Moving Advice

[mommybee]

The continuing saga of my awful divorce.

 

I have lived in my home for 18 years and am being forced to sell it.

 

Please give me your best packing and moving advice. I have no idea how to do any of this. I have never lived or moved on my own before. How the heck do I downsize from a home to an apartment? How do I find a place and time it just right?

 

And any support would be appreciated. I know according to the law my home is just a piece of money waiting to be split but it has sentimental value to me and no one cares. I can't talk to my mom about it cause to her I should just get over it and move on. I'm feeling pretty alone.

 

TIA :)

[bettyandbob]

:grouphug:

 

It's not going to be easy. I'm sorry you are going through this. I'm sorry your mom isn't a good support to you. 

 

As far as moving, you need to figure out what you are going to be able to afford to figure out how much to down size, but you could start to sorting through stuff now. Another decision you need to make is if you will sell stuff and how. 

 

You could keep working on your other divorce stuff and make a goal of collecting a box or two a week. There's probably obvious stuff like clothes, toys, and books you and your boys no longer use. 

 

 

[Twigs]

:grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:

[Anne in CA]

Just remember not to pack heavy things in big boxes. I did that as a young person once, lol. Books should go in small boxes, well labeled so you can find what you need later. 

[Alicia64]

Oh, I'm so sorry. :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:  Your mom needs to take Empathy 101 -- stat!

 

I've moved from coast to coast and then to a new state. PM me and ask anything you need to know.

 

Best advice: pack using small boxes. Bigger boxes hold more, but they're hard to pick up.

 

If you can have a yard sale, do Craigs List or take stuff to Good Will -- do. Just be careful. If you feel like you might end up missing an item, just keep it. Now is not the time to make difficult decisions.

 

On the plus side: apartment living can be very, very fun. A pool, someone else doing the landscaping, someone handles bug care etc. etc. Plus you live so close to others that it's fairly easy to make friends over time. Pick an apartment that makes you feel excited, not a downer apartment.

 

Also, when you sign your apt. lease -- don't be afraid to read over it carefully. And -- this is vital -- go into the apartment before you move you stuff in and take a zillion photos. Then stash the photos somewhere super, super safe. (When you move out of the apt., those photos will come in handy as proof. Trust me.)

 

Also -- and I know you have too much to think about, but just keep in mind -- keep notes on your apt. like, "On 11/15 called front office for a bug spray." And "On 11/20 bug spray man sprayed." Sounds stupid, but comes in handy. Really.

 

Please PM me if you need anything,

 

Alley

[nd293]

I'm sorry.

 

Take furniture you love. Take sentimental stuff like photo albums and favourite books. Don't take more than you need.

 

Timing... We have a timing issue right now with a move and we're probably going to pack the house into a storage pod / container for a month. It's not insanely expensive. That is helpful if you have to be out the house by a certain date but can stay with family until you find an apartment you love.

[mommybee]

Thanks......I did have a junk pile picked up and I'm trying to give stuff away but selling is just not going to happen.

 

Only problem is I'm being pressured to sell immediately so I don't have the time to just do a box or two here and there. That's what's so upsetting.

[Lang Syne Boardie]

:grouphug:

 

Never been in your shoes (divorce) but I've had to make many unwanted and sudden moves, with lots of totally unwanted downsizing.

 

I hope some of this helps:

 

1. Create a staging area. I need a whole room for this...the staging area is where the "definitely going" stuff belongs. These are the things you need for Week 1 in the new place, and through the transition.

 

2. Start with the absolute necessities from each category:

    a. bathroom -- shower curtain, trash can, toiletries, first aid kit, towel and washcloth per person, plunger

    b. bedroom -- alarm clock, one sheet/blanket/pillow set per bed, a week's worth of clothing

    c. living room -- (nothing yet; instead, go through the room with post-it notes and mark the stuff you know you're taking.)

    d. kitchen -- half dozen dishtowels, hot pads, simple set of pans, simple set of mixing bowls and spoons, measuring spoons, knives and cutting board, colander, cookie sheet, can opener, salt and pepper shaker, spatula/slotted spoon/ladle, butter dish, sugar bowl, plastic containers for food storage, dish drainer, trash can, fire extinguisher, set of dishes/glasses/mugs/silverware, COFFEEMAKER

    e. toolbox, including duct tape, flashlight

    f.  cleaning kit -- a tote of cleaners, broom and dustpan, mop, rags, paper towels, bucket

    g. non-perishable food that's worth moving to a new location

 

Once you've done this, you've got some peace of mind that you can survive on what you've set aside.

