dd is nearly ready to leave high school

[daijobu]

DD14 has been always homeschooled.  But now she's been admitted to a fancy private high school and is having second thoughts.  As am I.  

 

She's met some new kids which is great for my social butterfly, but really there hasn't been a bump in her social life because they are all bogged down with homework.  

 

It's a new school with some experimental ideas about education.  As a consequence they work on math problems in small groups, and then the tedium begins with each small group presenting their solution, even if it was identical to the previous group's presentation.  Which was identical the group before that one.  Even the students were embarrassed.  In 2 weeks they've solved all of 2 problems together.  This for my always-AoPS girl.  

 

She was put into a debate elective, but all the other kids have been doing debate in middle school, so she's the only one who doesn't really get why everyone is talking so fast.  (What's with that anyway?)

 

Chemistry is tough, but awesome, but only because I'm there, happy to teach her chemistry on the weekends.  The rest of the kids in her class are sinking fast.  

 

She's in a cryptography elective that is nothing beyond the drudgery of trying to figure out rail and substitution ciphers with brute force and hours of letter-bashing.  Instead she wrote a python program to figure it out automatically.  The rest of the students pretended they couldn't find the homework assignment on the class website.  

 

English and Spanish are great, but aren't they always?  History requires a lot of reading, more than I would have assigned.  But she's doing well in all three.  (Whew!  She's had much less writing experience than her pals in regular school.)

 

Finally, her younger sister has been offered a cool internship involving designing educational electronics projects for a new curriculum.  DD14 had to turn it down because she's too busy with school work.  

 

I'm going to start looking up the paperwork for our tuition insurance.  I'm glad to have her back, but things around the house are...quiet.  Like all you an hear right now is the dishwasher hum, the tick tock of the clock, and the tapping on my laptop.  All her other homeschooled girlfriends are in regular school now.   

 

Plus I get to join in the stress of college admissions.  I was really happy to have made that someone else's responsibility.  

 

Meanwhile, do you have any thoughts on our situation?  

[2cents]

College planning isn't bad. The biggest things are keeping on top of deadlines for college admissions, scholarship applications and the admissions testing. We are finishing up our last one with the ACT on Sat. Just make sure she is prepared for testing (ACT/SAT books etc.) and know what score they will need to get into the college that they choose and start as early as you can. You have time because your dd is 14. Personally, from what you have said about the private school, I'd probably pull out. My ds was in a private before we began hsing and I kept him in for the last year we had paid for (no refunds). If I had it to do over, I would have just pulled him out. The last year at that school was very unproductive and I had to work double-time to make up for it.

 

One thing you might want to explore in lieu of the private high school is dual enrollment at a local community college. All of mine started at 14 and received 3 years of free college. If your area doesn't have that option, you might consider having both of your daughters take some CLEP and DSST tests for college credit. Just be sure to check with the colleges they are looking at to double-check their CLEP and DSST policies. Most colleges take them, but may have some restrictions. 

 

Hope this is helpful! Good luck with your decision!

[Lori D.]

I am not quite clear from the wording of your post whether your DD is still in the high school and you are thinking of bringing her back home, or if you did decide to bring her home. I'm going with the first option (DD is still in the special private school), and so my post reflects that. :)

 

There are pros and cons to every educational option. The start of a new option can be hard -- the "cons" of the new option tend to stand out, and you miss the "pros" of the old option. That may be what you and DD are experiencing right now, so you may need to give this school a few more weeks so you can get settled in, and start figuring out how to minimize the new set of "cons" and maximize the set set of "pros"

 

Perhaps once a few more weeks have passed so you have a very solid idea of what attending this school will really be like for the year, you and DD can take a step back and look at the big picture: What are your overall goals for high school? For beyond high school? And then discuss which educational option best helps you meet the majority of your goals (or your most important goals).

 

 

A few things to consider when you start thinking / discussing:

 

- Can DD participate in just 1-2 classes a semester at this school or other high school, and homeschool the rest?

 

- Is high school an "all or nothing" situation where you are? In other words, if you change your minds and decide to switch back to homeschooling, if you needed/wanted to re-enter high school later, would that still be an option, or does the school not take older students (or not accept credits done at home)?

 

- Are there ways to accomplish some of the social aspects and the special electives and opportunities through involvement in local, regional or national programs?

