DS13 is a bit stressed--too much? UPDATE on page 2-thank you

[Halcyon]

To be honest, History is getting very short shrift this year, so dropping it might be smart. We were going to do American History again in a more intense way in high school--this was just supposed to be for fun--imagine that!

 

We have decided to try dropping soccer; if we combine that with dropping History that might be enough. If not, we will drop either a day of project school or drop physics and do it next year. DS agreed that he needs to be more organized with physics--he wants to continue it, and we told him that he can IF and ONLY IF it doesn't add to his stress. Which means being more organized, and may require a bit more help from me to learn how to organize his papers etc.  We talked with the school and my son today, and he would rather give up soccer and something else than give up the school, especially since this is his last year. He told us the homeless project is his favorite project of all the ones the school has done, and he actually has a fairly large role to play. So. 

 

Tentative decsions, tentative plans. We will see how this plays out. 

[Tsuga]

 

_______________________

Monday: Leave home at 8 for project school from 9-3. Get home at 4. Rest for an hour, snack. Then homework from 5-7. Soccer from 7:15 to 9. Bed at 10 --we shoot for 930 but it doesn't always happen.

 

When does he eat dinner? Everyone in our family gets a hot meal, of some kind, for an hour every day. This sounds punishing and not worth it. Screw Harvard. He can only sustain this for so long. At some point, he will stop. 

 

Tuesday. Wake at 7. Start work at 8, usually math or history reading or writing if needs to get something done. Online writing class 10-11 am. Work from 11-2 on math and physics. 2:30-4 online Algebra 2 class. 4-5:00 work. 5:15 to 6 TKD. 7-9 read or something hopefully less intense, but if there's a lab or a big assignment due or a test, he usually will study at that time.

 

I'm sorry, but does he actually have any breaks at all? 

 

Wednesday: Leave home at 8 for project school from 9-3. Get home at 4. Study or read. Soccer from 715 to 9. (it's 20 minutes away so it ends up being a late night).

 

Why no homework on Wednesday? Could some of Monday be moved to Wednesday?

 

THursday. wake at 7 ish School starts at 8 ish. Same as Tuesday with the addition of an hourlong online physics class from 102 pm. Tues and Thurs are LONG DAYS because of the project school on M-Wed Fri.

 

What are you feeding this kid for breakfast, Crackberry Crunch? Most kids in competitive high schools get to this level by their junior and senior years, but would not have the intensity of a project class every M-W-F.

 

Friday, Same as Wednsday but no soccer (thank goodness)

 

Saturday. Relax for 2 hours in the morning, then school work until 230. Soccer match until about 430, then relax.

 

I object to this at 13. If he can't finish his work on the weekdays, then he is not ready for this amount of work. You said it's the same as high school, but is he or is he not a high schooler.

 

Sunday. Day off except for reading if at all possible.

 

Weekly tests in Physics and Algebra 2, tests every other week in Latin. Assignemtns due weekly in Writing.

 

That sounds reasonable to me. What does not sound reasonable is that he has a project class, so actually 3/5 of his course credits, on TOP of a normal high school freshman schedule.

 

 

 

_________________________

 

DS is worn out on Tue and Thur, and because of his project school --which he loves (it's like a one room school house) he feels tremendous pressure on Tue and Thurs to get a lot done for his demanding online classes (and for me! I teach Latin and History to him). He doesn't want to give up soccer--he loves the cameraderie the coach is great, but the timing is awful. He loves TKD, is a black belt and has been doing it for years. 

 

I would not have him give up his sport. He's a 13 year old boy for crying out loud! He needs activity. That reduces stress and increases brain function.

 

If the project class is science based, given that it's so many hours, I'd drop physics (yep, you don't need two sciences your freshman year of high school if it means you do not have a weekend or sports) and if it contains an element of social science, drop history. It sounds like an integrated science / social science thing, is that right? It's more hours per week than any combination of history / science I would recommend. 

 

 

 

He is a slow reader. I dont' think the teacher puts up the daily assignments until the very day they're due, but i could be wrong, in which case that might be a solution.

 

If he wants to keep up this pace, then he'd do well to spend time before he gets to actual high school learning to read faster. There are techniques. I'm serious. More importantly, why is he working at such an advanced level if he's still reading slowly? Or is this an exaggeration? Or does his attention drift?

 

He might not get enough rest to concentrate.

[sassenach]

I have a 13yo and I would consider that schedule unhealthy.

 

In middle school (which is a 13yo's social age) I would err on the side of less hardcore academics and more social opportunities.

 

I would keep project school, and the sports, though generally my rule is 1 sport per kid per season. In the future, I would hit pause on TKD during soccer season.

 

Your son is more academically advanced than mine. Only you can know which subjects are appropriate and which ones are shooting for the moon. I will say that just because you CAN do something, doesn't mean you SHOULD. A college student could take 18 credits a semester, but most of them shouldn't. I would take a long hard look at his academics and ask yourself, which of these should he be taking this school year?

 

If his study skills suck (and I have to say that I have a hard time believing that they're that terrible considering the load he is carrying), then the solution is to teach him those skills. They will not be learned by simply having more to get done. If he needs time and space to learn those skills, you will need to reduce other academics to make room for that.

 

 

 

 

[quark]

I don't know if this is any help and I didn't read all responses and am not sure if Clover Creek's teacher would be willing to do this. DS split Derek Owens honors physics over 2 years. We really wanted DS to enjoy the work and learning. We paid Derek the same amount but smaller fees over a higher number of months. The result was that DS really got to go deep into physics (we had time to add a more involved project as well). It worked out so well and was at just the right pace for him as a younger student. But the number of credits (if I decide to assign one) is still only one. And on his transcript (if I decide to include it) I will probably say he did it over 2 years or explain it in the course descriptions or something (I'm sure it won't be an issue because it won't be his only science right?).

