Advice request about a relative having surgery

[TX Native]

My mom's husband is having femoral artery bypass next Wednesday. The artery is completely blocked on one side and majority is blocked on the other side. He is on some insanely expensive medicine that is keeping enough circulation to his legs until the surgery. They are going to try to place a stint on one side and use a different vein to bypass the completely blocked side. If that isn't possible, they will do an artificial vein bypass. He needs this surgery ASAP or will lose his lower limbs.

 

My husband and I are the only adult relatives in town. My mom has COPD that started last year. She is on inhalers, but still gets short of breath a lot. She also gets overwhelmed with complicated medical stuff. The dilemma is that my nephew has a high school graduation ceremony 5 hours away next weekend. My sister completely understands that the surgery has to be done and my mom can't come, but I know she is disappointed not to have my mom there. Prior to knowing about this surgery, my husband and I were planning to go to the graduation. My mom still wants us to go if her husband is doing fine after the surgery. I do not think it is wise to go that far away while her husband is in the hospital. If I go, that would leave no one in town with her. If I stay, that would leave no one on our side of the family going to the graduation. I slightly wonder if it is overbearing of me to insist my mom needs me in town. If we go, we will be gone one night. We would likely get there late Friday night, go to the graduation and lunch Saturday, and be home late Saturday night. My mom thinks this is no big deal if things are going smoothly with her husband. I think my mom will need me to rotate staying at the hospital even if things are going smoothly. I am wanting to be there in case something out of the ordinary occurs. I was hoping to be there when he gets the discharge instructions to be sure my mom understands everything. He will likely not get discharged until after Saturday. But you know, hospitals are like expressways these days. They would discharge straight off the OR table if they could, lol. I think this will be more involved than she thinks it will be.

 

So, what do you think? It is a given I will stay if there are complications. I am asking about if there are no problems. I am strongly leaning to staying in town. I just don't want my nephew to miss out on having our side of the family at his graduation because I am helicopter parenting my own mother. I am not super close to my sister or nephew, but I do love them and we do try to go important events. I did miss my niece's graduation several years ago because I had a newborn, but my mom went to that one.

 

ETA: I thought about sending my husband and kids to the graduation to represent us, but this will be way to stressful for my husband. He would go if needed, but I wouldn't have him do that unless it was necessary.

Edited May 22, 2016 by TX native

[Ali in OR]

While I would probably gather more information from the nursing staff, I would lean toward going to the graduation with the thought that he is still in the hospital with excellent nursing care. I would work with Mom's church/pastor/social network to make sure someone can check in with her at the hospital a few times during my absence for general support. My sister would understand that I may need to drop this plan last minute if I didn't have confidence in the nursing staff and support network for mom, or if things aren't stable. I think it might make mom happy that someone could go and she would enjoy seeing the pics on your iPhone when you get back.

[hornblower]

I would skip the graduation without even thinking about it, but in our lives, high school graduations are really not a big deal.  Nobody did anything for any of the kids in our families (well, they did but only immediate family, not extended family) 

[lmrich]

can you hire a private nurse?

[SKL]

You could ask what is the likelihood of them discharging on a Sunday.  It doesn't tend to be a typical day for discharges, from what I've heard.

 

Could your mom stay at the hospital with your dad, or don't they allow that?

 

I tend to agree that 1 night is probably not a big enough deal to worry about it.

 

But on the other hand, I don't think a graduation is a big enough deal to worry about either.  :)

 

I would tend to respect what my parents wanted, given the information you have shared.  Since you are driving, you can always change it up at the last minute if needed.

[ktgrok]

I would skip the graduation but invite sister and nephew up to your house when they can make it, and have them bring a video of him getting his diploma. Get pizza, hang out, give him a gift, and grandma and grandpa (and he recovers) can watch and get to share in the excitement. 

[TX Native]

I would skip the graduation but invite sister and nephew up to your house when they can make it, and have them bring a video of him getting his diploma. Get pizza, hang out, give him a gift, and grandma and grandpa (and he recovers) can watch and get to share in the excitement.

My sister mentioned possibly coming later the summer and us doing something like this.