 

- What about online classes? (many involve live classroom elements, so students are discussing and interacting)

 

- If you decide to switch back to homeschool high school, check out what your social opportunities are:

community theater or music group

after school clubs/groups (after school bowling league, chess, robotics…)

national groups with local branches (YMCA Youth & Government, Mock Trial, Model UN, Civil Air Patrol…)

4-H -- it's not just animals (ham radio, archery, pistols, public speaking, rocketry…)

Parks & Rec teen classes (dance, martial arts, writing, jewelry-making, arts…)

sports team (high school varsity sport, or club sport such as soccer, swimming, volleyball, softball)

sports/activities classes (fencing, martial arts, ballroom dance…)

community organization (history recreation group, orienteering, hiking, food pantry volunteering, community service…)

community special interest group (book club, air-softing/paintballing, skateboarding, kayaking, model railroading, electronics…)

 

- The vast majority of high schools do NOT do college planning for you; many schools do not even have a college/career counselor. About the best they can offer is a transcript of your student's courses, and possibility host AP classes/tests on site. YOU will still need to research about high school test options (PSAT, SAT, ACT, AP). And you will really need to do the bulk of the research about college and career exploration yourselves, especially about specific college admission requirements and scholarships/financial aid.

 

- There's no reason you MUST stick with this private school option for all 4 years, is there? Or even for all of this year? If your DD needs a challenge or would like some interesting elective opportunities, I like 2cents suggestion (above post) of looking into dual enrollment. :)

 

BEST of luck as you start thinking through what is best for this year, but also for all of DD's high school years. Warmest regards, Lori D.

 

 

ETA:

 

… do you have any thoughts on our situation?

 

… She's met some new kids… but really there hasn't been a… social life because… bogged down with homework.  

 

… math problems in small groups… In 2 weeks they've solved all of 2 problems together... This for my always-AoPS girl.  

… Chemistry is tough, but awesome, but only because I'm there, happy to teach her chemistry on the weekends...

… cryptography elective that is nothing beyond the drudgery of trying to figure out rail and substitution ciphers...

… English and Spanish are great…

 

… debate elective… she's the only one who doesn't really get why everyone is talking so fast…

                                          

...younger sister has been offered a cool internship involving designing educational electronics projects… DD14 had to turn it down because she's too busy with school work.… Meanwhile, 

 

So, my thoughts on her class schedule and extras, since you asked for thoughts ;) :

 

Here's my summary of what you describe:

- Math = weak teaching; not engaging for DD as she is advanced

- Science: Chemistry = weak teaching; only doing well because you re-teach at home

- Elective: Cryptography = dull/repetitive for DD; not teaching a variety of techniques (perhaps new topics will be introduced in time?)

- Elective: Debate = DD feels lost (JMO: likely she'll "click" with it in a few months, with practice & "seeing" it)

- English = great

- History = great

- socializing = not much; students don't have time for it

- extracurriculars = no time; DD has busywork / homework (this may improve in time as she learns better how to balance her high school schedule)

 

Based on this, it sounds like this situation is:

- great in the humanities areas for your DD

- so-so in the electives (may improve in time)

- failing your DD in the STEM areas

- failing your DD in the socialization area (may improve in time)

 

 

If it were me, I'd

1. be fairly concerned about the weak math and science, esp. since DD is strong in those areas

2. at least research/look ahead at future grades to see if things will improve in the not-great areas

3. start researching what our other options are:

- other local high schools

- ability to take 1-2 classes of choice from a high school

- local social/community options

- online class options

- dual enrollment options

- local homeschooling high school supports, co-ops, etc.

 

Unless things are terrible and traumatizing at the school, ride it out through the first quarter to give the school a fair chance, then talk with DD about goals, options, and possible new choice. Or chose to find ways to make the private school experience stronger/more challenging for the math and science, and more workable/enjoyable in the electives and social areas. BEST of luck!

[Miss Tick]

Yay! Lori D. Is back!

 

And, good luck Daijobu.

[daijobu]

:iagree:  Thank you so much for your detailed thoughts!   It's funny how homeschoolers can be more even-handed about educational options than other folks.  You've given me a lot to think about.

 

And to be clear, dd is currently in private high school, in her 2nd week of school, having always been homeschooled prior.  

[G5052]

Well, many issues here.

 

I'm a fan of homeschooling for a kid like this because you can adjust the level for each class. In a school situation, that is far less likely to be the case, depending on the options you have. We went custom for each kid -- tough in the areas of strength and interest and solid in the 3 R's with a good balance elsewhere.  If mine were in a situation with weak math, I'd be very concerned because I consider that such a core subject. Perhaps afterschooling if you like the rest?

