Please help advise me with a question...

[Testimony]

I run a Lego club through my homeschool group.

 

One day, a woman brought her son to the club. The child refuse to sit with the group and curled up in a corner and did not talk to anyone. We tried to talk to him. We keep the club inform, nuturing, and safe. His mother sat with him. When they left, the mom said that he felt uncomfortable because he did not know anyone. I was OK with that. I can understand. I never paid any attention to it.

 

This past weekend, I received an email from this mother. I have a FIRST Lego League team which competes. This mother emailed me to ask if her son can join. She said that the real reason he was uncomfortable is the children were younger than him. She asked if her son could join my team. She said that maybe there would be children more his age. I told her that our season is over, but if she want to try in May 2009 contact me then.

 

When I told my older son about the email, he raised this question: If the boy felt uncomfortable being around him(my son) when he came to Lego club, why would he be more comfortable around him(my son) on the team?

 

I thought he brought up an interesting point. What are your opinions on this? I told my son that I would ask other moms what they thought.

 

Thank you in advance!

 

Blessings,

Karen

http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/testimony

[Testimony]

:tongue_smilie:

[Ria]

How old was the boy?

 

Ria

[Goldilocks]

I may be able to relate to this mom...

My oldest ds will participate in group activities now, at age 8, but refused to take part in them for many years. When he was a preschooler, he would be excited about doing something, but then not want to seperate from me. He just wanted to watch. As he got older he could verbalize that he didn't like group activities, but he did enjoy watching. When he got even older, he knew that many kids did like to do things as a group and since he didn't he felt awkward and embarrassed.

By this time I had other children who were happy to be part of a group, so I knew it wasn't that I was doing something wrong. It was just his personality. If I had forced him to go to something, he would have been hiding behind my skirts.

 

Perhaps this boy is really shy about participating in a group and the mom hasn't realized that that is just his personality. She may have questioned the boy about wat was wrong with the group and perhaps put words in his mouth.

 

At about 7 1/2 my ds started wanting to participate in more activities. It was frustrating along the way and in the early years I looked for problems with the group, but in the end he just needed to be ready for it.

 

I don't know if that is the case here or not.

[Testimony]

He was 11 years old when he came to the club and he is 12 years old now. My son is 10 years old, but he will be 11 years old in December.

 

Blessings,

Karen

http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/testimony

[Testimony]

I may be able to relate to this mom...

My oldest ds will participate in group activities now, at age 8, but refused to take part in them for many years. When he was a preschooler, he would be excited about doing something, but then not want to seperate from me. He just wanted to watch. As he got older he could verbalize that he didn't like group activities, but he did enjoy watching. When he got even older, he knew that many kids did like to do things as a group and since he didn't he felt awkward and embarrassed.

By this time I had other children who were happy to be part of a group, so I knew it wasn't that I was doing something wrong. It was just his personality. If I had forced him to go to something, he would have been hiding behind my skirts.

 

Perhaps this boy is really shy about participating in a group and the mom hasn't realized that that is just his personality. She may have questioned the boy about wat was wrong with the group and perhaps put words in his mouth.

 

At about 7 1/2 my ds started wanting to participate in more activities. It was frustrating along the way and in the early years I looked for problems with the group, but in the end he just needed to be ready for it.

 

I don't know if that is the case here or not.

 

Your son is much younger than this boy. If the above situation is the case with this boy, then I should not put him on my FIRST Lego League team because the whole theme is working together with other children as a team. My son is younger than him. The boy would not want to work with him.

 

Do you think that I should tell them politely maybe we are not the team for them?

 

Thanks,

Karen

http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/testimony

Blessing

[SapphireStitch]

Wow, when I read your first post I pictured the boy being 5 or 6, not 11.

 

If you want to reach out to this mom and this boy, could you have some sort of orientation or "get to know you" meeting for the team before it officially starts? That could give him one more chance to see if he can interact with the group, and if he can't then perhaps the mom will realize this won't work for him.

 

Do the parents usually stay for the meetings? I wonder if he would do better without his mom there? I was a very shy child, and if given the option I would have hung out with my mom rather than with my peers. Mom wouldn't have given me the option, though.

 

This is difficult! I understand your son's point, too, and it was wise of him to think of it!

[Carol in Cal.]

It seems like often that is the case, and it's very difficult to ask about it. He seems awfully old to be acting as you describe, and so I would suspect that there is some problem beyond just discomfort--either a special needs issue or an extreme lack of manners.

 

My inclination would be to talk about the team building that FLL requires, and ask about his experience in other group situations. What did it take to make him comfortable? 25% of the FLL competition score is for teamwork, and the judges are very sensitive to someone being left out; even if it's their own wish. Also, I would try to find out from him directly whether this is really what he wants or not. It might not be--maybe it's just something that his mom wants for him. If so, I would suggest involving him with an activity that doesn't have the deadlines and tight requirements that FLL does--that way there is not so much at stake if he becomes resistent to participating.

[JFSinIL]

I'm with Carol - sounds like autism or a related disorder. Whatever the case may be, tell the mom her son is certainly allowed to try another meeting but needs to show that he wants to be there and interact before you willy-nilly put him on a team.

He may just need more time....I would have been that kid int he corner, btw.

