Homeschooling without a community

[Aurora]

Hi everyone!

 

I would love to hear your thoughts on this, especially if you have been in the same boat.

 

My husband and I live abroad - we are European expats in Malaysia. We plan to stay in Asia for longer, and will probably move to a different country in a year or so. I started home educating a couple of months ago and so far things are going well.

 

I don't know other homeschoolers, and there is not much info about local homeschooling groups. It is an option here, but not a popular one. All expats send their kids to international schools.

 

Our family is completely alone in this and I only have the internet to get information and to connect with other homeschoolers. My children are still young (5 and 3) and not yet aware that our family does education differently, but I fear that they will soon become aware of this and feel weird about it. They have friends they see once a week or so for playdates at home, they do sports activities once a week, and I send them to a playgroup one afternoon a week. I feel this is enough for them for now in terms of activities outside the home, and they are definitely not isolated.

 

Has anyone here embarked upon this adventure without a community of other home educating families? Do you think that having such a community is crucial?

 

Any thoughts and encouragement are very much appreciated.

[Hunter]

I do not think other homeschoolers are necessary. People are necessary; just average people. The most amazing teens and adults I have met did NOT belong to any organized homeschooling groups. They were out in their communities, and especially spending their days interacting with adults and often working and volunteering with them.

[Ellie]

We started homeschooling in 1982. There were no support groups where I lived in San Diego. At first, I did have a homeschooling neighbor, but she was just sort of emotional support and a friend, and not a *support group.* After a few months (and a long sad story) she moved away and I was on my own. And I loved it. We were members of a large church, with Sunday school and Wednesday night activities and all that; dds took ballet--not a homeschool ballet class, you understand, but a "regular" ballet school. :-) Later, they did Scottish Highland dance, with regular competitions and Highland Games. We did Camp Fire for several years, mostly as independents but briefly with a few other homeschoolers for older dd, and an actual club for younger dd. And there were other things over the years as homeschooling became more popular and accepted; however, we never did any sort of co-op or group learning with other homeschoolers.

 

I don't think a support group is vital, in the sense that you couldn't homeschool without one. It's nice to have, but I believe you have to have the internal strength to homeschool whether there are other homeschoolers or not. I also think it's important to make as much use of the resources in your own community rather than depending on other homeschoolers.

 

Your children will feel as "weird" about being taught at home as you allow them to be. :-)

[lotsofpumpkins]

We've  been homeschooling without a "community" for 8 years now. I actually prefer it that way. :)

 

 

[mommysanders]

We are in the same boat as you for now. I don't know anyone else who homeschools here but everyone goes to the international school. I agree with what everyone else said. Focus on getting friends, but not necessarily people who homeschool. For us it's church, sports, and play dates. I enjoy having time for just me or me and my friends as well. So in the past I have done once a week babysitting so I can go to an event without the kids.

 

 

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[Hunter]

As Ellie said, your children will pick up from YOU whether it's weird of not. What is weird is schools! Sometimes the whole mass production and artificial segregation thing is such a science fiction novel come true.

 

My oldest was jaw-droppingly NOT like the other kids his age, but he was socially precocious, well liked by people of all ages, financially secure, and very very very integrated into our community.

[Hunter]

When my oldest was 14, I gave him a ride to the bank and followed him in. He was dressed in his work uniform and all his pockets were full of wadded up money totaling thousands of dollars.

 

When he was called to the desk, he started pulling out the crumpled money and made piles so high it was falling off onto the floor. He said said something like, "I'd like to discuss my investment options."

 

The gaping banker asked how old he was and then almost shrieked, "Does he go to school?"

 

My son told her something along the lines of, "I don't have time."

 

I had to explain homeschooling to her and convince her that, yes, it was legal.

 

She pretty much fell in love with my son and over the next few years helped him manage his savings, put himself through college, and prepare to move his money to a bank in Las Vegas when he moved out there when he was 19. To this day he tortures the bankers at his current bank with stories of the service he got at his old bank. He just takes it for granted that all banks should treat all their customers with such familiarity and loyalty.

 

Kids just need people. I think kids that are not part of a homeschool group might integrate into their community better. My son didn't think of himself as homeschooled and claimed he was self-educating with a correspondence school. He yelled a lot about age discrimination. He was just living his life.

[abba12]

Homeschoolers NEED people

But homeschoolers do not need other homeschoolers.

 

I find I don't fit in well with most homeschoolers in my area. There's a particular all in one curriculum that's very popular that I hate, A lot of them are 'homeschooling' until, like, 1st grade, or MAYBE until they're 9 or 10 when they will begin to 'need' friends, so very different ideologies to me, those families aim to stick as close to school standards as possible, not below OR above. A lot of the ones in my area are either helicopter parents or radical unschoolers, neither of which I relate to well. I just plain don't fit in. I have found one or two homeschooling families who I get along with for a casual chat, so that's nice but definitely not necessary. There is a homeschool park day here but I think I'm just not going to bother.

 

The kids have church, little athletics, and hopefully scouts next year. They have friends we try to catch up with, and social interactions with strangers regularly at playgrounds and museums etc. Having homeschooled friends would be nice going into the teenage years, but by then they'll be able to use the internet to find them if we don't happen across any by then, just like I did when I was a homeschooled teen. It was nice to know homeschoolers, but my closest friends growing up all went to high school together. 

