Food issues

[Storygirl]

I'm feeling frustrated and wondering if anyone has been-there-done-that advice.

 

The following is background, not a description of the problem:

 

DS12 is medicated for ADHD. He is extremely impulsive and has some atypical hunger patterns, due to the meds.

* Sometimes he wants a really large breakfast and likes savory foods such as eggs or leftovers, instead of cereal or toast.

* But sometimes he claims to not be hungry in the morning and argues about eating breakfast.

* He eats very little for lunch, due to the meds. He takes a full lunch to school and brings much of it back home. Sometimes he will eat his lunch as a snack in the car after school. Sometimes he won't, because he still isn't hungry.

* His appetite varies at supper. He may eat a lot. If he has eaten his lunch after school, however, he may eat only a normal amount, complaining that he isn't hungry. But then he will want to get the supper food back out an hour or two later, claiming that he is starving. This is annoying, but we allow him to eat again.

* He is naturally very thin and has an athletic build. But he is gaining weight normally. I think he gained ten pounds between his last two annual physicals.

 

That is the background. Here is the issue. He gets up in the middle of the night and takes food. I'm actually not sure that he is really hungry at that time. He has always been a poor sleeper, and I think when he wakes up, he starts thinking about what he can do. And what he wants to do is eat snacks.

 

So he eats things secretly and hides the wrappers in his room or under the couch. We just pulled dozens of empty bags out from under the couches in our family room and basement this week. He also drank a bunch of Gatorade that I had purchased as a treat for my children. They want to buy drinks from the snack bar at church on youth group night (because their friends do), which is expensive, so I bought some individual Gatorade bottles and told them they could each take one bottle with them on Wednesdays. We had three six packs, so 18 bottles. I think he drank at least 10 of those himself. They were in our basement fridge, so I didn't notice they were disappearing until we went to get more out before youth group the following Wednesday.

 

He ate a whole package of Christmas tree Little Debbie snacks that I was planning to put in the kids' lunches as a surprise treat. He ate frosting out of an opened can in the fridge, with a fork, then denied it. I buy individual packs of chips to put in the children's lunch, and he has eaten dozens of those secretly.

 

I know that one solution is to not buy those kind of items if they tempt him. But that penalizes both my other children, who are not at fault, and me, because having some convenience items for lunches and snacks streamlines things a lot for me. (All of my children are thin, so we aren't concerned about snack foods causing weight issues, and we balance the convenience food with other healthy choices).

 

I don't want him to have a habit of being sneaky. I am willing to provide plenty of healthy food for him. But he wants to sneak the snacks, not healthy food like fruit or veggies. He knows we are displeased about this, but it doesn't stop him from doing it. Having him skip snacks when the other children get them, as a consequence (since he has already eaten his share), doesn't phase him or work as a deterrent. We talk A LOT about making good choices, being trustworthy, etc., but that doesn't change his behavior. He has a rebellious streak and doesn't really seem to mind when he knows he has broken rules or disappointed people. In fact, he always has seemed to HAVE to break rules, just to see what will happen (he only does this at home and is well behaved at school). So making a "rule" that he can't take snacks will not change things.

 

Any advice?

[swainsonshawk]

I have a box with a padlock where we keep the snacks that get eaten too fast. Some of my kids are snacky and sneaky, others have more control. This cuts down on the fight for me.

We went about a year with basically no snacks in the house because of the sneaky ones

 

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[OneStepAtATime]

:grouphug:

 

DS also gets up during the night and eats.  He is also 12.  He also has trouble sleeping and is probably ADHD but is not on medication.  He is also thin/athletic.  If he wakes up and feels he needs to eat, if he doesn't have something easy to get to that he can eat, he will get more and more frustrated and wound up and stay up all night fretting about not being able to eat.

 

What I had to do:

1.  Lock up the junk food.  We have two lockable cabinets.  One is for DD's art supplies that littles should not get into (some are toxic and some are dangerous in other ways and some are just plain expensive and I don't want them wasted) and one is for extra storage for the kitchen stuff.  Anything that is a special treat, junky/sugary, not supposed to be eaten on a regular basis, quick fix fast stuff that isn't as healthy, now goes in the second lockable cabinet.  Since my husband is a Little Debbie fanatic I was unable to simply eliminate this stuff altogether and like you there are days when having a quick something I can pull out is very helpful.

 

2.  Have easily grabbed healthier snacks available.  There is fresh fruit, cheese, cottage cheese, pre-made finger sandwiches, all beef 97% fat free wieners he can heat up in the microwave as well as the packets of powdered mashed potatoes, whole grain macaroni and cheese, whole grain chicken nuggets, etc.  Also, whole grain cereals.  Sometimes there are leftovers that I carefully separate into resealable containers (such as whole grain spaghetti) that he can grab quickly and heat in the mircrowave.

 

3.  Have easily grabbed less sugary or no sugar drinks:  Bottled water, Minute Maid Fruit Falls, small milk containers.  We also sometimes have Gatorade but I only buy G2 since it has a lot less sugar.