 

Then deal with the furniture all over the house, whether staying, going, or being sold (again, post-its).

 

If you don't have time to keep sorting the smaller things, you can box them up for a storage unit, to sort at your own speed after the move. You don't want to rush this; that's how precious sentimental items get lost. You can sort your stuff for downsizing on your OWN time and at your OWN pace, even if you have to relocate it temporarily to do that.

 

And I'm so sorry you are losing your home.

 

 

 

Edited October 23, 2016 by Tibbie Dunbar

[mommybee]

I appreciate all the advice....I'm taking notes.

 

I have no family nearby to help or stay with so that's added stress.

 

I still have two kids at home and apartments cost a fortune where I live. I don't get home from work in time to pick up my youngest from school and if we move we may end up too far for him to walk. I can't figure out what to do about this. He just started public school after being homeschooled his entire life. We don't know any families at school well enough yet.

Edited October 23, 2016 by mommybee

[Ailaena]

:grouphug:

 

I have recently been able to give myself a 1-month leeway to make moving easier. Like, new lease starts June 1, old lease expires June 31. Yes, it's double rent for a month, but it's so worth it to me since I'm so disorganized.

 

My only packing advice is to do books first, but that may just be because I have a library :p

Also, you may need to repack old boxes, so save time for that. And label your boxes completely!! Date, room from, contents, room to, and heavy (or not)!

 

And be easy on yourself. Maybe get a storage unit for a while if you can't decide what to get rid of right now; don't cause more stress for yourself.

 

I'm really sorry you're dealing with this. I felt bad moving after a few years, I canot imagine how attached I would be after that long <3

[HollyDay]

will you do the move yourself (as in a few strong people volunteering to lift furniture and a borrowed truck) or are you hiring a moving company? 

 

If you want to just get boxes rather than buy them, go to a store that sells liquor.  They have wonderfully strong boxes that frequently have compartments built in. Try Walmart or other box stores and ask for boxes. 

 

Label everything.  If possible, label what is in the boxes too.  Something too generic, like "pictures," can prove to be a problem when trying to sort. Label top and sides of the boxes so you can read contents from any side.

 

Don't use newspaper to pack

 

Use towels, sheets, pillowcases, etc to wrap fragile things

 

Stand plates up, don't lay them on top of each other.  If a box gets dropped and the plates are stacked, you could lose the whole batch.  But, if they are stacked, you might only crack a couple.

 

Don't make the boxes too heavy

 

If possible, reuse boxes. We did this quite a bit with the most recent move.  Load up canned goods (for example) and unpack that box as soon as you get to the new place, then take that box back and repack it.

 

Use trash bags to cover clothes on hangers so you can just hang them up at the new house (make sure trash bags aren't scented though)

 

Use trash bags for pillows, stuffed animals, shoes, etc.  Just make sure they are unscented and are kept separate from real trash. 

 

Take pictures of anything you take apart.  Wiring for electronics, table legs, headboards, etc.  This will make it much easier to put back together later

 

Use a zip lock for screws, brackets, etc for beds, tables, etc.  Label the bags!!!  If possible duck tape the bag to the furniture.  Or have a "master box" for the parts.  But, LABEL the bags.  Be specific: hardware for master bed headboard.  screws for kitchen table.  etc.

 

 

[Jaybee]

Added to the other suggestions, it takes more time, but if you can keep a notebook with a more detailed listing of everything in a box, it is an enormous help. It seems an aggravation when you are doing it, but after the move, it can be a lifesaver. Tibbie's suggestion of the necessities first is a good one. Setting those boxes aside lets you know you have what you need to get by. The more emotional decisions can be put off a bit if you can rent a storage unit for a few months. 

