What does "play date" mean to you? (JAWM, maybe)

[Just Kate]

This reminds me of way back when...my ds was about 4 and since I worked part-time, I had a babysitter who watched him at her house. She had two boys around his age and they loved to play. She would constantly ask (on my days off) if her boys could come to our house to play because ds was always at her house playing. She would try to set up a "play date" for them at my house while she ran errands. It drove me nuts because I paid her to watch my ds! Of course, if it had been my idea to invite her boys over, that would have been fine. But since she was the one to make all of the arrangements, it really bothered me. I only let her do it once or twice and then I put a stop to it.

[Mimm]

Where do people get the nerve for that kind of thing? That's very clearly taking advantage of you. Yes, the person suggesting the play date is "hosting" usually, unless it's worded as something different.

 

I try to be very clear.

 

"We'd love to have you guys over for lunch. The kids can play and we can chat. I want to catch up with you."

 

"Can your kid come over and play for a couple hours this afternoon? I have a dance class to take my oldest to this evening, so she'll need to be picked up by 4:45."

 

"Do you want to go to such and such park? We can visit while the kids play."

 

I don't do the drop off thing a young ages. I'm not a fan of helping other people's kids use the potty or installing car seats in my van or cleaning up after the inevitable mess.

[sewingmama]

I expect parents to stay for playmates and I don't provide food unless we talked about it beforehand.

Why? I hate it when adults stay for playdates... I'm looking for a friend for my kid to play with..not me..

 

If the mum stays then I cant get on and do my own thing...cleaning and such ...whilst the kids play.

 

I guess I dont know what a play date is supposed to be for. When I was a kid your friends just came around..usually not even prearranged ...and hung out and played. The parents where never expected to plan activities or entertain them. If they were there at lunch time they were either sent home for lunch and told they could come back after...or given a sandwhich with the rest of the kids.

 

And expecting money to be spent to entertain a kid on a play date 😂

 

Anyway..my views are probably wrong as my kids hardly ever have play dates. I invite and invite but no one ever allows their kids to come because I dont do planned activities and they ' never let their kids go stay somewhere without a parent' even if those kids are 10 and up.

 

I makes me sad...what must they think of me and my family they would never leave their kid with me alone for a few hours.

 

Anyway...just one of the reasons I am considering giving up homeschooling...no friends for my kids unless its an organised activity...and my kids are getting lonely.

[katilac]

Why? I hate it when adults stay for playdates... I'm looking for a friend for my kid to play with..not me..

 

If the mum stays then I cant get on and do my own thing...cleaning and such ...whilst the kids play.

 

I guess I dont know what a play date is supposed to be for. When I was a kid your friends just came around..usually not even prearranged ...and hung out and played. The parents where never expected to plan activities or entertain them. If they were there at lunch time they were either sent home for lunch and told they could come back after...or given a sandwhich with the rest of the kids.

 

And expecting money to be spent to entertain a kid on a play date 😂

 

Anyway..my views are probably wrong as my kids hardly ever have play dates. I invite and invite but no one ever allows their kids to come because I dont do planned activities and they ' never let their kids go stay somewhere without a parent' even if those kids are 10 and up.

 

I makes me sad...what must they think of me and my family they would never leave their kid with me alone for a few hours.

 

Anyway...just one of the reasons I am considering giving up homeschooling...no friends for my kids unless its an organised activity...and my kids are getting lonely.

 

My childhood visiting was more casual as well, but most of the playing was done outside. If we were going inside someone's house for more than a few minutes, that did require permission from both parents - we weren't completely feral even in the 1970s  :laugh:

 

The difference is, unless you're lucky enough to live in an unusual neighborhood, you aren't surrounded by homeschoolers who can just walk over and ring the bell. Visits with other homeschoolers do have to be arranged, and you can't logistically send them home for snacks or the bathroom.

 

My guess is that people don't want to leave their kids alone with you because they don't know you that well - you get past that by starting with some mom-and-kid playdates.  It often does take a fair amount of parent time to build that social network for homeschooled kids, no doubt. 

[ishikawa]

How old? I used to knock on friend's doors and see if they could play when I was a kid. 

Sorry, I didn't get a notification on this, not sure why. She is 8. I also used to call friends to play, and my son also does, but inviting to play on the playground or our house. At this time she asked to enter. I got be honest that this is not the only situation I don't approve. Maybe for an isolated case for another child I would not care.

[Xahm]

This reminds me. When I was a kid, I played a lot with the little boy next door. Our parents didn't really get along, but he was a good little playmate. They moved around the time we were drifting apart naturally. Two years later, he and his mom come around (no interaction in the meantime) and she drops him off for several hours, claiming he'd been begging to come play for months. He explained as soon as she left that all his babysitters had fallen through. It was an awkward few hours of play.

[Moonhawk]

I think it depends on the kids' ages. If we need to be in the room and close vicinity while they are playing (like 3-4 yo) then parents should stay.  But my daughter's playdates since she's been 7/8 have been drop offs. I was surprised the first time this happened: I went to the other person's house, we were greeted at the door (first time I'd been there, don't know the family that well, just through TKD) and DD went in but the mom was giving the vibe of "okay, bye!"  I just stayed there until she invited me in.  We had a good conversation and I was completely comfortable after about 10-15 minutes, so I left soon afterwards, but the mom definitely hadn't been expecting me to come in.  They have had playdates at our house since then, she immediately drops and goes, and has never been inside. 

 

Since this happened, I've kept playdates for the younger kids at parks, because it seems no one expects to drop and go at a park.  

 

Playing outside with neighbor kids is just one of those kids-knock-on-door, kids-go-outside. They ask permission before they go into someone's house. When we get that request we usually tell them no, it's about time for dinner, or clean up, or whatever. I don't mind the kids playing outside where I can see them quickly or call them over, but I don't feel comfortable enough with the families to hand over responsibility. 

[kewb]

First play date I expect the person who suggested it will be hosting. Once we get to know each other better then it can be a free for all, such as: Billy would love to have Bobby over. We have x going on so sometime next week will work for us. If they want to get together sooner it will need to be at your house.