operated or I don't remember long enough to write it down. But really meds were so life changing I just can't stress how much difference they can make. 

[PeterPan]

So I took my ds to Frozen2 yesterday and have a headache from the noise, so I apologize in advance if I'm a little blunt.

It sounds like your school is doing what can be done. You've worked on EF. I assume you've gone through all the basic books on EF/ADHD, right?

                                             Smart but Scattered: The Revolutionary "Executive Skills" Approach to Helping Kids Reach Their Potential                                     

                                            Organizing Solutions for People with ADHD, 2nd Edition-Revised and Updated: Tips and Tools to Help You Take Charge of Your Life and Get Organized                                     that kind of thing.

But really, why are meds not on the table? For us, we didn't start till dd was close to 16, and it was, well let's just say it wasn't something dd looks back on and says wow, glad you waited so long. I don't like to live with mistakes, but it was at least unnecessary hardship to have waited so long. It meant she was adjusting meds and figuring out herself while doing DE (dual enrollment) rather than doing it under our closer care. There are a lot of arguments to doing meds SOONER rather than later at this point.

There's an argument about waiting on meds to let the dc learn skills. I have been told this by multiple professionals, and I'll point out you've DONE this. Like if that is part of the calculation, you've done it. 

There's an argument on mental health and increased risk of bipolar. But, you know, that isn't rocket science. You look at family history, run the genetics (23andme, then run through promethease and look look for a COMT defect).

There are some things we did before meds that were good. Interactive metronome, or a knockoff/hack version you do yourself. Getting typing solid (which was an issue for us). Using tech, lots of tech. We didn't start retained reflexes till later, and they would have been good earlier. OT eval for sensory. Audiology eval and screening for APD. We also went to ABLEKids and got a filter.

But really, the meds are where it's at. Everything else is asking a person with a broken leg how fast they can hop. My dd's ACT scores went up 50% when she got the meds. Like literally, we started them, retested (within 3 months), and her scores had gone up 50%. It's the difference between college and not college, top scholarships and NO scholarships. The meds also decreased her anxiety (by improving functionality) and improved her processing speed. They improved her ability just flat to DO the work. 

There's some more stuff you can do, sure. My dd never had an SLP eval. The neuropsych we used did some language testing and found word retrieval issues. She has low scores on word retrieval consistent with dyslexia and apraxia, and interestingly her brother is diagnosed with both. When we look at the genes, she's heterozygous for the defects, carrying them. And that word retrieval (and the fatigue from the low processing speed which then drags down her language retrieval) is the most insidious thing she deals with in college. Everything else is manageable with tech, with accommodations, with testing services, with the support. But if you can't get it out, you get in trouble fast. 

So I'm not a huge fan of neuropsychs (been burnt by some), but if you don't do wide testing, you can miss things, sure. And no, I don't see where telling her to hop faster, flap harder little bird is going to get her there, not if the goal is college.

The nastiest thing I was ever told by someone was that taking the meds was using DRUGS and that people shouldn't have an addictive mindset, that they should just deal with their problems. Well people are all different and need to be dealt with individually. Just because someone ELSE got through college without meds doesn't mean the next person will. Each person is unique. When my dd started meds at 16, she said she wished she had had them earlier, at 14. As a mom, I think it would have saved us a lot of grieve to have done them in junior high. The kids, especially girls, have a huge developmental leap there, and she was TRYING to do so much. So to bring in these better tools and help them to work would be ideal. Learning to use your tools, sorting through what all you need AT HOME is a big thing. Way better than doing it in college because you started late. 

[Pen]

Don’t know a specific group for girl tween inattentive ADD.

you might want to look at Peter Breggin’s archived radio shows searching for ones that are applicable.

ADD nutritional etc protocols

and books with ideas to help... 