 

I'm not a fan of early graduation until you start out with a few dual enrollment classes in areas of strength and see if they're ready for the time management and social issues. My oldest wanted high school to stretch out as long as reasonable, so we did some dual enrollment, some online AP, and some other options. He's now in college and is doing very well. He's balancing the demands and is doing well with ignoring the side issues. My other one is chomping at the bit to graduate early, but IMHO needs a little more time to learn time management and mature in non-academic areas. So we'll start some dual enrollment after the AP's this year and see.

[daijobu]

Well, many issues here.

 

I'm a fan of homeschooling for a kid like this because you can adjust the level for each class. In a school situation, that is far less likely to be the case, depending on the options you have. We went custom for each kid -- tough in the areas of strength and interest and solid in the 3 R's with a good balance elsewhere.  If mine were in a situation with weak math, I'd be very concerned because I consider that such a core subject. Perhaps afterschooling if you like the rest?

 

I'm not a fan of early graduation until you start out with a few dual enrollment classes in areas of strength and see if they're ready for the time management and social issues. My oldest wanted high school to stretch out as long as reasonable, so we did some dual enrollment, some online AP, and some other options. He's now in college and is doing very well. He's balancing the demands and is doing well with ignoring the side issues. My other one is chomping at the bit to graduate early, but IMHO needs a little more time to learn time management and mature in non-academic areas. So we'll start some dual enrollment after the AP's this year and see.

 

We're on the same page.  I want to pull her, but she and dh want to give it another week.  I am irritated to no end because I feel like they are using dd for their little educational experiments.  

 

Oh, how I miss homeschooling her!  I've often wondered how I would cope with regular school after always having so much freedom.  I am literally not accustomed to negotiating or compromising on education and it really burns me up now that I have to.   :angry:

 

Actually that cute little angry emoji kind of makes me smile.   :P

[G5052]

 

Oh, how I miss homeschooling her!  I've often wondered how I would cope with regular school after always having so much freedom.  I am literally not accustomed to negotiating or compromising on education and it really burns me up now that I have to.   :angry:

 

Actually that cute little angry emoji kind of makes me smile.   :p

 

Yes, my oldest observed that his homeschool years were punctuated by the best curriculum and some of the best outsourced teachers around. And that spoiled him.

 

College isn't like that. Even though I work there and know some of the best professors, and even though we studied ratemyprofessors.com, he has to take one somewhat useless mandatory college orientation class (although he likes the professor) and one class from a highly opinionated professor who gets off topic a lot  (no one else teaches it).  I've told him to "deal" because the days of a custom, mom-crafted education are over.

 

It's an adjustment all right.

[Momling]

We're on the same page. I want to pull her, but she and dh want to give it another week. I am irritated to no end because I feel like they are using dd for their little educational experiments.

 

Oh, how I miss homeschooling her! I've often wondered how I would cope with regular school after always having so much freedom. I am literally not accustomed to negotiating or compromising on education and it really burns me up now that I have to. :angry:

 

Actually that cute little angry emoji kind of makes me smile. :P

It sounds like she and your husband think it's a good school that is worth trying and you're feeling reluctant to let go of the control you used to have? I know that feeling! It's hard to let someone else be in charge of your child's education... but it is pretty much inevitable that all of our kids at some point will have other teachers besides us -- some providing an awesome experience, and others not. If you're like me, it's difficult to let that be okay when I have a hundred amazing ideas that will challenge and enrich my child's education. However, letting her have these classroom experiences is important. I have to work very hard to step back and let my younger daughter at middle school form her own relationships with teachers, communicate with staff about buses and lunches and such, make her own decisions and her own friendships and form her own opinions about various subjects. It doesn't come easily to me! And next year when my older daughter starts public high school, it'll be even harder because I feel even more invested after 6 years of being her only teacher. That said, I'm determined to remember that her education, despite my investment, is not about me. And that I need to take myself out of the equation and hand over the control to her and her new school and remind myself it's okay to have classes that are not especially interesting or not challenging or teachers that are cranky or classmates that are annoying or whatever.

[daijobu]

It sounds like she and your husband think it's a good school that is worth trying and you're feeling reluctant to let go of the control you used to have? I know that feeling! It's hard to let someone else be in charge of your child's education... 

 

More wisdom from the WTM board.  (Where would I be without WTM?)  Yes, thank you for this reminder.  I will redouble my efforts to shut my mouth, and step back and let her decide.  You are right, that it isn't easy.  