 

One more suggestion is that it is okay to grieve stuff. Of course you know it is just stuff. But that stuff represents times, feelings, etc.--there is an emotional aspect to moving that can be hard. A rental unit can help you delay that part a little while you handle the immediate demands.

 

For an apartment, if at all possible, aim for a place that has lots of natural light and where you feel safe. We are currently living in an apartment; the first ones we looked at were so dreary and had such tiny bedrooms that I was immediately depressed. The one we ended up with is not 'top of the line' by any means, but it is homey and cozy, and I feel safe even though it is not in the nicest parts of town. The floors are uneven, but the kitchen is big and the location is much more convenient than I realized before we moved in.

 

If you can, look at some apartments asap so that you know what is available in your area and what to expect to have to pay. Some complexes take a bit longer to get them ready once tenants move, so you want to get started on that. When you visit a complex, if they do not offer it, ask to see the lease agreements so you will know exactly what all is included, what fees and deposits are expected, etc.

 

:grouphug:  :grouphug:

[bettyandbob]

I appreciate all the advice....I'm taking notes.

 

I have no family nearby to help or stay with so that's added stress.

 

I still have two kids at home and apartments cost a fortune where I live. I don't get home from work in time to pick up my youngest from school and if we move we may end up too far for him to walk. I can't figure out what to do about this. He just started public school after being homeschooled his entire life. We don't know any families at school well enough yet.

 

 

Your youngest is 12. Does the school district not have transportation? Can your ds take the bus home. Are you concerned about how long he'd be home alone. Is there a way to help him manage "unsupervised time". Is your work physically in the same district--can you get placement at a school near your work. 

[mommybee]

No school buses! So ridiculous but they were cut. I can't work anywhere else.

 

I'm not worried about him being home especially since his older brother is home but there are not many available places close enough to walk. 3 miles or more and no sidewalks. Not the safest and I have no choice. His dad can't pick him up and my son isn't driving yet.I can't imagine him having to walk home so far but I have no choices.

[mommybee]

I can't switch schools on him when this is his first time in public school and he is doing really well.

[maize]

Can your lawyer do anything about the pressure to sell immediately?

 

Maybe the other party would agree to await until spring to list as the selling market is often better then and you may get a higher price?

Edited October 24, 2016 by maize

[mommybee]

I sound like a whiner but I really am baffled at how to make it all work. And his dad doesn't care...Just wants his money asap.

 

I only wanted what was best for them and working full time is so hard on my own. I am failing.

 

We will have to move just with volunteer help as far as I can tell.

[Jaybee]

You don't sound like a whiner.  :grouphug:  You have big changes that you have to figure out how to make work, and it is stressful. That is not whining.

[bettyandbob]

No school buses! So ridiculous but they were cut. I can't work anywhere else.

 

I'm not worried about him being home especially since his older brother is home but there are not many available places close enough to walk. 3 miles or more and no sidewalks. Not the safest and I have no choice. His dad can't pick him up and my son isn't driving yet.I can't imagine him having to walk home so far but I have no choices.

 

 

OK. whats near the school. Is there a public library or a rec center he can use. Are there after school programs that are free or low cost. Where I live there are teen centers and activities/clubs at the middle schools afterschool that are free. Is there a way for you to track down any resources you may not have previously known about. 

[Rebel Yell]

Here is a nice organized list from FlyLady

http://www.flylady.net/d/getting-started/flying-lessons/moving/

 

Print it out, cross out anything that doesn't apply to you, or write in more realistic timeframes

 

Good luck, and HUGS!

[Scarlett]

The continuing saga of my awful divorce.

 

I have lived in my home for 18 years and am being forced to sell it.

 

Please give me your best packing and moving advice. I have no idea how to do any of this. I have never lived or moved on my own before. How the heck do I downsize from a home to an apartment? How do I find a place and time it just right?