 

The community aspect suits some families but it certainly isn't a necessity, and, in my experience as both student and teacher, many groups tend to be more for the people who lack confidence in their decision to homeschool. Those who know what they want and their values and goals don't need them and can often find them a hinderance (the many stories on these forums of people who gave up homeschool groups because they always meet in the mornings instead of doing school!). Much better to just spend time on friends, whatever their background, and come to a far more helpful community like this one online.

[Walking-Iris]

I agree with others and say no. If a homeschooler is lucky enough to live in an area with a thriving group, then by all means try to get involved. But I have found that having very little but homeschooling in common does not make someone a right fit for your life or family. I live in a rural area with very few homeschoolers, the majority of them very insular  for religious reasons, or just personality, and just rarely get involved with the community beyond a narrow viewpoint. We tend to be much more interested in a wider variety of people and experiences. 

 

I have found that online groups are best for homeschooling info. Even those can take time to find the right fit and community. And for irl experiences just surround yourself with good, interesting people. All of the children my kids know here are public/private schooled, and it isn't an issue other than finding the time during the school year to get together. And don't rule out kids being friends with adults. Especially when they are older. My oldest son (and my younger two) are quite at home with our close, trusted friends. 

[Aurora]

Thank you all for your replies. They have made me feel much better about our situation.

 

A couple of posters have pointed out that the kids will feel weird if I feel weird about this. Definitely something to think about. Now that I have started with home educating I feel quite confident that this is the right thing for our family and the thought of sending them to school is, well, weird. I can't imagine that at this moment.

 

I have learned a lot over the last year by reading about home ed and the classical curriculum, and already see positive results with what little I have done. I talk about this decision with other moms in a relaxed way, and some people have responded in a very positive way and want to talk about this topic in more detail. So basically, all is well. I think my main concern is that the children have friends. I will have to put a bit more effort into it in terms of organising playdates, but that's ok. It is worth it.

 

I'm going to be away from the internet over the weekend so won't be able to respond in case there are other replies, but I look forward to reading them all once I am back. Thanks again!

[Garga]

Instead of feeling weird about it, turn it into a source of pride.

My dad has aspergers or something like that. No, it was never diagnosed, but now that I'm an adult, I can see it clearly. My mom did whatever he did. So I grew up in a bit of a strange family. It was hard for them to make friends and it was hard for me to make friends. We knew we were weird and different from the people around us and we turned it into a source of price. WE didn't do things the way others did. WE did things our own way. WE marched to the beat of a different drummer.

I'm not as different from everyone else as I used to be. I grew up and away from my parents and learned social skills on the job and with my husband, but I do remember how proud I was to be different when I was a kid.

Turn it into a source of pride.

[eternallytired]

Our only problem has been that as soon as school starts up, the few people we know are so busy with school and homework and extracurriculars that they don't have time for friends outside of those.  Hopefully that's just a regional thing, but i feel like it's becoming more universal--the overscheduling.

[Hunter]

Other children are like candy. Children like them, but too much of a good thing will make your children rotten.

 

I didn't make that up. I heard it decades ago, from an oldschooler that fiercely believed that age segregated socialization was inferior to children spending their time mostly with adults. She said the point was to raise adults, so there was little need for her children to learn to mimic and fit in with children.

 

My long-term observations have led me to believe that she is correct. I have seen superior, not inferior, long-term results of homeschooled children who spent months at a time with zero interaction with children outside the family, or even any children at all.

 

In the short-term I have seem mixed results of children with little to no interaction with other children. Some were wildly popular among their age mates when they had a chance to interact with them; some were excluded and mocked. Some were shy; some were not; the level of shyness didn't seem to predict the level of acceptance.

 

What seemed to matter most was the child's relationship with the parents.

[lailasmum]

In my corner of the UK there are minimal home education groups/activities even though we theoretically have one of the highest concentration of home educators here. I do miss community but it's not actually home educators that I miss. It's just friendships. I think if you can find a couple of families you get along with it doesn't matter if their educational choices are different. I find it hard to make friends here but my kids are happy playing with the kids in the street mostly and the other kids all go to different schools so don't know each other from there. I've actually found home educators hard to get to know at times, I run most things that go on in my immediate area but going to the occasional other activities that do exist it's not uncommon for absolutely no one to talk to each other and to totally get blanked by even the group organiser, so I'm not convinced that just having groups would automatically give you friends/community. Are there other activities/interests of yours that have a community that you could get involved in? I think most of us home educators actually have little in common just because we home educate and it makes more sense to find people through your interests and not just your educational choices.

[Jean in Newcastle]

I grew up overseas.  I was the only foreigner in my neighborhood.  My community was made up of the people who actually lived there.  I went to a one-room school house made up of the only foreigners in my city - 7 kids from the US and Europe.  None of us lived close to each other but we did have each other as a (not as close) school community.  We had church in our city in Japanese.  I had a church community (our family were the only foreigners).  It never mattered if people were culturally the same as us.  We shared a lot in common still - same interests in the context of their culture, same personality types or at least compatible because that's how I choose friends, same sense of humor, same values etc.