 

I found that when these things were more easily available and the sugary unhealthy stuff was locked away (and I did not make a big deal out of either), he was more likely to just grab what he could quickly get to.  Once he has eaten something he can relax again and usually get to sleep.

 

One thing you MIGHT consider looking into is getting a glucose tolerance test.  Although probably the issue really is personality/age/ADHD meds, I must admit I exhibited similar behavior as a child and it turned out I am hypoglycemic.  I craved sugary things and snacky things something fierce.  It was such a strong compulsion that I started sneaking food even though I had never snuck anything.  I would feel so bad inside, it honestly ate me up, but I could.not.stop.  I did not have the self-control as a kid to stop.  Once we had the test done and had some answers, Mom had to work hard herself to accept that she was going to have to put some physical barriers between me and junky sugary things until I was older, more mature, and we had stabilized my diet.  She wanted me to just automatically make better choices and I wasn't there yet.

Edited December 13, 2016 by OneStepAtATime

[SarahW]

A few different things:

 

I would be more concerned about the sneaking and then lying about it, than just eating the snacks. This sort of hidden/denied eating can cause a long-term disordered eating pattern.

 

I don't think I would expect him to make different choices on his own. He's impulsive, he's hungry, he's tired. There's no rational thought left.

 

I suspect he's not normally getting enough calories during the day, so at night (when the meds have worn off) his body is asking for food. Have you tried preparing a special "midnight snack" for him and leaving it in the fridge overnight for him to grab? A lunch box of cheese, grapes, and a fiber muffin or something, along with a milk-based drink. He can call it nocturnal lunch, or owl food, or something else to make it special. Or give him something shelf-stable he can put in his room before bed, so he doesn't even need to leave the bedroom at night (and thus be tempted by other goodies in the kitchen).

 

If his meds are preventing him from consuming enough calories during the day, I would think about adjusting them.

 

I would also think about ruling out insulin issues. Hypoglycemia, Diabetes 1.5, etc. Rare, but worth making sure they're not present.

[nature girl]

Anna has had eating impulsivity issues really all of her life, they were our first clue that something was different neurodevelopmentally. (She ate constantly as an infant...She used to sneak all the time, and once at 3 she locked me out of the house so she could eat cookies and bars without me stopping her...)

 

I'm part of an ADHD group, and see many, many parents talking about sneaking at night, especially in kids who are medicated, so probably don't eat as much as they would have during the day, and wake hungry. You definitely are not alone...

 

Anna doesn't sneak in the night (yet), but since starting meds there have been many nights she woke me up at 3AM telling me she was hungry. So I have a little container in her room with foods that won't attract mice or bugs (various nuts) as well as a power bar (which of course is more appealing to her...If I only left healthy foods she might be tempted to sneak.) I've told her she's not allowed to leave her room at night unless she needs the bathroom, or needs one of us, and so far she's complied. I think she's happier actually not having to go out of her room to scavenge, just reaches under her bed for her box, eats what she wants and then goes right back to sleep. (We shall see what this does to her teeth... :( )

 

 

[City Mouse]

My ADHD DD didn't eat at night but she was horrible about "sneaking" food as well. No impulse control at all. I had to sparate the lunchbox snack foods onto hers and his. She could eat her week's worth of snack foods whenever she wanted. If she did not have any left for school lunches,she got a sandwich with pretzels and maybe graham crackers. That did not bother her because she wasn't hungry at lunch time.

 

If she ate brother's snack foods, she had to pay me yo replace his snacks. That did not happen very often.

[zarabellesmom]

Wow, what a tough position to be in. You definitely want him to eat and if the only time he has an appetite is the middle of the night, you should find a way to accommodate that. My daughter is on ADHD medication and her doctor is very concerned about her weight. She's always been on the very low end of the growth chart (since birth). At times she's been close to falling off entirely and the medication doesn't help. I feel like I'm nagging her to eat all the time! Her doctor prescribed something called Periactin to stimulate her appetite and she's supposed to take it three times a day, but great, more meds? I feel like a pharmacist. I asked her just now if she wakes up hungry in the middle of the night and she says sometimes. I'd hate to have to lock up junk food, but I'd definitely do that or not buy it at all (and I understand why you don't want to do that). I think a prepared box is a great place to start. And I agree that a visit to the doctor to rule out other problems might be in order. Best of luck.

[Lecka]

I think locking things is a good option.

 

Annoying, but a good option.

 

Or get him snacks and rules for his room, and if he eats in his room at night but cleans up after himself, maybe that is okay. I don't think I would want to do that, but if I thought it would work I think I might try it.

 

I am more concerned that he is up unsupervised in the night, and doing impulsive things.

 

I am thinking of younger kids, but I have heard people put a motion sensor on the child's door and then parents know they are up and can put them back to bed.

 

I hear this more for kids who might do something dangerously impulsive in the night, or who will mess up their sleep schedule and need to be put back to bed.

 

This is also a time you might want to think about electronics he might get into bc that is a common thing for kids to do in the night.

