HappyGrace Posted November 20, 2008 Share Posted November 20, 2008 It's so lacking in today's boys/men. I'm watching a show about the current British monarchy, and there's a greater level of respect and courtesy that they show there. I would love my ds (still only 5) to grow up with deferential treatment to women, etc., and generally to be a little more formal with manners than you generally see. Is anyone further down this path that can shed some light on how I can help instill this quality? (Note: Dh's father died when he was very young, so he never had role modeling for any of the "male arts" like this, so he cannot help.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Danestress Posted November 20, 2008 Share Posted November 20, 2008 (Note: Dh's father died when he was very young, so he never had role modeling for any of the "male arts" like this, so he cannot help.) Of course he can still help. You can talk together about things you would like to teach your son, and your husband can model those behaviors. It doesn't really matter what you teach with words, nothing will teach as much as just seeing your DH treat you well, open doors, stand when you enter the room. If your DH does that, that will be the primary lesson. If he doesn't, the lessons will be much harder to teach and less likely, I would think, to stick. Even if it doesn't come natural to your DH or if no one taught him, he can still take a firm hand in this training, and can sort of retrain himself if there are areas where he would like his son to have an example. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
texascamps Posted November 20, 2008 Share Posted November 20, 2008 There are books at our homeschool store that address gentlemanly manners. We have our sons open doors for people, and try to anticpate needs of others. Helping an elderly woman put groceries in her car. We do a neighborhood pickup litter, which really just teaches them civil responsibility. My husband is always eager to help neighbors or friends in need and brings along a son when he can. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jugglin'5 Posted November 20, 2008 Share Posted November 20, 2008 One tangible thing (among many) that my dh does is walk on the side of the curb closest to the street. That way, any splashes or crazy drivers get him first.:D Seriously, though, it was little things like that which caught me hook, line, and sinker. I am a sucker for a true gentleman. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dirtroad Posted November 20, 2008 Share Posted November 20, 2008 Opening doors for ladies, children & elderly Asking for Yes Sir & Yes Ma'am Helping lift boxes or load groceries for someone having difficulties Taking care of his sister Always saying Thank You, etc Speaking up for the under dog doing chores inside & outside - daily taking care of animals Books .... "Created for Work" by Bob Schultz & Lots of books on Vision Forum website Join the Boy Scouts or Cub Scouts Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sharon H in IL Posted November 20, 2008 Share Posted November 20, 2008 We talk about the meaning behind certain habits and manners. We practice. I ask them to leave the table if they are having trouble being polite, and so far no one has had to actually leave; everyone straightens up. There probably isn't any way I can reinforce all the good manners I would like to teach, because I can't make DH behave more politely. So some things are just :chillpill: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soph the vet Posted November 20, 2008 Share Posted November 20, 2008 I have preached to my ds8 that he is to "protect and defend" his sisters and that someday his wife will thank me.:lol: I think it is paying off. He opens doors for us, he helps his little sister....sometimes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momofkhm Posted November 20, 2008 Share Posted November 20, 2008 Especially when it's dh! The other night we went to a sandwich potluck. The women and little ones went first, then the boys and dads. When dh took ds through, dh came back with no food b/c he didn't think there would be enough bread. After everyone else went through, dh went back and sure enough there was bread so dh filled his plate. Then after dh was finished eating, he took care of all the plates on the table. The next day I pointed out to ds (and the girls) that dh was a true gentleman and why I said that. When ds opens the door for me, I make sure I thank him. I also direct him to open the door for others. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mrsdash Posted November 20, 2008 Share Posted November 20, 2008 My dh is always a gentleman and it's been a great example for all the dc. I haven't opened a door of any kind, in or out, since we met. He always walks on the outside if we're by the street or holds me close in a crowd. He carries everything, pulls out my chairs and refuses to ever let me take out the trash or mow the lawn. :D When he was out of town, our ds began opening my car door for me and getting the doors when we were out. He wanted to continue for his dad. It was verrrry sweet. I feel very spoiled, esp. today since it's not as common. When our oldest (18) comes around with her bf, I always insist she wait for him to open her doors,etc. and I will walk by him and whisper "get her door". lol. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nestof3 Posted November 20, 2008 Share Posted November 20, 2008 Opening doors for ladies, children & elderly Asking for Yes Sir & Yes Ma'am Helping lift boxes or load groceries for someone having difficulties Taking care of his sister Always saying Thank You, etc Speaking up for the under dog doing chores inside & outside - daily taking care of animals I agree with these. I also noticed a direct relationship between who my son kept company with on a regular basis and his character. There are many Proverbs that speak of the importance of the friends/company you keep. We begin when the boys are young to urge them to assist women, to open doors for them, to help the elderly and so forth. Along the way, Aaron (our oldest) just seemed to catch it by including the young ones in games at church, by helping the ladies with their crock pots and so on. He is also a history buff, particularly military history, and he just sort of adopted a "protect women and children" mentality from inspiring stories he's read. I remember there came a day when I was going to the store at night, and Aaron came along with me. He just felt the need to protect me. I might be wrong, but I think this is a pretty naturally manly trait for young men -- along with the provision drive. I just think that being directed into manhood and being surrounded by young and old men of character allows this to flourish. From my experience, a companionship of fools ruins this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HappyGrace Posted November 20, 2008 Author Share Posted November 20, 2008 As far as dh, it's kind of like Sharon said-I've learned that you can't change people and I no longer try. Yes, it would be ideal if dh would do these things, but that isn't the case. (not putting him down; he's just not "gifted" in this area or even interested in it.) I like the idea of other male role models, including the ones in books, or even just pointing out good examples of gentlemanly behavior that we see. I had previously looked at the book "Created for Work"-I think I will get it. Also some of the Vision Forum CDs, although they usually assume the fathers are doing this stuff so it can get frustrating. I think I'll just treat the whole thing like manners in general-pointing out when and how to use them, just general instruction. Doing the Mrs. Dash trick of whispering in the ear when I see opportunities for him to give up his seat to the older woman, etc.! Start having him open doors for his sister and me, etc. Thanks so much! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elaine Posted November 20, 2008 Share Posted November 20, 2008 Opening doors for ladies, children & elderly Asking for Yes Sir & Yes Ma'am Helping lift boxes or load groceries for someone having difficulties Taking care of his sister Always saying Thank You, etc Speaking up for the under dog doing chores inside & outside - daily taking care of animals Books .... "Created for Work" by Bob Schultz & Lots of books on Vision Forum website Join the Boy Scouts or Cub Scouts These are really good suggestions.:001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted November 21, 2008 Share Posted November 21, 2008 My boy hasn't been born yet, but I think it must be much easier to be gentlemanly if you are treated as one. Girls are more inclined to be ladylike if treated like ladies. :) Rosie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jodi-FL Posted November 21, 2008 Share Posted November 21, 2008 I was just reminiscing to a friend today about how monthly date nights started when our big kids were 4 (the littles started earlier because they saw the big kids go so often) and now my oldest son is 15 and he shocks people by his manners/respect/behavior towards me. It just comes naturally for him because date nights were my time to train him in how to treat a woman (yes, even at 4 he opened doors for me, thanked me for meals, offered to help when he saw my hands were full, etc), and how to be a positive contributor to society. we never spent much money, we alternated months doing something "fun" for him and something "necessary" for me (like grocery shopping, which he still thought was fun). my husband didn't have much of an example either, so he hasn't participated much but he is a respectful and loving example at home. enjoy those boys. I can't believe I only have a few years left with that oldest, and he has 3 younger brothers who love to follow his example. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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