 

And any support would be appreciated. I know according to the law my home is just a piece of money waiting to be split but it has sentimental value to me and no one cares. I can't talk to my mom about it cause to her I should just get over it and move on. I'm feeling pretty alone.

 

TIA :)

I am sorry. I had to do the same thing. I moved to a home with half the SF. But I can tell you once it was done I felt wonderful and free. In fact, the worst part was that my xh bought me out and I had to see it at drop off. But I haven't seen it for years now since ds doesn't go for visitation...helps a lot. So if your xh won't have the house it will be ok....I promise.

 

It does get better. You must trust me on this.

[mommybee]

Can your lawyer do anything about the pressure to sale immediately?

 

Maybe the other party would agree to await until spring to list as the selling market is often better then and you may get a higher price?

He won't wait. New girlfriend lives long distance and he is going broke flying every other weekend. He just wants his money now. We've been separated 4 yrs and now it's all an emergency.

[mommybee]

It does get better. You must trust me on this.

I'm trying to believe that but it's hard to see.

[Scarlett]

I'm trying to believe that but it's hard to see.

I know. And you do have a real problem with your 12 year old not having a way home. Is there no after school care?

[nd293]

I still have two kids at home and apartments cost a fortune where I live. I don't get home from work in time to pick up my youngest from school and if we move we may end up too far for him to walk. I can't figure out what to do about this. He just started public school after being homeschooled his entire life. We don't know any families at school well enough yet.

What we are doing is looking for houses on bus routes: get bus maps and keep them close. It does make it harder... I can't see how old your kids are, but you may be able to pay an older child to shepherd your child onto and off a bus. Is there after school care? Although that adds to expenses.

 

The reasons are different, but we're facing similar moving issues in the sense of B can't happen until A happens but we can't get A to happen, yet B has to happen (and by a certain date) because C has already happened, making B inevitable. I just go round and round in circles. It's hideous...

[Liberty]

Just because you put your house up for sale doesn't mean it will sell right away.....if you haven't already listed it can the courts dictate which REALTOR you use?  If not, don't go with the best....don't always keep the house clean when it's being shown.  Drag your feet a bit in this way until the timing is better for YOU (not your ex and his girlfriend).

[nd293]

How long after school finishes can you collect him? You've had some good advice about after care programmes. There may be homework clubs at school, or a school library? Sometimes my dd walks to the local mall or recreation centre and buys a soft drink and sits and does homework until I can fetch her. If there aren't school buses, is there other public transport?

[gstharr]

Do not rent a storage unit!!!.  Yard sell the excess, give it away.   I know many who rented these units temporarily @$250-400/month.  2 years later, when they finally got the time and motivation to retrieve their stuff, threw everything away. Nothing they placed in storage was worth the $8,000 they spent to store it. All told me they could have purchased every thing brand new for far less. 

[maize]

Just because you put your house up for sale doesn't mean it will sell right away.....if you haven't already listed it can the courts dictate which REALTOR you use? If not, don't go with the best....don't always keep the house clean when it's being shown. Drag your feet a bit in this way until the timing is better for YOU (not your ex and his girlfriend).

Maybe you can list it high!

[Valley Girl]

I don't know if anyone said this or not, but don't skimp on packing material. Use extra towels, whatever. You don't want to get to you new place and find something precious was broken because you didn't put enough packing material in the box. If you're using movers, do NOT trust them to pack things in the truck properly. We had movers pile boxes of books put on top of boxes of fragile things. (See my note about not skimping on packing material.)

 

Also, as someone else said, label the boxes well. It's worth the extra couple of minutes to be very, very detailed about this. If you have several boxes of kitchen items, do you really want to go through all of them to find which one has the measuring spoons when you're in a hurry? It will save your some stress on the other end.

 

I'm sorry you're losing your home on top of everything else and are dealing with this situation alone. A pox on those pressuring you to make important decisions too quickly.

[Jaybee]

Do not rent a storage unit!!!.  Yard sell the excess, give it away.   I know many who rented these units temporarily @$250-400/month.  2 years later, when they finally got the time and motivation to retrieve their stuff, threw everything away. Nothing they placed in storage was worth the $8,000 they spent to store it. All told me they could have purchased every thing brand new for far less. 