 

Edit: in the scheme of things, if he ate in his room

and then went back to sleep, it is so much better than going around the house, I think.

Edited December 13, 2016 by Lecka

[Storygirl]

Yes, he also plays electronics in the middle of the night. DH has started taking the wii controllers into our bedroom at night or otherwise hiding them, so that he cannot use them. We have also put passwords on all computers, ipods, Kindles, etc., that only DH and I know. Which is a pain, because I have to unlock everyone's device whenever they need to be used, but I know it is necessary.

 

I think getting a lockable box may be necessary. Thank you for that suggestion.

 

And I think we need to have a supply of approved nighttime foods that he can access freely when he is hungry.

 

I really do think that he doesn't have the impulse control to resist the temptations at this stage, so we need to remove them. I'm also mostly concerned about the lying and sneaking, because I don't want him to practice those behaviors. I believe that we become better at the things that we practice, and I don't want him to be forming these kind of habits, which can lead him into much bigger trouble later on.

 

I appreciate hearing that other kids with ADHD have problems with this. I'll work on coming up with some new food systems over the holiday break.

[OneStepAtATime]

Yes, he also plays electronics in the middle of the night. DH has started taking the wii controllers into our bedroom at night or otherwise hiding them, so that he cannot use them. We have also put passwords on all computers, ipods, Kindles, etc., that only DH and I know. Which is a pain, because I have to unlock everyone's device whenever they need to be used, but I know it is necessary.

 

I think getting a lockable box may be necessary. Thank you for that suggestion.

 

And I think we need to have a supply of approved nighttime foods that he can access freely when he is hungry.

 

I really do think that he doesn't have the impulse control to resist the temptations at this stage, so we need to remove them. I'm also mostly concerned about the lying and sneaking, because I don't want him to practice those behaviors. I believe that we become better at the things that we practice, and I don't want him to be forming these kind of habits, which can lead him into much bigger trouble later on.

 

I appreciate hearing that other kids with ADHD have problems with this. I'll work on coming up with some new food systems over the holiday break.

I agree, he probably doesn't have the impulse control right now and yes, I do think we get better at things we practice.  Help him by being his impulse control.  With time he will hopefully be able to do that himself but until he can, be his gate keeper, as rough and frustrating and inconvenient and tiring as that is.  And please try to help him NOT feel like a bad person, and to think that his choices are because he is a bad person.  He isn't.  He needs to know he isn't, deep down inside.  And to have the scaffolding and structure to find paths that keep him from making poor choices until he can truly take control of that process on his own.

 

:grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:

[Lecka]

I am not knowledgeable on this, but when video games are in the mix I have heard that there is some really low-dose sleeping aid (pill or medicine of some kind) that helps.

 

Like it just helps kids get their sleeping routine back on track and fall asleep easier.

 

I don't know what it is called but I hear it is mild and really helpful and fairly common with kids taking ADHD medication.

 

For the video games I have also heard something about changing the wifi password being able to go a long way, or something about the wifi, for games that require internet access.

 

I definitely hear about electronics in the night. I think when I hear about it the kids are eating too but the bigger concern is the electronics, bc maybe they are also breaking family rules or becoming sleep-deprived in the daytime.

[CadenceSophia]

I hope you will pardon me butting in; I don't really ever post on this board. Food issues and impulse control area some things I deal with myself daily though. I have an immune disease that causes me to be allergic to the protein in most food and I have a really restricted diet. Even though the consequences are really high, I find it impossible at times to resist certain foods. The biggest factors in self control are stress, sleep, availability of safe, good food, and protein. I have to drink a protein shake every morning or the battle is already lost. It might be an easy thing to offer your son, especially if he is not terribly hungry. Carbs in the morning would just destroy me, but I do need carbs at night. Too much protein at night can keep some people from sleeping. Carbs at night feed the serotonin cycle.

 

I did have some hypoglycemia issues when I was younger and I'd regularly wake up with really low blood sugar in an emotional mess. I learned to keep NesTea under my bed. Not really into sugary drinks in general but I was often such a mess I couldn't even get myself to food, let alone healthy food until I was back under control.

 

I do have my husband keep his own junk food in his car. I couldn't be alone with it all day at.all. Lock box is a great idea.

 

And the last thing I do for myself is keep tempting kinda junky but safe food around in case I need a "rescue". For me it is daiya everything-free mac and cheese. For your son, maybe it is hot pockets or bagel bites. Something with enough fat content to turn off the hunger switch.

 

Good luck :)

[MomatHWTK]

12 year-old growth spurts are hard. When my kid eats, it is sometimes 3 meals in a row! ADHD is hard to manage on a good day, tween/teen hormones make it harder. I would let the child have access to whatever is in the house and either not buy what I don't want him to have or buy enough so that he doesn't have to hide the fact that he's eating it. One thing I have done is have set rules for item counts- i.e. X number of cookies a day. That has worked here, but the rules have been in place for years. And, I do stop buying things that the kids can handle due to impulse control. It is definitely easier for an adult to manage the issue than a child who is still learning to manage their condition and responding to their body's cues.