Crimson Wife Posted May 2, 2015 Share Posted May 2, 2015 Without divulging too much information, let's just say that one of my relatives has over the years gotten more and more like one of his/her parents, who is long since divorced from the parent to whom I'm biologically related. The ex has clinically diagnosed NPD. The individual in question I don't think would meet clinical definition of NPD but he/she is self-centered and often acts like a jerk. Not ASD-type self-centeredness but manipulative-to-get-what-I-want kind of self-centeredness. I just found out that this relative did something passive-aggressive towards our family and I'm not sure how to best handle it. Should I ignore it and just distance myself from him/her? Should I confront him/her about it? Something else? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted May 2, 2015 Share Posted May 2, 2015 I think it depends on how important it is to you. If it was passive-aggressive but was mainly just an annoyance that didn't really hurt anyone, I would let it go and avoid this person as much as possible in the future. If it's really bugging you, I would confront the idiot about it, not tolerate any of his excuses or rationalizations, and then avoid him or her as much as possible in the future. Basically, I guess what I'm suggesting is that you do whatever will make you feel better faster. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
idnib Posted May 2, 2015 Share Posted May 2, 2015 Hmmm. I would be inclined to just distance myself because everyone who engages with these types seems to decide to do that eventually if they want peace. So why not proceed directly to the end game? It would be harder for me to not say anything if what he did was directed at my kids, despite knowing it was better not to. It's hard to say w/o details, although I understand why you're being vague. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crimson Wife Posted May 2, 2015 Author Share Posted May 2, 2015 The incident was hurtful emotionally but not of major consequence. I was caught off-guard because it was so clearly underhanded and sneaky rather than just being thoughtless and self-centered. Fortunately this person is not immediate family so I could distance myself without it turning into serious family drama. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
idnib Posted May 3, 2015 Share Posted May 3, 2015 The incident was hurtful emotionally but not of major consequence. I was caught off-guard because it was so clearly underhanded and sneaky rather than just being thoughtless and self-centered. Fortunately this person is not immediate family so I could distance myself without it turning into serious family drama. I'm sorry this happened to you. I would distance myself. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lllll Posted May 3, 2015 Share Posted May 3, 2015 .. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bolt. Posted May 3, 2015 Share Posted May 3, 2015 It really depends how much it actually effects you... I don't mean affects you like "irritates you that someone can be like that" but how much does it concretely affect you: change your life/plans, affect your future, deeply hurt / take advantage of people you care about. (Do you know what I mean?) The fact is that not everyone is mentally stable, kind, good and reasonable... And some unfortunate folks (who are generally good people) will inevitably end up being related to some folks who aren't. That's not a part of reality that you can change, so try not to let it surprise or bug you that you (unluckily) have this family connection to "someone like that". It's just statistics. Focus on how to manage and minimize the actual impacts of her concrete behaviour. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anne in CA Posted May 3, 2015 Share Posted May 3, 2015 I would distance myself rather than feed drama IF I could. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted May 3, 2015 Share Posted May 3, 2015 There doesn't seem much point in confronting narcissists. Pretty much anything right they say is to shut you up. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tsuga Posted May 3, 2015 Share Posted May 3, 2015 Without divulging too much information, let's just say that one of my relatives has over the years gotten more and more like one of his/her parents, who is long since divorced from the parent to whom I'm biologically related. The ex has clinically diagnosed NPD. The individual in question I don't think would meet clinical definition of NPD but he/she is self-centered and often acts like a jerk. Not ASD-type self-centeredness but manipulative-to-get-what-I-want kind of self-centeredness. I just found out that this relative did something passive-aggressive towards our family and I'm not sure how to best handle it. Should I ignore it and just distance myself from him/her? Should I confront him/her about it? Something else? This reminds me of an Ask Amy question. I say, ignore, distance, and have a game plan for family events. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crimson Wife Posted May 3, 2015 Author Share Posted May 3, 2015 The fact is that not everyone is mentally stable, kind, good and reasonable... And some unfortunate folks (who are generally good people) will inevitably end up being related to some folks who aren't. That's not a part of reality that you can change, so try not to let it surprise or bug you that you (unluckily) have this family connection to "someone like that". It's just statistics. It bugs me because over the years this person has gone through a personality change for the worse. Both parents are outgoing and charming. The one who is my relative is not just nice on the surface but has a good heart as well. The ex with NPD is smooth-talking but manipulative. It breaks my heart to see their child becoming more and more like the latter. The incident itself is not really a big deal but what it revealed about my relative's passive-aggressiveness, dishonesty, and manipulativeness I find disturbing. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted May 3, 2015 Share Posted May 3, 2015 I was reading stuff about NPD that said they start out looking like your average bod, but get worse with age. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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