 

Okay, well see, some of our stuff is in a storage unit, but it is in a small town nearby for $45/month. In our city, I think they are about $80. That does make a huge difference.

[mommybee]

I wish I could stall but he has gotten his way through the entire divorce. I am already out $8500 and counting. ALL because he stalled and payed me less support than I should have gotten for five months. Some how he is never held to any standards if decency.

 

No after school care that I know of. Very little transit buses in my area. There is one that maybe he could take if his older brother meets up with him. The library is nearby but a lot of transients hang out there so it would be my last resort. It's a really tiny library.

[RoughCollie]

#1 Tie a bow (not a knot) when closing trash bags that have things you are moving in them. Knots are for actual trash only. Then keep the bowed trashbags far away from the actual trash.

 

#2  Before you decide which furniture to take, measure it and convert the feet to inches. Draw the furniture onto a piece of graph paper. Then measure the rooms of the apartment and draw that out and make sure the furniture fits. If you haven't done this before, you can Google about how much room to allow for traffic paths and chairs (especially dining chairs).

 

#3 Make sure the ceilings are high enough for your furniture and the doorways are wide enough to move it in.

 

#4 In the kitchen, measure counter space, drawers, cabinets. Make sure your kitchen stuff will fit in there. Also, make sure there is room for pantry food. Measure the distance from the bottom of the upper cabinets to the counter -- sometimes that space is not standard and if the things you keep on the counter are too tall, you will have to find somewhere else to put them.

 

#5 If there is no linen closet in the bathroom, you will need somewhere to put towels and sheets. If there is, measure the shelf space and decide what goes on it.

 

#6 Try not to bring more stuff than will fit in the apartment. It is really hard to prune your belongings, but it is also amazing to discover you don't have time to miss it because your daily life requires all your attention. We downsized our belongings by over 50% when we moved, and so far I haven't needed any of the things we didn't take.

 

#7 After you've measured everything and decided what to take with you, be sure to label the boxes with the room they go in and with their contents. It helps to use fat magic markers or sharpies and to color code the rooms.

 

#8 You should pack separately the bedding, towels, cooking and dining stuff, personal grooming supplies, clothes and cleaning supplies that you will need during the first 3 days packed separately in clearly labeled boxes. That way, you will be able to locate what you need NOW without having to go through a bunch of boxes to locate those things.

 

* All that measuring is a pain, but it saves time and aggravation in the long run.

Edited October 24, 2016 by RoughCollie

[Valley Girl]

I wish I could stall but he has gotten his way through the entire divorce. I am already out $8500 and counting. ALL because he stalled and payed me less support than I should have gotten for five months. Some how he is never held to any standards if decency.

 

No after school care that I know of. Very little transit buses in my area. There is one that maybe he could take if his older brother meets up with him. The library is nearby but a lot of transients hang out there so it would be my last resort. It's a really tiny library.

 

Not my business, but I'm going to ask anyway. (Obviously, you're under no obligation to answer!)

 

Where is your attorney in all this mess? Why is your husband not being held to the standard of the agreement if not decency? If he's getting his way against your wishes, who is protecting you in this process? If he owes you money that was agreed upon, can your lawyer insist that the unpaid amount be deducted from his share of the home sale proceeds?

 

I wish you the best.

[mommybee]

My attorney has been very lax about everything and in order to get that back money it would just cost more in lawyer fees. I was already in too much to switch attorneys. It's a hard situation cause I've never done this before. I didn't know what to do. I was starting a brand new job, my son was starting public school for the first time and I'm just treading water. And it just all cost so much.

 

Luckily I literally have no furniture that is valuable. Very few pieces of anything.

 

I am glad to move and be done with taxes and insurance and all the other fees I have been paying on my own. MY house needs a lot of repairs and I hope to get some money out of it to pay off my debt. It's just the rush is hard and downsizing and finding the right place.

[Janeway]

I sound like a whiner but I really am baffled at how to make it all work. And his dad doesn't care...Just wants his money asap.