[J-rap]

I'm a little unclear of your question, but is your daughter enjoying school?  The first couple of weeks of school are usually slow.  It sounds like your main concern is that she is not getting enough solid schooling, and has too much busy work to take advantage of other opportunities at the PS.

 

For one of my daughters, it was like that.  She ended up completing high school in three years instead of four, and did a three-pronged variety of classes to get her degree:  she was officially registered and a student at our PS;  she was allowed to continue doing some homeschooled courses, which she either brought with her and did during study hall time or after school;  she was allowed to take an online course or two at a state high school (because they were courses that weren't offered in our small town;  the public high school actually gave her a desk and computer at the school library every day to do this).  Obviously our PS was very open to working with us!  Their goal was to get their students educated, and it didn't matter how it was done.  

 

So she graduated a year early, and then took that "extra" gap year to keep studying something that she was passionate about, which helped get her a good scholarship in college.  (She attended a French immersion-type school in France, and was fluent in French by the time she started college.)

 

We didn't worry about the ACT or SAT until the summer between her high school graduation and her gap year.  It was offered in June.

 

 

[daijobu]

I'm a little unclear of your question, but is your daughter enjoying school?  The first couple of weeks of school are usually slow.  It sounds like your main concern is that she is not getting enough solid schooling, and has too much busy work to take advantage of other opportunities at the PS.

 

 

 

Good question.  After about a week she came home in tears because of her disappointment.  But she gave school another week and is seeing some more positives.  

 

For me it's been something of a roller coaster.  When we signed the papers last spring, mentally/psychologically I had handed the reins to the school.  But as I heard her complaints this fall and contrasted them with the lovely homeschooling stories I read about here, plus the neat opportunities she'll be giving up, I'm feeling sad.  Now I really want to lobby her to come back because I feel like I can offer her a superior education and extracurricular opportunities.  But she already knows my position, she already knows what I have to offer.  She's already told me she's going to give the school another week to redeem itself, so all I can do is wait.  And also research what was suggested by PPs for some flexibility by the school.  

[Lori D.]

Good question.  After about a week she came home in tears because of her disappointment.  But she gave school another week and is seeing some more positives.  

 

For me it's been something of a roller coaster.  When we signed the papers last spring, mentally/psychologically I had handed the reins to the school.  But as I heard her complaints this fall and contrasted them with the lovely homeschooling stories I read about here, plus the neat opportunities she'll be giving up, I'm feeling sad.  Now I really want to lobby her to come back because I feel like I can offer her a superior education and extracurricular opportunities.  But she already knows my position, she already knows what I have to offer.  She's already told me she's going to give the school another week to redeem itself, so all I can do is wait.  And also research what was suggested by PPs for some flexibility by the school.  

 

Wow, she sounds very mature and capable! :) Together you all will make a great decision, and find ways to make high school work well, whatever is decided. :) Warmest regards, Lori D.

[daijobu]

If I may, I just checked with dh on what the heck dd14 has been doing all weekend, cooped up in her room with schoolwork.  He tells me that the students read Plato's The Cave during history class, which I'm not familiar with, but dh didn't read until a philosophy class in college.  Is The Cave considered accessible to high school freshmen?  (Maybe this is a topic for a separate thread.)  I ask because we've done easy history in middle school (primarily Joy Hakim's History of US), and she's not been exposed to material like this.  

 

This also goes against my philosophy to create a more or less "pointy" (as opposed to "well-rounded," 10 AP classes by senior year) kid.  I don't want to neglect entirely subjects that don't interest her, but if she isn't a history buff, why push her into advanced history?  

[yvonne]

The Allegory of the Cave is definitely accessible to a high schooler. My boys read it when they did Omnibus I.  If she has a good history teacher, she might have a blast discussing it in class!  I'd bite my tongue for now and wait and see what she thinks about it after the class discussion.

[daijobu]

 If she has a good history teacher, she might have a blast discussing it in class!  I'd bite my tongue for now and wait and see what she thinks about it after the class discussion.

 

Sadly, the discussion has already happened.  They were to read it in class, and discuss it immediately after.  She was not prepared for the difficulty of the reading material (my fault!), and was totally lost during the discussion.   She needed dh to help her understand what it all means.  

[yvonne]

It is difficult reading and does take a lot of thought. I'm surprised they had them read it in class and discuss right then instead of reading it at home, before class. I wouldn't have done well in that situation in high school. Actually, I wouldn't do well with it now as an adult. I need time, and solitude, to really think about that type of reading. Poor girl. She probably felt under the gun. What a shame. Would have been a better discussion for everyone if they'd been given the text ahead of time.