[workingmom]

Thank you all. I guess I need to find out after all this testing what the psychologist recommends. To me she's still getting As and Bs and maybe its denial but I don't think its soo bad and wondering maybe let her get through puberty and all before we think about meds. Also grades in 5/6 really don't matter not like high school. I thought also why am I torturing her in a rigorous private school, why not slow it down a year and homeschool/public and see how she does, if she still has trouble then that will buy another year and go from there. 

Thank you all for you input

 

 

[ktgrok]

4 hours ago, workingmom said:

Thank you all. I guess I need to find out after all this testing what the psychologist recommends. To me she's still getting As and Bs and maybe its denial but I don't think its soo bad and wondering maybe let her get through puberty and all before we think about meds. Also grades in 5/6 really don't matter not like high school. I thought also why am I torturing her in a rigorous private school, why not slow it down a year and homeschool/public and see how she does, if she still has trouble then that will buy another year and go from there. 

Thank you all for you input

 

 

Well, that assumes that the point of ADHD medication is better grades. As an adult on them, I can say that I don't get grades but they sure make LIFE better. I don't see meds as a means to school achievement, but as a way to live a better life, with school success being a nice byproduct of that. 

[Pen]

7 hours ago, workingmom said:

Thank you all. I guess I need to find out after all this testing what the psychologist recommends. To me she's still getting As and Bs and maybe its denial but I don't think its soo bad and wondering maybe let her get through puberty and all before we think about meds. Also grades in 5/6 really don't matter not like high school. I thought also why am I torturing her in a rigorous private school, why not slow it down a year and homeschool/public and see how she does, if she still has trouble then that will buy another year and go from there. 

Thank you all for you input

 

 

 

ADDitude magazine online, etc , May have ideas that would help.  

 

[SanDiegoMom]

On 12/15/2019 at 7:37 PM, Ktgrok said:

Well, that assumes that the point of ADHD medication is better grades. As an adult on them, I can say that I don't get grades but they sure make LIFE better. I don't see meds as a means to school achievement, but as a way to live a better life, with school success being a nice byproduct of that. 

THIS.  I see this all the time on one of my 2e fb groups.  The goal for the parent wrt the child is better grades.  I know I was consumed by anxiety over my daughter's grades in middle school and high school when she constantly forgot to do hw, forgot to turn in assignments, couldn't study for a test or write her papers until the last minute.  Meanwhile she was consumed by social anxiety because she was combined adhd and knew she was different but didn't know why and couldn't control her emotions. They are still SO BIG.  And all the adhd stuff affects every aspect of her life.  

She's tried off and on the non-adhd hacks like meditation, yoga, she has good routines, she has a place for everything so that nothing gets lost. And they all help and she is glad to have them! But when she first when on meds she said it was like putting on glasses and she could finally see through the fog.  Fog is actually her favorite metaphor for adhd -- trying to do everything in a fog and feeling ALL THE TIME liked you've forgotten something. So stressful.   When Ritalin no longer worked she tried Strattera and actually had no hope that it would work.  It took a month and she says its like a weaker version of Ritalin but without all the rebound issues.  She's in such a good place right now. 

Adding when I saw the negative self talk that the OP mentioned-- that was the biggest issue I wish I could go back and fix.  The low self worth (which I didn't even recognize because we fought SO MUCH in those years) -- I think was more damaging to her than the adhd.   She never had anxiety in elementary school or sixth grade -- it developed in 7th and then went further into panic disorder in high school.  So in college we are still picking up the pieces that started to fall apart from middle school.  

 

[FairProspects]

On 12/14/2019 at 9:05 PM, Ktgrok said:

Best I can say is to outsource executive function to technology, reminders, alarms, Siri/Alexa, etc as much as possible. I find it HAS to be voice operated or I don't remember long enough to write it down. But really meds were so life changing I just can't stress how much difference they can make. 

This was exactly my son's experience. Also some similarities to San Diego Mom's experiences. My son started the ADHD meds this summer at 15 and they have made a huge difference for him. They aren't a magic pill that makes ADHD disappear, but they do help so much.