 

I only wanted what was best for them and working full time is so hard on my own. I am failing.

 

We will have to move just with volunteer help as far as I can tell.

Unless there is a court order requiring you to get it ready ASAP, I would just do it on my own time. Ignore the dad's pressure. Sounds like he is not helping anyway.

 

(((hugs))))

[Janeway]

My attorney has been very lax about everything and in order to get that back money it would just cost more in lawyer fees. I was already in too much to switch attorneys. It's a hard situation cause I've never done this before. I didn't know what to do. I was starting a brand new job, my son was starting public school for the first time and I'm just treading water. And it just all cost so much.

 

Luckily I literally have no furniture that is valuable. Very few pieces of anything.

 

I am glad to move and be done with taxes and insurance and all the other fees I have been paying on my own. MY house needs a lot of repairs and I hope to get some money out of it to pay off my debt. It's just the rush is hard and downsizing and finding the right place.

Is this legal there..I knew someone who paid off her debts with a home equity loan. Then, when the house sold, the bank where she got her home equity loan took the money first. She only had to split what was left over with her ex.

[mommybee]

Does it seem ridiculous that as much as I need the pace to slow I am anxious to get rid of this house and any connection I have left to him? He has put me through so much.

 

Would an almost 13 year old do ok biking 4 or 5 miles home? Eventually my 18 year old will have his license but I can't plan for that. I have to assume youngest will need to walk or bike.

 

Should I try for a house or an apartment?

 

I think I am just in a mode where I need all of this ton just be over so no matter where I end up I can be free finally.

[hjffkj]

Does it seem ridiculous that as much as I need the pace to slow I am anxious to get rid of this house and any connection I have left to him? He has put me through so much.

 

Would an almost 13 year old do ok biking 4 or 5 miles home? Eventually my 18 year old will have his license but I can't plan for that. I have to assume youngest will need to walk or bike.

 

Should I try for a house or an apartment?

 

I think I am just in a mode where I need all of this ton just be over so no matter where I end up I can be free finally.

I think in a safe biking location 4 to 5 miles for a 13 year old is doable. At a leisurely pace it would be roughly a 30 minute ride, which isn't bad. At that age, I biked everywhere in my college town. My answer would be different if it were on small back roads where people drive like maniacs and there are lots of blindspots from bends in the road.

[Harriet Vane]

My 13yo was able to bike 5 miles. It wasn't too hard, and he felt really proud of himself.

 

:grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:

[TammyS]

Does it seem ridiculous that as much as I need the pace to slow I am anxious to get rid of this house and any connection I have left to him? He has put me through so much.

 

Would an almost 13 year old do ok biking 4 or 5 miles home? Eventually my 18 year old will have his license but I can't plan for that. I have to assume youngest will need to walk or bike.

 

Should I try for a house or an apartment?

 

I think I am just in a mode where I need all of this ton just be over so no matter where I end up I can be free finally.

 

If he's a reasonably good biker, the distance itself really isn't much.  The things that would concern me are his maturity (my son wouldn't have been mature enough at 13, but lots are, so just think it over) and the traffic of the route he would take.

[Janeway]

Does it seem ridiculous that as much as I need the pace to slow I am anxious to get rid of this house and any connection I have left to him? He has put me through so much.

 

Would an almost 13 year old do ok biking 4 or 5 miles home? Eventually my 18 year old will have his license but I can't plan for that. I have to assume youngest will need to walk or bike.

 

Should I try for a house or an apartment?

 

I think I am just in a mode where I need all of this ton just be over so no matter where I end up I can be free finally.

Unless you live where the weather is great year round..like Hawaii..then I think it is unreasonable.

[mommybee]

Minor good news is my lawyer just got back to me ans she says he can't rush me like this. He has to file an order to require me to sell so I can breathe for a sec and get myself together. And for myself I need to stop reading his emails.

 

He is very mature for his age and his older brother will probably bike or walk and meet him halfway. The traffic stinks so yes that's a challenge. He may just have to walk. And I dont have options if the weather is bad. There is no one who could pick him up regularly. MY son is 18 though and is beginning to get his permit so if I can get him driving by that time I would feel much better. But he has to get on it.

