Tarheel Heather Posted September 6, 2008 Share Posted September 6, 2008 TWENTY-NINE LINES TO MAKE YOU SMILE 1.. My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn't. 2.. I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it. (That's ME!!) 3.. Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them. 4.. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke. 5.. Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive. 6.. You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me 7.. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder. 8.. Earth is the insane asylum for the universe. 9.. I'm not a complete idiot -- Some parts are just missing. 10... Out of my mind. Back in five minutes. 11.. NyQuil, the stuffy, sneezy, why-the-heck-is-the-room-spinning medicine. 12.. God must love stupid people; He made so many. 13.. The gene pool could use a little chlorine. 14.. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps. 15.. Ever stop to think, and forget to start a gain? 16.. Being 'over the hill' is much better than being under it! 17.. Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew up. 18 Procrastinate Now! 19.. I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts; Do You Want Fries With That? 20.. A hangover is the wrath of grapes. 21.. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance. 22.. Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere! 23..They call it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken. 24 .. He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless DEAD. 25.. A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three thousand times the memory. 26..Ham and eggs...A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig. 27.. The trouble with life is there's no background music. 28.. The original point and click interface was a Smith & Wesson. 29.. I smile because I don't know what in the world is going on. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sdWTMer Posted September 6, 2008 Share Posted September 6, 2008 Funny! Thanks for the laugh! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
H.S. Burrow Posted September 6, 2008 Share Posted September 6, 2008 :lol:These are great Heather! Thanks for the laughs!:lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lolly Posted September 6, 2008 Share Posted September 6, 2008 I love these. Thanks Heather! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hsmamainva Posted September 6, 2008 Share Posted September 6, 2008 19.. I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts; Do You Want Fries With That? :smilielol5: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ticklbee Posted September 6, 2008 Share Posted September 6, 2008 23..They call it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken. :lol::lol::lol: These are very clever...thanks! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sahamamama Posted September 7, 2008 Share Posted September 7, 2008 For some reason, my favorite is this one: #4. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke. (My spatula broke yesterday, so that's probably why this one sticks out). My husband's is: #10. Out of my mind. Back in 5 minutes. (Group Secret: It's been 5 years and he's not back yet). :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted September 7, 2008 Share Posted September 7, 2008 Those are hilarious. It's great to dance in the rain sometimes, huh? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sleepy Posted September 7, 2008 Share Posted September 7, 2008 18 Procrastinate Now! 29.. I smile because I don't know what in the world is going on. :lol::lol::lol:These are my favorite!:lol::lol::lol: thanks, Heather. :001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mom to Aly Posted September 7, 2008 Share Posted September 7, 2008 I LOVE these!!! This one is truly me and my xh!!!! 1.. My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn't. Love this! 5.. Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive. Firmly believe this! ;) 8.. Earth is the insane asylum for the universe. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elaine Posted September 7, 2008 Share Posted September 7, 2008 TWENTY-NINE LINES TO MAKE YOU SMILE 3.. Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them. 8.. Earth is the insane asylum for the universe. 11.. NyQuil, the stuffy, sneezy, why-the-heck-is-the-room-spinning medicine. My favorites!! :lol::lol::lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.