[Mallorie]

I wouldn't jump to a disorder based on that one visit. Kids can be weird on any given day, we don't know what led up to him arriving there. ;)

 

I wouldn't let him on the team right away, and I wouldn't reject him. I'd at least have some playdates with my son/lego group to see if things could be different. If the attitude that he showed on that first day remained, i'd express that he wasn't ready to join the team.

[Peek a Boo]

I run a Lego club through my homeschool group.

 

One day, a woman brought her son to the club. The child refuse to sit with the group and curled up in a corner and did not talk to anyone. We tried to talk to him. We keep the club inform, nuturing, and safe. His mother sat with him. When they left, the mom said that he felt uncomfortable because he did not know anyone. I was OK with that. I can understand. I never paid any attention to it.

 

This past weekend, I received an email from this mother. I have a FIRST Lego League team which competes. This mother emailed me to ask if her son can join. She said that the real reason he was uncomfortable is the children were younger than him. She asked if her son could join my team. She said that maybe there would be children more his age. I told her that our season is over, but if she want to try in May 2009 contact me then.

 

When I told my older son about the email, he raised this question: If the boy felt uncomfortable being around him(my son) when he came to Lego club, why would he be more comfortable around him(my son) on the team?

 

 

 

 

are the kids on the FLL team really that much older than the kids that were in the original lego group [that this kid supposedly felt were too young?]

 

i agree that some casual meetings/ playdates are in order before having him commit.

[Testimony]

are the kids on the FLL team really that much older than the kids that were in the original lego group [that this kid supposedly felt were too young?

 

Not, at all! That was my son's point. The youngest child was 6 years old, but he was the only 6 year old. The oldest child at the time was 11 years old (the same age as the boy). The majority of the children were between 7-9 years old. So, are they a lot younger? Not really. They ranged from ages 7-11 years old as an average.

 

Thanks,

Karen

http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/testimony

[Peek a Boo]

Not, at all! That was my son's point. The youngest child was 6 years old, but he was the only 6 year old. The oldest child at the time was 11 years old (the same age as the boy). The majority of the children were between 7-9 years old. So, are they a lot younger? Not really. They ranged from ages 7-11 years old as an average.

 

Thanks,

Karen

http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/testimony

 

then yeah, I'd probably send her a

 

"We'd love to have your son on our multi-age team, but the kids on the team have the same age differences as the kids that were in the original class. FLL requires team cooperation among ALL the team members --not just the couple that are the same age. If your son has had a change of perspective and doesn't mind working w/ younger kids as a team effort, we can discuss some options for including him."

 

My three oldest [see sig] play w/ kids of ALL ages, so i wouldn't see too much of an obstacle in expecting a 12yo to work respectfully w/ a 7yo.

[Carol in Cal.]

"We'd love to have your son on our multi-age team, but the kids on the team have the same age differences as the kids that were in the original class. FLL requires team cooperation among ALL the team members --not just the couple that are the same age. If your son has had a change of perspective and doesn't mind working w/ younger kids as a team effort, we can discuss some options for including him."

 

QUOTE]

 

But, if it's a tricky situation, the mom might say that he would cooperate and he really wouldn't. It could be wishful thinking, or wanting to advocate for him, or wanting him to have a team experience no matter what it does to the team, but for whatever reason, if he gets on the team and is withdrawn or uncooperative, it will ruin the team for everyone.

 

If this were a club, no problem. If it were a group that was trying to accomplish some guided goal, like Junior Achievement, there would be some workarounds. But by its very nature, FLL is insistent on full team participation; and the things that the judges do to evaluate that are quite broad in scope. One child who won't try to participate will ruin the team for everyone else. That is not true in all circumstances, and normally I would be all for trying to include everyone in just about everything. But for FLL, my feeling is that given how bizarre that first experience was, and the advanced age of this child, the team coach needs to BOTH explain the requirements in detail to the mom, getting a commitment, AND evaluate the child herself, hopefully in a non-obvious, non-threatening way, before adding him to the team.

[Peek a Boo]

But, if it's a tricky situation, the mom might say that he would cooperate and he really wouldn't.

 

-----

But for FLL, my feeling is that given how bizarre that first experience was, and the advanced age of this child, the team coach needs to BOTH explain the requirements in detail to the mom, getting a commitment, AND evaluate the child herself, hopefully in a non-obvious, non-threatening way, before adding him to the team.

 

 

:iagree:

totally!

that's why i would include "we can discuss some options for including him"

:D

[joannqn]

I don't know anything about First Lego teams other than what I've read in the responses but I agree with what others have said based on that. If the team is competition based and teamwork is judged, I would not allow a child who is unwilling or unable to work well with a team on it.

 

I would let her know that the team is made up of the same age group and that full participation in teamwork is required for the team. Each child on the team needs to demonstrate the ability to interact well with all members of the team. I would explain that and then invite them to participate in the club meetings so that he can work towards becoming comfortable working with team members in a noncompetitive environment before joining the high-stakes team. If integration with the club is successful, joining the team can be considered when it begins in the spring.

 

I think the age difference is an excuse. The age difference isn't that extreme and learning to interact with all ages is certainly doable. My 6 yo's favorite friend is 11 or 12 years old. My 8 yo's favorite friends are between 9 and 12 years old but also loves to play with kids who are 2-3 years old.