RioSamba Posted October 25, 2016 Share Posted October 25, 2016 Establishing good, sturdy boundaries that allow for your needs to be met is what healthy, moral, mature people do. You have the right to not be bullied. You have the right to stand up to bullying. You are a full person. Your needs are in no way less important than the needs and demands of your ex. Your children need you to model this for them. How about turning all communication with your ex over to your lawyer? Anything he sends you, forward to them. You can tell ex no politely, politely refuse to, engage, etc. You need to be nice to your boys and to yourself, that means choosing the best situation possible for you. You do not have a responsibility to give your ex what he wants. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MEmama Posted October 25, 2016 Share Posted October 25, 2016 First of all, I'm so sorry you going through this. It sounds to me like you are doing a great job of handling a terrible situation. ((Hugs)) For housing, is it possible that you ask the school for ideas? They might know about apartments within a reasonable distance (or be able to point you in the right direction) and they should be able to provide other resources for assistance. Also, alerting the school to your current situation helps them keep an extra eye on your son, never a bad thing in times of transition and crisis. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mommybee Posted October 25, 2016 Author Share Posted October 25, 2016 (edited) Establishing good, sturdy boundaries that allow for your needs to be met is what healthy, moral, mature people do. You have the right to not be bullied. You have the right to stand up to bullying. You are a full person. Your needs are in no way less important than the needs and demands of your ex. Your children need you to model this for them. How about turning all communication with your ex over to your lawyer? Anything he sends you, forward to them. Scarlett is right.....I would love to stop the communication but my lawyer is expensive. And thank you.....sometimes I just need to hear I am doing ok. Edited October 25, 2016 by mommybee 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mommybee Posted October 25, 2016 Author Share Posted October 25, 2016 Unless there is a court order requiring you to get it ready ASAP, I would just do it on my own time. Ignore the dad's pressure. Sounds like he is not helping anyway. (((hugs)))) Basically that's what my lawyer said. I can take a little time to get the house ready and he can always file an order but that would take a month or two. I would work with him but his insistence it has to sell immediately isn't in my best interest. I'm only talking a few months here and then I will see a realtor. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mommybee Posted October 25, 2016 Author Share Posted October 25, 2016 I have this whole other dynamic going on in that my oldest sons new wife doesn't like me so I don't see him very much but they spend a ton of time with the ex. So it really felt like they were taking sides. I got to spend some time with him last night cause he was showing me all the apartments in our area he had already checked out himself during his move. And it was nice to hear he isn't happy with his dad's behavior (and that includes stuff that isn't about me but new girlfriend and his new life) and he was kind of sad to lose his childhood home. He understands we have to sell but he spent time going through the rooms and drawers and reliving memories. It was touching. He's kind of a pack rat so he was looking for stuff to take as well. I think he really never imagined what it might be like when I happened. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maize Posted October 25, 2016 Share Posted October 25, 2016 I'm glad to hear you had a good evening with your son. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted October 25, 2016 Share Posted October 25, 2016 Basically that's what my lawyer said. I can take a little time to get the house ready and he can always file an order but that would take a month or two. I would work with him but his insistence it has to sell immediately isn't in my best interest. I'm only talking a few months here and then I will see a realtor. Why can't you go ahead and meet with a realtor? You don't have to list just because you meet. The realtor should have some suggestions for you to get ready to sell....and it might satisfy your xh (are you divorced yet?) that you are moving forward. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mommybee Posted October 26, 2016 Author Share Posted October 26, 2016 (edited) Why can't you go ahead and meet with a realtor? You don't have to list just because you meet. The realtor should have some suggestions for you to get ready to sell....and it might satisfy your xh (are you divorced yet?) that you are moving forward.Because I don't want to yet. My house is going to be a fixer upper. I am not doing anything to it but getting it cleaned up. So the odds are we will not make as much but it will sell fast. I really didn't think I was going to have to sell and I'm not ready mentally. I just found out. I really don't understand why taking a few weeks is such a big deal. There isn't any point to meeting with one until I'm ready to list. I always intended to meet with one eventually. ***side note is that I have major anxiety because of past events. This man once moved me while sick and pregnant 500 miles when I wasn't ready. His friend showed up 2 weeks early and my ex said this is better for his friend so my stuff got thrown into trash bags. Nothing packed neatly in boxes. All rushed in less than a day because he brought the uhaul......so I need a few weeks to get some of my house packed and feel less rushed about it. Once I do that I will meet with a realtor. I still have actual bad dreams involving needing to leave somewhere but I'm not able to gather all my stuff. Edited October 26, 2016 by mommybee 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maize Posted October 26, 2016 Share Posted October 26, 2016 Don't let anyone rush you. Your lawyer knows what they are talking about. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RioSamba Posted October 26, 2016 Share Posted October 26, 2016 Take your time. Figure out what makes the best financial and logistical sense. Take every advantage that you can for yourself and your boys. Hugs. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted October 26, 2016 Share Posted October 26, 2016 Ok. I understand. And really he can't force you unless he wants to file a motion and that doesn't happen quickly. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shawthorne44 Posted October 26, 2016 Share Posted October 26, 2016 it seems like he is used to bullying you. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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