 

I will start looking at aprtments and see what's around first so I have a better idea.

[nd293]

I'm glad your lawyer thinks that he can't rush you, but I would recommend that you proceed swiftly with the sale. The issue is not going to go away, and avoiding things just pushes the problem into the future, it doesn't resolve it :-(

 

On your other issue, you'll find an apartment more secure than a house, and less upkeep. It sounds as though you need a space just to recover from the stress. An apartment will be much better for that. After her divorce my Mom moved us into an apartment. I think it was a good move.

[mommybee]

I'm glad your lawyer thinks that he can't rush you, but I would recommend that you proceed swiftly with the sale. The issue is not going to go away, and avoiding things just pushes the problem into the future, it doesn't resolve it :-(

 

On your other issue, you'll find an apartment more secure than a house, and less upkeep. It sounds as though you need a space just to recover from the stress. An apartment will be much better for that. After her divorce my Mom moved us into an apartment. I think it was a good move.

I don't intend to drag it out for endless months but I deserve a month or two to get my house and mind situated. I want this over and agreed to sell with him but I can't just clean and pack up all these years in a few weeks. And his email to me was really rude....he basically said "I gave you 10 days to adjust to the idea and research a realtor and since you didn't I picked one and you need to be there Wed at 630pm." I'm a people pleaser and I want to do the right thing but it isn't too much to ask for him to be patient. I am getting things done like cleaning the oven and clearing the garage and donating or throwing out what I can. All to make it easier when the time comes. But he needs to stop ordering me around.

 

That's what my feeling was on an apartment. I think it just might be the best thing for this transition. I will start looking around my neighborhood and maybe even starting some applications.

 

He just needs to realize houses don't sell overnight and he made me wait five months just to finalize a custody agreement yet he is demanding I do this now.

[mommybee]

I just want to say I'm not a vindictive person. I don't try to get revenge. I always try to do what's best and accomidating. I always cave and do the nicer thing. But I'm tired.

[Scarlett]

I just want to say I'm not a vindictive person. I don't try to get revenge. I always try to do what's best and accomidating. I always cave and do the nicer thing. But I'm tired.

When I was trying to sell our house xh delayed it at every turn.....he wouldn't sign the listing agreement for starters!

 

Then he wouldn't counter on any offers. Believe me you can drag it out a bit.

[maize]

I just want to say I'm not a vindictive person. I don't try to get revenge. I always try to do what's best and accomidating. I always cave and do the nicer thing. But I'm tired.

Establishing good, sturdy boundaries that allow for your needs to be met is what healthy, moral, mature people do.

 

You have the right to not be bullied. You have the right to stand up to bullying. You are a full person. Your needs are in no way less important than the needs and demands of your ex.

 

Your children need you to model this for them.

 

How about turning all communication with your ex over to your lawyer? Anything he sends you, forward to them.

[shawthorne44]

He won't wait. New girlfriend lives long distance and he is going broke flying every other weekend. He just wants his money now. We've been separated 4 yrs and now it's all an emergency.

 

He doesn't get to decide.   Only the courts can force it in the divorce.  You need to protect your kids and not worry about his ability to see his new girlfriend.  

 

 

One thing I've found extremely helpful for moves within the area is to rent a storage unit nearby work.  Every day either to or from work drop off several boxes that you've packed up.   Otherwise you'll get to a point where the house is filled with boxes and you are only half done. 

[Scarlett]

Establishing good, sturdy boundaries that allow for your needs to be met is what healthy, moral, mature people do.

 

You have the right to not be bullied. You have the right to stand up to bullying. You are a full person. Your needs are in no way less important than the needs and demands of your ex.

 

Your children need you to model this for them.

 

How about turning all communication with your ex over to your lawyer? Anything he sends you, forward to them.

Because that is very expensive.

 

I would just agree to sell and then go about things at my own pace. Within reason. Meeting with a realtor is only the first step. This will probably take a while unless they get a great offer....in high case, that is a good reason to hurry along.