 

I don't know if you plan to grade skip your DS or if you are worried about how all this will look down the road on a transcript (and I'm not saying you are but just mentioning this as a way to help you feel a little better if you need that), but a college adviser I spoke to mentioned that colleges pay more attention to what he does in grades 10 and 11 vs 8 or 9. So remember, all this rigor/too much work might not even be scrutinized down the road. If he is doing this because he loves it and can't bear the thought of letting anything go, then it's a different issue and one that needs to be worked out as you are probably already doing.

 

If his study skills suck (and I have to say that I have a hard time believing that they're that terrible considering the load he is carrying), then the solution is to teach him those skills. They will not be learned by simply having more to get done. If he needs time and space to learn those skills, you will need to reduce other academics to make room for that.

 

Yes! This exactly. I don't know how his study skills are but I also don't know if adding more to his plate in the way of study skills materials will be helpful or make things worse. Only you can answer that. That was the point I was trying to make upthread about study skills taking time and baby steps and all that. Studying is definitely easier for my DS when his efforts and skills are shored up gradually.

 

Good luck!
 

[Halcyon]

I appreciate all the responses. We have figured out a plan, and if that plan doesn't work, we have a backup. 

 

Thank you all for your advice.

 

ETA: And I want to be clear--I am not pushing for all these classes. In fact, at the very outset when we discussed as a family what classes he might want to take, I said I think this will be too much. DS insisted we "try and see how it goes". He is having a hard time seeing that something has to go because he enjoys all the classes, despite the workload. But as I mentioned upthread, there's a point to say enough is enough and teach him that (as another poster said) "there is a season for everything." 

 

 

[FairProspects]

I appreciate all the responses. We have figured out a plan, and if that plan doesn't work, we have a backup. 

 

Thank you all for your advice.

 

ETA: And I want to be clear--I am not pushing for all these classes. In fact, at the very outset when we discussed as a family what classes he might want to take, I said I think this will be too much. DS insisted we "try and see how it goes". He is having a hard time seeing that something has to go because he enjoys all the classes, despite the workload. But as I mentioned upthread, there's a point to say enough is enough and teach him that (as another poster said) "there is a season for everything." 

 

Actually, I'm very glad you posted because we have similar issues and I appreciate reading how others approach this balance too.

[MEmama]

It sounds like he approaching a potential solution very maturely-- good job, mama, for really listening to him and helping him make good choices. I hope this works out better for your family. :)

[Halcyon]

An update: With the gracious understanding of his teacher at Clover Creek Physics, we have decided to drop online Physics and pursue a more eclectic, relaxed science this year with a focus on (I think) biology. I have a million science books that we still haven't read sitting on our shelves, so off we go. We will also work on shoring up his study and organizational skills, which will certainly help him going forward.

 

Thank you all for listening and helping us (continue to) figure out how to find a comfortable balance.

 

 

[Pen]

Excellent! I am glad that a good solution was reached.  

 

Will he manage to keep both sports by dropping the physics? Or did he also decide to drop down to one sport?

[Halcyon]

Excellent! I am glad that a good solution was reached.  

 

Will he manage to keep both sports by dropping the physics? Or did he also decide to drop down to one sport?

 

 

We're not sure. We're letting him insert soccer back into his schedule this week and we will see how it goes. It's so. darn. late. He will be there til 9pm tonight, which is just crazy town to me (their bedtime is now 845 lights off at 9 so this is not good). But it's great for him to run around with other kids, so we'll see. 

 

Today we started reading EO Wilson's Ibook on Biology (free is good!) and spent time laughing at some informative and hilarious videos of stick ants and armadillos. We still didn't get to Latin or History however, given that he has a test in Algebra tomorrow and wanted to study. 

 

All in all, it was a better day though--fewer outbursts, more laughter. 

[Pen]

We're not sure. We're letting him insert soccer back into his schedule this week and we will see how it goes. It's so. darn. late. He will be there til 9pm tonight, which is just crazy town to me (their bedtime is now 845 lights off at 9 so this is not good). But it's great for him to run around with other kids, so we'll see. 

 

Today we started reading EO Wilson's Ibook on Biology (free is good!) and spent time laughing at some informative and hilarious videos of stick ants and armadillos. We still didn't get to Latin or History however, given that he has a test in Algebra tomorrow and wanted to study. 

 

All in all, it was a better day though--fewer outbursts, more laughter. 

 

 

Is all soccer in your area that late?  It seems crazy to me too!  That may be the case where I am also though since I recall that when ds had his crazy late fencing there was soccer happening at the same time.  I wonder if everyone else is happy with that.  

 

More laughter sounds wonderful.  

 

I'd still not worry about getting to history and let the project work count for social studies.  And, it it were me, I'd also try to keep Latin to just what is needed to not lose what he already has.  But  am also dealing with a ds who is struggling to manage a great bit less than that, so I am biased.

[Arcadia]

Glad things are working out.  Soccer might physically tire him enough to get a good night sleep.

 

Is all soccer in your area that late?  It seems crazy to me too!  That may be the case where I am also though since I recall that when ds had his crazy late fencing there was soccer happening at the same time.

 

The afterschool time slots tend to be used for the younger (under 12) kids and the older kids used the soccer fields after 6pm.