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Moms of 6+ tell me it's almost the same as 5


MomOfABunch
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I just went through that a few weeks ago!  My youngest is also 20 months, and I was a week late.  The tests kept turning up negative, and then my period finally showed up.  And then it showed up again 2 weeks later.  Gah!  Other than the surprise bleeding, I'm happy to have a little while longer with just the five kids.  Besides the twins (i.e., going from 1 to 3), going from 4 to 5 was my hardest adjustment.  My fifth child was born when #4 was 18 months and had just learned to walk.  It was also my first year of homeschooling.  At this point, if I were to get pregnant we'd be looking at our more typical spacing of 2.5 years, which I think I could handle.  

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You know, OP asked for honest feedback and you gave it. I admire you for your candor and for giving authentic answers and not just answers that will make us feel good.

 

I think many people are equipped to handle large families. Some aren't. It's ok. I think we do people a disservice by sharing all the good and not showing a balanced perspective of what it's really like. Having one child is hard. Having ten children is harder. Here's what I tell people who seem to feel large families are somehow better: everyone's quiver is a different size. My quiver holds four. So, my quiver is full.

 

(This really shuts down people who are of the "quiverfull" mindset).

 

I digress. OP, I wish you well whatever the eventual size of your family!

 

I respect your thoughts but I can't agree ten is harder than one.  I've done ten.  I've done one.  One is WAY harder.  My baby sister has a single and she does a FANTASTIC job of it, but the sheer amount of effort and work to parent a single would bring me to my knees.  Now, ten is challenging, no doubt, different personalities, sheer VOLUME is crazy, more laundry.  But by the time you get to ten you don't have to think out EVERY parenting decision.  (You've previously done that.)   You don't have to teach so much - like sharing.  There was always someone littler than the one above and so it just had a natural progression.  Because of sheer numbers you can't give everyone everything, no must be said, all learn to make accomodations naturally.  Some people can set boundaries very naturally.  But for those of that struggle with limits, struggle with being entertaining - being the "playing" mom, etc., we need about a dozen or so. ;) The littles learn from the bigs.  Nope, one is as hard as it gets, IMO, and my hats off to the mamas who do it so well.  (Oh, and I promise my 6 & 7 being easy additions was not simply a glib answer. They really were the two easiest additions we had, except maybe Olivia - #10. It's a toss up.)

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I respect your thoughts but I can't agree ten is harder than one.  I've done ten.  I've done one.  One is WAY harder.  My baby sister has a single and she does a FANTASTIC job of it, but the sheer amount of effort and work to parent a single would bring me to my knees.  Now, ten is challenging, no doubt, different personalities, sheer VOLUME is crazy, more laundry.  But by the time you get to ten you don't have to think out EVERY parenting decision.  (You've previously done that.)   You don't have to teach so much - like sharing.  There was always someone littler than the one above and so it just had a natural progression.  Because of sheer numbers you can't give everyone everything, no must be said, all learn to make accomodations naturally.  

 

I remain unswayed. I bow down to y'all anyway.  :)

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I remain unswayed. I bow down to y'all anyway.  :)

 

LOL.  I am serious though - the idea of, as kids begin moving away, etc., going down to 1-2 youngest children scares me!  (How funny is that?)  I always told DH we needed to stop on multiples that way they still learned all the same passive rules/lessons. :P :D

 

ArcticMama said it best - there is no number that is hardest/easiest, BUT they really do grow into fascinating people.  I love it.  My house is populated with ENTIRELY different personalities and they are each pretty amazing.  Enjoy it.  Five or six, enjoy it!

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I respect your thoughts but I can't agree ten is harder than one. I've done ten. I've done one. One is WAY harder. My baby sister has a single and she does a FANTASTIC job of it, but the sheer amount of effort and work to parent a single would bring me to my knees. Now, ten is challenging, no doubt, different personalities, sheer VOLUME is crazy, more laundry. But by the time you get to ten you don't have to think out EVERY parenting decision. (You've previously done that.) You don't have to teach so much - like sharing. There was always someone littler than the one above and so it just had a natural progression. Because of sheer numbers you can't give everyone everything, no must be said, all learn to make accomodations naturally. Some people can set boundaries very naturally. But for those of that struggle with limits, struggle with being entertaining - being the "playing" mom, etc., we need about a dozen or so. ;) The littles learn from the bigs. Nope, one is as hard as it gets, IMO, and my hats off to the mamas who do it so well. (Oh, and I promise my 6 & 7 being easy additions was not simply a glib answer. They really were the two easiest additions we had, except maybe Olivia - #10. It's a toss up.)

This sums up my experience pretty well. With just the twins and then with the twins and a single 7 years younger, I struggled with entertaining them and finding things for them to do. Laundry, cooking and housework were still there, but it wasn't that big a deal. I remember doing laundry once a week and that was it. Now, with 5 I struggle most with the sheer volume of cooking and laundry. Entertain kids? What? No. They play with each other. It requires strategizing now to fit everything into the day that needs to get done. There's no time to "fill."

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This sums up my experience pretty well. With just the twins and then with the twins and a single 7 years younger, I struggled with entertaining them and finding things for them to do. Laundry, cooking and housework were still there, but it wasn't that big a deal. I remember doing laundry once a week and that was it. Now, with 5 I struggle most with the sheer volume of cooking and laundry. Entertain kids? What? No. They play with each other. It requires strategizing now to fit everything into the day that needs to get done. There's no time to "fill."

Here, too. Zero to one was so hard for me, because I'm not a kid person and it was exhausting bing the sole source of entertainment. When I had three from three down to newborn it was the hardest to go places, but it's gotten easier each kid as my logistical management skills have increased, I've chilled out (a bit), and my older kids have gotten more helpful and self sufficient with things like shoe tying and the bathroom.

 

Now it's trying to find the time to cook and clean. Really. But I have immense food allergies that make every meal a balancing act for safety and cross contact. Adrenal fatigue that saps my energy and stress tolerance. And my weight has shot up enormously with prednisone, cortisone therapy, restrictions on the kinds of food I can safely consume (Fries? Safe! Steak? Death!). Five kids hasn't been that bad, but everything else that came in with the birth of number five has been killing me.

 

I don't want to be done, but I have to be able to care for the kids in have and not end up unable to get out of bed, either. It's not the kids, themselves, but maintaining everything else AND them. They're great. Dishes and laundry, on the other hand, are the REAL Neverending Story.

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