Frustrated with bad communication between family members

[Chris in VA]

Dd wanted to come see us in May at the same time as my mil and my husband's sister and brother-in-law. It would have been so fun and dd would be helpful, too, in traveling. Yesterday, my husband told me he had talked (or maybe it was an email) with his mom (whom I adore, just so you know), and that she was getting antsy about buying tickets. So I messaged dd yesterday and we talked about some dates, and hadn't quite decided 1but at least had a ballpark, and I get an email from mil that she booked tickets for the last week of May and first week of June. Totally too late for dd to be here, since dd has to work this summer and can't start a job and then take off for 10 days or whatever. (She gets out of college like the 3rd of May and is then traveling elsewhere til the 11th, so we were thinking of having her here in the middle of May til the 24th.) 

I'm just frustrated and feel mil jumped the gun and couldn't just be patient for 1 stinkin day while we coordinated everything. And I think she would have, if my husband had told her a little more, which he probably didn't, because he NEVER tells details of plans in progress--like, why tell our thoughts when the plans are not complete...whereas I am, share the thought process so we can all get to consensus. 

UGH. I am so sad that dd can't be here when they are. It would have been a ton better. 

PLEASE DON"T QUOTE

[wendyroo]

Life experience has taught me that things tend to go pear shaped when my husband is in charge of communication.  At this point, I just make all plans with all parties. This even extends as far as ordering food at a drive through or talking to the customs agent when crossing the border. DH just doesn’t have the knack for consisely and precisely offering the needed information in a way the listener can process and understand.  I think he could develop this skill if he chose to, and I assume he has to some extent in the work arena, but at this point it is in my best interest to do the communicating if the decisions and outcomes will effect me. 

Wendy

[Innisfree]

I'm sorry, that sounds so disappointing. Will your dd be able to visit at some point, at least? 

[Lecka]

I bet they can change the tickets.  

Edit:  It's definitely worth trying.  I would also guess -- maybe ticket prices were an issue, with the farther-out date possibly being cheaper, and maybe they bought because they were worried about a price change.  This has been an explanation for this kind of thing in my family.  

Edited January 19, 2019 by Lecka

[Halftime Hope]

Any chance you can finalize potential plans with dd today, and then see if your MIL can change their tickets?  It can sometimes be done with no penalty within 24 hours of the purchase.  

[marbel]

I'm sorry.  I can imagine that exact thing happening in our house.  My husband and his parent communicate horribly, whenever we try to coordinate something it goes badly unless (and I hate to say this because it sounds so arrogant) I'm in charge of it all.  And even that's a struggle. 

I agree with the idea of seeing if you can get a good date for your daughter and see if in-laws can change their tickets. I hope you can work something out!

[Chris in VA]

She is going to try to change it. It is Eid on the day they leave so that is even more reason to change it, as it will be an absolute zoo in Jerusalem.