Advice or Opinions wanted (adult parent health thing)

[sbgrace]

I would really appreciate thoughts on how to handle an adult parent situation.

 

A parent is having a specific sleep disorder, which has been going on for years if I understand correctly. The parents involved think it's funny, for lack of a better term.

 

What I know, but they do not, is that this specific sleep disorder is associated 98-99% of the time with eventually (usually within a decade) developing either Parkisons or Lewy Body Dementia.

 

I had suggested he/she see their doctor, but he/she isn't a doctor person. Also, they don't think it's anything serious.

 

1. Is it best to know something this horrible? I don't think there is anything to be done prevention wise. I read up on it a lot in the last few days (we went on vacation with them, and this sleep disorder happened there, bringing to to my mind), and it's very depressing.

 

2. Should I say something directly? Wouldn't being told by me be worse than a doctor?

 

What do I do? This parent is already a bit depressed/unhappy. I so love him/her, and the specter neurological decline (particularly the Lewy Body) is just killing me. I feel like I can't think straight.

 

I would appreciate any thoughts.

[Anne in CA]

I would really pester them to go to the doctor, because there may be experimental things that can be done. Also, I would get some help coming to grips with the fact that things may go downhill. A lot. I have a friend with Parkinson's and his wife got him a LOT of help and he is doing awesome. But he was willing to change his diet completely, and she researched a lot and the two of them made a big difference in his quality of life. The longer you have to plan for such an even the less likely you are to be a victim.

[bettyandbob]

I'd also pester. Knowing is depressing. However, it gives a chance at control too. You can draw up necessary documents and plans with your partner and inform adult children of those plans.doing so is act of love for the affected person, because it reduces the decision making and worries immediate family go through. Also, when you make decisions early, you don't have go through arguments with loved ones when decisions gave to be made-- the ill person has already spoken when he/she was well.

[Guest]

I would tell your parent and perhaps share links or books if they are not doctor people, but please respect their wishes.

 

My best friend just let me know that she has been diagnosed with 5th stage dementia. She is younger than me--only forty-seven.

 

Her doctors and caregivers are not helping her, but she is glad to have answers and to be able to adjust her life accordingly. Her daughter and I are glad that we know so that we can prioritize our remaining time with her and give her the help and compassion that she needs.

 

My late sister was not a doctor person. She died peacefully at home at the age of twenty-nine and would have been miserable, terrified, furious, and probably violent if we had forced her to spend her last weeks on Earth in a hospital and it wouldn't have prolonged her life by a single minute.

[TechWife]

I would do no more than tell them they should go to the doctor because there could also be other things going on. 

[Farrar]

I would say something, simply because I think it's important for a truth that big to be shared in a good adult parent-child relationship. I hear what you're saying about how it's likely nothing can be done and the specter of future disease could actually make things worse. But in my mind, it's like the old times when the doctor would tell the children that the parent was dying of some horrible cancer or something, but then none of them would tell the parent. We would never do that to someone today. It's just cruel. This isn't that extreme, but you're really sitting on some big information.

 

And you don't know what the effect will be. I could be the opposite - he may be more compelled to enjoy the good time he has left. Or, you're not a doctor and may have misdiagnosed this. Basically, I think they have a right to know.

[kroe1]

Well, I work with tons of old people and most have horrible sleep disorder while only a very few have dementia.

[PrincessMommy]

I would tell your parent and perhaps share links or books if they are not doctor people, but please respect their wishes.

 

My best friend just let me know that she has been diagnosed with 5th stage dementia. She is younger than me--only forty-seven.

 

Her doctors and caregivers are not helping her, but she is glad to have answers and to be able to adjust her life accordingly. Her daughter and I are glad that we know so that we can prioritize our remaining time with her and give her the help and compassion that she needs.

 

My late sister was not a doctor person. She died peacefully at home at the age of twenty-nine and would have been miserable, terrified, furious, and probably violent if we had forced her to spend her last weeks on Earth in a hospital and it wouldn't have prolonged her life by a single minute.

 

I agree.  I think you should try to educate but not push.   The thing is there's probably  some cutting edge meds/;procedures that work better when someone is early stages rather than end stages of the disease.   

[Annie G]

I know how you feel- mother in law is showing some signs of Lewy Body Dementia and we broached that discussion when we visited a few weeks ago. She said her doc offered to do an evaluation but she is declining,saying that if she gets a diagnosis she will never have a pleasant day again.  We're shocked- she's survived a heart attack and two bouts of breast cancer by facing them head on and dealing with them.  

 

You might bring it up, but you can't make them 'do' anything about it.   It's making it pretty difficult for us to learn how to help them since MIL refuses to see a doctor about it.